-
so
im grounded
'why are you on the computer than?'
familys gone bitch
so last night
my mom rings the door bell and im in my room so i wasnt able to hear her knocking if she was
so i open the door and shes like
'finally we've been standing out here for like 10 minutes'
and im automaticaly like pissed because shes a bitch for coming in the door like that
instead of a 'hey rachel..why didn't you get the door?'
no get bitched at
so im like i dont give a fuck you've got a key
well it was edited
i said i dont care you have a key
and she started repeatedly hitting me
and im just like bitch
and shes like go to your room
so i go and lock the door and stuff and just stair at my ceiling for a while
and when ever shit like this happens with my mom im always like 'where the fuck is my dad?'
so then i start to cry
and shes like open your god damn door
and she hits me again like repeatedly
and i look at her and im like 'are you done?'
and she hesitates for a second than hits me again and says no
and she tells me to leave me door open and unlocked
so i shut it
and david walks by and hes like mom rachel shut her door
i hate him
i always take his side when moms bombing on him
i always help him out when hes on restriction
but hes such a fucking asshole
thats why im so hesitant to be nice to people
cause im nice to david but i never get it back
and i guess i feel that way about other people too
so i just sit in my closet and cry because everything just sucks
and im thinking about how much i hate my mom
cause i hate everything about her
and i only love her because its god's request to honor your parents
so i love her but i hate her
and i really hate her
i hate her for divorcing my father
i hate her for taking money from him
i hate her for dating patrick and making my life hell from third grade
and i hate her for taking care of me and me having to love her for that
and i try and hate my dad but i cant
because i love him soo much
and i was just talking with danielle about how i havent been grounded in forever
i knew ive been happy for too long
and havent cried in a while
so it was finally time to make my life hell again for a night
so after all that
i listened to john mayer and fell asleep
and i just cried
because it's times like these when i realize i shouldnt have to deal with this
but god obviously thinks im strong enough to put up with this shit
so i wake up in the morning and just feel like hell
my eyes are still puffy from crying
and i just take a shower and try to wash everything off
when ever i get in fights with my mom i always try to act proud and never apologize
but i apologize anyway
because i feel like a bad person for not trying to accept i did something wrong
so this is probably the first time ive never apologized
and im not going to
cause im tired of having to apologize for being hurt
i just cant wait to move out
im tired of having to be greatful for stuff i dont want
for being hurt
for having to live with this sorry excuse of a family
i feel like i dont have much to hold onto
cept my dad
and thats pretty much it to me
what he's been through has just helped me to think things will get better
and i hope they will
god i pray they will
because i dont want to deal with this
im tired of crying
and im tired of my heart breaking
and im tired of being betrayed and wronged
i try and give what the world doesnt give to me
and i try so hard to be strong
but sometimes i really just dont think i can do this im not up to the task
and this is just the aftermath of last night
last night was just hell
and i dont know why im so upset about one little thing
im just extra sensitive
sorry for this long entry
i just wanted to get some stuff off my chest
im grounded
'why are you on the computer than?'
familys gone bitch
so last night
my mom rings the door bell and im in my room so i wasnt able to hear her knocking if she was
so i open the door and shes like
'finally we've been standing out here for like 10 minutes'
and im automaticaly like pissed because shes a bitch for coming in the door like that
instead of a 'hey rachel..why didn't you get the door?'
no get bitched at
so im like i dont give a fuck you've got a key
well it was edited
i said i dont care you have a key
and she started repeatedly hitting me
and im just like bitch
and shes like go to your room
so i go and lock the door and stuff and just stair at my ceiling for a while
and when ever shit like this happens with my mom im always like 'where the fuck is my dad?'
so then i start to cry
and shes like open your god damn door
and she hits me again like repeatedly
and i look at her and im like 'are you done?'
and she hesitates for a second than hits me again and says no
and she tells me to leave me door open and unlocked
so i shut it
and david walks by and hes like mom rachel shut her door
i hate him
i always take his side when moms bombing on him
i always help him out when hes on restriction
but hes such a fucking asshole
thats why im so hesitant to be nice to people
cause im nice to david but i never get it back
and i guess i feel that way about other people too
so i just sit in my closet and cry because everything just sucks
and im thinking about how much i hate my mom
cause i hate everything about her
and i only love her because its god's request to honor your parents
so i love her but i hate her
and i really hate her
i hate her for divorcing my father
i hate her for taking money from him
i hate her for dating patrick and making my life hell from third grade
and i hate her for taking care of me and me having to love her for that
and i try and hate my dad but i cant
because i love him soo much
and i was just talking with danielle about how i havent been grounded in forever
i knew ive been happy for too long
and havent cried in a while
so it was finally time to make my life hell again for a night
so after all that
i listened to john mayer and fell asleep
and i just cried
because it's times like these when i realize i shouldnt have to deal with this
but god obviously thinks im strong enough to put up with this shit
so i wake up in the morning and just feel like hell
my eyes are still puffy from crying
and i just take a shower and try to wash everything off
when ever i get in fights with my mom i always try to act proud and never apologize
but i apologize anyway
because i feel like a bad person for not trying to accept i did something wrong
so this is probably the first time ive never apologized
and im not going to
cause im tired of having to apologize for being hurt
i just cant wait to move out
im tired of having to be greatful for stuff i dont want
for being hurt
for having to live with this sorry excuse of a family
i feel like i dont have much to hold onto
cept my dad
and thats pretty much it to me
what he's been through has just helped me to think things will get better
and i hope they will
god i pray they will
because i dont want to deal with this
im tired of crying
and im tired of my heart breaking
and im tired of being betrayed and wronged
i try and give what the world doesnt give to me
and i try so hard to be strong
but sometimes i really just dont think i can do this im not up to the task
and this is just the aftermath of last night
last night was just hell
and i dont know why im so upset about one little thing
im just extra sensitive
sorry for this long entry
i just wanted to get some stuff off my chest