ashitaga-arusa (or: Rejection)
Summer kicked off on this great day and I decided to commemorate by maybe getting some stuff done for a change, leading up to a nice little agenda:
1. Take some cans in to the recyling center (had been meaning to do this for a couple of weeks)
2. Ask some girl out that I knew (also overdue, by about three months or so.)
3. Perhaps go chill out with a friend afterward.
Regardless of how riveting it would be to describe the recycling center's being closed, I'm going to go ahead and skip over that one.
After some small talk with the girl in question, I asked if she had any more days off this week (semi-oblivious there were only two days left.)
"No. I'm also seeing someone."
She spared no time in leaving; I just said "Alright," walking away and back to my car, perhaps in a state of near-denial. I was somewhat crushed, somewhat sad, somewhat humored, but not wholly any of that. To try and shape my state of being into any sort of complete thought...I felt weird. Funny, even, like I'd never before, and after a few brief words with some friends, the discovery/realization was made that I'd never been rejected by a girl before.
Now, I am a very deliberate person. I don't like to make bets unless I know I'll come out richer, I don't get into fights without the utmost confidence of a clean win, and I'm when asking people out, hesitant would be a nice word to describe my ways. I suppose "rejection" isn't the fairest of terms to use, considering she was seeing someone and declination would simply radiate common sense, but in retrospect I'm disappointed by my complete lack of foresight.
The past couple of times I'd seen her, something seemed amiss; she didn't beam up and say hi to me and always seemed to be in a hurry; I just chalked it all up to a hectic day or something more personal---not a big deal, really. Failing to consider, even remotely, that she found someone else in the period between my getting her phone number a good few months ago and today's screw-up only made me feel more embarassed by what went down.
I wonder about what could've been different. Normally, I do this thing where I sit and rethink previous dealings I've had with people and what I could have said or done to make things better/worse. But really, short of the possibility of acquiring some manner of time machine in the foreseeable future, it's not exactly ground I'm happy to re-tread on. Every time I think about what she said and listen to it in my mind, it only comes out more harsh, more cold, more unforgiving. I don't know.
I thought that maybe talking about it here would help me feel better...Well, at least I got to go hang out with my friend.
Tomorrow is another day.
1. Take some cans in to the recyling center (had been meaning to do this for a couple of weeks)
2. Ask some girl out that I knew (also overdue, by about three months or so.)
3. Perhaps go chill out with a friend afterward.
Regardless of how riveting it would be to describe the recycling center's being closed, I'm going to go ahead and skip over that one.
After some small talk with the girl in question, I asked if she had any more days off this week (semi-oblivious there were only two days left.)
"No. I'm also seeing someone."
She spared no time in leaving; I just said "Alright," walking away and back to my car, perhaps in a state of near-denial. I was somewhat crushed, somewhat sad, somewhat humored, but not wholly any of that. To try and shape my state of being into any sort of complete thought...I felt weird. Funny, even, like I'd never before, and after a few brief words with some friends, the discovery/realization was made that I'd never been rejected by a girl before.
Now, I am a very deliberate person. I don't like to make bets unless I know I'll come out richer, I don't get into fights without the utmost confidence of a clean win, and I'm when asking people out, hesitant would be a nice word to describe my ways. I suppose "rejection" isn't the fairest of terms to use, considering she was seeing someone and declination would simply radiate common sense, but in retrospect I'm disappointed by my complete lack of foresight.
The past couple of times I'd seen her, something seemed amiss; she didn't beam up and say hi to me and always seemed to be in a hurry; I just chalked it all up to a hectic day or something more personal---not a big deal, really. Failing to consider, even remotely, that she found someone else in the period between my getting her phone number a good few months ago and today's screw-up only made me feel more embarassed by what went down.
I wonder about what could've been different. Normally, I do this thing where I sit and rethink previous dealings I've had with people and what I could have said or done to make things better/worse. But really, short of the possibility of acquiring some manner of time machine in the foreseeable future, it's not exactly ground I'm happy to re-tread on. Every time I think about what she said and listen to it in my mind, it only comes out more harsh, more cold, more unforgiving. I don't know.
I thought that maybe talking about it here would help me feel better...Well, at least I got to go hang out with my friend.
Tomorrow is another day.