all about me
Everyone assumes that changing ones life and mental attitude is easy. Also that thier way is the only way to be right. for everyone. I would just like to be right for myself for a change. after leaning and retaining bad habits when I was first married and continuing those habits for the last 8 years...it has fianlly dawnewde on me that I don't like who I am. I like who Iwas...before I became an "ADULT" Now I have to figure out how to attain that person again , and make it stick to me like glue. Before I let my world foul up my way of thinking and take the easy way out on things..or to let others take care of me...or to take advantage of others for my own benifit. I was a strong willed confident male who took care of the thingsthat he had to before he played...but made sure that there was play time. Now adays I look to please others no matter what. I forget to take care of me..or mine...I don't even remember how to do that...I can't recall a time inghte last 14 years that I was truely happy. I haven't fufilled my requirements as a man, father or husband to either of my wives.
I have taken the last few days to think that over...and a good meditation round should take care of alot of things. I still need to create a list of things I need to change...and how I'm going to start. this is a big step...HUGE...for the first time in recent history..I'm not just complaining about things....I'm going to have to do something about them.
I am 35 years old and just now starting to think about what I should be when I grow up...and the first two things that come to mind are...I don't want to grow up...and you can't make me. I know the only person that can make that happen is me. Soon is to late I need to have done this years ago...so now that I am under even more stress (self enduced) I have to make a choice..and I haven't been able to take that step yet...I need to get to work and make money before I can think of the long term goals, but education is going to be a requirement and so far medical be it EMT, or PT thats where I plan to start.
The big step I need to take and follow through with is to wrap my mind around going to work daily...no matter what my home life looks like or who in my home life is trying to impose thier will on me. Thats where the intense meditation is needed...so I can step back and stop letting the rest of my family control my thoughts and feelings...and take them over for myself. Now I just need to find anouther way to do that...my normal means would be shooting or anything that requires concentrated aim.....but thats not available.
well for today thats all the time I can spare to filling the world in...maybe some of you can help / advice/ or even fufill your own promises, requirements based on this post.
I have taken the last few days to think that over...and a good meditation round should take care of alot of things. I still need to create a list of things I need to change...and how I'm going to start. this is a big step...HUGE...for the first time in recent history..I'm not just complaining about things....I'm going to have to do something about them.
I am 35 years old and just now starting to think about what I should be when I grow up...and the first two things that come to mind are...I don't want to grow up...and you can't make me. I know the only person that can make that happen is me. Soon is to late I need to have done this years ago...so now that I am under even more stress (self enduced) I have to make a choice..and I haven't been able to take that step yet...I need to get to work and make money before I can think of the long term goals, but education is going to be a requirement and so far medical be it EMT, or PT thats where I plan to start.
The big step I need to take and follow through with is to wrap my mind around going to work daily...no matter what my home life looks like or who in my home life is trying to impose thier will on me. Thats where the intense meditation is needed...so I can step back and stop letting the rest of my family control my thoughts and feelings...and take them over for myself. Now I just need to find anouther way to do that...my normal means would be shooting or anything that requires concentrated aim.....but thats not available.
well for today thats all the time I can spare to filling the world in...maybe some of you can help / advice/ or even fufill your own promises, requirements based on this post.