closed: fucking azkaban

[george_goesboom]

Azkaban.

Fucking AzkabanIf there was one place he had never in a million years expected to find himself lining up to visit, this was most definitely it. Even with the Dementors gone, there was a lingering eeriness about the place, a soul-crushing sort of dampness that sank right into your bones and chilled your very soul, as if the prison's

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[george_goesboom]

"Don't- don't be- it doesn't matter- it was years ago, you were a different person then, things were different-"

Whatever she was being accused of, whatever she had or hadn't done, those things belonged in a different life. In this life, Cecilia was a person who gave life rather than took it, who had helped to save Lavender's life, who was a victim herself rather than any kind of perpetrator. The person who had fallen asleep next to him just days ago with a tiny snoring puppy cuddled against her chest wasn't the criminal they had dressed her up as, and he'd be damned if anyone or anything could convince him otherwise.

"They can't just throw you in here like this- it's been years, they can't just-"

He instinctively reached out to catch a tear she had missed as it streaked down her face, his thumb swiping lightly against her cheek as his fingers pushed a limply frazzled strand of hair behind her ear-

"No touching-"

"-oh, fuck off!" George snapped, shouting up at the ceiling and the invisible grating voice, but reluctantly pulling his hand away again.

[ccecilia]

His touch had been so brief, it was almost like torture, the way his hand grazed so gently against her skin. He always knew just how to make her feel better, everything about him giving her a peace she never really had before. He was her anchor, the one who could bring her back from anything. Well. Almost. Helping her with a panic attack was so much different than getting her out of jail. And yet, all she wanted to do was rid herself of these chains and curl up against him, have him take her home and just lay with her. Something, anything to get her away from here and back into his arms.

But that was no longer her reality. Her reality included rusty chains and ratty robes, slop food and little sunlight. The Auror had said that she could be in here for the rest of her life. Forever. And the worst part was that she understood, agreed that this was probably what she deserved.

She had been blessed for a short moment, to be so genuinely happy with someone she loved so much. Maybe it wasn't long enough but she felt like having it at all was the luckiest she would get.

"George-"

She faltered, catching her bottom lip between her teeth.

"I don't think they're going to understand all that-" she said. "I just- I'm just so glad you came to see me-"

[george_goesboom]

George's hands hovered above hers, not touching (stupid senseless fucked rule, that was) but close enough to feel the chill radiating from her as he leaned in as much as he could, ghosting the movements of contact he so desperately wished to make, stopped only by the nagging fear of how she might end up being made to pay for his own insubordinations should he push any farther against the wailed orders of the robotic voice.

"If you thought I'd let you rot in here without even at least dropping in to say hello, then you need to do some serious reevaluating of our relationship," he said, managing to work at least some semblance of humor into his tone, weighed down as it was by the dreary heaviness that seemed to have settled at the pit of his stomach since Susan had burst into his shop with news he hadn't quite been able to immediately process or to even fully accept until moments ago when he had seen her being harshly shoved into the damp, somber room.

"They'll understand, alright? They have to understand. There's enough people that'll speak on your behalf- Ces, I promise, I swear to you, you are not going to be stuck here forever. I'm not letting them just take you away like this. We'll figure something out, please believe that-"

Because he had seen that look in her eye. The way her shoulders uncharacteristically hunched, that hesitant hitch in her voice, the frayed meekness with which she had stumbled in that couldn't entirely be blamed on the stiff, style-less robes or a day spent without basic self-care amenities. It was a look of final, fightless resignation. And that, more than anything, was what really delivered that pinpointed heartbreaking blow.

[ccecilia]

She had been weak when she was younger, so determined to please her parents that she fell into this blind ideology and did whatever was asked of her. She wanted them to love her the way she thought parents were supposed to, to feel proud of her. It never dawned on her that she was just a solider born for their war, for their own cause. It wasn't until she realized what was being asked of her, that even when she was training with Bellatrix Lestrange, even when she was helping Draco to fix the Vanishing Cabinet that nothing changed.

Except for her. She became the monster that did their bidding. Even when it made her uncomfortable and sick and shaken.

"How?"

The word was quiet, shaky, Cecilia not able to comprehend why anyone would speak on her behalf now, not when all the things she did were sprawled across the papers, written their in black ink. Those things couldn't be erased. They couldn't be undone.

"George- don't you think this is right?" she asked him. "Don't you think it's time I sit punishment? I got away with so much-"

She blinked back the tears stinging at her eyes.

"I became a Healer because I wanted to make up for everything- but I should have known that it wasn't going to be enough-"

[george_goesboom]

"Don't. Don't do that. Nothing about this is right. I don't care what you got away with when you were a kid, the person you're now doesn't deserve to waste away in some grimy cell because of what you were raised around-"

He expected and anticipated the sharp mechanical cry of 'no touching' as he closed that barely-there distance to give her hands a quick proper squeeze, because he couldn't not, every inch of him was leaning forward and desperate to hold her and cold and itchy from the lack of contact when all he was apparently meant to be able to do was sit here and watch as the person he loved more than anything, more than he had ever thought he was capable of loving, sank into herself, pulled back by the haunts of her past that had been summoned up to rip her away.

George had never been one to follow rules. 'Do not enter' signs begged to be passed by and 'silence please' obviously meant that a firework or twelve needed to be set off, and while justice generally called for a punishment to match a crime, he didn't need to weigh any morals or considerations to know that whatever Cecilia was being accused of, whatever she had or hadn't done, this wasn't what she deserved. Justice was a fickle thing, and in this case, biased as he might be, the rules just weren't meant to be applied. The rules just couldn't be applied.

'No touching-' It rang out again, seemingly louder than before, George realizing that what had been meant as a quick reassuring squeeze had indadvertedly turned into a vice-like hold, tightened by desperation and disbelief.

He quickly (so very reluctantly) pulled his hands away again, his gaze firmly meeting hers.

"You're not- you can't-" The catch in his throat that came from deeper down than even the lump he had been having to swallow around since Susan's appearance at the shop suddenly seemed to swell up a bit more, unexpectedly and unnecessarily, but there he was, overwhelmed by the rush of perfectly selfish emotion and anguish.

The quiet sternness with which he had been speaking, a shallow attempt at grabbing for some kind of control or understanding, fizzled down to a mere scratchy whisper.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do if you-" If you're taken away. If you never come back. If you're locked in here until you forget who you even were before and my heart gets locked up and forgotten here right along with you-

"You can't, okay. We're getting you out-"

[ccecilia]

His words brought on a terribly bittersweet realization, Cecilia's lips parting slightly as they sunk in, the lump forming in her throat growing tighter as her tears flowed freely now, Cecilia wanting to desperately reach back for George, that grip on her hand not long enough, no matter how loudly the voice screamed at them. This wasn't supposed to be like this. Not when everything had just settled down, when the two of them had finally fallen into a groove where they were happy and carefree and there wasn't anything black and dark haunting them anymore.

She had spent her whole life looking for someone to love her this way. Something uncomplicated and clear and honest- things she was never given the grace to have before she met George.

He was, without a doubt, the greatest (and only true) love of her life. He made her better. He was the only person who could ever cut through her anxieties, the only one to ever make her see clearly.

George showed her how to breath when she couldn't do it on her own.

And that realization hit her so harshly now that she knew she might truly be stuck in here without him and that she wasn't the only one affected by that. He was too.

"I don't know what to do," she said, swallowing. "George- what can we do? How do I-"

She rubbed at her eyes again, the cool of the chains grazing against her chin causing her to shudder.

"What do we do?"

[george_goesboom]

The anguish that twisted him up as he watched that shudder run through her, saw the tears streaking her face as he sat powerless and unable to do or say anything to stop them, went beyond even the sharpest of physical pains he could have imagined.

And yet there was nothing he could do about it. No immediate solution. This wasn't a problem that would be resolved by the usual rash actions and explosive antics he generally relied on, any of which would not only fail to remedy the situation, it would make things harder for her.

He had never cared more about helping, yet had never felt more helpless.

His nails dug into his palms, hands balled into fists in an attempt to wrangle that painful instinct to reach out for her again. Like everything else, the simplicity of a mere touch was something that was never so desperately missed and desired as when it was taken away.

But it wouldn't do anyone any good to dwell on that or to continue inciting the robotic shriek of that faceless voice. Even as he felt his heart crumbling to pieces, George stubbornly shook his head, forcing this mind to focus, to think beyond the overwhelming worry and confusion.

"Something- we'll do something," he told her firmly, eyes steadily focused on hers. "You'll have your trial- I'll talk to Harry, to my brother- Hermione's with the Wizengamot- hell, I'll go straight to Shacklebolt if that's what it takes. You're not getting stuck in here-"

[ccecilia]

Cecilia only nodded her head, blond waves of hair falling into her face as she tried to swallow. She couldn't fight the twisted feeling sitting in the pit of her stomach. It was the guilt tangling in her heart with the desperate want to leave. No matter what she felt about her past, Azkaban terrified her. She didn't want to pay her penance in this way. She didn't want to sit here in this dark room like this, not being able to touch George or hold him or tell him that everything was going to be fine.

Taking him away from her was the punishment that pained her the most, after finally finding someone that made her this happy-

And she knew there wasn't much time left. That the prison wasn't exactly keen on long visits. She had been given a long list of rules when she was first admitted, the woman at the front desk seemingly bored and tired and snapping at her gum as she alerted Cecilia to the way her life would be as long as she was within these walls.

She was just so bloody scared. She was terrified that no matter what they did, she was still going to be here. And if this was how she felt after one day, she wasn't sure how she'd manage for longer.

"Okay-"

She couldn't help but want to believe, though, that maybe there was something they could do. There had to be, right? Though, those names didn't inspire much confidence in the idea, her brow furrowing when she realized that none of those people could be too keen on helping her.

But hope was all that she had.

"I'm afraid, George-" she said quietly.

[george_goesboom]

George was more than aware that, all things considered, just about anyone and everyone he might be able to call upon for help would only be doing so (that is, if they did so, though if ever there was a time in which George would have been more inclined to be relentlessly convincing, he sure as hell couldn't remember it now) for his sake rather than hers.

While his alliances might run deep, most of them rooted to his family's history and their role in both wars, he couldn't fool himself into thinking the same was true for her. The list of people who would both instinctively take her side and actually have trustworthy pull in the face of such grave accusations was a dreadfully short one.

But he hadn't gotten where he had by being easily detered. When it mattered (and this, Cecilia, mattered, more than anything else had ever mattered before), when he made up his mind, there was no stopping him, however unlikely the chance of success.

"I know-" he told her, his words as quietly spoken as her own.

He wanted to tell her that she shouldn't be. That there was nothing to be afraid of. That it would all be okay.

But he had never tried to lie to her, and he wasn't about to start to now-

"I promise you. I'll do everything I can to fix this. We're getting you out. Just- hold on for a little while, okay?"

[ccecilia]

"I'll understand if you can't-"

She said it softly, pressing her lips together as she chewed roughly on the inside of her mouth, pressing down harshly on her skin to prevent herself from crying any further, already so tired of the way she felt while she was here.

"Honestly, George- if you can't- it's okay, I don't want you to-"

But a slight and quiet beeping noise filled the space, something so light that Cecilia barely heard it at first. But then, suddenly, it grew louder and then the voice popped in again with a blaring "TEN MINUTES-" and she jerked in her seat. That was too soon and she panicked slightly, her eyes widening as she realized that he'd be taken from her all over again and she'd be alone in her cell.

"I don't want you to go-" she said, a sob choking in her throat. "Don't make him go-" she said, to whatever voice was watching over them.

[george_goesboom]

Ten minutes-

George's eyes widened at that entirely unwelcome robotically shrieked announcement, a whole new surge of panic and dread and desperation flaring up under his skin as he glanced back at Cecilia, once again curling his fingers into his palms to keep from reacting to that heart wrenching sob with an instinctive grab, the sound and sight of her shaking shoulders once more twisting at that knife that had casually settled itself in the pit of his stomach.

"It'll be fine, okay," he said, quiet and desperate as he leaned forward to catch her eye again.

If it had been an option, or it if had made any progressive sort of sense, he would have stayed. If it meant he could watch over her, or touch her again without some disembodied voice yelling at them, or if it in any way helped her to not be alone and scared and chained up and shaking, he would have gladly taken up residence in that cell next to hers, would have traded spots in a heartbeat without giving it a second thought.

But that rhythmic beeping continued to count down their time together, and he knew that no amount of pleading or wishful thinking could changing anything-

"Look at me- you'll be fine. I'll be back as soon as they let me. And you'll be out of here soon. Okay? I promise. You are getting out of here-"

Nothing else mattered. Nothing but that conviction, that need, that absolute, indisputable necessity that no matter what, no matter what had to be done or said or argued about, she was getting out-

[ccecilia]

Cecilia was strong. She could push herself through the Imperius Curse and she could live through the the most unbearable pain Bellatrix ever bestowed upon her. She had lived through it all and somehow survived. She had tried so hard to make a brand new life for herself but she should have known it wouldn't last. Not when Lucius Malfoy returned, whatever sick and twisted obsession he had with her unending. If she had known what it would have led to, she wasn't sure she would have fought so hard that day he took her captive in Malfoy Manor.

Because now, as she sat so close to George and yet incapable of even touching him the slightest bit, she knew that this was worse than all of it.

She looked back to him, her bright eyes dark and glistening as she nodded.

"I promise," she said weakly, feeling such shame that it was coursing through her entire time. "Please come back," she told him. "Don't-"

She paused, wiping her hands again at her face.

"I love you-"

[george_goesboom]

"I love you- so much-"

George leaned in that much closer to her, scooted forward in his chair so that their knees were just a fraction of an inch from touching, his forehead hovering barely just away from hers, his hands uncurling from their bunched fists to linger somewhat shakily over hers, just enough distance left between them to not incite the voice's wrath or spur the suspicions of the guard that had started peaking in through the door's small window as the countdown continued.

It wasn't enough, not nearly, not even close, but it was all he had-

"I'll come back. I promise. I'm not going anywhere, remember?"

[ccecilia]

Sometimes it startled Cecilia to know that George had only been in her life for less than a year. Barely six months together and somehow, they'd been through kidnappings and gun shots and a whole mess of trouble brought on by things that she thought had been left behind. And yet, somehow, they were still together, like this, bodies hovering so close together because it was all they had right now.

A slight hint of a smile broke through to her features.

"I'm not going anywhere-"

He had said that to her the day he held her in the hospital, pushing her through her panic attack, letting her know that he cared about her even after just their one date. And he was saying it again now.

"I don't know what I would do if you did," she said, her hand reaching out as if to graze against his cheek but barely touching him, for fear of that horrible screech.

Just then, the door opened and a guard stepped inside.

"Jacobs- you're finished," he said gruffly. "Come on-"

[george_goesboom]

Whatever short amount of time they had been allowed had gone by entirely too quickly, and even with the muted countdown drilling itself in his ears, the guard's entrance still caught George by surprise, aching desperation turning to panic in his chest as his gaze flicked haltingly across her face, as to memorize the features that were already so starkly imprinted in his mind from months of getting to know every inch and detail of her.

Before he could even think of stopping himself, his hovering hands grabbed frenziedly at hers, and he leaned in to catch her lips in a quick but firm and lingering kiss to her lips.

Thankfully they were spared the shrill faceless reprimand this time, but the guard stiffly shuffled in, muttering a rough "Alright, enough-" as he took hold of Cecilia upper arm and all but yanked her up out of her chair.

George scrambled after her as she was dragged back out of the room, his heart pounding painfully in his chest, instinctively still trying to reach out to her.

"You'll be fine, okay? We'll fix this, we'll get you out, I promise- I love you- it'll be fine-"

[ccecilia]

She didn't dare shift against the guard's grip, letting him lead her back away from George, knowing that fighting would bring her a much worse punishment than that all too brief kiss. The familiar taste of him lingered on her lips, Cecilia pressing them together as if to savor that warmth- a sensation she knew would be insanely short-lived once she stepped back into the blistery corridor.

"I love you-" she said, voice soft, cracking against the threat of tears, knowing he didn't deserve to see them again, not when she fell apart on him already, Cecilia always falling apart on him.

But that was all she could say before she was taken out of the room and the door shut behind her.

She cried the entire walk back to her cell, quiet, silent tears streaming down her face as they undid her chains and locked her back inside the little cell that was now her only sanctuary.

And all she could see was George's face in her head.