#38
today just seemed like a good day. and...its only halfway through so i hope im not jinxing myself.
i woke up and jsut wanted to get outta the house. i really wanted a new book. one i could get compleatly lost in. so i showered and was in berlin by noon. wich was fantastic.
but i was sitting on the train on the way there and listening to music and just thinking about myself. See, i had gone into my computer yesterday and i was deleting all these old files, and some of them were old aim conversations from last year. so i was reading them through. and they made me realize how much ive changed since then. im almost a compleatly diffrent person, and i dont really know when it happened...and then i got to thinking about how my outlook has changed since i came here.
I came here willing to try anything, ready to expiriment with who i wanted to be and my outlook on life and ready to come back a compleatly diffrent person. And i did, i bought new clothes, i tried new things, i went wherever my urges were talling me. and to some extent i still am, but not as much now. i realized that i've sorta settled down, back into who i was. Im mean, i have some diffrent boundries, a bit of a diffrent attitude, mabe more mature or something, i dunno. but im kinda more into, im going to be whoever i want, and damn society/people and what they think. i dont have to live my life to impress them, just as long as im living a life thats making me happy.
Dear society,
i read romance and adventure novels. no, i dont give a damn that they are "dirty books" and "predictable" and that they require no analysis. i like them. they make me happy.
i'm not gonna cling to your fashion forums. im gonna wear what i like, at prices i like, and u can get over it.
I drink, and once in a while i'll steal a Black Devil off of someone. i do it in my own moderation, and i like it. once again, get over it.
i realized all these things in almost a detached manner. it was like i had seperated my mind from my body and was analysing myself while i was sitting on that train. it was pretty fantastic. and while i was walking around berlin, and noticing all the "fashion girls", "scene people" and everyone else who is there, and i just felt good that i wasnt trying to fit in with any of them.
and then, after i had finished my shopping, and i got on the train to come back, i was sitting there,listening to the beatles on my ipod, and guess who walks on the train. Lucas. now, no onw on here knows about Lucas. let me tell you. Lucas is the only guy ive found in falkesnee who i could be remotly attracted to. he's the guitar player, main singer/songwriter of his band, its a pretty good band. maria and i went to see it. he's what maria calls "a bit odd", because hes not very social. he doesnt like drinking or smoking, so he usually avoids parties and stuff, so i dont really see him that often. (hes in the 12th grade, im in the 11th). and i think he kinda has a crush on maria. but...i can still look.
so i was sitting on this train, and we stop at Zoologisher garten and he gets on and sits right across from me, and then after a few minutes, we notice each other adn are sorta like "hey!" but we really dont do much other than glance at each other and grin during the 20 minute train ride. then when we got back to falkensee, i rode next to him and we walked and talked for about 20 minutes on the ride home before we had to go seperate ways. i mean, its really nothing special. but it was just a quirky conincedence that the one guy in falkensee who i never see, but wouldnt mind seeing more of, happens to sit in the seat right across from mine on the ride home. and it felt good that we talked in german for the entire time and i didnt even notice it. it was compleatly natural. (i hit an all time german-depressed low lately).
it just cemented that the day was a good day.
theres a party later tonight...and he'll be there. cuz its the birthday party of one of his friends. :-D should be good either way. parties are fun in falkensee.
i woke up and jsut wanted to get outta the house. i really wanted a new book. one i could get compleatly lost in. so i showered and was in berlin by noon. wich was fantastic.
but i was sitting on the train on the way there and listening to music and just thinking about myself. See, i had gone into my computer yesterday and i was deleting all these old files, and some of them were old aim conversations from last year. so i was reading them through. and they made me realize how much ive changed since then. im almost a compleatly diffrent person, and i dont really know when it happened...and then i got to thinking about how my outlook has changed since i came here.
I came here willing to try anything, ready to expiriment with who i wanted to be and my outlook on life and ready to come back a compleatly diffrent person. And i did, i bought new clothes, i tried new things, i went wherever my urges were talling me. and to some extent i still am, but not as much now. i realized that i've sorta settled down, back into who i was. Im mean, i have some diffrent boundries, a bit of a diffrent attitude, mabe more mature or something, i dunno. but im kinda more into, im going to be whoever i want, and damn society/people and what they think. i dont have to live my life to impress them, just as long as im living a life thats making me happy.
Dear society,
i read romance and adventure novels. no, i dont give a damn that they are "dirty books" and "predictable" and that they require no analysis. i like them. they make me happy.
i'm not gonna cling to your fashion forums. im gonna wear what i like, at prices i like, and u can get over it.
I drink, and once in a while i'll steal a Black Devil off of someone. i do it in my own moderation, and i like it. once again, get over it.
i realized all these things in almost a detached manner. it was like i had seperated my mind from my body and was analysing myself while i was sitting on that train. it was pretty fantastic. and while i was walking around berlin, and noticing all the "fashion girls", "scene people" and everyone else who is there, and i just felt good that i wasnt trying to fit in with any of them.
and then, after i had finished my shopping, and i got on the train to come back, i was sitting there,listening to the beatles on my ipod, and guess who walks on the train. Lucas. now, no onw on here knows about Lucas. let me tell you. Lucas is the only guy ive found in falkesnee who i could be remotly attracted to. he's the guitar player, main singer/songwriter of his band, its a pretty good band. maria and i went to see it. he's what maria calls "a bit odd", because hes not very social. he doesnt like drinking or smoking, so he usually avoids parties and stuff, so i dont really see him that often. (hes in the 12th grade, im in the 11th). and i think he kinda has a crush on maria. but...i can still look.
so i was sitting on this train, and we stop at Zoologisher garten and he gets on and sits right across from me, and then after a few minutes, we notice each other adn are sorta like "hey!" but we really dont do much other than glance at each other and grin during the 20 minute train ride. then when we got back to falkensee, i rode next to him and we walked and talked for about 20 minutes on the ride home before we had to go seperate ways. i mean, its really nothing special. but it was just a quirky conincedence that the one guy in falkensee who i never see, but wouldnt mind seeing more of, happens to sit in the seat right across from mine on the ride home. and it felt good that we talked in german for the entire time and i didnt even notice it. it was compleatly natural. (i hit an all time german-depressed low lately).
it just cemented that the day was a good day.
theres a party later tonight...and he'll be there. cuz its the birthday party of one of his friends. :-D should be good either way. parties are fun in falkensee.