What is going on here? This Is not how I left it.

[gerggo]

My mind, body, and soul have become defaced and degraded by my own idiocy. I have forgotten that which I found beautiful in this world. Interestingly enough, it is the world itself which I find beautiful. I think I have done something wrong for my eyes feel like they have the curtains drawn; I can barely see whats in front of me through the slits.

I have come to realize that my idea of dating no one until college is bullshit.

I gained so much and then I threw so much away. I let everything slip away and slide off of me. I actually don't know if thats very true, all I know is that something is amiss in my life and thats just not right. Maybe I took advantage of people, or maybe I was taken advantage of, or maybe both.

I'm tired of being your god damn car.

I need to lay down outside for hours, doing absolutely nothing--not even think. I need to recharge my mind and soul with things to think about first. Then I can start thinking again. I need to also quit being an asshole very quickly. What the hell is going on.

I want to stand on a corner just to stand there. I want swerve off the road just to say I nearly died. I want to stop forgetting everything I've done.