Holy shit...
Im so scared... im fucking shaking on the verge of tears. I hate this feeling... ive had it two other times both after the utterance of a phrase within a few words of the one texted to me at 11pm tonight. I fell asleep early and didn't get it untill I awoke only 30 minutes ago:
Josh: We need to talk its important
Nothing good has ever come over those four words... they are so imfamous that if you ask half the people that watch movies they will insantly know what comes next... or some version of it. I can barely fucking time my hands and arms are so shakey. My feet wont stay on the ground...
If you are a friend of mine who knows me you probably know of my relationship with Josh... what its been through... how long its lasted on and off...
Im so scared... I feel like im gonna be sick... I dont know what I will do if he breaks us up again.
Everything that has happened... my parents finding out about us having sex and not allowing him to stay... Zach's death... all the other crap going on around me I managed to stay relitivly calm and sane because I knew that I had him beside me. Im not going to lie I was using it as a crutch... but aren't you suppose to be able to do that in a relationship... rely on each other. And god I dont even want to think about the reason it would happen... though some of you who are well informed about my current situation may be able to guess and form your own oppinions...
Im just sitting here... selfishly praying that it is not what I am thinking. That he really just needs to talk about something important. That we will and we will be okay... he will be at ease about something which is bothering him. I cant help it... but the only time I selfishly pray for myself is when the matter concerns Josh. I just I dont know... Im talking to matt which has helped more than he can know... I might be able to sleep eventually now. If I happen to look like shit tommorrow (or today if you are reading this when most of you will) you will know why...
-Graham
Josh: We need to talk its important
Nothing good has ever come over those four words... they are so imfamous that if you ask half the people that watch movies they will insantly know what comes next... or some version of it. I can barely fucking time my hands and arms are so shakey. My feet wont stay on the ground...
If you are a friend of mine who knows me you probably know of my relationship with Josh... what its been through... how long its lasted on and off...
Im so scared... I feel like im gonna be sick... I dont know what I will do if he breaks us up again.
Everything that has happened... my parents finding out about us having sex and not allowing him to stay... Zach's death... all the other crap going on around me I managed to stay relitivly calm and sane because I knew that I had him beside me. Im not going to lie I was using it as a crutch... but aren't you suppose to be able to do that in a relationship... rely on each other. And god I dont even want to think about the reason it would happen... though some of you who are well informed about my current situation may be able to guess and form your own oppinions...
Im just sitting here... selfishly praying that it is not what I am thinking. That he really just needs to talk about something important. That we will and we will be okay... he will be at ease about something which is bothering him. I cant help it... but the only time I selfishly pray for myself is when the matter concerns Josh. I just I dont know... Im talking to matt which has helped more than he can know... I might be able to sleep eventually now. If I happen to look like shit tommorrow (or today if you are reading this when most of you will) you will know why...
-Graham