Me... its who I am...
If you aren't ready for one of Graham's emotional outburst thingies then dont read this...
I've come to a conclusion about myself... im expendable. I mean technically almost all humans are most are easily replaced in a larger sense. But in a smaller way many people aren't expendable, they are needed by those around them. A mother or father is needed by the child in many cases for support, or at least a mother/father figure. A friend is needed by another friend to be there and have someone to relate to and just be friends with. A boyfriend or girlfriend is there to share your life with to be with to share sadness and happiness with. But im not one of those people really. Im expendable and replaceable.
I found out today from that Brendan (an ex of mine) made out with Dan about 4 weeks ago he said. Brendan said he wasn't suppose to say this to anybody but he wanted me to know. Im on vacation so i dont have the documents where I kept track of the date Dan broke up with me... basically a movie pass from the movie we went to say the day he ended things. Either way though... option one is he cheated on me which im trying to think against. But the only other option is that in a matter of days he found someone else to make out with... it just leaves me with the conclusion im expendable. Im easily replacable.
I thought about it and its not just with dan although that is the best example. With many of the people I know I am. here ill illustrate with as many as I can.
Matt - Matt comes over a lot some people would say he depends on me in many ways. Well he goes over to Brandon's a lot as well, so he could just go over there and it really wouldn't be too much different for him.
Ashley - We talk like woah... and I couldn't get along without her; I would have a mental break down and like die. But really she doesn't need me much anymore. She has become self reliant or she goes to jessica if she needs help really. Im not important really like I use to be.
Josh - This is obvious... im his friend. I love him... and he may still care about me. But he cant be in a relationship with me or anyone so it doesn't matter if im there or not really. I dont think he trust me enough to be able to talk to me about important things really...
Ben - We have moved apart and I hate that. He definatly doesn' t need me. He has Ashley and Jessica.
Brandon - Brandon is a great guy but I dont know him that well so im not really a great benefit in his life. Just cause I try to be nice and let him talk to me doesn' t make me needed. Anyone could have gotten a car for him at the movies... I just happened to think of it before anyone... plain and simple.
Kim - She can find someone else's father to fix her computer. And we dont see each other much anymore. I've always needed her a lot more than she needed me. She is really strong, she has been through a lot, more than someone her age should have to go through and she has come out of it pretty much on her feet. She doesn't need me like I need her.
Omi - She has been through a shit load as well. And I love talking to her but she in no way needs me at all. We're just friends.
Robert (Florida) - He doesn't need me, I think I hurt him more than he lets on. We are friends and I can hope but yeah... Im easily replaceable there. EDIT: Actually found out just now he has a boyfriend and ive been hitting on him for the past few days like a fucking idiot. Already been replaced...
Robby (Cali) - He says that im not quite like anyone he has met before but there are plenty of people like me and far better than me out there... he could find another as long as he tried.
Anyone else - Its the same reasons basically... you can figure it out you're smart.
-Graham
I've come to a conclusion about myself... im expendable. I mean technically almost all humans are most are easily replaced in a larger sense. But in a smaller way many people aren't expendable, they are needed by those around them. A mother or father is needed by the child in many cases for support, or at least a mother/father figure. A friend is needed by another friend to be there and have someone to relate to and just be friends with. A boyfriend or girlfriend is there to share your life with to be with to share sadness and happiness with. But im not one of those people really. Im expendable and replaceable.
I found out today from that Brendan (an ex of mine) made out with Dan about 4 weeks ago he said. Brendan said he wasn't suppose to say this to anybody but he wanted me to know. Im on vacation so i dont have the documents where I kept track of the date Dan broke up with me... basically a movie pass from the movie we went to say the day he ended things. Either way though... option one is he cheated on me which im trying to think against. But the only other option is that in a matter of days he found someone else to make out with... it just leaves me with the conclusion im expendable. Im easily replacable.
I thought about it and its not just with dan although that is the best example. With many of the people I know I am. here ill illustrate with as many as I can.
Matt - Matt comes over a lot some people would say he depends on me in many ways. Well he goes over to Brandon's a lot as well, so he could just go over there and it really wouldn't be too much different for him.
Ashley - We talk like woah... and I couldn't get along without her; I would have a mental break down and like die. But really she doesn't need me much anymore. She has become self reliant or she goes to jessica if she needs help really. Im not important really like I use to be.
Josh - This is obvious... im his friend. I love him... and he may still care about me. But he cant be in a relationship with me or anyone so it doesn't matter if im there or not really. I dont think he trust me enough to be able to talk to me about important things really...
Ben - We have moved apart and I hate that. He definatly doesn' t need me. He has Ashley and Jessica.
Brandon - Brandon is a great guy but I dont know him that well so im not really a great benefit in his life. Just cause I try to be nice and let him talk to me doesn' t make me needed. Anyone could have gotten a car for him at the movies... I just happened to think of it before anyone... plain and simple.
Kim - She can find someone else's father to fix her computer. And we dont see each other much anymore. I've always needed her a lot more than she needed me. She is really strong, she has been through a lot, more than someone her age should have to go through and she has come out of it pretty much on her feet. She doesn't need me like I need her.
Omi - She has been through a shit load as well. And I love talking to her but she in no way needs me at all. We're just friends.
Robert (Florida) - He doesn't need me, I think I hurt him more than he lets on. We are friends and I can hope but yeah... Im easily replaceable there. EDIT: Actually found out just now he has a boyfriend and ive been hitting on him for the past few days like a fucking idiot. Already been replaced...
Robby (Cali) - He says that im not quite like anyone he has met before but there are plenty of people like me and far better than me out there... he could find another as long as he tried.
Anyone else - Its the same reasons basically... you can figure it out you're smart.
-Graham