(no subject)
So. Today was OK. Not great, not bad, just OK. Middling, as it were.
Second period math was pretty calm, just a quick worksheet review for the exam tomorrow. Which, oddly, I am not particularly concerned about. I mean, I've studied, I studied tonight in fact, and I will review in the morning. Make sure I'm absorbing things, remembering the little things that could make a big difference.
And, fourth period Latin was mostly a yearbook time. Which was good, but I need to get cracking on my Capua translation. Mrs. Wills I'm sure will help out with that, if I can just get it finished. Fifth was Monty Python, fairly uneventful, Kerry is still gone due to her accident, so she needs to be remembered, in the thoughts of those of us who either think or pray one.
Chorus was boring, and I felt like a jerk today, because I was goofing around and said some stuff the other day I shouldn't have, and someone repeated it without the other comments about me joking, and it wasn't nice.
I have conveniently left out two periods, and will describe them now.
Third was very frustrating. Why can't I just raise my hand like a normal person? And, is this me asking myself this rhetorical question, or repeating what was said to me? I mean, who's business is it? Oh, the teacher's. I know you didn't mean it that way, most likely. It hurts all the same, and yet there's no reason for it to. I hate vulnerablilty when it is my own. And, I hate too my own ignorance for not just doing the right thing or shutting up.
And seventh, chemistry. I don't know what happened, by my hearing got really wierd. Everything was really amplified sounding, and I kept hearing the low hum from the storage closet, although it was closed, and I could tell that's what I was hearing. And too, I got yelled at for speaking about things other than chemistry, and I got the resigned 'well you could just leave the classroom' comment. Although when the club period started, it was perfectly fine for yearbook signing to go on, because the good kids were doing it.
Nothing like double standards.
And, with the hearing thing, that made everything going on to my right, although to be fair it was class work and not the arbitrary random conversations that were on my left, very very loud. Piercingly so. And, it shouldn't have bothered me, and probably wouldn't have on any normal day, but it was killing me today. And I want to say that it wasn't about who it was more than the actual plain out loudness, but it had some to do with all of that too. And then, compound that with the already hearing twice that I am far too loud and distracted, and you get the picture. It's aggrivating when the thing that's irking you most is the one thing you do most often.
And then too there's this:
I hate walls. Running into them is tough, tearing them down is tougher, and knowing that the person that built them prefers them is the hardest yet, because these are the indestructible walls, the uncrossable lines.
Not that they are too hard to tear down, too great to cross, but that it is impossible to do without causing more trouble. The wall stands by commitment to stand, not by it's own integrity.
Why do we choose these things for ourselves? We choose to read silly things into chance occurrances, think things into life that deserved to pass on from memory without incident.
And it's silly anyway. It was just one rough day, after a really good week.
I know that it's completely ridiculous for me to bring any of this stuff which really doesn't matter. It's silly of me to think that I can be nice to people, and they will like me (I'm talking friendship here) in return. Things don't work out that way, different interests and different groups and all of that stuff that we put between people to keep them penned into their respective comfort zones. But, what a day would be like without them...
It would be a break in the awkard silence.
But maybe we prefer the quiet?
Second period math was pretty calm, just a quick worksheet review for the exam tomorrow. Which, oddly, I am not particularly concerned about. I mean, I've studied, I studied tonight in fact, and I will review in the morning. Make sure I'm absorbing things, remembering the little things that could make a big difference.
And, fourth period Latin was mostly a yearbook time. Which was good, but I need to get cracking on my Capua translation. Mrs. Wills I'm sure will help out with that, if I can just get it finished. Fifth was Monty Python, fairly uneventful, Kerry is still gone due to her accident, so she needs to be remembered, in the thoughts of those of us who either think or pray one.
Chorus was boring, and I felt like a jerk today, because I was goofing around and said some stuff the other day I shouldn't have, and someone repeated it without the other comments about me joking, and it wasn't nice.
I have conveniently left out two periods, and will describe them now.
Third was very frustrating. Why can't I just raise my hand like a normal person? And, is this me asking myself this rhetorical question, or repeating what was said to me? I mean, who's business is it? Oh, the teacher's. I know you didn't mean it that way, most likely. It hurts all the same, and yet there's no reason for it to. I hate vulnerablilty when it is my own. And, I hate too my own ignorance for not just doing the right thing or shutting up.
And seventh, chemistry. I don't know what happened, by my hearing got really wierd. Everything was really amplified sounding, and I kept hearing the low hum from the storage closet, although it was closed, and I could tell that's what I was hearing. And too, I got yelled at for speaking about things other than chemistry, and I got the resigned 'well you could just leave the classroom' comment. Although when the club period started, it was perfectly fine for yearbook signing to go on, because the good kids were doing it.
Nothing like double standards.
And, with the hearing thing, that made everything going on to my right, although to be fair it was class work and not the arbitrary random conversations that were on my left, very very loud. Piercingly so. And, it shouldn't have bothered me, and probably wouldn't have on any normal day, but it was killing me today. And I want to say that it wasn't about who it was more than the actual plain out loudness, but it had some to do with all of that too. And then, compound that with the already hearing twice that I am far too loud and distracted, and you get the picture. It's aggrivating when the thing that's irking you most is the one thing you do most often.
And then too there's this:
I hate walls. Running into them is tough, tearing them down is tougher, and knowing that the person that built them prefers them is the hardest yet, because these are the indestructible walls, the uncrossable lines.
Not that they are too hard to tear down, too great to cross, but that it is impossible to do without causing more trouble. The wall stands by commitment to stand, not by it's own integrity.
Why do we choose these things for ourselves? We choose to read silly things into chance occurrances, think things into life that deserved to pass on from memory without incident.
And it's silly anyway. It was just one rough day, after a really good week.
I know that it's completely ridiculous for me to bring any of this stuff which really doesn't matter. It's silly of me to think that I can be nice to people, and they will like me (I'm talking friendship here) in return. Things don't work out that way, different interests and different groups and all of that stuff that we put between people to keep them penned into their respective comfort zones. But, what a day would be like without them...
It would be a break in the awkard silence.
But maybe we prefer the quiet?