Is anything normal?
Some days have transpired since my brother had a meltdown fueled by desperation and lack of funds that boiled over into everyone else’s lives. He went and bought something, an impulse purchase, and then immediately regretted it and wanted to forfeit the money in spite of already committing to get it. He ranted for hours, declaring that everyone was against him. So my “father” orchestrated a plan to get the item in the midst of an endless monsoon. This place rains more days than sun. You get use to the constant gloomy skies but the rain, “When will it ever stop?” you wonder. Brother is finally happy, for now. The item sits in the modified sunroom he constructed out of the remains of the patio, last summer’s project. This time it will be a piano.
I have to wonder if I am missing something from my life. I see young couples in love and people wanting to be with someone and I think “Why not me?” Then I hear of couples hating each other, cheating, stealing, staying together for the kids, or wanting out and I think perhaps I am onto something by not getting involved. Committing to someone opens up a whole can of worms, like extended family. Maybe mother-in-law never thinks you’ll be good enough for her son/daughter, maybe she is a fucking control freak and has to manipulate everything even if it is some mundane thing that no sane person would give a crap about. To paraphrase or corrupt a Red Green quote, “People know what they are missing and they are thankful they are missing out on too.” Whatever.
You know I was going to write about people I work with from time to time and the myriad politics that are involved with doing the simplest of tasks. But I don’t care. I like some of them but I think I need to do something else.
For the first time in a month I had dreams, weird dreams, the kind where a dead relative is actually alive somewhere in a nursing home someplace and wants to come home one last time or making your way through an eroded coastline as homes sit perched on edge waiting to fall into the stormy seas or getting a bin of mail and each envelope is a project that needs to be done by someone and it may have to be me. Actually I did have a bizarre dream the night before about a train bridge designed by a famous physicist who had ventured back in time to do so. What do any of these things mean? Dream Moods, a website I sometimes stumble upon has this to say on each. Relevant interpretations are below.
Dream # 1 - “To see the dead in your dream, forewarns that you are being influenced by negative people and are hanging around the wrong crowd. … Alternatively, the dream symbolizes material loss.”
Could be true.
Dream # 2 - “To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect; the basement represents the unconscious, etc.” “To see an old, run-down house in your dream represents your old beliefs, attitudes and how you used to think or feel. A situation in your current life may be bringing about those same old attitudes and feelings. Alternatively, the old house may symbolize your need to update your mode of thinking.”
Ok so the house was not run down just waiting to fall. In going across the coastline I found myself going through basements. Why? This is a dream here.
“To see the coast in your dream, suggests that you are on a spiritual quest. The coast symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind - the rational and the irrational.”
The other meanings were “The coast is clear,” which does not seem to make sense or “coasting through life.”
Dream # 3 - “To dream that receive mail, indicates that you need to communicate or re-establish contact with someone from your present or past. It may also represent messages from your unconscious or intuition.”
Considering my past, maybe it is a message from the unconscious. I am not sure who would want to connect with me or if I should even bother?
Dream # 4 - “Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage.”
The run-down bridge means “Don’t change now.” The bridge is this dream while old was in a good shape, others wanted to tear down because of its odd, unconventional construction. It crossed a canyon and people were BASE jumping off of it. Ergo it has to mean a transitional period right?
“To dream about time travel, indicates your wish to escape from your present reality.”
Another take involves me romanticizing everything. Yeah I don’t think that’s the answer either.
Final Conclusion - I am on a quest for meaning and may need help from people current or past to get through this phase of my life because I want to escape what is going on now and need to move on to greener pastures.
Or I am just weird.
If there is a break in the weather I may take some images of things. I had hopes of getting some this weekend but felt a little depressed about what was going on, see paragraph three.
I have to wonder if I am missing something from my life. I see young couples in love and people wanting to be with someone and I think “Why not me?” Then I hear of couples hating each other, cheating, stealing, staying together for the kids, or wanting out and I think perhaps I am onto something by not getting involved. Committing to someone opens up a whole can of worms, like extended family. Maybe mother-in-law never thinks you’ll be good enough for her son/daughter, maybe she is a fucking control freak and has to manipulate everything even if it is some mundane thing that no sane person would give a crap about. To paraphrase or corrupt a Red Green quote, “People know what they are missing and they are thankful they are missing out on too.” Whatever.
You know I was going to write about people I work with from time to time and the myriad politics that are involved with doing the simplest of tasks. But I don’t care. I like some of them but I think I need to do something else.
For the first time in a month I had dreams, weird dreams, the kind where a dead relative is actually alive somewhere in a nursing home someplace and wants to come home one last time or making your way through an eroded coastline as homes sit perched on edge waiting to fall into the stormy seas or getting a bin of mail and each envelope is a project that needs to be done by someone and it may have to be me. Actually I did have a bizarre dream the night before about a train bridge designed by a famous physicist who had ventured back in time to do so. What do any of these things mean? Dream Moods, a website I sometimes stumble upon has this to say on each. Relevant interpretations are below.
Dream # 1 - “To see the dead in your dream, forewarns that you are being influenced by negative people and are hanging around the wrong crowd. … Alternatively, the dream symbolizes material loss.”
Could be true.
Dream # 2 - “To see a house in your dream represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect; the basement represents the unconscious, etc.” “To see an old, run-down house in your dream represents your old beliefs, attitudes and how you used to think or feel. A situation in your current life may be bringing about those same old attitudes and feelings. Alternatively, the old house may symbolize your need to update your mode of thinking.”
Ok so the house was not run down just waiting to fall. In going across the coastline I found myself going through basements. Why? This is a dream here.
“To see the coast in your dream, suggests that you are on a spiritual quest. The coast symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind - the rational and the irrational.”
The other meanings were “The coast is clear,” which does not seem to make sense or “coasting through life.”
Dream # 3 - “To dream that receive mail, indicates that you need to communicate or re-establish contact with someone from your present or past. It may also represent messages from your unconscious or intuition.”
Considering my past, maybe it is a message from the unconscious. I am not sure who would want to connect with me or if I should even bother?
Dream # 4 - “Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage.”
The run-down bridge means “Don’t change now.” The bridge is this dream while old was in a good shape, others wanted to tear down because of its odd, unconventional construction. It crossed a canyon and people were BASE jumping off of it. Ergo it has to mean a transitional period right?
“To dream about time travel, indicates your wish to escape from your present reality.”
Another take involves me romanticizing everything. Yeah I don’t think that’s the answer either.
Final Conclusion - I am on a quest for meaning and may need help from people current or past to get through this phase of my life because I want to escape what is going on now and need to move on to greener pastures.
Or I am just weird.
If there is a break in the weather I may take some images of things. I had hopes of getting some this weekend but felt a little depressed about what was going on, see paragraph three.