Whyyy so emo today

Jan 02, 2013 22:53

I'm sad and grumpy and homesick because I left home yesterday. I get all happy and soft and warm when I'm home and I can be near by parents all the time. Just hang out. Just work on what I want to work on. Watch movies together. Chat. I drew a lot. I read a lot. I wrote a lot (comparitively) and I slept a lot and just lay around mostly. It was bliss. Like sinking into a hot bath with steam rising up around your face. I haven't been home for so long since summer. And in the summer my parents were at work. They had off work the entire time I was back for Christmas and it was awesome.

I drove back to CP last night. And pretty much as soon as I walk out the door knowing I'm bound back here I can feel my heart start to tighten and freeze over; like bracing; like that unpleasant tension in your shoulders and arms when you walk out of a warm building into the winter weather. I never really noticed the melting, but it's impossible not to notice the freezing.

It occurs to me that I'm used to a lot of love and affection from my parents. They have their moments, as do I, but most of the time I feel very lucky to have such a caring and attentive mom and dad. Maybe it gave me unrealistic expectations about love and support but I don't mind because I'm so happy that I have that from them. It gives me a foundation that I sometimes forget is even there, because it's easy to forget about when I'm not at home. Finding it again makes it really difficult to leave. Because I need it so badly sometimes.

Aaarggh. *rolls around on the floor* I need to build a blanket fort on my bed, wear warm jammies, have some tea and watch some tv.

And I was thinking of doing something productive today.

This explains why I can only really do side projects when I'm at home.

life, bad day, college

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