The Very Secret Diary of Sailor Bob
Day 1: Brought into existence by genie. Feel oddly compelled to obey the tall one. Want a banana.
Day 2: Tall one has tasty leaves. Life is satisfying. Am practicing typing.
Day 3: Watched Animal Planet. Discovered the shift key. Am the smartest monkey.
Day 4: Tall one cleaning spotty's teeth with his tongue again. Must remember to eat lice. Other human does not like me. :(
Day 5: Too many humans. Have near-death experience with another sailor. Meet Red.
Day 7: Am in love. Red not returning my calls.
Day 11: Have mastered typing and l337 speak. Still not heard from Red. Tall one unsympathetic about my pain.
Day 16: Drew 184 pictures of Red. 89 of them rated NC-17. Tall one not sharing his crayons. Other human does not have crayons.
Day 19: Life is meaningless.
Day 21: Watched Cartoon Network. Feel that I am misunderstood like Mojo Jojo.
Day 25: Attempts to kill my humans have failed. Watched Animal Planet to see if I could replace Red in my heart with one of my own kind. Monkeys on tv play with their poop. Am still the smartest.
Day 26: Search Google for monkey/human porn.
Day 28: Tall one changes password on his laptop. Says he doesn't want spotty one asking questions about internet history folder. Sexual frustration rises.
Day 30: Have finally broken password. Will steal tall one's internet identity and become biggest BNF so that my Red will love me. After honeymoon, will get him to buy hammer for me so that I can complete my death ray and take over the rest of the world.
Day 2: Tall one has tasty leaves. Life is satisfying. Am practicing typing.
Day 3: Watched Animal Planet. Discovered the shift key. Am the smartest monkey.
Day 4: Tall one cleaning spotty's teeth with his tongue again. Must remember to eat lice. Other human does not like me. :(
Day 5: Too many humans. Have near-death experience with another sailor. Meet Red.
Day 7: Am in love. Red not returning my calls.
Day 11: Have mastered typing and l337 speak. Still not heard from Red. Tall one unsympathetic about my pain.
Day 16: Drew 184 pictures of Red. 89 of them rated NC-17. Tall one not sharing his crayons. Other human does not have crayons.
Day 19: Life is meaningless.
Day 21: Watched Cartoon Network. Feel that I am misunderstood like Mojo Jojo.
Day 25: Attempts to kill my humans have failed. Watched Animal Planet to see if I could replace Red in my heart with one of my own kind. Monkeys on tv play with their poop. Am still the smartest.
Day 26: Search Google for monkey/human porn.
Day 28: Tall one changes password on his laptop. Says he doesn't want spotty one asking questions about internet history folder. Sexual frustration rises.
Day 30: Have finally broken password. Will steal tall one's internet identity and become biggest BNF so that my Red will love me. After honeymoon, will get him to buy hammer for me so that I can complete my death ray and take over the rest of the world.