(no subject)
Yesterday I had an array of characters coming in to work. At the more
unpleasant end, there's Mossman who deemed it suitably warm to come out
wearing a t-shirt so that the green fungus that grows all up his arm
and on the back of his hands is visible. At this time of year he will
be wanting to leave room for the spores to escape and do their breeding
thing, whatever spores do. Perhaps he will burst into flower one of
these years. I've always run away long before he gets to the counter to
pay, which is not hard to detect since you can literally smell him the
instant he approaches within, ooh, twenty feet of you.
Number two was a man who rang in to reserve some items. Seemed quite normal on the phone, but when he came in he was a bit like Papa Lazarou - "is Dave here?" While I was talking to him a long drool of nasal mucus plopped out of his nose and formed a viscous pool on the floor next to the counter despite his strained and numerous attempts to sniff it back in to his head. I looked at the clear globule excreted upon my department floor, and then I looked at his nose. He said "I am sorry if I embarrass you". So am I.
Number three on my list is a man who brought something back to exchange for another item. He did not have a receipt. That was probably down to the fact that it was purchased, so the sticker told me, in the October 2002 sale.
Number four is the man who helpfully pointed out to me that the sign above the door stated that the department stocks both classical and jazz styles of music. He said "I hope that does not mean that you play any jazz music in here. It sends me funny". I reassured him that due to the his views on jazz and those of many other classical fans, we never play any jazz in there. I did not point out that this is because he, like many other classical fans, throw the toys out of the pram as soon as there is some indication that they are not being visibly treated better than music shoppers who listen to "that noise" or "that racket out there". Once I saw one who was subjected to a Johnny Cash song (wooh unlistenable) clutch his head and moan as if it was physically hurting him. SCUM.
Number five is the ignoramus who said that he wanted to sign instead of tap in his pin number. His card he said was a sign only card anyway (it wasn't, funny that, his being like all the others and him not having his own special little bank) Said he'd call the bank to get a signing only card because he didn't like pin numbers. Yeah you go and do that then.
Number six is my manager who was amazing me with his feats of imagination in finding new and irrelevant things to ask us to do because the regional manager was coming and there was a chance he would look in our department so everything has to smell of fresh paint. He didn't look in. My manager, whilst being obsessed with things like small hooks dangling from the ceiling or putting up a "gold disc" that the store won from a now defunct magazine ten years ago for being a good music shop, is blissfully ignorant of the fact that he hasn't replaced two people who left our floor despite one of them giving their notice in ten weeks ago.
Number seven is alright though. He's Mr Hunter who has exaggerated mannerisms with which he illustrates stories about his research. He is researching something to do with Wuthering Heights. I can't really explain except that he veers from one thing to another without explaining himself and also any revelation he has found out always has something to do with music or a Welsh connection. He is really funny anyway and I savoured asking how his research was going and tried not to laugh while he was telling me.
There is a clothing war going on. I saw a man with a t-shirt on that said "for every animal you don't eat i'm going to eat three" with a picture of a pelican, a monkey and a koala bear dropping into a saucepan. Then I saw a woman with all her brightly coloured clothing saying things like "vegan" and "for the animals".
Number two was a man who rang in to reserve some items. Seemed quite normal on the phone, but when he came in he was a bit like Papa Lazarou - "is Dave here?" While I was talking to him a long drool of nasal mucus plopped out of his nose and formed a viscous pool on the floor next to the counter despite his strained and numerous attempts to sniff it back in to his head. I looked at the clear globule excreted upon my department floor, and then I looked at his nose. He said "I am sorry if I embarrass you". So am I.
Number three on my list is a man who brought something back to exchange for another item. He did not have a receipt. That was probably down to the fact that it was purchased, so the sticker told me, in the October 2002 sale.
Number four is the man who helpfully pointed out to me that the sign above the door stated that the department stocks both classical and jazz styles of music. He said "I hope that does not mean that you play any jazz music in here. It sends me funny". I reassured him that due to the his views on jazz and those of many other classical fans, we never play any jazz in there. I did not point out that this is because he, like many other classical fans, throw the toys out of the pram as soon as there is some indication that they are not being visibly treated better than music shoppers who listen to "that noise" or "that racket out there". Once I saw one who was subjected to a Johnny Cash song (wooh unlistenable) clutch his head and moan as if it was physically hurting him. SCUM.
Number five is the ignoramus who said that he wanted to sign instead of tap in his pin number. His card he said was a sign only card anyway (it wasn't, funny that, his being like all the others and him not having his own special little bank) Said he'd call the bank to get a signing only card because he didn't like pin numbers. Yeah you go and do that then.
Number six is my manager who was amazing me with his feats of imagination in finding new and irrelevant things to ask us to do because the regional manager was coming and there was a chance he would look in our department so everything has to smell of fresh paint. He didn't look in. My manager, whilst being obsessed with things like small hooks dangling from the ceiling or putting up a "gold disc" that the store won from a now defunct magazine ten years ago for being a good music shop, is blissfully ignorant of the fact that he hasn't replaced two people who left our floor despite one of them giving their notice in ten weeks ago.
Number seven is alright though. He's Mr Hunter who has exaggerated mannerisms with which he illustrates stories about his research. He is researching something to do with Wuthering Heights. I can't really explain except that he veers from one thing to another without explaining himself and also any revelation he has found out always has something to do with music or a Welsh connection. He is really funny anyway and I savoured asking how his research was going and tried not to laugh while he was telling me.
There is a clothing war going on. I saw a man with a t-shirt on that said "for every animal you don't eat i'm going to eat three" with a picture of a pelican, a monkey and a koala bear dropping into a saucepan. Then I saw a woman with all her brightly coloured clothing saying things like "vegan" and "for the animals".