(no subject)
Lord Elrohir, your PENIS appears to be for the most part irrelevant. Almost, one might say, insignificant. I certainly don't perceive it as a threat. So if you want to go around adding towns and municipalities to it like you add those slightly sticky Hermoine Granger doubles to your Harry Potter Topps Series card album, feel free to do so. But not Tuckland, and not the Shire.
Doesn't matter what you Big People think you settled with Ham's boy. The eldest of the Tooks has been Thain of the Shire since the time of Isumbras the First, and that doesn't change because a willy-wiggling Elf Lord trades a few beads and blankets to a Gamgee. We beat Sharkey and his men, and we'll whup anyone else who wants to help themselves to Hobbit land and Hobbit governance.
So, sir, I'd advise that you play with your PENIS elsewhere. Try to bring it into the Shire and it'll be cut off by BOBBIT -- the Brothers of the Brandywine Bridge Including Tuckland. BOBBIT is the armed and militant wing of HADL, and if the one doesn't leaflet and letter-write you to death, the other will introduce your PENIS to the concept of an "Eastfarthing Bris", posthaste. Add in the ass-kicking that your wall-builders will doubtlessly receive from that hotheaded young spark over at Gamgee Hall, and it looks like your PENIS will be in for a very bad time of it, indeed.
In short, Lord Elrohir, you'd best keep your PENIS out of our Shire if you don't want it to get stepped on.
*lights pipe*
*settles back on the porch of Great Smials with a mint julep*
*and a shotgun*
Doesn't matter what you Big People think you settled with Ham's boy. The eldest of the Tooks has been Thain of the Shire since the time of Isumbras the First, and that doesn't change because a willy-wiggling Elf Lord trades a few beads and blankets to a Gamgee. We beat Sharkey and his men, and we'll whup anyone else who wants to help themselves to Hobbit land and Hobbit governance.
So, sir, I'd advise that you play with your PENIS elsewhere. Try to bring it into the Shire and it'll be cut off by BOBBIT -- the Brothers of the Brandywine Bridge Including Tuckland. BOBBIT is the armed and militant wing of HADL, and if the one doesn't leaflet and letter-write you to death, the other will introduce your PENIS to the concept of an "Eastfarthing Bris", posthaste. Add in the ass-kicking that your wall-builders will doubtlessly receive from that hotheaded young spark over at Gamgee Hall, and it looks like your PENIS will be in for a very bad time of it, indeed.
In short, Lord Elrohir, you'd best keep your PENIS out of our Shire if you don't want it to get stepped on.
*lights pipe*
*settles back on the porch of Great Smials with a mint julep*
*and a shotgun*