I shouldnt be writing on here sober
It's like a rule I have, I just don't. Perhaps that is bad...
to be under the influence is better than having no influences at all. correct? Because if a person has no influences, they have to ideas no inspirations. Because we are all not original, and the bit that is original has yet to be discovered. Its hidden out there--yes out there, somewhere.
So anyway. Two hours have passed since I wrote that. I is sorry.
So I have to ask (and I really need an answer): What effect do pills have on your liver? I heard its bad (oh noes!) but I was just wondering. And sleeping pills, pain pills of high doses. Just wondering.
You see when I come home (am home) I forget. I forget a lot of things. And I roam, I roam the night. for some reason, its easier. I hide in my room all day but I night, I sneak out snoop around and I find things. I can do whatever I want. I have grown accustom to the solitude, I have made use of my insomnia.
So these two white litte eyes labeled "M" are staring at me. Wonder what you think they are... Well they're staring and its distracting. I have them on the counter--they have been retrieved--and I got my drink here next to me. I'm armed and ready. My usual. Oops. I like the labels they think its cute to post "do not take with alcohol." I always ignored those. Its funner to just crush the shit up, combine, and drink it down. But I'm really tired...
What I really dont understand is that I cant explain to my professor what exactly I want to mean. I got commented the other day on how my thesis--when it comes--should be interesting to read. I dont think so. I'm already too stretched and tired. What I cant express is the idea of knowledge and ignorance. They are two opposites that are associated with each other. Because essentially--at the essential--they are the same. With both you are without the other. They lack each other but they both lack something.
We live our lives in a divided line between the ignorant and the knowledgeable. This does not mean that the world is divided between the two but that is how we live it. We are more than that--as a race--but we reduce ourselves to that because ignorance and knowledge both lack what the other has. Is there that common ground; that ground of neutrality in a battle of black and white? I think so. I think it is achieved through the awareness of the divided line. Those who are ignorant live without the knowledge that insight and study brings. But those who are knowledgeable live with the complications of their knowledge and without the innocence in the ignorance of ignorant. Both lack what the other provides. If one could become aware--more willing to let themselves be both ignorant and wise--than a greater simplicity will be achieved. It will be achieved in the view of the ignorant combined with the insight of the wise. They will finally find their gray area--or put down their white flag--and march on to their own drum.
Yeah this is what I needed. Is it sad that I had to write this like I am? That I needed that influence to let my mind go.
I was talking to one of my class members the other day and he was talking about a friend of his. And he was saying how his friend has a multiple personality disorder. And he was saying how he writes pages and pages of ideas with no punctuation; he talked about how he rambles on about live in these novels of seemingly no importance or comprehension. And I got excited, I thought "finally, someone who might write like I do!" But then he said how he doesnt hang out with him anymore because he is insane and how he had to hold him down one time because he starting hallucinating. It made me think about me and how neurotic I really am.
to be under the influence is better than having no influences at all. correct? Because if a person has no influences, they have to ideas no inspirations. Because we are all not original, and the bit that is original has yet to be discovered. Its hidden out there--yes out there, somewhere.
So anyway. Two hours have passed since I wrote that. I is sorry.
So I have to ask (and I really need an answer): What effect do pills have on your liver? I heard its bad (oh noes!) but I was just wondering. And sleeping pills, pain pills of high doses. Just wondering.
You see when I come home (am home) I forget. I forget a lot of things. And I roam, I roam the night. for some reason, its easier. I hide in my room all day but I night, I sneak out snoop around and I find things. I can do whatever I want. I have grown accustom to the solitude, I have made use of my insomnia.
So these two white litte eyes labeled "M" are staring at me. Wonder what you think they are... Well they're staring and its distracting. I have them on the counter--they have been retrieved--and I got my drink here next to me. I'm armed and ready. My usual. Oops. I like the labels they think its cute to post "do not take with alcohol." I always ignored those. Its funner to just crush the shit up, combine, and drink it down. But I'm really tired...
What I really dont understand is that I cant explain to my professor what exactly I want to mean. I got commented the other day on how my thesis--when it comes--should be interesting to read. I dont think so. I'm already too stretched and tired. What I cant express is the idea of knowledge and ignorance. They are two opposites that are associated with each other. Because essentially--at the essential--they are the same. With both you are without the other. They lack each other but they both lack something.
We live our lives in a divided line between the ignorant and the knowledgeable. This does not mean that the world is divided between the two but that is how we live it. We are more than that--as a race--but we reduce ourselves to that because ignorance and knowledge both lack what the other has. Is there that common ground; that ground of neutrality in a battle of black and white? I think so. I think it is achieved through the awareness of the divided line. Those who are ignorant live without the knowledge that insight and study brings. But those who are knowledgeable live with the complications of their knowledge and without the innocence in the ignorance of ignorant. Both lack what the other provides. If one could become aware--more willing to let themselves be both ignorant and wise--than a greater simplicity will be achieved. It will be achieved in the view of the ignorant combined with the insight of the wise. They will finally find their gray area--or put down their white flag--and march on to their own drum.
Yeah this is what I needed. Is it sad that I had to write this like I am? That I needed that influence to let my mind go.
I was talking to one of my class members the other day and he was talking about a friend of his. And he was saying how his friend has a multiple personality disorder. And he was saying how he writes pages and pages of ideas with no punctuation; he talked about how he rambles on about live in these novels of seemingly no importance or comprehension. And I got excited, I thought "finally, someone who might write like I do!" But then he said how he doesnt hang out with him anymore because he is insane and how he had to hold him down one time because he starting hallucinating. It made me think about me and how neurotic I really am.