(no subject)
Dear Mom,
I wanted you to know that you won. You broke me down. Way down. The only solution to this problem you brought up yourself: get emancipated and move out. You telling me 'if you leave dont come back' never phased me until you put it in to those words. You have said many hurtful things to me in the past, things no child should hear from a parent and I took them. But when you put it like that I knew. Plans are in motion and although im worried as to how this will all 'go down' and things of the sort I have never felt more relieved. I wonder though when the day comes will you let me really leave? Dont tease me. Are you gonna guilt trip me the rest of my time here? Either way you cant change my mind. Is it really a big difference? I was moving out in a year anyway. The problem is you know once I leave whatever relationship we had is over and I think thats what scares you. Who are you gonna yell at when your mad at micheal or dwight? Who's gonna comfort you? Maybe im wrong and your life will be great. And oddly enough I hope so. But I wont be apart of it for a very long time.
I do wonder how it will feel to live with people who arent constantly belittling me or telling me what a mistake I was. But really I already know the answer. Its been that way in everything my whole life. School, karate, work, ballet, girl scouts etc.... It'll be akward until I see their not like you. Then im happy and am me and then their happy and think im fabulous. (i kow i sound full of my self but you know what im talking about).
I am sorry. I tried. Did you? Ask yourself if you gave a good honest effort? I did but it wasnt constant. Its not all your fault even if I blame you for mosrt of it. Your my mom, perhaps I have all this resentment because of everything you've done to me. Mothers dont do those things to their kids. They dont break them down mentally. For the first time in my life I am truly sorry, sorry that our lives turned out this way. Its both of our faults but your my mother I trusted and believed in you after everything. Im 17 and I have the worst attitude but I did a whole hell of alot and you know it. But look at it this way maybe its better for our health. I think thats why your sick. You get stressed take it out on me and like an idiot I fuel the fire because I know mothers arent suppsoed to do that to their children. We fill each other with anxiety and I see how sick you are. Thats not a life for me. I am weak with pain and you know that. Dont worry about me. I have plenty of other people who care about my well being. I will proably be better off that you. So I guess this is it. I have a whole bunch of junk to say to you but its best to say it to your face. Take care of Grandma Parker. Im sorry I felt she was more my mother than you. Im sure she wont talk to me when she finds out im moving out. Someday I will attempt to re-establish a relationship with you and at that time I hope it will go better than the first 17 years of my life did.
-Shantel
I wanted you to know that you won. You broke me down. Way down. The only solution to this problem you brought up yourself: get emancipated and move out. You telling me 'if you leave dont come back' never phased me until you put it in to those words. You have said many hurtful things to me in the past, things no child should hear from a parent and I took them. But when you put it like that I knew. Plans are in motion and although im worried as to how this will all 'go down' and things of the sort I have never felt more relieved. I wonder though when the day comes will you let me really leave? Dont tease me. Are you gonna guilt trip me the rest of my time here? Either way you cant change my mind. Is it really a big difference? I was moving out in a year anyway. The problem is you know once I leave whatever relationship we had is over and I think thats what scares you. Who are you gonna yell at when your mad at micheal or dwight? Who's gonna comfort you? Maybe im wrong and your life will be great. And oddly enough I hope so. But I wont be apart of it for a very long time.
I do wonder how it will feel to live with people who arent constantly belittling me or telling me what a mistake I was. But really I already know the answer. Its been that way in everything my whole life. School, karate, work, ballet, girl scouts etc.... It'll be akward until I see their not like you. Then im happy and am me and then their happy and think im fabulous. (i kow i sound full of my self but you know what im talking about).
I am sorry. I tried. Did you? Ask yourself if you gave a good honest effort? I did but it wasnt constant. Its not all your fault even if I blame you for mosrt of it. Your my mom, perhaps I have all this resentment because of everything you've done to me. Mothers dont do those things to their kids. They dont break them down mentally. For the first time in my life I am truly sorry, sorry that our lives turned out this way. Its both of our faults but your my mother I trusted and believed in you after everything. Im 17 and I have the worst attitude but I did a whole hell of alot and you know it. But look at it this way maybe its better for our health. I think thats why your sick. You get stressed take it out on me and like an idiot I fuel the fire because I know mothers arent suppsoed to do that to their children. We fill each other with anxiety and I see how sick you are. Thats not a life for me. I am weak with pain and you know that. Dont worry about me. I have plenty of other people who care about my well being. I will proably be better off that you. So I guess this is it. I have a whole bunch of junk to say to you but its best to say it to your face. Take care of Grandma Parker. Im sorry I felt she was more my mother than you. Im sure she wont talk to me when she finds out im moving out. Someday I will attempt to re-establish a relationship with you and at that time I hope it will go better than the first 17 years of my life did.
-Shantel