[Damiren] ramblings
I agree that it's best I not be on duty at the front gates, with the situation there, and especially with that bastard likely to wander by at any minute--I would love to break his nose with my gauntlet--but without anything to do, I just... I can't stop thinking. And I don't know what to think, or how I'm supposed to feel.
I'm a little afraid of how unreal it all seems. While I was keeping watch over her corp that night, people sometimes would come up and talk to me, or to her. I don't remember a lot of it, I was pretty tired and confused from the events of the day. They'd known her for years, and I'm just some guy she fu slept with once. But they were giving me--credit, something like that, they were treating me like I had a reason to be there, grieving. Everybody is. I hardly knew her.
My mother told me a story once, of when she was serving in the army, fighting off the trolls. She'd gotten into a unit with a few of her friends, they'd more or less grown up together, and at first they were fierce and cheerful, they went into battles grinning and ready to take on anything. But then one of her friends was speared in the gut... not the kind of wound that kills right away, the kind that... the unit's healer was already down, all put together they didn't have the magic to fix him, he'd die before they could get him to a healer or get a healer to him, in agony the entire time. So his lover... talked to him for a minute, then...
I... don't remember why I wanted to write that story. I remember when my mother told me that story I could picture it all so clearly--I still can. She didn't want me to ever have to fight. She said I could make my own choice, but she wanted me to not ever have to see things like that, and... worse. There were some stories she never did tell me. Sometimes she woke up screaming at night.
Ceirin didn't die on a battleground, fighting an honorable enemy. Another blood elf attacked her and killed her. I don't want to believe
It's stupid, but it's times like this that I just don't understand why people can't just stop fighting each other. Seeing how much is destroyed, when we have so much to lose... such a stupid waste, a complete waste, not for any purpose or reason, just... when there's so much wrong with the world, why do we put so much effort into hurting each other?
I can't fix it all, but I accept it as my duty to help when I can. Not just my duty to the Sin'dorei or Silvermoon, but my duty to all of us, all people. And now, my duty to Ceirin. I think that's a better honor to her memory than any memorial I could build.
I'm a little afraid of how unreal it all seems. While I was keeping watch over her corp that night, people sometimes would come up and talk to me, or to her. I don't remember a lot of it, I was pretty tired and confused from the events of the day. They'd known her for years, and I'm just some guy she fu slept with once. But they were giving me--credit, something like that, they were treating me like I had a reason to be there, grieving. Everybody is. I hardly knew her.
My mother told me a story once, of when she was serving in the army, fighting off the trolls. She'd gotten into a unit with a few of her friends, they'd more or less grown up together, and at first they were fierce and cheerful, they went into battles grinning and ready to take on anything. But then one of her friends was speared in the gut... not the kind of wound that kills right away, the kind that... the unit's healer was already down, all put together they didn't have the magic to fix him, he'd die before they could get him to a healer or get a healer to him, in agony the entire time. So his lover... talked to him for a minute, then...
I... don't remember why I wanted to write that story. I remember when my mother told me that story I could picture it all so clearly--I still can. She didn't want me to ever have to fight. She said I could make my own choice, but she wanted me to not ever have to see things like that, and... worse. There were some stories she never did tell me. Sometimes she woke up screaming at night.
Ceirin didn't die on a battleground, fighting an honorable enemy. Another blood elf attacked her and killed her. I don't want to believe
It's stupid, but it's times like this that I just don't understand why people can't just stop fighting each other. Seeing how much is destroyed, when we have so much to lose... such a stupid waste, a complete waste, not for any purpose or reason, just... when there's so much wrong with the world, why do we put so much effort into hurting each other?
I can't fix it all, but I accept it as my duty to help when I can. Not just my duty to the Sin'dorei or Silvermoon, but my duty to all of us, all people. And now, my duty to Ceirin. I think that's a better honor to her memory than any memorial I could build.