cemody

[getmeaway]

sometimes i consider treating life as one big joke and making everything silly to the point where you have taken all meaning in everything and diluted it to stupidity. because if it's silly then you don't really have to feel sad about it. like kind of looking on the brightside but in mammoth proportions because everything is the brightside. and if there is a darkside you've made a joke out of it and lightened it up. because if you have more dark things than bright things you might feel a bit sad and maybe even think you're a bit pathetic. so you take these dark things and brighten them up. i guess chasing after this way of life you sacrifice doing anything truly profound or of great meaning. apart from maybe making somebody smile from time to time. because i guess if you're kind to people then you you can't really expect anything except maybe them being kind back. don't be cruel. maybe if you play the fool then nothing is really expected of you except to play the fool. and it may annoy some people, maybe some people who want you to be something or know you as a young kid full of potential and with bright things ahead but you have decided on not really wanting to be anybody or anything. so sometimes someone may laugh in your face or mock you to their friends about your shoes or the way you talk or how your jeans are tucked up at the bottom like some band or something. but you've set up this system where you can't really be mocked in any sense because you've made your own life a mockery. so it's just like a drop in the ocean or something. but against all this i guess it's like admitting defeat or a waste of life or something. not living life to the full or whatever. but against that it sort of is living life ot the full because you've broken down any barriers that may have stood in your way before. rejection, mockery , ego or whatever. so you're free to do things that other people would consider weird or not normal or stupid.but i guess it's all just naiveity and tomorrow i'm going to feel sad when the ned calls me gay or the guy shouts something offensive out of his car or i get threatened or an offensive glare or something. but then maybe the next day i'll give a girl on a train a letter or write nice things in chalk somewhere or sing a stupid song or jump up when everybody sits down or get people to stand on my shoes. humiliating yourself is a lovely way to connect with people.

plus i think i might delete all you people from my friends list because you write what you're thinking much better than i do. but then i don't really mind do i because ive accepted im crap :(