Fic: Transformations & Ice Cream, L/?, NC-17
Title: Transformation & Ice Cream
Author:gertinator
Pairing/Character: Logan/? several endings :) one is even LoVe!
Word Count: 8-10,000 ish, depending on which ending you choose
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Veronica and Logan have broken up yet again. Mac and Logan become friends. Is there still LoVe in the air, or is it time for something new? You decide. I had several ways I wanted to end things, so I gave it a Choose Your Adventure ending where you get to pick which one is right for you.
Spoilers/Warnings: 3.01 to be safe though I only briefly reference something.
A/N: This is a Happy Birthday tale for hidddeneloise and a Happy Pretend Birthday story for jen_knee_suu.
This continues where Raw Pain Between Friends left off, so you should read that first.
"Logan - are you here? Mac's - " Veronica let herself into Logan's suite with the key card he had given her ages ago. She should have returned it when they broke up, but Veronica Mars tried to always stay a step ahead in case she needed to do some B & E. Normally, she would be more stealth, but this was an emergency.
Veronica stopped short at the sight of Logan curled up on the couch with some brunette snuggled into his side. She had broken up with him, but that didn't mean she wanted to see evidence of him moving on. As much as she pretended she was over him, she was clearly still hung up on the bad boy. She could see he was wearing a shirt, and she said a little prayer that both of them were fully clothed under the blanket.
Veronica almost turned around to leave, the tightness in her chest causing her breath to come in small gasps. But she was already here, she had already seen this, she might as well stay long enough to get her questions answered.
"Logan," she said again, a little louder this time. Such a shame to break up this romantic moment. Not. "Logan, I hate to disturb you and your bim - " The word caught in her mouth as the brunette raised her head.
"Veronica?" asked Mac groggily. "What are you doing here? And where is here?" Logan shifted underneath her trying to accommodate her movements without letting her go. Mac blinked at Veronica, trying to process all the distressing stimuli through a very fuzzy and hung over brain. It was impossible; the situation didn't match anything in her mental reference file.
Veronica stared open mouthed for a moment, then snapped her jaw together with a loud click. "I was looking for you. Campus wide search. Thought you might have - " Veronica choked on the words. No point in going over the possibilities now. She had considered many traumatic and disastrous things but never this.
Mac suddenly seemed to become aware of her position, as reality sifted through the pounding in her head. "Oh, shit! What time is it?" She glanced at her watch and then attempted to sit up. "Holy Mother of God! It's almost noon." Getting vertical was harder than it had seemed, since Logan was still out cold and wrapped around her. And there was very little room to maneuver on the couch. Mac shoved at him for a second.
"Logan, Logan wake up! I have to get to work... I am so late, I am totally dead. I can't lose this job. I'll get stuck stamping parking passes all day!" Logan blinked himself awake, reluctantly releasing Mac from his hold.
Mac threw the blanket back and rolled off Logan and into an upright position. The couch was small, though, and in Mac's struggle to sit up she planted a hand firmly on Logan's thigh... and other parts. He gave a loud groan as she accidently ground into his morning wood. Mac pulled her hand away as if burned.
"Sorry, Logan - I " Mac blushed and began frantically looking around for her keys. She would probably be mortified later but between the adrenaline and the hangover, she was barely coherent. Logan sat up next to her, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
"No worries, Peaches." He winked. "I'll be reliving the thrill for a while. It's the most action I've had in months."
He smiled at Mac affectionately for a minute, and then felt the heavy weight of Veronica's stare.
He turned his head to look at Veronica. "What are you doing here? Did you break in? Here to accuse me of a crime? I'll tell you right now, I did it. I took the diamonds and I'm not sorry." He imitated a weasely gangster voice, his eyes narrowed.
Veronica flung the key at him. She was relieved to see that Mac and Logan were in fact both fully clothed, but she remained speechless. Logan and Mac? It seemed so preposterous. And Mac didn't seem to be embarrassed, just concerned about being late to work.
It couldn't be what it looked like. Veronica told herself that rather desperately. Mac would never - Logan might, but not Mac. Veronica was sure, or at least pretty sure. She finally got herself under control enough to bite out a few bitter words of explanation.
"When Mac didn't show at work by 11, and she had never come home and no one could reach her cell, I got worried. I thought you were the last one to see her... Guess I was right." Veronica's voice was steel, and promised retribution as soon as Mac was out of the room.
"I left my cell in the car to charge. Shit - Veronica - I've gotta go. I'll call you later - " Mac looked at Logan, sitting on the couch, looking somewhere between bemused and lost. She made a decision. She gave him a quick, somewhat awkward one arm hug and said, "Thanks. And I'll call you too." Mac shook her head, trying to clear it a little and ran out the door.
Veronica watched Mac go, her gaze lingering on the door for a minute before snapping back to Logan.
"Uh, oh." He said with a smirk. "I recognize that look. That's your 'I'd rather be torturing Logan' look... Usually doesn't work out so well for me."
He tried not to notice the dark circles that lay like bruises under her eyes, the butterfly bandages holding together the cuts on her forehead, the gauze wrapped around her hand, or the stiff way she held her body, as if trying to ignore pain. He didn't want to think how close she had come to death this time, how desperate she seemed to be to join the other dead women of his life - his mother, Lilly, and even Kendell. He didn't want to feel the softness and ache in his chest that he always got looking at her.
"Logan. What the hell did you do?" Veronica hissed.
That shook him out of his longing and regretfulness. Of course Veronica thought the worst of him. Of course a nice girl like Mac wouldn't want to spend time with him on her own. He must have done something evil and despicable to entice her in. His tenderness for Veronica turned into fury.
"What?" Logan's eyes pinched tight in a glare. "Do you mean, did I drug her so I could take advantage of her?" Logan's gaze held Veronica's, his anger and pain evident. Veronica looked startled, she clearly hadn't thought that. It didn't matter, she had thought something bad.
Logan continued bitterly, "That would be a no. In fact, usually I would say it's none of your god damn business who is in my room and what I was doing with them. But since I'd rather have you torture me than Mac, I'll say this. Neither one of us wanted to be alone after watching you get almost killed yet again so she came up and watched TV with me until we fell asleep."
He paused for a minute, cocked his head as the strains of music drifted out from the TV. "80's music marathon. Hmm." He listened for a moment, giving Veronica an ugly grin.
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
"Tainted Love. Why, Veronica I do believe they are playing our song... Do you want to dance?" The intensity in his eyes held Veronica immobile, though her mind screamed for her to turn around and run.
"Oh, shut up Logan. And stay away from Mac." She spit out the words and was a little surprised at the expression on his face. Determination. Not at all what she expected, and it left her confused. What the hell was up with Logan and Mac?
"I think that's Mac's decision. Not yours." Logan seemed oddly relaxed, and that just made Veronica more agitated. She reached for his arm.
"Don't touch me, please..." Logan said in time to the music, smirking as he let the TV finish the line.
I cannot stand the way you tease...
"Now if you don't mind, I need some sleep. Leave the key card behind and don't let the door hit you yada yada." Logan turned his back on her in dismissal, knowing that would just piss her off more. He headed for the bedroom, ignoring her angry huff of air.
He heard her mutter, "Jackass," just before she slammed the door. He held his posture for less than a minute before slumping into the door frame, blinking away the tears.
The girl ripped his soul out. And her timing was perfect. He had thought there was nothing left, and then last night, Mac had found a tiny sliver... just in time for Veronica to torch it.
**********
It had been three days and Mac had not called. Logan was not really surprised. It wasn't like he had been waiting by the phone or anything. He and Dick had done the round of frat parties interspersed with surfing, and oh, yeah. A few trips to class.
Mac was Veronica's best friend, and Veronica had a hate-on for him that was as powerful as as his own hard-on for her. Veronica had made clear that she wanted Mac as far away from Logan's corrupting influence as possible.
And Mac, well, Mac didn't have any real reason to hang out with a fuck-up like him, did she? She was intelligent and talented and had plenty of career options. He was a rich party boy, whose main hobby was drinking and spending the inheritance from his abusive murderer of a father.
But she had said she would call, and in front of Veronica, too. That should mean something, shouldn't it? And she had told him her secret identity, like she was a freaking superhero. And they had connected, Logan knew they had connected, because it was such a rare feeling in his life that he could still feel the smolder of the sparks.
Of course, he had been a stupid horny ass and kissed her, and maybe he shouldn't have done that. She clearly had major issues left from the Beav, and no wonder. Logan knew what it was like to find out your first love wasn't who you thought they were. In a dramatic and public way, too - the unveiling of Cassidy's secret persona had been even more outrageous than Lilly's infidelities and death.
The picture of Lilly cooing and moaning and writhing over his father was burned in an endless loop in his brain. Though thank god it was only his brain that was privy to that particular peep show. Wiping those tapes had been one of the smartest things he had ever done, and would have been worth two or three times the money.
So maybe Mac wasn't calling because she was afraid he'd hit on her again. And wasn't that the grandmother of all ironies? Logan Echolls who got his girlfriends by being a good fuck couldn't get a nice virgin to be his friend.
Logan eyed the liquor cabinet. He's had a couple of beers to mellow out, and he'd told Dick he was planning on staying home tonight to study. But the liquor cabinet was calling out all sorts of promises of sweet oblivion. Mac had said he drank too much. She certainly wasn't the first to say that, but for some reason her tone of concern was sincere and yet uninvolved enough to stick in his brain.
He didn't have to drink, did he? He did it because he wanted to right?But if that was true, why did he start his day with a beer and end it with a bottle of whiskey? An image of his mother, highball in hand, flashed before his eyes and he shuddered.
Logan's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He wasn't expecting anyone and for a minute he had a combined hope and dread that it was Dick. Hope because that would give him an excuse to drink; dread because it would be another night wasted drinking with Dick. And it would probably involved a frat.
Ever since Dick had become a Sigma Pi, it had been all about partying with the brothers. Dick had tried to get Logan to join, but Logan hadn't even tried to pledge. The surrogate family seemed to be just what Dick needed but Logan preferred his Lone Wolf status. And his room at the Grand. Families only fuck you up.
The peep hole revealed an anxious and slightly impatient Mac juggling two frosty Ben and Jerry's containers. Logan grinned happily. She couldn't resist his charms after all. He opened the door with a flourish, ready to comment on his own irresistible qualities, but she beat him to the first word.
"I'm sorry I didn't call... I was hung over and felt weird and Veronica was yelling and I had classes and then suddenly time had gone by and then I felt weirder and then I wasn't sure if I should call and anyway, I'm not very good at this and I think the guy is supposed to call at least for a date but this isn't a date and I'm not sure what it is but I thought maybe you'd like to try a fourth way to get rid of the pain..." Mac held up the ice cream to prove her point, out of breath from her anxious prattle.
Logan stood, bemused and a little stunned by the monologue. He had never seen the usually cool and droll Mac so rattled and nervous. It gave him a strange, warm feeling inside. He waved her into the suite.
"I can see Veronica has been working her influence on you if you now believe ice cream heals all." Logan wasn't sure why he brought up Veronica but he suspected it had something to do with his inner masochist. It hurt to talk about Veronica, it hurt to know she didn't want Mac around him. It also reminded him why he should not
attempt any more sweet kisses with Mac. This was to be a purely platonic gathering.
"You clearly do not understand the powers of Double Fudge Brownie and Cherry Garcia. You will behold the magic and bow down in awe. We need spoons. And I hope they are sturdy because these are frozen rock solid and a weak spoon will bend under the pressure."
Mac still seemed to be running an excess of words, but it was kind of cute. In the days when they had all hung out, she had usually made sideline comments that had Veronica laughing but he never got to hear. It was nice to have her talking directly to him for once.
"Gotcha. I'll be right back, and we'll see if the Grand silverware can withstand the grueling punishment." Logan rummaged in the suite kitchen and returned with two spoons, handing one to Mac obediently.
"I also brought a movie," she said, pulling a DVD out of her messenger bag. "Young Frankestein. Nothing like a campy horror classic to make you feel like your life is not so bad."
"Um." Logan stared at the DVD cover. "Okay. I'm more the Blazing Saddles/Spaceballs end of the Mel Brooks spectrum but we can give it a try. I can relate to not wanting to live up to the infamous family name," he added with a smirk. He was willing to watch test patterns if it meant Mac's company for the evening.
Logan put the movie in and they settled in on the couch. Logan noticed Mac was at the far end, sitting rather stiffly. That wouldn't do, wouldn't do at all. He scooted over to her and did his patented giant fake yawn as the opening credits began.
Mac met his eyes and there was a glint of terror there, along with a desperate need for comfort. This was clearly much harder sober. Logan silently cursed Beaver for twisting up a nice girl like this. The Beav had his own mess to deal with, sure, but he should have never tried to play normal with Mac. Beav must've known it would end badly, being a murderer and all. And hello, Pot?
Logan might be the kettle, but he had never tried to play normal with Veronica. In fact, that had always been the problem - Veronica seemed to desperately want "normal" and Logan couldn't stand the falseness of the fantasy. After years in the pseudo reality of being a happy Hollywood family with regular beatings on the side, he just wanted to be himself with all of his flaws.
Logan pulled Mac back against himself and handed her an ice cream and spoon. "Relax. We've already established that we are friends with cuddling privileges. I'm just asserting my rights here."
Mac studied Logan's hand wrapped around her shoulder, and its near proximity to her breast. She cast him a suspicious glance and then allowed her muscles to unclench, let his solid presence hold her weight as she leaned into him. He did smell good and it she wanted to recapture that warm safe feeling she had had with him after Veronica's last adventure.
"All right," she said. "You are warm and comfortable, and I'll allow continued cuddle access. Just remember groping privileges have not been granted and act accordingly."
"Aw, Mac," Logan feigned an injured voice. "I'm hurt that you think I would try to slip in some gratuitous groping when we will clearly be watching a riveting and classic movie feature."
"I know you, Echolls," Mac snorted, actually snuggling in closer to him. "You can't pull one over on me with the innocent act."
"Mac!" Logan said archly, enjoying the easy camaraderie they had fallen into. This was exactly what he had hoped for, what he had needed. "I am shocked and appalled that you would besmirch my character in such a way."
Mac just smiled and scooped more ice cream in her mouth. It felt good to be held by Logan. There was a strange and exciting sexual undertone, that vibe Logan always gave off of being about one second way from stripping, but there was also just an easiness and comfort that she had never experienced before. Certainly not in proximity to any males of the species.
All of her memories of Cassidy included a certain amount of anxiety and tension. She had made so many missteps, not understanding why he was such a minefield. Mac had started to feel like those things were all her fault, even though she found out the explanations afterwards. It had made connecting with any other men seem like an insurmountable burden.
Mac had become accustomed to feeling undesirable, awkward, wrong. But there was none of that with Logan. Logan was secure in his sexuality, and he was quite obviously keeping it leashed for her. He was blatant in his teasing and flirting, but not overwhelming. He clearly saw her as a normal girl, a girl he could hit on, tease. It was nice. She could feel herself thaw at just being touched by another human being. No, not just any human being. It was Logan, and Logan was special.
Logan eyed the carton in Mac's hand. The ice cream was looking good, but no way was he going to release the position he was in. It felt too good to hold Mac at his side. Time to get creative.
"Hey, Mac. You wanna feed me a spoonful of that Fudge Brownie before you finish it off?" Mac looked up at him, a little wide eyed. "What?" he said innocently. "I only have one arm, I need the help of a friend. I'm supposed to be benefiting from its magical healing powers, right?" He used his free hand, the one not wrapped around her, to guide her full spoonful away from her mouth and into his own.
"Ahhhh," he mumbled in delight. "You may be right about this ice cream thing."
"See?" Mac said smugly. She fed herself two spoonfuls, purposely taunting him, before feeding him another. It felt strangely... well, erotic. Especially with the wicked suggestive way Logan was licking the spoon, and he so totally was doing that on purpose. And how sad was she that feeding Logan spoonfuls of ice cream was the best action she had ever had?
Mac had a moment of guilt as she thought of Veronica, but she pushed it away. Veronica was her friend, maybe even her best friend, though Mac knew she couldn't compete with Wallace as Veronica's BFF. But Veronica had dumped Logan, she avoided him, and that was her own fault. The two clearly had unresolved issues and it might be best not to get in between. That was something to remember.
But Mac also knew Logan wasn't using her to get to Veronica. This thing between them - what ever it was, and was it really big enough to be labeled with Thing status already? Anyway, it was a gift and a blessing, and she had not had such peace since Cassidy left her with nothing to wear but a shower curtain.
If Veronica couldn't appreciate that, well, she wasn't much of a friend. It wasn't like they were kissing or getting naked. And um, yeah, she'd ignore that little twinge of disappointment. Frozen Below The Waist was not going there, not with Logan Echolls.
********
"Since when do you care who Logan's friends are?" asked Mac, disgruntled. "Thought you dumped him and moved on." Mac knew very well Veronica had not moved on, but good friends were rare, and Logan was shaping up to be a real friend. She wasn't about to blow that off just because Veronica Mars couldn't deal with being in love with him.
"I don't care about him," Veronica lied. "I care about you. You don't know him like I do, Mac."
"Yeah, well. I have a history of being dense. As long as he doesn't blow up a busload of people and then throw himself off a building, I think I'm good," answered Mac, acting more blase than she really felt.
Veronica stared at her friend in horror. "You're dating him?"
"No!" answered Mac, a little too quickly. "No, no. We just... I like talking to him, okay?"
"So he's your new BFF?" Veronica's tone was edgy, angry and betrayed.
"No." Mac's voice took on its own edge, and she refused to meet Veronica's eyes. "Confessions to him aren't all one sided, and that's kind of nice for a change," she added pointedly.
"What are you trying to say?" Veronica was obviously getting pissed.
Mac sighed deeply and locked gazes with Veronica. "What's going on with you, Veronica? Listen to yourself. You dumped Logan months ago and you've been auditioning new boyfriend candidates ever since. Why are you so upset that I watched a movie with Logan?"
"I'm not upset. I'm just worried about you." Veronica bit her lip and looked away.
"Huh." Mac clearly didn't believe it, but she could also tell Veronica was not going to be reasonable, and she just didn't want to discuss it any more. "Well, I'm fine. Better than I've been in a while, actually. Now, how about we actually study for that Modern Philosophy test?"
Veronica sighed, realizing Mac could be as stubborn as a Mars when pushed. And why did it bother her so much to know Mac was hanging out with Logan?
*******
"So what's the plan, Stan?" Mac asked playfully. She and Logan had vaguely scheduled a Saturday rendezvous, but that usually meant room service and movies until it was time for him to hit the frat parties with Dick. But he had left her a message saying he wanted to actually hang after dark, and that was a new thing. It made her curious, and maybe a little flattered that she was being promoted to a Saturday night friend.
"I thought maybe we could try something different this weekend." Logan felt his palms get slick and he was bewildered at himself. He hadn't sweated asking a girl out in years, and this wasn't even a date. He was just asking his friend Mac to go to a party with him.
But the truth was, Mac was a girl he couldn't categorize. Hanging out with her was like hanging out with Dick, except, you know, she had a brain and emotions and stuff. He didn't have to pretend about anything with her, didn't have to play tragic son of the dead murdering bastard movie star and drunk suicidal movie star, didn't have to throw on the facade and act like he gave a shit. She was also his last connection to Veronica and that meant something, too. More than he wanted to admit.
"It's uh - Casino Night Saturday at Sigma Pi, and I thought maybe you'd wanna go. I can play James Bond and you can outfit me with cufflinks that squirt acid." Parties were not part of the usual scope of their friendship, but Logan had been teaching Mac poker and he thought she might enjoy it. He thought he might enjoy it more with her along.
"Are you going to squirt acid at Dick? 'Cause then I'm totally in." Mac laughed. She didn't really hate Dick, but she didn't particularly like him either. Mostly she shared custody of Logan with him, and they rotated their friend nights so as to have as little contact as possible. She had decided to studiously repress the fact that he was Cassidy's brother, and he seemed to have a similar self-induced forgetfulness about her.
"Ahh, holding a grudge, I see. Jealous that we moved to the next level on Warcraft without you." Logan wasn't sure if she was thinking towards a yes or a no, but he really wanted her to go with him. He knew he couldn't push, though; she either went for the idea, or she didn't.
"I have to wear a dress?" she finally asked, and he knew he had her.
"I suppose I could wear the dress. You'd look hot in a tux," smirked Logan.
"I don't know. Are you going to shave your legs? 'Cause hairy legs and evening gowns..." Mac faked a shudder over the phone and Logan laughed.
"Okay, I'll stick to the tux and you wear the dress. Pick you up at nine?" Logan wondered if it was too much to throw in dinner. What the hell. "We could get dinner..."
"Is... Is this a date?" Mac asked hesitantly. She and Logan were firmly in the platonic friends category, or so she thought. But with Logan it was hard to tell, and this was sounding awfully... coupley. She briefly wondered what Veronica would think, and then pushed that thought out of her head. Veronica was in LA, doing some undercover bit at a club. Mac had turned down the chance to play Hollywood It Girl, though she hadn't told Veronica that it was because she had plans with Logan.
"Only as much as you want it to be," Logan assured her, wondering at the little flutter in his heartbeat. If he was really honest with himself, which he hardly ever was, he was still pining over Veronica. Cheap sex had gotten boring, and the time with Mac had eased off the loneliness enough that he wasn't desperate for empty sex. But when he was... releasing his tension, the rotation was 90% tiny blond detective. "You can keep your options open. I'll disappear if you meet your David Lightman so you can go all Jennifer Mack."
"Yeah," Mac sounded relieved. "I'm the mad hacker, I don't need to date one to accidentally start a war. Besides, I have to watch out that you aren't endangering National Security." Mac grinned. Logan had found Wargames running on cable the last time she was over and cracked up that the Ally Sheedy character was named Jennifer Mack. She was never going to live it down. "I'll pick out a girl for you who doesn't look like Veronica."
Logan took the jab with a smile. He had declared a moratorium on dating after Mac pointed out that the girls were all shades of the very same petit blonde. "And I'll find you a nice nerdy boy who is there to count cards."
Mac laughed. "Deal."
Logan arrived promptly at nine and gave an appreciative whistle to see Mac in a dress. "Sure we can't re-negotiate the cuddling privileges to include a little groping?" he asked with a leer. "You look really hot tonight."
Mac blushed and punched his shoulder. He kept his innuendoes on the gentle side with her, but he couldn't seem to exist with out a slightly flirtatious edge. Mac never took him seriously, and it sometimes made him a little sad that she couldn't see what a catch she'd be for the lucky nerd who captured her attention.
In the meantime, he was happy to act as her training wheels, getting her comfortable around guys again. And she got him comfortable with being something more than a dick for rent or a receptacle for alcohol. All in all, their relationship seemed to be working nicely for both of them.
Logan had picked a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. Mac was a little shocked at how nice, but Logan insisted the meal had to match the clothes. They were going full out and it was fun for once. Logan reflected that it all seemed more fun through Mac's slightly astonished eyes.
They were sitting waiting for the check, feeling pleasantly full when for some reason Mac was drawn to Logan's hands as he signed the credit card slip. Long beautiful fingers, topping thin but manly wrists. He had left his watch at home, figuring the giant, clunky thing didn't go with the tux, even if it was worth about $5,000. The absence left a pale and naked strip through his tan, and three puckers stood out like little white buttons.
"What are these?" Mac asked curiously. She rubbed her thumb gently over the perfectly round scars. She had never seen anything quite like them. If there had been only two, she might've joked about vampires. She and Logan were so comfortable together these days that she didn't even realize it might be forward of her until she felt him tense.
"'Do what you're told.'" Logan said bitterly. "'Don't be a smart ass.' 'Don't embarrass me.' Or as I collectively like to call them, 'Dad didn't get the Oscar because he's a fucking half rate actor.'"
Mac stared at him in dawning horror as she began to put it together. "Your dad?" Her fingers traced the circles in disbelief.
"Cigarette burns," Logan nodded, pulling his wrist away. He couldn't quite bring his eyes to meet hers, but the confession felt like a burden lifting. They had already declared a no-pity zone, so he could tell her anything and just get that stoic little nod. "I have some on my shoulder, too, and one on my knee. Those were from when he was really pissed off. Usually it was just a belt across my back, sometimes a broken nose or broken fingers."
"My god, Logan. Did Lilly - ?" Mac wasn't sure why that was her first thought, maybe because it was the incident that bound them. Crazy dead exes.
"Yeah, she knew." Logan just sounded tired, exhausted by one more betrayal on top of all the others.
"That bitch. She didn't deserve you," hissed Mac protectively. Lilly Kane was barely real to her, a school icon, a shimmery image with no substance. But the devastation she had left in her wake with her selfishness, that was real. Mac wasn't sure what made her do it, but she took Logan's hand and raised it to her mouth, pressed a quick little kiss to the scars. Kind of like when her brother scraped his knee and wanted a kiss to make it better.
"Oh, crap," she said as she left a smear of lipstick, and darted her tongue out to moisten the spot and then rub the pink stain away with her finger. She smiled sheepishly at Logan. "Sorry."
Logan was staring at her in fascination, trying to ignore the blood rushing to his cock. He had already determined that Mac was off limits, and he wasn't about to kiss her again, no matter how much he wanted those pink lips to nibble at him in places beside his wrist. Mac was clearly a girl whose kisses meant something. She deserved better than him. He felt that little touch burning at his wrist, melting away just a little of the scar tissue Lilly had left behind.
"No problem."
*******
Logan watched Mac finish her game and scoop up all of her chips. He waved to show her he was waiting at the door while she cashed in. Mac had given up on poker early on, but seemed to find plenty of ways to entertain herself. And to win, judging by the size of her pile.
Logan was a little puzzled by what he was feeling. He wasn't used to looking at Mac as a girl, and tonight he was. That alone felt strange... but nice. He noticed he was not the only one checking her out, too, though he was sure she would not believe him if he told her that. He had really enjoyed his evening, and hadn't even needed to consume a lot of alcohol. He felt... normal. As normal as he ever got, and that was something only Mac seemed able to give him.
Logan had never wanted to be normal, but he suddenly saw now why Veronica had thought the state carried such appeal. The thought of Veronica made his chest tighten, as it always did. For all the girl claimed to want normal, she was the first to throw aside the rules. It was one of the things he had always loved about her.
"That was fun!" said Mac. "I kick ass at blackjack." She tucked a small roll of her winnings in his waistband. At Logan's raised eyebrow, she explained, "My share of dinner." He had insisted on paying, since he had chosen to take them out to a fancy restaurant befitting their shiny duds, but Mac had cleaned up at blackjack and was feeling flush. She wanted to even the score.
Logan opened the car door for her with a flourish, but once inside, found himself reluctant to take her home. "Wanna come over for a while? We could watch movies... you could spend the night." At her look, he quickly added, "In the guest bedroom." He shrugged. "It just gets lonely there sometimes."
"All I have is this dress..." said Mac reluctantly.
"You can borrow some sweats. You'll probably swim in them, but..."
"Yeah, sure." Mac smiled. She didn't really want the night to end either. Logan certainly had a way with women, a way of making her feel like she was more than her every day life. He was a true charmer, and she wasn't ready for her own fairy dust to wear off. This hadn't quite been a date - more like all the best parts without any of the pressure or anxiety. It almost made her ready to start dating again. Almost.
Logan had been pushing her to ask out Eric, a guy she sort of had a crush on. She thought she was maybe kinda sorta almost ready to do it, too. Their influence on each other was odd; she had convinced him to stop dating until he knew himself better, and he was trying to convince her to start. In the meantime, they had each other.
They watched two incredibly horrible horror movies and snacked on room service, and then since it was almost daylight, Logan insisted on tucking her in bed.
Twenty minutes later she was sliding into bed next to him. It was an impulse, and later she couldn't believe she had been that brave.
"Couldn't resist me, eh?" Logan smirked, clearly still awake.
"Don't get any ideas. My feet were just cold." Mac pressed her feet against him to prove her point. She smiled triumphantly at his shriek. "I thought I'd invoke my friends with cuddling privileges status," she added.
"Anytime." Logan turned towards her, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm glad you came tonight."
"Me too." Mac snuggled up to him. "You're a pretty nice guy..." she said sleepily. "And very warm."
Logan chuckled and wrapped an arm around her. "You're not so bad yourself."
********
Mac became conscious slowly. The sheets seemed extra soft against her cheek and she felt incredibly comfortable and toasty. She blinked blearily and was a bit surprised to see Logan's smile.
"We seem to be making this waking up together thing a habit," smirked Logan. "Now we just gotta work on what we do before we fall asleep." He leered at her jokingly. "Let's at least make it XXX movies next time."
Mac brushed back his hair, smoothing down some of the spikes. "I think I'm kinda getting why Veronica is so in love with you." And where the hell did that come from, Miss Mackenzie? Apparently, her brain to mouth filter had not yet engaged on this lovely morning.
"I think you've got me confused with someone else," said Logan, his flippant tone not quite covering his sadness. He couldn't seem to meet Mac's eyes.
"You're still in love with her, too, aren't you?" Mac persisted, not sure why she wanted him to finally admit to it. It must be a full moon, because she had clearly transformed into someone else in the last 24 hours.
"My warm fuzzy morning feeling is fading quickly," Logan commented as he got out of bed. "Should I order us some room service?"
Mac crawled to the side of the bed and reached out for Logan's arm. "Listen, I squirm from the emotionally painful as much as the next Neptune Zombie, but I love you both and I think you are idiots for being apart when you both clearly want to be together."
"Let it go."
"I'm not sure I should say this, because I sometimes think you are better off without her, but she is still totally into you. She talks about you all the time." So much so that I want to gag her, thought Mac.
"She thinks I am corrupting you," Logan spat out. Veronica had made it clear she didn't want him around her friends. He was proud Mac had stood up to her and still spent time with him.
"She is jealous that I get to see a side of you she never gets to see. Never let herself get to know." It made Mac sad that Veronica really didn't know the same Logan she knew, the one who could be a good friend and even better shoulder to lean on. Not that Veronica ever let herself lean on anybody.
Logan rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the feelings her comments brought up. "Finished, Dr. Phil?"
"Yep." Mac grinned. She felt like she had to give these sorts of public service announcements every now and then.
"So, room service?" Logan asked, phone in hand.
"Is there any ice cream left?" At Logan's look of shock, she added, "Oatmeal and ice cream. Quite possibly the world's perfect breakfast."
"You're sick," he said with a smirk. But he ordered two oatmeals and a bowl of ice cream just in case they had really finished off the Ben & Jerry's. And he wondered if Veronica really was still in love with him.
******
Mac was in a good mood by the time she made it back to her dorm. Logan's sweats were a little big on her, but they were better than squirming back into her dress and he had said she could return them later. It felt funny being in his clothes - they smelled like him, just a little - but also comfortable. She had given up analyzing their relationship and decided that it was what it was, and it felt good, and that was enough for her. So little felt good these days, she had to hold on to what she could get.
Her phone rang, the high pitched and fast ring tone that signaled Veronica. Veronica was the one part of the arrangement that still troubled Mac a little. Mac knew that she was jealous, but she also thought Veronica only had her own stubbornness to blame for being left out. Logan clearly would take her back at the slightest show of interest, but Veronica wouldn't make the move. No, she just constantly harped on Mac for spending time with him.
"You spent the night at Logan's last night, didn't you?" Veronica said without any preamble, her tone vaguely accusatory.
So much for the good mood, thought Mac. But she refused to let Veronica know how annoying her obsession was. "Were you tailing me or him?" Mac asked dryly. She wasn't surprised when Veronica didn't have an answer. "Just get back with him or let him go, Veronica," she advised. "None of us has enough friends, not me, not you, and certainly not Logan. You make it into something it's not."
"I just don't get it." Veronica's frustration was evident.
Mac took a deep breath and reminded herself that Veronica was a good friend and didn't mean to be so selfish. "You don't get why he would want to spend time with me, or you don't get why I would want to spend time with him?" Realization dawned. "Or you don't get how I could spend so much time with him and not be having sex?" Judging by Veronica's silence she had hit the nail on the head. "I won't say he's not sexy, Veronica, but he gives good conversation, too. And he's a master at World of Warcraft."
"You play video games?" Veronica asked, sounding shocked.
"Sometimes, yeah." Mac refused to be embarrassed about that. "Listen, you know I'm sort of... frozen. Well, Logan thaws me, just a little. And maybe I cool down his... heat. It works out and we are..."
"Room temperature?" Veronica asked with a smirk to her tone.
"Yeah, something like that. Anyway, it's nice. It's just easy to be around him." Mac felt like she had said this to Veronica a million times, and just needed to make a loop on her ipod.
"I could think of a lot of words to describe Logan, and 'nice' wouldn't be one of them. And if I said easy..." Veronica let the innuendo fall.
"Well that is probably why you are stalking him and angsting while I am eating his ice cream and kicking his ass at Halo." Mac decided it was time to change the subject. She had tried to make it clear to both of them that they should get back together. If tehy weren't buying it, it wasn't her problem. "So, I have an exam to study for but am otherwise unoccupied for the day. You wanna hang out in the quad, make fun of the prefrosh milling about?" It was Open House weekend, and it was mildly amusing to check out the youngsters and remember how short of a time ago they had had that blinking, confused look.
"Yeah," said Veronica. "That sounds fun. Meet at your dorm?"
"Noonish? We can picnic."
"Sounds good."
*******
Choose Your Own Adventure time....
If you are intrigued by the idea of Mac/Logan... click here.
If you are horrified by the idea of Mac/Logan and believe LoVe conquers all... click here.
If today is your birthday, and damnit you deserve the Naked!Logan, then this is where you wanna... click.
And finally, if today is not really your birthday, but you are pretending it is, because it means you get some Naked!Logan to call your own, give this the... clickety click.
Author:gertinator
Pairing/Character: Logan/? several endings :) one is even LoVe!
Word Count: 8-10,000 ish, depending on which ending you choose
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Veronica and Logan have broken up yet again. Mac and Logan become friends. Is there still LoVe in the air, or is it time for something new? You decide. I had several ways I wanted to end things, so I gave it a Choose Your Adventure ending where you get to pick which one is right for you.
Spoilers/Warnings: 3.01 to be safe though I only briefly reference something.
A/N: This is a Happy Birthday tale for hidddeneloise and a Happy Pretend Birthday story for jen_knee_suu.
This continues where Raw Pain Between Friends left off, so you should read that first.
"Logan - are you here? Mac's - " Veronica let herself into Logan's suite with the key card he had given her ages ago. She should have returned it when they broke up, but Veronica Mars tried to always stay a step ahead in case she needed to do some B & E. Normally, she would be more stealth, but this was an emergency.
Veronica stopped short at the sight of Logan curled up on the couch with some brunette snuggled into his side. She had broken up with him, but that didn't mean she wanted to see evidence of him moving on. As much as she pretended she was over him, she was clearly still hung up on the bad boy. She could see he was wearing a shirt, and she said a little prayer that both of them were fully clothed under the blanket.
Veronica almost turned around to leave, the tightness in her chest causing her breath to come in small gasps. But she was already here, she had already seen this, she might as well stay long enough to get her questions answered.
"Logan," she said again, a little louder this time. Such a shame to break up this romantic moment. Not. "Logan, I hate to disturb you and your bim - " The word caught in her mouth as the brunette raised her head.
"Veronica?" asked Mac groggily. "What are you doing here? And where is here?" Logan shifted underneath her trying to accommodate her movements without letting her go. Mac blinked at Veronica, trying to process all the distressing stimuli through a very fuzzy and hung over brain. It was impossible; the situation didn't match anything in her mental reference file.
Veronica stared open mouthed for a moment, then snapped her jaw together with a loud click. "I was looking for you. Campus wide search. Thought you might have - " Veronica choked on the words. No point in going over the possibilities now. She had considered many traumatic and disastrous things but never this.
Mac suddenly seemed to become aware of her position, as reality sifted through the pounding in her head. "Oh, shit! What time is it?" She glanced at her watch and then attempted to sit up. "Holy Mother of God! It's almost noon." Getting vertical was harder than it had seemed, since Logan was still out cold and wrapped around her. And there was very little room to maneuver on the couch. Mac shoved at him for a second.
"Logan, Logan wake up! I have to get to work... I am so late, I am totally dead. I can't lose this job. I'll get stuck stamping parking passes all day!" Logan blinked himself awake, reluctantly releasing Mac from his hold.
Mac threw the blanket back and rolled off Logan and into an upright position. The couch was small, though, and in Mac's struggle to sit up she planted a hand firmly on Logan's thigh... and other parts. He gave a loud groan as she accidently ground into his morning wood. Mac pulled her hand away as if burned.
"Sorry, Logan - I " Mac blushed and began frantically looking around for her keys. She would probably be mortified later but between the adrenaline and the hangover, she was barely coherent. Logan sat up next to her, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
"No worries, Peaches." He winked. "I'll be reliving the thrill for a while. It's the most action I've had in months."
He smiled at Mac affectionately for a minute, and then felt the heavy weight of Veronica's stare.
He turned his head to look at Veronica. "What are you doing here? Did you break in? Here to accuse me of a crime? I'll tell you right now, I did it. I took the diamonds and I'm not sorry." He imitated a weasely gangster voice, his eyes narrowed.
Veronica flung the key at him. She was relieved to see that Mac and Logan were in fact both fully clothed, but she remained speechless. Logan and Mac? It seemed so preposterous. And Mac didn't seem to be embarrassed, just concerned about being late to work.
It couldn't be what it looked like. Veronica told herself that rather desperately. Mac would never - Logan might, but not Mac. Veronica was sure, or at least pretty sure. She finally got herself under control enough to bite out a few bitter words of explanation.
"When Mac didn't show at work by 11, and she had never come home and no one could reach her cell, I got worried. I thought you were the last one to see her... Guess I was right." Veronica's voice was steel, and promised retribution as soon as Mac was out of the room.
"I left my cell in the car to charge. Shit - Veronica - I've gotta go. I'll call you later - " Mac looked at Logan, sitting on the couch, looking somewhere between bemused and lost. She made a decision. She gave him a quick, somewhat awkward one arm hug and said, "Thanks. And I'll call you too." Mac shook her head, trying to clear it a little and ran out the door.
Veronica watched Mac go, her gaze lingering on the door for a minute before snapping back to Logan.
"Uh, oh." He said with a smirk. "I recognize that look. That's your 'I'd rather be torturing Logan' look... Usually doesn't work out so well for me."
He tried not to notice the dark circles that lay like bruises under her eyes, the butterfly bandages holding together the cuts on her forehead, the gauze wrapped around her hand, or the stiff way she held her body, as if trying to ignore pain. He didn't want to think how close she had come to death this time, how desperate she seemed to be to join the other dead women of his life - his mother, Lilly, and even Kendell. He didn't want to feel the softness and ache in his chest that he always got looking at her.
"Logan. What the hell did you do?" Veronica hissed.
That shook him out of his longing and regretfulness. Of course Veronica thought the worst of him. Of course a nice girl like Mac wouldn't want to spend time with him on her own. He must have done something evil and despicable to entice her in. His tenderness for Veronica turned into fury.
"What?" Logan's eyes pinched tight in a glare. "Do you mean, did I drug her so I could take advantage of her?" Logan's gaze held Veronica's, his anger and pain evident. Veronica looked startled, she clearly hadn't thought that. It didn't matter, she had thought something bad.
Logan continued bitterly, "That would be a no. In fact, usually I would say it's none of your god damn business who is in my room and what I was doing with them. But since I'd rather have you torture me than Mac, I'll say this. Neither one of us wanted to be alone after watching you get almost killed yet again so she came up and watched TV with me until we fell asleep."
He paused for a minute, cocked his head as the strains of music drifted out from the TV. "80's music marathon. Hmm." He listened for a moment, giving Veronica an ugly grin.
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
"Tainted Love. Why, Veronica I do believe they are playing our song... Do you want to dance?" The intensity in his eyes held Veronica immobile, though her mind screamed for her to turn around and run.
"Oh, shut up Logan. And stay away from Mac." She spit out the words and was a little surprised at the expression on his face. Determination. Not at all what she expected, and it left her confused. What the hell was up with Logan and Mac?
"I think that's Mac's decision. Not yours." Logan seemed oddly relaxed, and that just made Veronica more agitated. She reached for his arm.
"Don't touch me, please..." Logan said in time to the music, smirking as he let the TV finish the line.
I cannot stand the way you tease...
"Now if you don't mind, I need some sleep. Leave the key card behind and don't let the door hit you yada yada." Logan turned his back on her in dismissal, knowing that would just piss her off more. He headed for the bedroom, ignoring her angry huff of air.
He heard her mutter, "Jackass," just before she slammed the door. He held his posture for less than a minute before slumping into the door frame, blinking away the tears.
The girl ripped his soul out. And her timing was perfect. He had thought there was nothing left, and then last night, Mac had found a tiny sliver... just in time for Veronica to torch it.
**********
It had been three days and Mac had not called. Logan was not really surprised. It wasn't like he had been waiting by the phone or anything. He and Dick had done the round of frat parties interspersed with surfing, and oh, yeah. A few trips to class.
Mac was Veronica's best friend, and Veronica had a hate-on for him that was as powerful as as his own hard-on for her. Veronica had made clear that she wanted Mac as far away from Logan's corrupting influence as possible.
And Mac, well, Mac didn't have any real reason to hang out with a fuck-up like him, did she? She was intelligent and talented and had plenty of career options. He was a rich party boy, whose main hobby was drinking and spending the inheritance from his abusive murderer of a father.
But she had said she would call, and in front of Veronica, too. That should mean something, shouldn't it? And she had told him her secret identity, like she was a freaking superhero. And they had connected, Logan knew they had connected, because it was such a rare feeling in his life that he could still feel the smolder of the sparks.
Of course, he had been a stupid horny ass and kissed her, and maybe he shouldn't have done that. She clearly had major issues left from the Beav, and no wonder. Logan knew what it was like to find out your first love wasn't who you thought they were. In a dramatic and public way, too - the unveiling of Cassidy's secret persona had been even more outrageous than Lilly's infidelities and death.
The picture of Lilly cooing and moaning and writhing over his father was burned in an endless loop in his brain. Though thank god it was only his brain that was privy to that particular peep show. Wiping those tapes had been one of the smartest things he had ever done, and would have been worth two or three times the money.
So maybe Mac wasn't calling because she was afraid he'd hit on her again. And wasn't that the grandmother of all ironies? Logan Echolls who got his girlfriends by being a good fuck couldn't get a nice virgin to be his friend.
Logan eyed the liquor cabinet. He's had a couple of beers to mellow out, and he'd told Dick he was planning on staying home tonight to study. But the liquor cabinet was calling out all sorts of promises of sweet oblivion. Mac had said he drank too much. She certainly wasn't the first to say that, but for some reason her tone of concern was sincere and yet uninvolved enough to stick in his brain.
He didn't have to drink, did he? He did it because he wanted to right?But if that was true, why did he start his day with a beer and end it with a bottle of whiskey? An image of his mother, highball in hand, flashed before his eyes and he shuddered.
Logan's thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He wasn't expecting anyone and for a minute he had a combined hope and dread that it was Dick. Hope because that would give him an excuse to drink; dread because it would be another night wasted drinking with Dick. And it would probably involved a frat.
Ever since Dick had become a Sigma Pi, it had been all about partying with the brothers. Dick had tried to get Logan to join, but Logan hadn't even tried to pledge. The surrogate family seemed to be just what Dick needed but Logan preferred his Lone Wolf status. And his room at the Grand. Families only fuck you up.
The peep hole revealed an anxious and slightly impatient Mac juggling two frosty Ben and Jerry's containers. Logan grinned happily. She couldn't resist his charms after all. He opened the door with a flourish, ready to comment on his own irresistible qualities, but she beat him to the first word.
"I'm sorry I didn't call... I was hung over and felt weird and Veronica was yelling and I had classes and then suddenly time had gone by and then I felt weirder and then I wasn't sure if I should call and anyway, I'm not very good at this and I think the guy is supposed to call at least for a date but this isn't a date and I'm not sure what it is but I thought maybe you'd like to try a fourth way to get rid of the pain..." Mac held up the ice cream to prove her point, out of breath from her anxious prattle.
Logan stood, bemused and a little stunned by the monologue. He had never seen the usually cool and droll Mac so rattled and nervous. It gave him a strange, warm feeling inside. He waved her into the suite.
"I can see Veronica has been working her influence on you if you now believe ice cream heals all." Logan wasn't sure why he brought up Veronica but he suspected it had something to do with his inner masochist. It hurt to talk about Veronica, it hurt to know she didn't want Mac around him. It also reminded him why he should not
attempt any more sweet kisses with Mac. This was to be a purely platonic gathering.
"You clearly do not understand the powers of Double Fudge Brownie and Cherry Garcia. You will behold the magic and bow down in awe. We need spoons. And I hope they are sturdy because these are frozen rock solid and a weak spoon will bend under the pressure."
Mac still seemed to be running an excess of words, but it was kind of cute. In the days when they had all hung out, she had usually made sideline comments that had Veronica laughing but he never got to hear. It was nice to have her talking directly to him for once.
"Gotcha. I'll be right back, and we'll see if the Grand silverware can withstand the grueling punishment." Logan rummaged in the suite kitchen and returned with two spoons, handing one to Mac obediently.
"I also brought a movie," she said, pulling a DVD out of her messenger bag. "Young Frankestein. Nothing like a campy horror classic to make you feel like your life is not so bad."
"Um." Logan stared at the DVD cover. "Okay. I'm more the Blazing Saddles/Spaceballs end of the Mel Brooks spectrum but we can give it a try. I can relate to not wanting to live up to the infamous family name," he added with a smirk. He was willing to watch test patterns if it meant Mac's company for the evening.
Logan put the movie in and they settled in on the couch. Logan noticed Mac was at the far end, sitting rather stiffly. That wouldn't do, wouldn't do at all. He scooted over to her and did his patented giant fake yawn as the opening credits began.
Mac met his eyes and there was a glint of terror there, along with a desperate need for comfort. This was clearly much harder sober. Logan silently cursed Beaver for twisting up a nice girl like this. The Beav had his own mess to deal with, sure, but he should have never tried to play normal with Mac. Beav must've known it would end badly, being a murderer and all. And hello, Pot?
Logan might be the kettle, but he had never tried to play normal with Veronica. In fact, that had always been the problem - Veronica seemed to desperately want "normal" and Logan couldn't stand the falseness of the fantasy. After years in the pseudo reality of being a happy Hollywood family with regular beatings on the side, he just wanted to be himself with all of his flaws.
Logan pulled Mac back against himself and handed her an ice cream and spoon. "Relax. We've already established that we are friends with cuddling privileges. I'm just asserting my rights here."
Mac studied Logan's hand wrapped around her shoulder, and its near proximity to her breast. She cast him a suspicious glance and then allowed her muscles to unclench, let his solid presence hold her weight as she leaned into him. He did smell good and it she wanted to recapture that warm safe feeling she had had with him after Veronica's last adventure.
"All right," she said. "You are warm and comfortable, and I'll allow continued cuddle access. Just remember groping privileges have not been granted and act accordingly."
"Aw, Mac," Logan feigned an injured voice. "I'm hurt that you think I would try to slip in some gratuitous groping when we will clearly be watching a riveting and classic movie feature."
"I know you, Echolls," Mac snorted, actually snuggling in closer to him. "You can't pull one over on me with the innocent act."
"Mac!" Logan said archly, enjoying the easy camaraderie they had fallen into. This was exactly what he had hoped for, what he had needed. "I am shocked and appalled that you would besmirch my character in such a way."
Mac just smiled and scooped more ice cream in her mouth. It felt good to be held by Logan. There was a strange and exciting sexual undertone, that vibe Logan always gave off of being about one second way from stripping, but there was also just an easiness and comfort that she had never experienced before. Certainly not in proximity to any males of the species.
All of her memories of Cassidy included a certain amount of anxiety and tension. She had made so many missteps, not understanding why he was such a minefield. Mac had started to feel like those things were all her fault, even though she found out the explanations afterwards. It had made connecting with any other men seem like an insurmountable burden.
Mac had become accustomed to feeling undesirable, awkward, wrong. But there was none of that with Logan. Logan was secure in his sexuality, and he was quite obviously keeping it leashed for her. He was blatant in his teasing and flirting, but not overwhelming. He clearly saw her as a normal girl, a girl he could hit on, tease. It was nice. She could feel herself thaw at just being touched by another human being. No, not just any human being. It was Logan, and Logan was special.
Logan eyed the carton in Mac's hand. The ice cream was looking good, but no way was he going to release the position he was in. It felt too good to hold Mac at his side. Time to get creative.
"Hey, Mac. You wanna feed me a spoonful of that Fudge Brownie before you finish it off?" Mac looked up at him, a little wide eyed. "What?" he said innocently. "I only have one arm, I need the help of a friend. I'm supposed to be benefiting from its magical healing powers, right?" He used his free hand, the one not wrapped around her, to guide her full spoonful away from her mouth and into his own.
"Ahhhh," he mumbled in delight. "You may be right about this ice cream thing."
"See?" Mac said smugly. She fed herself two spoonfuls, purposely taunting him, before feeding him another. It felt strangely... well, erotic. Especially with the wicked suggestive way Logan was licking the spoon, and he so totally was doing that on purpose. And how sad was she that feeding Logan spoonfuls of ice cream was the best action she had ever had?
Mac had a moment of guilt as she thought of Veronica, but she pushed it away. Veronica was her friend, maybe even her best friend, though Mac knew she couldn't compete with Wallace as Veronica's BFF. But Veronica had dumped Logan, she avoided him, and that was her own fault. The two clearly had unresolved issues and it might be best not to get in between. That was something to remember.
But Mac also knew Logan wasn't using her to get to Veronica. This thing between them - what ever it was, and was it really big enough to be labeled with Thing status already? Anyway, it was a gift and a blessing, and she had not had such peace since Cassidy left her with nothing to wear but a shower curtain.
If Veronica couldn't appreciate that, well, she wasn't much of a friend. It wasn't like they were kissing or getting naked. And um, yeah, she'd ignore that little twinge of disappointment. Frozen Below The Waist was not going there, not with Logan Echolls.
********
"Since when do you care who Logan's friends are?" asked Mac, disgruntled. "Thought you dumped him and moved on." Mac knew very well Veronica had not moved on, but good friends were rare, and Logan was shaping up to be a real friend. She wasn't about to blow that off just because Veronica Mars couldn't deal with being in love with him.
"I don't care about him," Veronica lied. "I care about you. You don't know him like I do, Mac."
"Yeah, well. I have a history of being dense. As long as he doesn't blow up a busload of people and then throw himself off a building, I think I'm good," answered Mac, acting more blase than she really felt.
Veronica stared at her friend in horror. "You're dating him?"
"No!" answered Mac, a little too quickly. "No, no. We just... I like talking to him, okay?"
"So he's your new BFF?" Veronica's tone was edgy, angry and betrayed.
"No." Mac's voice took on its own edge, and she refused to meet Veronica's eyes. "Confessions to him aren't all one sided, and that's kind of nice for a change," she added pointedly.
"What are you trying to say?" Veronica was obviously getting pissed.
Mac sighed deeply and locked gazes with Veronica. "What's going on with you, Veronica? Listen to yourself. You dumped Logan months ago and you've been auditioning new boyfriend candidates ever since. Why are you so upset that I watched a movie with Logan?"
"I'm not upset. I'm just worried about you." Veronica bit her lip and looked away.
"Huh." Mac clearly didn't believe it, but she could also tell Veronica was not going to be reasonable, and she just didn't want to discuss it any more. "Well, I'm fine. Better than I've been in a while, actually. Now, how about we actually study for that Modern Philosophy test?"
Veronica sighed, realizing Mac could be as stubborn as a Mars when pushed. And why did it bother her so much to know Mac was hanging out with Logan?
*******
"So what's the plan, Stan?" Mac asked playfully. She and Logan had vaguely scheduled a Saturday rendezvous, but that usually meant room service and movies until it was time for him to hit the frat parties with Dick. But he had left her a message saying he wanted to actually hang after dark, and that was a new thing. It made her curious, and maybe a little flattered that she was being promoted to a Saturday night friend.
"I thought maybe we could try something different this weekend." Logan felt his palms get slick and he was bewildered at himself. He hadn't sweated asking a girl out in years, and this wasn't even a date. He was just asking his friend Mac to go to a party with him.
But the truth was, Mac was a girl he couldn't categorize. Hanging out with her was like hanging out with Dick, except, you know, she had a brain and emotions and stuff. He didn't have to pretend about anything with her, didn't have to play tragic son of the dead murdering bastard movie star and drunk suicidal movie star, didn't have to throw on the facade and act like he gave a shit. She was also his last connection to Veronica and that meant something, too. More than he wanted to admit.
"It's uh - Casino Night Saturday at Sigma Pi, and I thought maybe you'd wanna go. I can play James Bond and you can outfit me with cufflinks that squirt acid." Parties were not part of the usual scope of their friendship, but Logan had been teaching Mac poker and he thought she might enjoy it. He thought he might enjoy it more with her along.
"Are you going to squirt acid at Dick? 'Cause then I'm totally in." Mac laughed. She didn't really hate Dick, but she didn't particularly like him either. Mostly she shared custody of Logan with him, and they rotated their friend nights so as to have as little contact as possible. She had decided to studiously repress the fact that he was Cassidy's brother, and he seemed to have a similar self-induced forgetfulness about her.
"Ahh, holding a grudge, I see. Jealous that we moved to the next level on Warcraft without you." Logan wasn't sure if she was thinking towards a yes or a no, but he really wanted her to go with him. He knew he couldn't push, though; she either went for the idea, or she didn't.
"I have to wear a dress?" she finally asked, and he knew he had her.
"I suppose I could wear the dress. You'd look hot in a tux," smirked Logan.
"I don't know. Are you going to shave your legs? 'Cause hairy legs and evening gowns..." Mac faked a shudder over the phone and Logan laughed.
"Okay, I'll stick to the tux and you wear the dress. Pick you up at nine?" Logan wondered if it was too much to throw in dinner. What the hell. "We could get dinner..."
"Is... Is this a date?" Mac asked hesitantly. She and Logan were firmly in the platonic friends category, or so she thought. But with Logan it was hard to tell, and this was sounding awfully... coupley. She briefly wondered what Veronica would think, and then pushed that thought out of her head. Veronica was in LA, doing some undercover bit at a club. Mac had turned down the chance to play Hollywood It Girl, though she hadn't told Veronica that it was because she had plans with Logan.
"Only as much as you want it to be," Logan assured her, wondering at the little flutter in his heartbeat. If he was really honest with himself, which he hardly ever was, he was still pining over Veronica. Cheap sex had gotten boring, and the time with Mac had eased off the loneliness enough that he wasn't desperate for empty sex. But when he was... releasing his tension, the rotation was 90% tiny blond detective. "You can keep your options open. I'll disappear if you meet your David Lightman so you can go all Jennifer Mack."
"Yeah," Mac sounded relieved. "I'm the mad hacker, I don't need to date one to accidentally start a war. Besides, I have to watch out that you aren't endangering National Security." Mac grinned. Logan had found Wargames running on cable the last time she was over and cracked up that the Ally Sheedy character was named Jennifer Mack. She was never going to live it down. "I'll pick out a girl for you who doesn't look like Veronica."
Logan took the jab with a smile. He had declared a moratorium on dating after Mac pointed out that the girls were all shades of the very same petit blonde. "And I'll find you a nice nerdy boy who is there to count cards."
Mac laughed. "Deal."
Logan arrived promptly at nine and gave an appreciative whistle to see Mac in a dress. "Sure we can't re-negotiate the cuddling privileges to include a little groping?" he asked with a leer. "You look really hot tonight."
Mac blushed and punched his shoulder. He kept his innuendoes on the gentle side with her, but he couldn't seem to exist with out a slightly flirtatious edge. Mac never took him seriously, and it sometimes made him a little sad that she couldn't see what a catch she'd be for the lucky nerd who captured her attention.
In the meantime, he was happy to act as her training wheels, getting her comfortable around guys again. And she got him comfortable with being something more than a dick for rent or a receptacle for alcohol. All in all, their relationship seemed to be working nicely for both of them.
Logan had picked a nice Italian restaurant for dinner. Mac was a little shocked at how nice, but Logan insisted the meal had to match the clothes. They were going full out and it was fun for once. Logan reflected that it all seemed more fun through Mac's slightly astonished eyes.
They were sitting waiting for the check, feeling pleasantly full when for some reason Mac was drawn to Logan's hands as he signed the credit card slip. Long beautiful fingers, topping thin but manly wrists. He had left his watch at home, figuring the giant, clunky thing didn't go with the tux, even if it was worth about $5,000. The absence left a pale and naked strip through his tan, and three puckers stood out like little white buttons.
"What are these?" Mac asked curiously. She rubbed her thumb gently over the perfectly round scars. She had never seen anything quite like them. If there had been only two, she might've joked about vampires. She and Logan were so comfortable together these days that she didn't even realize it might be forward of her until she felt him tense.
"'Do what you're told.'" Logan said bitterly. "'Don't be a smart ass.' 'Don't embarrass me.' Or as I collectively like to call them, 'Dad didn't get the Oscar because he's a fucking half rate actor.'"
Mac stared at him in dawning horror as she began to put it together. "Your dad?" Her fingers traced the circles in disbelief.
"Cigarette burns," Logan nodded, pulling his wrist away. He couldn't quite bring his eyes to meet hers, but the confession felt like a burden lifting. They had already declared a no-pity zone, so he could tell her anything and just get that stoic little nod. "I have some on my shoulder, too, and one on my knee. Those were from when he was really pissed off. Usually it was just a belt across my back, sometimes a broken nose or broken fingers."
"My god, Logan. Did Lilly - ?" Mac wasn't sure why that was her first thought, maybe because it was the incident that bound them. Crazy dead exes.
"Yeah, she knew." Logan just sounded tired, exhausted by one more betrayal on top of all the others.
"That bitch. She didn't deserve you," hissed Mac protectively. Lilly Kane was barely real to her, a school icon, a shimmery image with no substance. But the devastation she had left in her wake with her selfishness, that was real. Mac wasn't sure what made her do it, but she took Logan's hand and raised it to her mouth, pressed a quick little kiss to the scars. Kind of like when her brother scraped his knee and wanted a kiss to make it better.
"Oh, crap," she said as she left a smear of lipstick, and darted her tongue out to moisten the spot and then rub the pink stain away with her finger. She smiled sheepishly at Logan. "Sorry."
Logan was staring at her in fascination, trying to ignore the blood rushing to his cock. He had already determined that Mac was off limits, and he wasn't about to kiss her again, no matter how much he wanted those pink lips to nibble at him in places beside his wrist. Mac was clearly a girl whose kisses meant something. She deserved better than him. He felt that little touch burning at his wrist, melting away just a little of the scar tissue Lilly had left behind.
"No problem."
*******
Logan watched Mac finish her game and scoop up all of her chips. He waved to show her he was waiting at the door while she cashed in. Mac had given up on poker early on, but seemed to find plenty of ways to entertain herself. And to win, judging by the size of her pile.
Logan was a little puzzled by what he was feeling. He wasn't used to looking at Mac as a girl, and tonight he was. That alone felt strange... but nice. He noticed he was not the only one checking her out, too, though he was sure she would not believe him if he told her that. He had really enjoyed his evening, and hadn't even needed to consume a lot of alcohol. He felt... normal. As normal as he ever got, and that was something only Mac seemed able to give him.
Logan had never wanted to be normal, but he suddenly saw now why Veronica had thought the state carried such appeal. The thought of Veronica made his chest tighten, as it always did. For all the girl claimed to want normal, she was the first to throw aside the rules. It was one of the things he had always loved about her.
"That was fun!" said Mac. "I kick ass at blackjack." She tucked a small roll of her winnings in his waistband. At Logan's raised eyebrow, she explained, "My share of dinner." He had insisted on paying, since he had chosen to take them out to a fancy restaurant befitting their shiny duds, but Mac had cleaned up at blackjack and was feeling flush. She wanted to even the score.
Logan opened the car door for her with a flourish, but once inside, found himself reluctant to take her home. "Wanna come over for a while? We could watch movies... you could spend the night." At her look, he quickly added, "In the guest bedroom." He shrugged. "It just gets lonely there sometimes."
"All I have is this dress..." said Mac reluctantly.
"You can borrow some sweats. You'll probably swim in them, but..."
"Yeah, sure." Mac smiled. She didn't really want the night to end either. Logan certainly had a way with women, a way of making her feel like she was more than her every day life. He was a true charmer, and she wasn't ready for her own fairy dust to wear off. This hadn't quite been a date - more like all the best parts without any of the pressure or anxiety. It almost made her ready to start dating again. Almost.
Logan had been pushing her to ask out Eric, a guy she sort of had a crush on. She thought she was maybe kinda sorta almost ready to do it, too. Their influence on each other was odd; she had convinced him to stop dating until he knew himself better, and he was trying to convince her to start. In the meantime, they had each other.
They watched two incredibly horrible horror movies and snacked on room service, and then since it was almost daylight, Logan insisted on tucking her in bed.
Twenty minutes later she was sliding into bed next to him. It was an impulse, and later she couldn't believe she had been that brave.
"Couldn't resist me, eh?" Logan smirked, clearly still awake.
"Don't get any ideas. My feet were just cold." Mac pressed her feet against him to prove her point. She smiled triumphantly at his shriek. "I thought I'd invoke my friends with cuddling privileges status," she added.
"Anytime." Logan turned towards her, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm glad you came tonight."
"Me too." Mac snuggled up to him. "You're a pretty nice guy..." she said sleepily. "And very warm."
Logan chuckled and wrapped an arm around her. "You're not so bad yourself."
********
Mac became conscious slowly. The sheets seemed extra soft against her cheek and she felt incredibly comfortable and toasty. She blinked blearily and was a bit surprised to see Logan's smile.
"We seem to be making this waking up together thing a habit," smirked Logan. "Now we just gotta work on what we do before we fall asleep." He leered at her jokingly. "Let's at least make it XXX movies next time."
Mac brushed back his hair, smoothing down some of the spikes. "I think I'm kinda getting why Veronica is so in love with you." And where the hell did that come from, Miss Mackenzie? Apparently, her brain to mouth filter had not yet engaged on this lovely morning.
"I think you've got me confused with someone else," said Logan, his flippant tone not quite covering his sadness. He couldn't seem to meet Mac's eyes.
"You're still in love with her, too, aren't you?" Mac persisted, not sure why she wanted him to finally admit to it. It must be a full moon, because she had clearly transformed into someone else in the last 24 hours.
"My warm fuzzy morning feeling is fading quickly," Logan commented as he got out of bed. "Should I order us some room service?"
Mac crawled to the side of the bed and reached out for Logan's arm. "Listen, I squirm from the emotionally painful as much as the next Neptune Zombie, but I love you both and I think you are idiots for being apart when you both clearly want to be together."
"Let it go."
"I'm not sure I should say this, because I sometimes think you are better off without her, but she is still totally into you. She talks about you all the time." So much so that I want to gag her, thought Mac.
"She thinks I am corrupting you," Logan spat out. Veronica had made it clear she didn't want him around her friends. He was proud Mac had stood up to her and still spent time with him.
"She is jealous that I get to see a side of you she never gets to see. Never let herself get to know." It made Mac sad that Veronica really didn't know the same Logan she knew, the one who could be a good friend and even better shoulder to lean on. Not that Veronica ever let herself lean on anybody.
Logan rolled his eyes and tried to ignore the feelings her comments brought up. "Finished, Dr. Phil?"
"Yep." Mac grinned. She felt like she had to give these sorts of public service announcements every now and then.
"So, room service?" Logan asked, phone in hand.
"Is there any ice cream left?" At Logan's look of shock, she added, "Oatmeal and ice cream. Quite possibly the world's perfect breakfast."
"You're sick," he said with a smirk. But he ordered two oatmeals and a bowl of ice cream just in case they had really finished off the Ben & Jerry's. And he wondered if Veronica really was still in love with him.
******
Mac was in a good mood by the time she made it back to her dorm. Logan's sweats were a little big on her, but they were better than squirming back into her dress and he had said she could return them later. It felt funny being in his clothes - they smelled like him, just a little - but also comfortable. She had given up analyzing their relationship and decided that it was what it was, and it felt good, and that was enough for her. So little felt good these days, she had to hold on to what she could get.
Her phone rang, the high pitched and fast ring tone that signaled Veronica. Veronica was the one part of the arrangement that still troubled Mac a little. Mac knew that she was jealous, but she also thought Veronica only had her own stubbornness to blame for being left out. Logan clearly would take her back at the slightest show of interest, but Veronica wouldn't make the move. No, she just constantly harped on Mac for spending time with him.
"You spent the night at Logan's last night, didn't you?" Veronica said without any preamble, her tone vaguely accusatory.
So much for the good mood, thought Mac. But she refused to let Veronica know how annoying her obsession was. "Were you tailing me or him?" Mac asked dryly. She wasn't surprised when Veronica didn't have an answer. "Just get back with him or let him go, Veronica," she advised. "None of us has enough friends, not me, not you, and certainly not Logan. You make it into something it's not."
"I just don't get it." Veronica's frustration was evident.
Mac took a deep breath and reminded herself that Veronica was a good friend and didn't mean to be so selfish. "You don't get why he would want to spend time with me, or you don't get why I would want to spend time with him?" Realization dawned. "Or you don't get how I could spend so much time with him and not be having sex?" Judging by Veronica's silence she had hit the nail on the head. "I won't say he's not sexy, Veronica, but he gives good conversation, too. And he's a master at World of Warcraft."
"You play video games?" Veronica asked, sounding shocked.
"Sometimes, yeah." Mac refused to be embarrassed about that. "Listen, you know I'm sort of... frozen. Well, Logan thaws me, just a little. And maybe I cool down his... heat. It works out and we are..."
"Room temperature?" Veronica asked with a smirk to her tone.
"Yeah, something like that. Anyway, it's nice. It's just easy to be around him." Mac felt like she had said this to Veronica a million times, and just needed to make a loop on her ipod.
"I could think of a lot of words to describe Logan, and 'nice' wouldn't be one of them. And if I said easy..." Veronica let the innuendo fall.
"Well that is probably why you are stalking him and angsting while I am eating his ice cream and kicking his ass at Halo." Mac decided it was time to change the subject. She had tried to make it clear to both of them that they should get back together. If tehy weren't buying it, it wasn't her problem. "So, I have an exam to study for but am otherwise unoccupied for the day. You wanna hang out in the quad, make fun of the prefrosh milling about?" It was Open House weekend, and it was mildly amusing to check out the youngsters and remember how short of a time ago they had had that blinking, confused look.
"Yeah," said Veronica. "That sounds fun. Meet at your dorm?"
"Noonish? We can picnic."
"Sounds good."
*******
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