Fic: Bittersweet, L/V, NC-17
Title: Bittersweet
Author:gertinator
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica
Word Count: 5363
Rating: NC-17 - smut and swearing
Disclaimer: Not mine and slightly out of character, but smutastically delicious.
Summary: You know you wish season 2 would have gone this way.
Spoilers/Warnings: Mid season 2, then goes AU because the thought of Veronica with Duncan makes me want to vomit
A/N: This is a Happy Birthday fic for afrocurl. Happy Birthday, dear, and thanks for all the lovely first comments! *grins*
"Fucking bastard," Logan mumbled at the TV as the XBox alien bit his player's head off. He threw the controller down in disgust and flopped back on the couch with his arm over his face. He couldn't concentrate, couldn't seem to do anything. He didn't even feel like drinking. He let the tunes from the stereo soothe him, his favorite playlist of Songs To Be Bitter By.
He heard the click of the front door engaging and sat up, hoping Duncan would be up for some one on one. Instead, it was Veronica who entered, looking thrilled to see him. Not. Just what he needed when he was already walking the edge.
Shit, Logan thought to himself. Duncan must have given her a key of her own. His stomach flipped over in queasiness at the intimacy, and he fixed his usual lighthearted smirk on his face to cover.
"Is Duncan here?" she asked, looking around.
"Nope," he said, feigning a casualness he did not feel and leaning back against the couch with his hands behind his head. Veronica Mars never failed to get under his skin, but he'd be damned if he'd let her know it. "But I've got an extra five minutes, I'm sure I could give you some loving worthy of the Donut."
"Thanks for that nearly irresistible offer," Veronica replied with a sneer, "But I think I'll pass. I left my hazo suit at home."
"Your loss," he said, closing his eyes and tapping his foot to the White Stripes. Seven Nation Army should be his fucking theme song, he thought. Well, except that bit about Witchita. No way was he turning farmer. Veronica's impatient voice cut into his musings.
"Do you know where Duncan went? He's not answering his phone."
"You still here?" Logan opened his eyes slowly, gratified to see how awkward and uncomfortable she looked. He grinned as a new song started. Apparently the Gods were giving him just a little goodness today. He hit the volume on the remote, and the Offspring blared out of the speakers at full volume. "Hey listen. It's one of Duncan's favorites."
I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practiced all the things I would say
But she came over
I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I’m being used
That’s okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she’s playing with me
That’s okay cause I got no self esteem
"Hmmm. I think you might be confusing your issues with his." Veronica said dryly, her voice raised to compete with the noise. "The bimbo have to play house with her actual husband tonight?"
"The thing I like about Kendall is that at least she's honest. Every woman I have ever dated has been a cheating bitch, but it's nice to know what I'm getting this time." Logan smiled his patented Smile That Is Not a Smile, lips stretched tight across his teeth in an almost feral grimace. He sang along with the song for a moment.
When she’s saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
He gave Veronica a deadly smile, lips tight and eyebrow raised, then picked up the chorus again at the last line.
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right?
Veronica was shocked, stunned into honesty. Logan rarely let out what he thought of her, preferring to pretend she had meant nothing to him. She picked the remote up and cut the song off. The room seemed to echo with the tense silence. "Logan I never - "
He glared at her, bitter, angry, his eyes glittering with the need to draw blood. "No. You waited, what? Three weeks after I told you I loved you to start things up with Duncan again." Before she could speak, he interrupted her with a caustic laugh. "No, it's okay, I get it. I was always just a placeholder anyway."
The truth hurt, even partial truth, and Veronica responded the way she always did: by lashing out, getting angry on her own, being self righteous. "And what about Kendall? How long did you wait to hop in bed with Mommy Dearest?"
Logan's eyes were intense pinpoints of resentment as he drawled slowly, viciously. "The difference is, I have never pretended to feel anything for her, Veronica."
"I never pretended..." Veronica stopped. Why was she letting him get to her like this? She must be tired. There was something about being here, alone with him, that was getting through her usual armor.
She was much happier to fall back into their bantering war of words than to admit how deeply he had wormed into her consciousness, how much she feared what she felt for him, and even more, how she feared his self destructive streak. She had already lost too many people she loved. She didn't want a ring side seat when his life ended in the inevitable flames of glory.
"You sure? I was pretty sure those were real orgasms, but maybe I was wrong. I suppose I could ask Duncan. I'll bet he knows what fake orgasms sound like," Logan smirked. "Or wait, I never hear you make any noise, so maybe you aren't even bothering to fake anything. Duncan prefer you to play unconscious?"
Veronica swallowed back the retort on the tip of her tongue. He was in unusual form today, mixing just enough truth into the barbs to cause lasting wounds. Playing the usual game would only encourage him. Instead she hit him with some truth of her own.
"You've gotten so mean, Logan. Duncan gave you a place to stay even after you managed to fuck up and get your house got torched. I think he's your only friend left, you might want to be nicer to him."
"What can I say? The guy's a saint." A second of regret flashed in Logan's eyes. He spread his arms in a shrug, his defensive smile firmly in place. If Veronica wanted to play the honesty game, he was willing. "Karmic justice that I have to live here in hell, hating the only person left who gives a shit about me, and hating myself for being so god damn jealous of him. I suppose I shouldn't complain. I'm sure you agree that I don't deserve heaven."
"You deserve what you've gotten," she observed. But she didn't mean it, and she regretted saying it as she saw him flinch and then cover it. It shook her to hear him admit his jealousy. Her feelings about him were still confused. Mostly, she tried to bury them and pretend they didn't exist. He saw that, used that.
"Do you like to think about me being jealous, Veronica?" The emotion in his eyes swirled and transformed, hardening from rage into glittering lust. He stepped closer to her. Close enough that she backed up. "Do you think about me in the next room? Dream about me getting off? Jerking myself to the thought of you and Prince Charming getting down and dirty?"
That hit her hard, and she stiffened. She wasn't about to admit to anything he said, no matter how close he was. She certainly felt every single moaning orgasm he gave that bitch Kendall, it would serve him right if it worked both ways.
"You're an asshole. Tell Duncan I stopped by. Or better yet, I'll just leave him a message at the front desk." Veronica turned on her heel to go, but she wasn't fast enough.
Logan beat her to the door, blocked it. He reached out and traced a finger down her cheek. His eyes were lit with some unholy emotion, igniting in a way only he could manage. A predatory gleam. "You're shaking, Veronica."
"Let me go." Her voice was hoarse, low.
"I already have. You made that decision when you had your dad kick me out." But his eyes said it was a lie. He wasn't ever going to let her go. His hand still rested against her face, his breath feathering out over forehead.
"Logan - " He was too close to her, he was forcing her to think about the things she tried to block out, the thoughts and deeds that kept her from living in a normal ordinary world. She struggled for control, for her usual smug veneer. It was hard to think when she could feel his body heat, could smell his scent, the mixed cologne and boy that surprisingly did not also have his usual whisky tang. She couldn't breathe.
"Do you ever miss me, Veronica? Even a little?" The honesty of the words left his voice cracking in pain. "Did I mean anything to you?"
"You know you did, Logan," she admitted, barely audible. Her eyes felt hot, and she knew there were tears burning for release behind the lids. Her hand reached past him for the door handle. She was desperate to escape before she revealed any more.
Logan examined her face for a moment, then let out a hollow laugh. "Do I? How do I know anything? There isn't a god damn person in this world I can trust." He was angry again, locking his vulnerability behind his ever present rage. "Go. Get the hell out." He stalked off towards his room.
Veronica stood at the door, back to him, sucking in air and breathing heavily. She was frozen in the spot, unable to leave though every cell of her body was urging her to run.
"I know you can't stand to be around me. Just get the hell out." Logan sounded on the verge of violence, but Veronica knew him well enough to also hear the uncertainty threading under the bravado. He could be an unbearable ass at times, but he had also been through more than anyone should ever have to endure. They both had.
Turning slowly, she admitted something she had never wanted to say out loud, especially not to him. "You scare me, Logan." She meant the way he made her feel more than anything, but he took it for face value.
"Guess I'm just a crazy fucker like my old man. No wonder you couldn't get away fast enough." The pain of being with her, of being honest for once, was too much. It felt like he was suffocating, and he had to leave, to get out. To drive away as fast and as far as he could. "You know what, you should stay here and wait for your sweet prince, and I will get the fuck out." As he stomped past her, she reached a hand out to grab him.
In that second, as she touched him, he combusted. Blew his top like Mt. Vesuvius, and woe be to the poor people of Pompeii. Suddenly she was up against the door, pinned by his hips, and he was kissing her, going crazy as she responded instead of slapping him or pushing him away. He roughly shoved his hand up her skirt and ground his palm between her legs. He needed to make her come, to prove he could still affect her, still please her.
The stimulation was too much and not enough and Veronica writhed against him, trying to find satisfaction. She was slick and wet and his fingers were brutal, digging under her panties and pumping into her as she panted against his mouth. He held her up with his body, pressing her into the wall. He reached his other hand into her shirt, shoving her bra up and squeezing her breast. She clung to him with hands in his hair, fisting and tugging.
She knew it was wrong, stupid, dangerous, knew it for the two seconds before her brain stopped working and her body took over, relieved to once again be back within Logan's grasp. Still it wasn't easy, this thing between them. It had never been easy.
They bit at each other, mouths devouring. His hands pulled at and punished her, keeping just this side of pain as he tugged at her nipples, twisting them and rolling them between his fingers. He thrust into her, slammed his fist against her wetness, pinched and pounded and suddenly, it was there; the elusive feeling only Logan had ever given her. She sighed into his mouth as the release finally came.
Logan convulsed against her and for a moment she thought he had come too, but then she realized he was soaking her shirt in the place where his face pressed between her breasts. He was sobbing, the words, "I hate you," choking out, over and over again, barely audible and meaning something completely opposite.
He let her slide down his body, regain her footing, but he still held her trapped against the wall, his face buried in her hair as he tried to regain control. She rested against him, legs weak and heart pounding, trying to figure out how they had ended up like this. She reached one hand up to spread against his rough cheek and he kissed her fingers before pulling away.
"Guess I'm just a sucker with no self esteem," he said ruefully, trying to push his way out the door without meeting her eyes. "Give my love to the Donut."
"Logan - " she said, stopping him with her body. "You can't just leave after... after that."
"I think that is exactly what I should do, Veronica." He chuckled mirthlessly. "Make my escape before your boyfriend comes home. You remember him - tall, good looking, blue eyes. You picked him over me when things got rough."
"What if - what if I don't want you to go?" Her eyes were hesitant, searching. Logan could feel them on his face, but he refused to look at her.
"I'm sure DK will be happy to take care of the cuddling as soon as he gets back." His voice was biting, ruthless, as he tried to get himself under control. Knowing that if he made eye contact, he would break, and like that poor sad fuck Humpty Dumpty, there would be no putting him back together again.
Veronica held onto his arms, wouldn't let him go. All of his nerves crackled at the sense of her, and the silence stretched. Finally, he couldn't stand it any more. He looked down at her and he could feel all of his carefully held defenses shattering. "Don't do this, Veronica," he whispered, agony ripping through him. "The hate is all that's holding me together these days."
"Maybe it's time we both try something else." She leaned into him, soft gentle kisses taking his mouth. He could feel the tears fall, his, hers, and he knew it was over. He would never let go of her again and he would never recover if she went back to Duncan.
"Be sure you want to do this," he begged, melting under her touch, knowing it was already too late. He couldn't walk away. Even though he was sure she would regret this within an hour, and deny it within two hours, be back in Duncan's arms before the night ended.
In this moment, he was going to pretend, pretend that he was the one she wanted, had always wanted. Duncan was his best friend, his only friend, but the betrayal slid off of him like it was nothing. Logan was willing to burn friendless in hell for the memory of Veronica choosing him for once.
He danced her towards the couch, relieving her of her blouse and tank top as they twirled. She tore at his own shirt, pushed it over his shoulders to claim his bare chest, then unbuttoned his jeans. Her boldness surprised him. They had barely made third base during their time together, and really it had been all his desire for her.
He remembered each of the sixteen orgasms he had given her in those blessed two weeks between telling her he loved her and getting dumped. She had never allowed full nudity, never reciprocated the touching. He had come in his pants twice, dry humping her, though he was pretty sure he had managed to discreetly cover the evidence while taking her home.
The sight of her eyes going out of focus, her little pants and mewls, her hoarse shouts that resembled his name, but only barely... It was his entire rotation, Kendall be damned. It made his chest ache with loss, but it was still the only way he could come on his own.
But that Veronica had been hesitant... innocent. He knew enough of her past to be gentle, to move slow. He hadn't asked her to touch him, they hadn't worked up to that part. He had been trying to lay happy memories down as a foundation before asking her to face the idea of consensual sex. And now here she was, pushing aside his boxers and grabbing the hard length of him.
This new Veronica excited and disturbed him, and he tried to push down any thoughts that her recently awakened sexuality had come at Duncan's hands. Duncan... In fact, he could walk in at any moment, though Logan suspected he was at the hospital visiting Meg and would take a while. Served him right that he was losing his conscious girlfriend while mooning over his unconscious one.
Veronica's hand on Logan's cock was quickly making him incoherent and he gave up all thoughts of his friend as he tumbled her onto the couch. He wasn't sure he'd be altogether sorry to have Duncan walk in on her panting and yelling Logan's name. She was already making more noise than she ever made in Duncan's room, and he was unreasonably proud.
For her part, Veronica was wondering how what she did with Duncan could even go under the same name as what she was currently engaged in with Logan. The boy deserved some serious props for his moves, and it was no wonder that even an experienced older woman like Kendall found a reason to return to his bed again and again.
Veronica pushed the thought of Kendall aside, claiming Logan with her mouth, her fingers and her hips. She had tried to block out thoughts of him by dating Duncan all of these months, tried to make normal the watchword and all of that shit. But having him on top of her, underneath her, covering every inch of her, she knew that this was what passed for normal in her world. She felt more alive than she had since Lilly's death, and she had Logan to thank.
The words slipped out of her, softly, like butterflies released in spring. "Thank you."
Logan stopped his frantic perusal of her nipples, bared above the satin of the bra he had not bothered to remove. His breath was coming in gasps, his eyes dilated and his hair a messy nest. He looked gorgeous as he met her eyes.
"What?" he asked, confusion streaking across his face. "Veronica?"
He was so adorable that she had to lean forward and kiss him. "Thank you," she whispered into his lips. "For making me feel alive again."
"Oh, god, Veronica," he cried, jerking her towards him in an iron grip. "Oh, god, you kill me like no one can." He kissed her recklessly, trying to pour all the words he couldn't say into his tongue as it slid into her mouth and left behind his love.
He was more than ready to take her, could feel her pussy sliding wet against his thigh. He knew she was ready, too, the way she was mewling in the back of her throat and grinding against him. He hesitated just a moment. They had never gone this far, it had only ever been Duncan inside her. He wanted to erase Duncan, but he also wanted to make this moment special, not a grope on the couch that she would deny later.
"Veronica?" he asked, his voice a growl despite his insecurity. "Tell me what you want."
"Oh, god, Logan," she moaned. "Isn't it obvious?" She pushed against him, found the steel rod between his legs with one bewitching hand and tugged.
"Humor me," he gasped. "Tell me what you want."
She opened her eyes, saw all of him down to the depths of his soul and paused. She rearranged their limbs so she could straddle him, palm still cradling the magnificent throbbing length of silky rock that put him in her power.
"I want you to love me again," she whispered, impaling herself on him as she said the words.
Logan's vision went back around the edges, at the feel of her wet velvet muscles clenching tightly at him, at the sound of her words echoing in his ears. He had never had sex without a condom, had made that one rule of his clear to every girl he had ever dated. Even now, it made him worry, though he knew Veronica well enough to know she wouldn't risk pregnancy, and apparently she trusted him to be disease free, despite all her barbs to the contrary.
He wasn't sure if it was her trust, or the slick satin of being inside her without a latex barrier, but he was quickly losing his sanity and his control. He fought to hold on just a little longer, to show her what it could be like between them.
He lost his mind but found their rhythm, pounding against her as she slid down on him. He needed her closer, though, skin to skin and he rolled them over, not caring that it took them off the couch. He caught the edge of the coffee table with his shoulder, but didn't even feel the pain, just pushed it out of their way.
He poised himself above her, mouth locked on hers, arms braced to hold his weight just enough to keep from crushing her but not enough to separate them. Her legs wrapped around him and he thrust into her, moving himself inside her, bringing them both to the strung tension they sought.
He could feel an orgasm building in her, and he tried to throw himself outside his body for just a second, just long enough to make sure she hit it before he gave in. The years of tensing against his father's belts served him well, and the brief respite was enough to give him back control. He took her over and only let himself thrust into aching, fireworks inducing satisfaction after he heard her scream his name.
He settled onto her, spent, breathing heavily. When he could fire enough synapses to get the message,"Roll over" to the rest of his body, he resettled them with her on top.
It wasn't just the sweat, or the feel of himself still inside her that fused them. She had trusted him for once, god damn it, and that meant as much to him as the fact that she had given her body. She wasn't backing away now, either. She was cuddling into his chest, purring like a kitten. He grabbed the displaced edge of the couch fleece and pulled it over her. The small lap blanked barely covered her and left his legs bare, but he didn't care.
He let himself drowse in comfort, dream of a world where this was the standard: Veronica Mars asleep and satiated in his arms. He drifted for what might have been hours, refusing to let go even when biology had demanded a slight rearrangement of their positions. Actually, he was still semi-hard, and probably would be forever when Veronica was close enough for him to touch, taste or smell.
He stroked her hair and whispered, "I love you, Nancy Drew." She murmured something in her sleep and he let himself pretend that it was an answering sentiment. He sighed deeply and pulled her close.
Of course, such contentment wasn't meant to last and just as he was sliding back into sleeping happiness, he heard the distinct clink of the front door lock being released.
"Oh, shit." Logan shook her awake, muttering, "DK's home." The look of panic in her eyes cut him through to the soul he long thought lost to the Devil, and he glanced at the door. Duncan was moving slowly, he must have a bag or something with him. He had taken to grocery shopping since Veronica started staying over and complaining about room service and beer being their entire diet. "Run for my room. I'll cover it."
Veronica saw the anguish in his eyes, and understood exactly what he was offering. She put a bit of playful insult on her face, and teased,"Come on. I have much better clothes than Kendall, he'll never believe it." She gestured with her hand to the veritable Hansel and Gretal trail that led to the couch.
He grinned weakly, then realized what she was saying. She would stay and face Duncan with him. His grin widened and he tossed her his shirt as he grabbed for his boxers. Duncan was through the door and moving towards the kitchen with several bags, not noticing the frantic bits of dressing going on in the living room until he nearly tripped on Logan's jeans.
"Logan, do you have to be such a slob - " Duncan looked up and blinked. "What the hell?"
Veronica had pulled Logan's shirt over her, and it hung like a dress to her knees. Underneath, the throw from the couch was wrapped like a skirt. Logan stood next to her in his boxers, holding her hand.
"I'm sorry, DK," Logan said sincerely. They had been through this scene once before, and that time Duncan had had a different blonde as his girlfriend. And Logan and Veronica had been fully clothed. The results had been disastrous. Logan could only imagine what would happen now.
"I - " Veronica started. But what could she say? She couldn't exactly blurt out, "I realized I am really in love with your best friend and I was only using you to make life easy."
"What the hell?" Asked Duncan again, his fists clenched and his face red with rage. "I go out grocery shopping and you decided to fuck my girlfriend?"
"Actually, your girlfriend decided to fuck him," Veronica said coldly, interrupting Logan's response, trying not to worry that Duncan would have one of his "fits." "And why did you need to shut off your cell phone to go shopping?"
"I - I - " Duncan deflated a little under Veronica's sharp gaze.
"The hospital requires all visitors to shut off their phones, right?" Veronica had Duncan pinned under her glare, and Logan swept a sideways glance at her.
So she had known after all. Or maybe she had just put the pieces together. Logan had a sudden sinking thought. Dear God, she hadn't planned this as one of her little revenge schemes, had she? Revenge on him and on Duncan, and she walks away from the carnage whistling? His stomach dropped at the thought, but she had a death grip on his hand, and he assured himself that this had not been part of some devious plan. She wanted him as much as he wanted her.
"Duncan, you haven't been much of a boyfriend for a while now, and I have been too caught up in hiding from myself to confront you, but let's be honest here. Okay? We don't suit. You have a girl you maybe loved in a coma and carrying your baby, and I - I - " she turned to Logan and quirked an eyebrow. She squeezed his hand.
"I have someone who wants me with every jackass inch of his body. And I want him just as much." Logan suppressed a guffaw of laughter at her very perceptive statement. Now was not a time for levity. Duncan looked ready to burst.
"I know this wasn't the way to do things, man. I never intended..." Logan kept his voice low and soothing, trying to avoid Duncan losing it. "I can't help it, man. I love her with everything I've got left in me."
"You fucking son of a bitch!" Duncan came at Logan swinging, but Veronica had ducked to the side and grabbed her taser from her bag.
"Step back, Duncan," she threatened. "Just step back, let us get our clothes and we'll go."
The idea that Veronica would taser him to protect Logan shook Duncan more than he would admit, and he felt tears building behind his his eyes, even as the rage settled over him like a blanket. All he had ever wanted was for the nightmare of the last couple of years to go away and leave him innocent and happy again. He just wanted it all back to the way it had been before Lilly died, but clearly... clearly, that wasn't going to happen.
He felt himself shaking, and there was a sparkling at the edge of his vision that spelled trouble. He took several deep breaths. He wasn't going t lose it in front of Veronica, he wasn't going to humiliate himself that way.
Logan watched it all with a growing sense of unreality. Veronica not only stood with him against Duncan, she was willing to fight for him. This had to be some crazy dream, some fantasy, or someone had dosed his wheaties for breakfast. The pink elephants would begin their dance routine at any moment.
"Just get the hell out," Duncan mumbled, striding off to his room. "Both of you."
"Well, I thought that went really well," chirped Veronica as she handed Logan his jeans. "Where to?"
Logan stilled her hands as she started to unbutton his shirt. "No, leave it on. I like how it looks on you... I like how it makes me feel to see it on you." He ran his hand through his hair. "I have to get a room of my own. Would you want to... want to come over for dinner and a movie? I think we need to talk."
Veronica stared at him, watched his familiar awkward way of tugging his hair when he was nervous. He was standing in front of her in only his underwear, after a major melodramatic moment, and he was asking her on a date. He could be an asshole sometimes, but he could also be an adorable woobie.
"Yeah," she smiled. "Dinner and a movie sounds good. And maybe the talk could wait until tomorrow?"
He smiled back at her. "Okay, but only until tomorrow." He kissed her briefly and took her hand. "M'Lady?" he said, gesturing to the door.
"Don't you need a shirt?" she giggled.
"I'm looking forward to eventually reclaiming it from you," he said suggestively, with an eyebrow wiggle, as he pushed her out the door.
Once in the hallway, he flipped open his phone. "This is Logan Echolls. I need a new room. No, Duncan Kane will be staying where he is." He gripped Veronica's hand. It hurt to lose his only friend, but he was still making out like a bandit in the bargain. "Fine. Have a bellboy meet me there with two key cards. Thanks."
"Two?" asked Veronica, her heart skipping a beat.
"Well," smirked Logan. "I think you've proven good things happen when you show up unannounced."
Author:gertinator
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica
Word Count: 5363
Rating: NC-17 - smut and swearing
Disclaimer: Not mine and slightly out of character, but smutastically delicious.
Summary: You know you wish season 2 would have gone this way.
Spoilers/Warnings: Mid season 2, then goes AU because the thought of Veronica with Duncan makes me want to vomit
A/N: This is a Happy Birthday fic for afrocurl. Happy Birthday, dear, and thanks for all the lovely first comments! *grins*
"Fucking bastard," Logan mumbled at the TV as the XBox alien bit his player's head off. He threw the controller down in disgust and flopped back on the couch with his arm over his face. He couldn't concentrate, couldn't seem to do anything. He didn't even feel like drinking. He let the tunes from the stereo soothe him, his favorite playlist of Songs To Be Bitter By.
He heard the click of the front door engaging and sat up, hoping Duncan would be up for some one on one. Instead, it was Veronica who entered, looking thrilled to see him. Not. Just what he needed when he was already walking the edge.
Shit, Logan thought to himself. Duncan must have given her a key of her own. His stomach flipped over in queasiness at the intimacy, and he fixed his usual lighthearted smirk on his face to cover.
"Is Duncan here?" she asked, looking around.
"Nope," he said, feigning a casualness he did not feel and leaning back against the couch with his hands behind his head. Veronica Mars never failed to get under his skin, but he'd be damned if he'd let her know it. "But I've got an extra five minutes, I'm sure I could give you some loving worthy of the Donut."
"Thanks for that nearly irresistible offer," Veronica replied with a sneer, "But I think I'll pass. I left my hazo suit at home."
"Your loss," he said, closing his eyes and tapping his foot to the White Stripes. Seven Nation Army should be his fucking theme song, he thought. Well, except that bit about Witchita. No way was he turning farmer. Veronica's impatient voice cut into his musings.
"Do you know where Duncan went? He's not answering his phone."
"You still here?" Logan opened his eyes slowly, gratified to see how awkward and uncomfortable she looked. He grinned as a new song started. Apparently the Gods were giving him just a little goodness today. He hit the volume on the remote, and the Offspring blared out of the speakers at full volume. "Hey listen. It's one of Duncan's favorites."
I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practiced all the things I would say
But she came over
I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert
Now I know I’m being used
That’s okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she’s playing with me
That’s okay cause I got no self esteem
"Hmmm. I think you might be confusing your issues with his." Veronica said dryly, her voice raised to compete with the noise. "The bimbo have to play house with her actual husband tonight?"
"The thing I like about Kendall is that at least she's honest. Every woman I have ever dated has been a cheating bitch, but it's nice to know what I'm getting this time." Logan smiled his patented Smile That Is Not a Smile, lips stretched tight across his teeth in an almost feral grimace. He sang along with the song for a moment.
When she’s saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
He gave Veronica a deadly smile, lips tight and eyebrow raised, then picked up the chorus again at the last line.
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right?
Veronica was shocked, stunned into honesty. Logan rarely let out what he thought of her, preferring to pretend she had meant nothing to him. She picked the remote up and cut the song off. The room seemed to echo with the tense silence. "Logan I never - "
He glared at her, bitter, angry, his eyes glittering with the need to draw blood. "No. You waited, what? Three weeks after I told you I loved you to start things up with Duncan again." Before she could speak, he interrupted her with a caustic laugh. "No, it's okay, I get it. I was always just a placeholder anyway."
The truth hurt, even partial truth, and Veronica responded the way she always did: by lashing out, getting angry on her own, being self righteous. "And what about Kendall? How long did you wait to hop in bed with Mommy Dearest?"
Logan's eyes were intense pinpoints of resentment as he drawled slowly, viciously. "The difference is, I have never pretended to feel anything for her, Veronica."
"I never pretended..." Veronica stopped. Why was she letting him get to her like this? She must be tired. There was something about being here, alone with him, that was getting through her usual armor.
She was much happier to fall back into their bantering war of words than to admit how deeply he had wormed into her consciousness, how much she feared what she felt for him, and even more, how she feared his self destructive streak. She had already lost too many people she loved. She didn't want a ring side seat when his life ended in the inevitable flames of glory.
"You sure? I was pretty sure those were real orgasms, but maybe I was wrong. I suppose I could ask Duncan. I'll bet he knows what fake orgasms sound like," Logan smirked. "Or wait, I never hear you make any noise, so maybe you aren't even bothering to fake anything. Duncan prefer you to play unconscious?"
Veronica swallowed back the retort on the tip of her tongue. He was in unusual form today, mixing just enough truth into the barbs to cause lasting wounds. Playing the usual game would only encourage him. Instead she hit him with some truth of her own.
"You've gotten so mean, Logan. Duncan gave you a place to stay even after you managed to fuck up and get your house got torched. I think he's your only friend left, you might want to be nicer to him."
"What can I say? The guy's a saint." A second of regret flashed in Logan's eyes. He spread his arms in a shrug, his defensive smile firmly in place. If Veronica wanted to play the honesty game, he was willing. "Karmic justice that I have to live here in hell, hating the only person left who gives a shit about me, and hating myself for being so god damn jealous of him. I suppose I shouldn't complain. I'm sure you agree that I don't deserve heaven."
"You deserve what you've gotten," she observed. But she didn't mean it, and she regretted saying it as she saw him flinch and then cover it. It shook her to hear him admit his jealousy. Her feelings about him were still confused. Mostly, she tried to bury them and pretend they didn't exist. He saw that, used that.
"Do you like to think about me being jealous, Veronica?" The emotion in his eyes swirled and transformed, hardening from rage into glittering lust. He stepped closer to her. Close enough that she backed up. "Do you think about me in the next room? Dream about me getting off? Jerking myself to the thought of you and Prince Charming getting down and dirty?"
That hit her hard, and she stiffened. She wasn't about to admit to anything he said, no matter how close he was. She certainly felt every single moaning orgasm he gave that bitch Kendall, it would serve him right if it worked both ways.
"You're an asshole. Tell Duncan I stopped by. Or better yet, I'll just leave him a message at the front desk." Veronica turned on her heel to go, but she wasn't fast enough.
Logan beat her to the door, blocked it. He reached out and traced a finger down her cheek. His eyes were lit with some unholy emotion, igniting in a way only he could manage. A predatory gleam. "You're shaking, Veronica."
"Let me go." Her voice was hoarse, low.
"I already have. You made that decision when you had your dad kick me out." But his eyes said it was a lie. He wasn't ever going to let her go. His hand still rested against her face, his breath feathering out over forehead.
"Logan - " He was too close to her, he was forcing her to think about the things she tried to block out, the thoughts and deeds that kept her from living in a normal ordinary world. She struggled for control, for her usual smug veneer. It was hard to think when she could feel his body heat, could smell his scent, the mixed cologne and boy that surprisingly did not also have his usual whisky tang. She couldn't breathe.
"Do you ever miss me, Veronica? Even a little?" The honesty of the words left his voice cracking in pain. "Did I mean anything to you?"
"You know you did, Logan," she admitted, barely audible. Her eyes felt hot, and she knew there were tears burning for release behind the lids. Her hand reached past him for the door handle. She was desperate to escape before she revealed any more.
Logan examined her face for a moment, then let out a hollow laugh. "Do I? How do I know anything? There isn't a god damn person in this world I can trust." He was angry again, locking his vulnerability behind his ever present rage. "Go. Get the hell out." He stalked off towards his room.
Veronica stood at the door, back to him, sucking in air and breathing heavily. She was frozen in the spot, unable to leave though every cell of her body was urging her to run.
"I know you can't stand to be around me. Just get the hell out." Logan sounded on the verge of violence, but Veronica knew him well enough to also hear the uncertainty threading under the bravado. He could be an unbearable ass at times, but he had also been through more than anyone should ever have to endure. They both had.
Turning slowly, she admitted something she had never wanted to say out loud, especially not to him. "You scare me, Logan." She meant the way he made her feel more than anything, but he took it for face value.
"Guess I'm just a crazy fucker like my old man. No wonder you couldn't get away fast enough." The pain of being with her, of being honest for once, was too much. It felt like he was suffocating, and he had to leave, to get out. To drive away as fast and as far as he could. "You know what, you should stay here and wait for your sweet prince, and I will get the fuck out." As he stomped past her, she reached a hand out to grab him.
In that second, as she touched him, he combusted. Blew his top like Mt. Vesuvius, and woe be to the poor people of Pompeii. Suddenly she was up against the door, pinned by his hips, and he was kissing her, going crazy as she responded instead of slapping him or pushing him away. He roughly shoved his hand up her skirt and ground his palm between her legs. He needed to make her come, to prove he could still affect her, still please her.
The stimulation was too much and not enough and Veronica writhed against him, trying to find satisfaction. She was slick and wet and his fingers were brutal, digging under her panties and pumping into her as she panted against his mouth. He held her up with his body, pressing her into the wall. He reached his other hand into her shirt, shoving her bra up and squeezing her breast. She clung to him with hands in his hair, fisting and tugging.
She knew it was wrong, stupid, dangerous, knew it for the two seconds before her brain stopped working and her body took over, relieved to once again be back within Logan's grasp. Still it wasn't easy, this thing between them. It had never been easy.
They bit at each other, mouths devouring. His hands pulled at and punished her, keeping just this side of pain as he tugged at her nipples, twisting them and rolling them between his fingers. He thrust into her, slammed his fist against her wetness, pinched and pounded and suddenly, it was there; the elusive feeling only Logan had ever given her. She sighed into his mouth as the release finally came.
Logan convulsed against her and for a moment she thought he had come too, but then she realized he was soaking her shirt in the place where his face pressed between her breasts. He was sobbing, the words, "I hate you," choking out, over and over again, barely audible and meaning something completely opposite.
He let her slide down his body, regain her footing, but he still held her trapped against the wall, his face buried in her hair as he tried to regain control. She rested against him, legs weak and heart pounding, trying to figure out how they had ended up like this. She reached one hand up to spread against his rough cheek and he kissed her fingers before pulling away.
"Guess I'm just a sucker with no self esteem," he said ruefully, trying to push his way out the door without meeting her eyes. "Give my love to the Donut."
"Logan - " she said, stopping him with her body. "You can't just leave after... after that."
"I think that is exactly what I should do, Veronica." He chuckled mirthlessly. "Make my escape before your boyfriend comes home. You remember him - tall, good looking, blue eyes. You picked him over me when things got rough."
"What if - what if I don't want you to go?" Her eyes were hesitant, searching. Logan could feel them on his face, but he refused to look at her.
"I'm sure DK will be happy to take care of the cuddling as soon as he gets back." His voice was biting, ruthless, as he tried to get himself under control. Knowing that if he made eye contact, he would break, and like that poor sad fuck Humpty Dumpty, there would be no putting him back together again.
Veronica held onto his arms, wouldn't let him go. All of his nerves crackled at the sense of her, and the silence stretched. Finally, he couldn't stand it any more. He looked down at her and he could feel all of his carefully held defenses shattering. "Don't do this, Veronica," he whispered, agony ripping through him. "The hate is all that's holding me together these days."
"Maybe it's time we both try something else." She leaned into him, soft gentle kisses taking his mouth. He could feel the tears fall, his, hers, and he knew it was over. He would never let go of her again and he would never recover if she went back to Duncan.
"Be sure you want to do this," he begged, melting under her touch, knowing it was already too late. He couldn't walk away. Even though he was sure she would regret this within an hour, and deny it within two hours, be back in Duncan's arms before the night ended.
In this moment, he was going to pretend, pretend that he was the one she wanted, had always wanted. Duncan was his best friend, his only friend, but the betrayal slid off of him like it was nothing. Logan was willing to burn friendless in hell for the memory of Veronica choosing him for once.
He danced her towards the couch, relieving her of her blouse and tank top as they twirled. She tore at his own shirt, pushed it over his shoulders to claim his bare chest, then unbuttoned his jeans. Her boldness surprised him. They had barely made third base during their time together, and really it had been all his desire for her.
He remembered each of the sixteen orgasms he had given her in those blessed two weeks between telling her he loved her and getting dumped. She had never allowed full nudity, never reciprocated the touching. He had come in his pants twice, dry humping her, though he was pretty sure he had managed to discreetly cover the evidence while taking her home.
The sight of her eyes going out of focus, her little pants and mewls, her hoarse shouts that resembled his name, but only barely... It was his entire rotation, Kendall be damned. It made his chest ache with loss, but it was still the only way he could come on his own.
But that Veronica had been hesitant... innocent. He knew enough of her past to be gentle, to move slow. He hadn't asked her to touch him, they hadn't worked up to that part. He had been trying to lay happy memories down as a foundation before asking her to face the idea of consensual sex. And now here she was, pushing aside his boxers and grabbing the hard length of him.
This new Veronica excited and disturbed him, and he tried to push down any thoughts that her recently awakened sexuality had come at Duncan's hands. Duncan... In fact, he could walk in at any moment, though Logan suspected he was at the hospital visiting Meg and would take a while. Served him right that he was losing his conscious girlfriend while mooning over his unconscious one.
Veronica's hand on Logan's cock was quickly making him incoherent and he gave up all thoughts of his friend as he tumbled her onto the couch. He wasn't sure he'd be altogether sorry to have Duncan walk in on her panting and yelling Logan's name. She was already making more noise than she ever made in Duncan's room, and he was unreasonably proud.
For her part, Veronica was wondering how what she did with Duncan could even go under the same name as what she was currently engaged in with Logan. The boy deserved some serious props for his moves, and it was no wonder that even an experienced older woman like Kendall found a reason to return to his bed again and again.
Veronica pushed the thought of Kendall aside, claiming Logan with her mouth, her fingers and her hips. She had tried to block out thoughts of him by dating Duncan all of these months, tried to make normal the watchword and all of that shit. But having him on top of her, underneath her, covering every inch of her, she knew that this was what passed for normal in her world. She felt more alive than she had since Lilly's death, and she had Logan to thank.
The words slipped out of her, softly, like butterflies released in spring. "Thank you."
Logan stopped his frantic perusal of her nipples, bared above the satin of the bra he had not bothered to remove. His breath was coming in gasps, his eyes dilated and his hair a messy nest. He looked gorgeous as he met her eyes.
"What?" he asked, confusion streaking across his face. "Veronica?"
He was so adorable that she had to lean forward and kiss him. "Thank you," she whispered into his lips. "For making me feel alive again."
"Oh, god, Veronica," he cried, jerking her towards him in an iron grip. "Oh, god, you kill me like no one can." He kissed her recklessly, trying to pour all the words he couldn't say into his tongue as it slid into her mouth and left behind his love.
He was more than ready to take her, could feel her pussy sliding wet against his thigh. He knew she was ready, too, the way she was mewling in the back of her throat and grinding against him. He hesitated just a moment. They had never gone this far, it had only ever been Duncan inside her. He wanted to erase Duncan, but he also wanted to make this moment special, not a grope on the couch that she would deny later.
"Veronica?" he asked, his voice a growl despite his insecurity. "Tell me what you want."
"Oh, god, Logan," she moaned. "Isn't it obvious?" She pushed against him, found the steel rod between his legs with one bewitching hand and tugged.
"Humor me," he gasped. "Tell me what you want."
She opened her eyes, saw all of him down to the depths of his soul and paused. She rearranged their limbs so she could straddle him, palm still cradling the magnificent throbbing length of silky rock that put him in her power.
"I want you to love me again," she whispered, impaling herself on him as she said the words.
Logan's vision went back around the edges, at the feel of her wet velvet muscles clenching tightly at him, at the sound of her words echoing in his ears. He had never had sex without a condom, had made that one rule of his clear to every girl he had ever dated. Even now, it made him worry, though he knew Veronica well enough to know she wouldn't risk pregnancy, and apparently she trusted him to be disease free, despite all her barbs to the contrary.
He wasn't sure if it was her trust, or the slick satin of being inside her without a latex barrier, but he was quickly losing his sanity and his control. He fought to hold on just a little longer, to show her what it could be like between them.
He lost his mind but found their rhythm, pounding against her as she slid down on him. He needed her closer, though, skin to skin and he rolled them over, not caring that it took them off the couch. He caught the edge of the coffee table with his shoulder, but didn't even feel the pain, just pushed it out of their way.
He poised himself above her, mouth locked on hers, arms braced to hold his weight just enough to keep from crushing her but not enough to separate them. Her legs wrapped around him and he thrust into her, moving himself inside her, bringing them both to the strung tension they sought.
He could feel an orgasm building in her, and he tried to throw himself outside his body for just a second, just long enough to make sure she hit it before he gave in. The years of tensing against his father's belts served him well, and the brief respite was enough to give him back control. He took her over and only let himself thrust into aching, fireworks inducing satisfaction after he heard her scream his name.
He settled onto her, spent, breathing heavily. When he could fire enough synapses to get the message,"Roll over" to the rest of his body, he resettled them with her on top.
It wasn't just the sweat, or the feel of himself still inside her that fused them. She had trusted him for once, god damn it, and that meant as much to him as the fact that she had given her body. She wasn't backing away now, either. She was cuddling into his chest, purring like a kitten. He grabbed the displaced edge of the couch fleece and pulled it over her. The small lap blanked barely covered her and left his legs bare, but he didn't care.
He let himself drowse in comfort, dream of a world where this was the standard: Veronica Mars asleep and satiated in his arms. He drifted for what might have been hours, refusing to let go even when biology had demanded a slight rearrangement of their positions. Actually, he was still semi-hard, and probably would be forever when Veronica was close enough for him to touch, taste or smell.
He stroked her hair and whispered, "I love you, Nancy Drew." She murmured something in her sleep and he let himself pretend that it was an answering sentiment. He sighed deeply and pulled her close.
Of course, such contentment wasn't meant to last and just as he was sliding back into sleeping happiness, he heard the distinct clink of the front door lock being released.
"Oh, shit." Logan shook her awake, muttering, "DK's home." The look of panic in her eyes cut him through to the soul he long thought lost to the Devil, and he glanced at the door. Duncan was moving slowly, he must have a bag or something with him. He had taken to grocery shopping since Veronica started staying over and complaining about room service and beer being their entire diet. "Run for my room. I'll cover it."
Veronica saw the anguish in his eyes, and understood exactly what he was offering. She put a bit of playful insult on her face, and teased,"Come on. I have much better clothes than Kendall, he'll never believe it." She gestured with her hand to the veritable Hansel and Gretal trail that led to the couch.
He grinned weakly, then realized what she was saying. She would stay and face Duncan with him. His grin widened and he tossed her his shirt as he grabbed for his boxers. Duncan was through the door and moving towards the kitchen with several bags, not noticing the frantic bits of dressing going on in the living room until he nearly tripped on Logan's jeans.
"Logan, do you have to be such a slob - " Duncan looked up and blinked. "What the hell?"
Veronica had pulled Logan's shirt over her, and it hung like a dress to her knees. Underneath, the throw from the couch was wrapped like a skirt. Logan stood next to her in his boxers, holding her hand.
"I'm sorry, DK," Logan said sincerely. They had been through this scene once before, and that time Duncan had had a different blonde as his girlfriend. And Logan and Veronica had been fully clothed. The results had been disastrous. Logan could only imagine what would happen now.
"I - " Veronica started. But what could she say? She couldn't exactly blurt out, "I realized I am really in love with your best friend and I was only using you to make life easy."
"What the hell?" Asked Duncan again, his fists clenched and his face red with rage. "I go out grocery shopping and you decided to fuck my girlfriend?"
"Actually, your girlfriend decided to fuck him," Veronica said coldly, interrupting Logan's response, trying not to worry that Duncan would have one of his "fits." "And why did you need to shut off your cell phone to go shopping?"
"I - I - " Duncan deflated a little under Veronica's sharp gaze.
"The hospital requires all visitors to shut off their phones, right?" Veronica had Duncan pinned under her glare, and Logan swept a sideways glance at her.
So she had known after all. Or maybe she had just put the pieces together. Logan had a sudden sinking thought. Dear God, she hadn't planned this as one of her little revenge schemes, had she? Revenge on him and on Duncan, and she walks away from the carnage whistling? His stomach dropped at the thought, but she had a death grip on his hand, and he assured himself that this had not been part of some devious plan. She wanted him as much as he wanted her.
"Duncan, you haven't been much of a boyfriend for a while now, and I have been too caught up in hiding from myself to confront you, but let's be honest here. Okay? We don't suit. You have a girl you maybe loved in a coma and carrying your baby, and I - I - " she turned to Logan and quirked an eyebrow. She squeezed his hand.
"I have someone who wants me with every jackass inch of his body. And I want him just as much." Logan suppressed a guffaw of laughter at her very perceptive statement. Now was not a time for levity. Duncan looked ready to burst.
"I know this wasn't the way to do things, man. I never intended..." Logan kept his voice low and soothing, trying to avoid Duncan losing it. "I can't help it, man. I love her with everything I've got left in me."
"You fucking son of a bitch!" Duncan came at Logan swinging, but Veronica had ducked to the side and grabbed her taser from her bag.
"Step back, Duncan," she threatened. "Just step back, let us get our clothes and we'll go."
The idea that Veronica would taser him to protect Logan shook Duncan more than he would admit, and he felt tears building behind his his eyes, even as the rage settled over him like a blanket. All he had ever wanted was for the nightmare of the last couple of years to go away and leave him innocent and happy again. He just wanted it all back to the way it had been before Lilly died, but clearly... clearly, that wasn't going to happen.
He felt himself shaking, and there was a sparkling at the edge of his vision that spelled trouble. He took several deep breaths. He wasn't going t lose it in front of Veronica, he wasn't going to humiliate himself that way.
Logan watched it all with a growing sense of unreality. Veronica not only stood with him against Duncan, she was willing to fight for him. This had to be some crazy dream, some fantasy, or someone had dosed his wheaties for breakfast. The pink elephants would begin their dance routine at any moment.
"Just get the hell out," Duncan mumbled, striding off to his room. "Both of you."
"Well, I thought that went really well," chirped Veronica as she handed Logan his jeans. "Where to?"
Logan stilled her hands as she started to unbutton his shirt. "No, leave it on. I like how it looks on you... I like how it makes me feel to see it on you." He ran his hand through his hair. "I have to get a room of my own. Would you want to... want to come over for dinner and a movie? I think we need to talk."
Veronica stared at him, watched his familiar awkward way of tugging his hair when he was nervous. He was standing in front of her in only his underwear, after a major melodramatic moment, and he was asking her on a date. He could be an asshole sometimes, but he could also be an adorable woobie.
"Yeah," she smiled. "Dinner and a movie sounds good. And maybe the talk could wait until tomorrow?"
He smiled back at her. "Okay, but only until tomorrow." He kissed her briefly and took her hand. "M'Lady?" he said, gesturing to the door.
"Don't you need a shirt?" she giggled.
"I'm looking forward to eventually reclaiming it from you," he said suggestively, with an eyebrow wiggle, as he pushed her out the door.
Once in the hallway, he flipped open his phone. "This is Logan Echolls. I need a new room. No, Duncan Kane will be staying where he is." He gripped Veronica's hand. It hurt to lose his only friend, but he was still making out like a bandit in the bargain. "Fine. Have a bellboy meet me there with two key cards. Thanks."
"Two?" asked Veronica, her heart skipping a beat.
"Well," smirked Logan. "I think you've proven good things happen when you show up unannounced."