I took too many psych classes in school, also TMI
I was as an adolescent and teenager the kind of girl, as Jim once said, that boys don't date but the kind of girl that boys marry. I thought that was damn stupid because how do you marry if you don't date? When I grew a little older I was the girl that listened and understood and reassured, I was the perfect transition relationship, when I wasn't
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((How retentive am I that I have to edit typos months later? never type while suffering sleep dep, yeah?))
You are right and intellectually I know that I am worth more than being ignored for months at a time. Emotionally, it works for me on two levels: first I don't have to deal with daily maintenance of a real relationship and second I don't have to actually deal with creating a local and viable relationship. I never have to explain to someone that I don't feel like going out or that the hideyunderthebeditis is bad and I just don't want to deal with another person because I don't have the energy or whatever to cope with more than a copshow rerun.
And yes, I never have to lose anything to another, the downside is that I also do not share anything with another. I am lucky that I have friends, some of them closer than others, that I can share the important stuff with and so I'm not as isolated as it sounds like. The truth is that I am content, maybe not blissful but at least not 'cidal. It'll do for now. Tomorrow may find me frustrated by it all again, but just as likely not.
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