lost?
I am going to refer to my friends entries, but I want to first make it clear that there is nothing wrong with how they are feeling and that this is in no way meant to criticize or offend any of them. This is only a reaction of where I stand, but NOT A COMPARISON! If you look at this in terms of comparing then just stop and relax and consider that comparing is the biggest danger in this world.
Everyone seems to feel they are lost. Their minds are convinced they are in the wrong place at the wrong time. The common belief is that society has this unwritten and secret code/plan for living. "At age 18 an American will become a legal adult, having the ability to vote, in some states the ability to buy tobacco, graduate high school, decide what their occupation is going to be for the rest of their lives and continue or not continue based on their idealistic occupation." This is the first and only time I will ever see some written out code for the age 18, at least in America. JUST NO! This is such a false and incorrect way to look at life, unless your goal is to put mass amounts of pressure on you for perhaps being behind. And no, society will not frown on you for not being certain or completely following the unwritten rules. EVERYONE IN SOCIETY HAS/IS/GOING TO GO THROUGH THE SAME THING. Yes, I understand there are some people you think are perfect, but truly there is not. Most people who get accepted to their number one college or university, and go the fall after graduation, and think they know what they want to do for the rest of their lives- they change their major. They automatically go into college with huge doubts, or at least it's always in the back of their mind. I don't know anyone who has not had this problem if they go to their 4-year college in the fall with a declared major. If you do then that's good for them and they are a RARE case. It's not the norm.
Personally you may be thinking, "Jess, you know exactly what you want to do and you have nothing to worry about, you don't know what it's like for us." Well of course I do not know what it's like for the individual person. I can't be someone else for even one second of my life, no one can. All I know is that I was so afraid of choosing the wrong major that I denied my passion so I could choose a more likely occupation and live at home while at college. My entire life I had completely followed my brother in education. I wanted to follow him to brookdale and I wanted to live at home. I tried it, and look what happened. My passion ultimately got the better of me. After two weeks at brookdale I began studying music theory on my own through the internet. I told my mom I couldn't take it anymore, the lack of music education at brookdale was killing me. She immediately forced me to fill out the montclair application- she only knew montclair was the right place because Mr. Hollander was originally urging me to go there. The plan was to audition and transfer for next fall. I contacted the music department and they set up a lesson for me with my future teacher if I choose montclair and got accepted. Jeff urged me to audition in november and I would have a chance to get accepted for the spring. This scared the shit out of me; the spring was like 2 months away! But I auditioned, I got accepted, and I went. It's not that I wanted to leave, it's that music is a part of my life and it's not just a hobby- it's a way of life for me.
There's no such thing as taking the wrong path. Brookdale is not the wrong path. For me Brookdale made me realize what to do with my life. It in no way was the wrong path, but it was the right one. It pushed me to a realization that I needed to take the next step. No matter where you go or what you do, if it's not the right thing for your heart you just will know it. I know that I will be happy being a music teacher and teaching karate. Deep down karate is what makes me who I am. It's not the fact that I can break a piece of wood, defend myself against any and multiple attackers, or do crazy spinning jumping kicks that make people think you're the shit. It's the mental aspect. Karate is completely based on the mentality of the martial artist. How can someone teach you how to lethally hurt someone with a right mind?! That's what I'm teaching all my students, how to lethally injure people. How do I morally live with myself- I am teaching them techniques that terrorists know! It's because I'm not just giving them the lethal information, I'm teaching them how to live with the information. I'm teaching them morals that you can only learn in the dojo. Without these morals I would never be who I am. I honestly believe I'd be a complete asshole at heart without karate.
Unless you've been doing karate your whole life you will never believe you need it. But if you ever take it up- as soon as you learn something that will mentally change your life- you will never want to live without it. As soon as you truly learn, you will know you're a better person with it. I hope I am not the only one who has something similar to this that will be apart of their life forever.
I hope that at least one thing I said will be some what enlightening to you. I also feel I must say that by declaring my security on the subject I DO NOT mean to say you suck, and I do not mean to make you hate me, and I do not mean for you to sweat more about yourself lol. I mean to say that I got there through actions that others may think are foolish. Everyone thought I was a fool for going to brookdale when I did, but I still don't think I was. I know I needed to go there to figure myself out. All I'm saying is that there is no wrong path, because every path leads you to a new one.
Stress is normal, but don't let it take control of your life. I love you guys too much to let your stress get the better of you.