shit I don't need at 1:40 in the morning
the sound of glass breaking
my heart jump starting as adrenaline floods my bloodstream
Let me start at the beginning.
I dreamed that I was living with W and M showed up to stay overnight. It was late and W was already in bed and my cel phone rang and I was chatting happily with my friend who is stationed in Asia Minor at the moment. I was telling him how I was praying for him every day and that while my relationship with Deity is usually a little more informal than that, I did make a point to actually do some actual praying for him to come home soon and safe, and we were laughing about that. I was out on a patio like thing so I wouldn't disturb any of the others in the house when M came out to ask me what the hell I was doing. I told him I was on the phone long distance. He got angry and told me I shouldn't be on the phone with whoever and to go to bed. I was immediately angry and told my friend to hang on a second, put the phone down and proceeded to give M both barrels: "Who do you think I am on the phone with? What business is it of yours? and also, get the fuck out of my business which is none of yours. I am outside where you can't possibly overhear anything or be disturbed, I have all the lights in the house off and so that can't be a problem and in any case you are not the appointed keeper of me and my bedtime. My friend has called me from a dozen timezones away and it is none of your fucking business, but for your information, I have known him since we were still aged single digits and I will goddamn talk to him any fucking time he calls me." I picked up the phone and the line was still open but I couldn't tell if my friend was still there, so I told him if he was to answer please. M proceeded into the house where he turned on all the lights downstairs and turned on the radio very loud. It was cold outside and the wind came up and I couldn't even hear if the line was still open but I felt like it was so I yelled into the phone that I was still thinking of my friend, his family and sending love to all and to come home safe. I then closed my phone and went inside, where M had disappeared. I turned off all the lights and the radio and proceeded to get even angrier at his stupid antics. At which point I woke up.
I rolled over, a production in itself when my back hurts as much as it does, and checked the time and then closed my eyes to go back to sleep, I had hoped.
And then there was an earthshattering kaboom. Or, well, the sound of glass breaking.
I levitated out of the bed, had the presence of mind to actually put on a robe and slippers, then went around checking windows in the dark. Nothing broken, checking outside, first with lights off then on, showed a perfectly deserted and empty street. The sound had very definitely been inside and not outside, so I turned on a light and checked the interior.
The picture (of a small rodent with flowers in its mouth) that the X gave me as a wedding gift had fallen onto the end table. No glass broken. The top of the lampshade had come off and the sound of the metal on the glass must have been the noise I heard.
Now I am wondering if W, M and/or R are ok, since I was dreaming of them. Also wondering if any of the three of them are pissed off at me for something, and obviously from the dream I don't think it is any of their business what I may be up to and with whom I am getting up to it with. I can understand anxiety about R, he is stationed in Turkey currently and I am actually praying for him regularly and so that part of the dream makes sense. W being largely absent also makes sense since we lived together with a pretty healthy distance and so that part makes sense. But M getting all up in my business, that doesn't make sense, he just never did that, not overtly in any case. So what could my subconcsious be trying to say, and perhaps what am I ignoring that I should be paying attention to? Well, that covers a whole lotta internal real estate, that. Gah.
I am going back to godsdamn bed now, this waking up in the wee hours of the morning is full of fail. Why can't the damn painkiller keep me asleep, grrr!
my heart jump starting as adrenaline floods my bloodstream
Let me start at the beginning.
I dreamed that I was living with W and M showed up to stay overnight. It was late and W was already in bed and my cel phone rang and I was chatting happily with my friend who is stationed in Asia Minor at the moment. I was telling him how I was praying for him every day and that while my relationship with Deity is usually a little more informal than that, I did make a point to actually do some actual praying for him to come home soon and safe, and we were laughing about that. I was out on a patio like thing so I wouldn't disturb any of the others in the house when M came out to ask me what the hell I was doing. I told him I was on the phone long distance. He got angry and told me I shouldn't be on the phone with whoever and to go to bed. I was immediately angry and told my friend to hang on a second, put the phone down and proceeded to give M both barrels: "Who do you think I am on the phone with? What business is it of yours? and also, get the fuck out of my business which is none of yours. I am outside where you can't possibly overhear anything or be disturbed, I have all the lights in the house off and so that can't be a problem and in any case you are not the appointed keeper of me and my bedtime. My friend has called me from a dozen timezones away and it is none of your fucking business, but for your information, I have known him since we were still aged single digits and I will goddamn talk to him any fucking time he calls me." I picked up the phone and the line was still open but I couldn't tell if my friend was still there, so I told him if he was to answer please. M proceeded into the house where he turned on all the lights downstairs and turned on the radio very loud. It was cold outside and the wind came up and I couldn't even hear if the line was still open but I felt like it was so I yelled into the phone that I was still thinking of my friend, his family and sending love to all and to come home safe. I then closed my phone and went inside, where M had disappeared. I turned off all the lights and the radio and proceeded to get even angrier at his stupid antics. At which point I woke up.
I rolled over, a production in itself when my back hurts as much as it does, and checked the time and then closed my eyes to go back to sleep, I had hoped.
And then there was an earthshattering kaboom. Or, well, the sound of glass breaking.
I levitated out of the bed, had the presence of mind to actually put on a robe and slippers, then went around checking windows in the dark. Nothing broken, checking outside, first with lights off then on, showed a perfectly deserted and empty street. The sound had very definitely been inside and not outside, so I turned on a light and checked the interior.
The picture (of a small rodent with flowers in its mouth) that the X gave me as a wedding gift had fallen onto the end table. No glass broken. The top of the lampshade had come off and the sound of the metal on the glass must have been the noise I heard.
Now I am wondering if W, M and/or R are ok, since I was dreaming of them. Also wondering if any of the three of them are pissed off at me for something, and obviously from the dream I don't think it is any of their business what I may be up to and with whom I am getting up to it with. I can understand anxiety about R, he is stationed in Turkey currently and I am actually praying for him regularly and so that part of the dream makes sense. W being largely absent also makes sense since we lived together with a pretty healthy distance and so that part makes sense. But M getting all up in my business, that doesn't make sense, he just never did that, not overtly in any case. So what could my subconcsious be trying to say, and perhaps what am I ignoring that I should be paying attention to? Well, that covers a whole lotta internal real estate, that. Gah.
I am going back to godsdamn bed now, this waking up in the wee hours of the morning is full of fail. Why can't the damn painkiller keep me asleep, grrr!