closed: half of a whole of a half

[george_goesboom]

He’d forgotten how many days it had been.

That’s how it started, that morning. He’d been holding his infant daughter against his chest, lips muttering soothing nonsense against the top of her head as she finally dozed back to sleep after hours of untimely squirming and jabbering (boy, that little girl could talk), and he’d suddenly remembered. He

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[ccecilia]

She could feel the shift in the mattress as George rose from her side. The cry had been expected, even if the yelp from her newborn daughter's nursery still gave her a start. She was becoming used to the sound, the delicate whimpers from the room next door, the typical barely morning cries that seemed to happen at the same time every single morning. Frances knew was she was doing, training her parents to rise and feed and dote and coo. She was smart, just as her brother was when he was that young. But Cecilia didn't mind. Let her have hours in the nursery, rocking her daughter in their favorite rocking chair- she would relish in it

[george_goesboom]

Even with his eyes shut, his mind reeling, and his heart feeling like a whitehot weight that was all at once trying to shrivel in on itself and burst apart, George somehow sensed Cecilia's arrival somewhere at the back of his mind before she actually walked through the door - a slight lightness, a shift in the tone of the air.

The softness of her voice was an instant anchor, straightening the world back into place again. George let out a slow wavering breath and, though still hunched with eyes squeezed closed against the foggy darkness of the office, extended an arm out towards the sound, open palm facing up, reaching for her.

"'m sorry, love," he replied quietly. "Didn't want to wake you."

[ccecilia]

Cecilia moved toward him, as if his hand reaching for her was a magnetic weight against her. Her body yearned to be near him no matter when or where. She let her hand travel down his arched back, her fingers running against the fabric of his tank top. She curled against his body, feeling the warmth of his skin against her bare legs, her ruffled pajama shorts peeking from underneath her tee shirt.

"It wasn't you," she told him, her lips turning up slightly into a smile. "Frances' cries go right through me-"

Her fingers traveled from his back to the nape of his neck, curling at the hair that ended there.

"What's going on?" she asked then, knowing likely what the answer was.

[george_goesboom]

George instinctively wrapped his outstretched arm around Cecilia's hips as she pressed in against him, pulling her in that much closer with something bordering on desperation. He sat up from his weighted slump, turning towards her and nuzzling against the softness of her stomach, stubble catching against the worn fabric of his commandeered t-shirt, breathing in the steadying warmth and soft scent that was uniquely, perfectly her.

He let the question hang unanswered for a few moments, letting the vice of guiltangerheartbreakpanic loosen and fall away, the dust of this reality settling over it.

"I forgot," he said finally, quiet, barely above a whisper, slightly muffled by the press of his cheek against Cecilia's abdomen. "For a moment, I just- I didn't feel him missing. And then I realized, and- it felt like I betrayed him-"

[ccecilia]

"Oh, George-"

It was a breathless reply, her words caught in her throat. She wondered briefly what it would be like if Holden had left her, if she didn't have the other side of her, the brother, the twin she had been raised with. It hurt her enough, and their relationship was nowhere near what George and Fred had. They were a team- partners- best friends beyond brothers.

She couldn't fathom how hard this was.

She looked down at him, his head resting against her stomach, her fingers brushing aimlessly through his ruffled red strands.

"Don't you ever think that," she told him. "He's not going to leave you- I promise-"

[george_goesboom]

George nodded quickly, the terse motion more of a nuzzle again than an actual gesture of agreement

[ccecilia]

"Oh, love-"

She couldn't help but let her body edge against the desk, leaning against the edge so that she was more properly on George's level. The pain that lingered in his eyes was overwhelming. She chewed on the inside of her lip, honestly not knowing what to say that could possibly make this better.

She took his hands into her own, bringing them to her lips to kiss them both gently.

"It's not easier," she told him, shaking her head. "He's just become apart of us-"

She used that term purely because Fred was everywhere. His face in pictures on the wall, his presence in her children, some of his clothing- hell, his wand was tucked away in their bedroom.

"Do you think it might help to.." she paused for a moment, thinking about her words carefully. "To, um, maybe talk to someone? I could get a referral from the hospital-"

[george_goesboom]

Talk to someone. If he had a sickle for every time someone had nervously uttered that phrase around him in the months since...well, since, he'd have more than tripled WWW's earnings already

[ccecilia]

She knew he had heard it a million times since Fred's death, she had thought it herself, keeping it silent, trying not to betray his mourning. Something like this was beyond her own expertise, though- no matter the amount of loss they had both dealt with since they were too young to ever have to, this just seemed beyond that.

And all she wanted was for him to be able to live with himself, live without Fred but still remember him the way he should.

If there even was a "should" in this equation.

She sucked in a breath at his touch, the sensation never quite something she could get used to.

"Sometimes the obvious is enough," she said, offering him a hopeful smile. "I just know that this isn't something you should have to deal with on your own-"

She squeezed his one hand.

"I'm here with you every single step of the way."

[george_goesboom]

She was right. He knew she was right. He had seen and experienced loss enough to know the power it had to break apart a person if it wasn’t dealt with openly, if it was left to fester and rot from the inside out. He had seen guilt do more damage than even the worst battle-worthy spells.

But-

Well- he had sort of run out of ‘but’s, hadn’t he?

He had Cecilia. He had Gideon, and Frankie. He had his whole family, his little cluster of friends who might as well be family. But all of this was still being trumped, somewhere in the back of his mind and heart, by the ever-living reminder that he didn’t have Fred. And that feeling of betrayal only compounded with the one he felt for simply still being alive.

Yeah. She was right.

With a slight hitch in the sighing exhale he let out, George pulled their clasped hands down to him, his turn to press a kiss against her knuckles, leaning in a bit closer to her grounding presence.

“Yeah,” he finally said quietly. “I know.”

[ccecilia]

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the fluttering charm George had created, a perfect sort of security system for them both, a reminder that their children were perfectly safe. Her heart felt a rush just at the sight of it, George surprising her at every turn in how perfect he really was as a father- how his understanding of family nearly always trumped her own- she was grateful for it.

"Come on," she said, squeezing his hand. "Why don't we go back home-"

She just wanted to curl up next to him.

"I have a nighttime draught if you'd like-"

She didn't like to offer things like this all the time, knowing the effects they could have on the longterm- but she was worried about him. He needed a decent night's sleep.

[george_goesboom]

George offered her a small smile, glancing at the soft glow of the charm (light green and steady, a reassuring reminder of peace, quiet, and safety still ongoing across town).

"'S'alright. Frankie'll probably be up and demanding attention soon again, anyway. That little bugger," he added, though the gentleness and clear adoration in his voice betrayed any resentment the words might have carried. He would gladly have given up every moment of rest if either of his children had demanded it.

He sighed again, the corner of his mouth twitching, then tugged on Cecilia's hand to have her slide down onto his lap.

"But yeah. Let's go home."

[ccecilia]

She let out a small "oof" as she slid from the edge of the desk to his lap, but it only lasted a moment before she settled against him, the warmth of his body putting her instantly at ease. She curled against him, her arms moving around his shoulders. She placed a gentle kiss on his lips, her one hand moving toward his cheek, thumb massaging against his cheek bone.

"We just have to take this slowly," she told him, her eyes catching his. "One day at a time and nothing more-"

She knew that was all they could do. Each and every day was going to bring them something different. Good or bad, she would be there for him no matter what.

"I've got you, love," she said, hoping he knew she meant it. "I'm not going to let you fall."

[george_goesboom]

George looped an arm tighter around her, leaned into the gentle touch of her hand to press his lips against her palm, swallowing against the slight lump that rested in his throat.

Everything from the weight of her on his lap to the feel of a stray lock of hair brushing his shoulder to the soft hum of her body against his as she spoke resonated with comfort, with everything he had come to associate with the best parts of his life. Even now, and here, with the slowly brightening early morning light starting to seep into the cold office, illuminating memories he'd been trying to run from, he knew the truth of her words in his very soul.

"Merlin, what would I do without you," he muttered against her hand, fingers bunching the fabric of her tee as they curled at her side.

[ccecilia]

She just wanted to wrap herself up in him, her legs curling close to his, her body burrowing toward him. She wanted to be as close to him as possible. She wanted him to be able to feel her weight against him, to know that no matter what she had him, and she wasn't going anywhere. They had been through enough already, been their rocks for each other through things no usual couple went through.

From Lucius Malfoy to Azkaban to werewolves and losing Fred-

They could do this. They could handle it.

"You're the strong one here, love," she told him, her nose grazing at his jaw. "You're being so strong now, even if you don't realize it."

[george_goesboom]

Merlin knew they certainly had been through plenty. More than most, and more than anyone ever should.

And yet here they were. Alive, together, relatively unscathed, and surrounded by more love than he'd ever thought possible (and that was after growing up with Molly as mother, who had damn well beat incessant amounts of love into her whole family).

George smiled, soft and sad but perfectly genuine. "Well, I've got the three best reasons to be, haven't I?"

As if on cue, the little flying bauble that had been hovering around them flickered and blinked, its wings shifting from a pale green to a dull yellow with the sound of tiny chimes.

"Like clockwork, that one-"