(no subject)
hmm.. well i havent been on here in a long ass time. and im bored so i decided to drop by. lets see hows my life u ask.. like fuckin shit. its not bad or nothin.. well its bad but not in tha sad way. i mean my life is fuckin borin as hell. i dont have any friends. not real friends dat i can hang out wit outside of skool and i barely have any in skool. i guess thats mostly my fault. since i dont tlk or anything but imma shy person when i 1st meet ppl. it takes an big effort 4 me just to talk and start makin friends.. i mean most if not all the lil friends i have started tlkin to me 1st. goes tha same way with guy friend,girl friends, and girlfriends. i mean i needa fuckin backbone,come on. plus havin a borin life. imma fuckin borin person as it is. i cant keep a conversation and bc of this i try to rely on bein stupid and makin jokes and stuff. that dont work bc all it do is get on ppls nerves and make me annoyin as hell. i kno its tru. thats prolli y i dont tlk to anyone bc i kno its just gunna b me havin nothin at all to say. but yea anyway.. lets tlk about skool. im totally fucked in skool. im supose to b tha smart kid dat every1 comes to 4 tha answers.. and in most classes i am lol but im prolli gunna fail this year of highschool and my parents r gunna kick my ass. bc one im failing world civ,health and soon to b engilsh thanx to my stupid short-term/selective memory and procrastination(which are genetic) and i cant remember tha homework or cant remember to look in my notebook to see if i have any homework or truly forgettin it at home or nonpurposely wait till tha last minute to do things and findin myself not bein able to get it in on time so yeah.. im not gunna b able to bring those up i dont think.. so o well. but anyway.. i wanna talk about the usual things.. gurls.. well my friend says that she always sees me walkin wit a white gurl and im like and? and she says im neva tlkin to any black gurls lol.. i laughed at her.. shes not racist or anythin.she was just tlkin to me. and she says im goin to end up marryin one.. which is not a prb at all. but like ok. tha skool im in theres not alot of black gurls that im attracted to. theres just not. theres like maybe 3 that i think i could relate to. thats just as far as i see anyway.some ppl think im mixed lol but i mean.. who cares right. if im tlkin to a white gurl or tlkin to a black gurl. it dont matter to me at all. of course i laughed when i thought bout how the 2 gurls i was most interested in last year were mixed lol. plus i just luved that caramel skin tone. ahahaha.. but yea. the gurls.. i dont like grey eyes anymore i dont think. even tho i do like her eyes.. she just doesnt click wit me as much as i thought she did b4. i am, however, startin to like this one gurl in my math class. i'll call her basketball bc i believe she is on the team and every1 knows i dont give names out lol. but yea i think shes cute and im able to tlk to her. of course i neva tried to tlk to her as more than a friend and i dont think i will just 4 tha fact that imma punk lol..o speakin of punk.. just incase a short person reads this.. i cant believe u did that. i neva thought u of all ppl would do somthin like that. i mean come on.. ur thighs must hurt real bad..j/p haha but yeah my love for someone is going away quick if not gone already. this is bc i neva tlk to them no more bc when i do it just makes me mad and jealous and they neva come to skool, so im sorta like fuck them now. but yea.. i been thinkin about dying recently.. not like me killin myself.. well sorta but not really. idk.. just like i been thinkin what would it b like to die and what affect would it have on anyone if any.. i dont kno i been thinkin bout care and caring and stuff recently and i would use dyin, like only reason i would want to die is so i could see if ppl would show they care 4 me then. like i kno ppl care 4 me. i just neva see it shown and u kno it feels good when u kno ppl care 4 u. but it feels great when u actually see how ppl care 4 u or tell u that they do, u kno? dont mind me i just got into my thinkin mode when i was tlkin bout tha gurl. i mean i dont really have anyone that i can go and tlk to when i need help and they not think i just want pity or somthin anymore.. bc of how i get my thoughts out i jsut vent and ramble on.. but yea.. imma go now bc i think this is enough. but man.. im not desperate or anythin bc i kno dat i could prolli get one if i tried real hard.. but.. I WANT A GIRLFRIEND lol