Original: "Origin Story," Part 7
Bingo!
A03
Bess and I went our separate ways after the party ended, but I caught her eye as we disembarked. She nodded and I dipped my chin. I took a circuitous journey through the city, going too far north before swinging back south to her building. I paused in the lobby and smiled at how unusual it would be to enter her apartment normally, walking in through the front door rather than ducking under her windowsill. I climbed to the third floor and knocked, and the smile she gave me revealed she’d been thinking along the same lines.
“I don’t suppose you’d let me run outside and climb up the fire escape?”
Her smile widened and she opened the door wider. “Come inside.”
The apartment was only lit by two lamps, one of which had a red shirt draped over its shade. I turned to face her and she touched my cheek, stepping close to slowly scan my features. I felt self-conscious as her thumb brushed the corner of my mouth, her small finger heavy on my jaw.
“You have such beautiful eyes. I always wondered.”
“It’s nice to see you without the filter.” I put my hands on her hips. “So you’re not disappointed?”
She shook her head. “Not at all. I mean, look at you.” She lightly brushed her lips across mine, and I took the initiative to turn her invitation into something more. She moved her hands to my shoulders and then the back of my neck, moaning as I turned us and pressed her against the wall. She put her hand in my hair to pull me away from her, freeing her lips to kiss under my eyes and the bridge of my nose. I smiled as she kissed the parts of me that had heretofore always been hidden from her. As she explored I slipped my hand up her back and tugged down the zipper of her dress.
“You clean up very well,” she whispered before she nipped my ear.
I pulled her dress off, and she dropped her arms so she could push it down her body. She stepped out of the clothes and took my hand to draw me toward the bed. She watched me the entire way as if she was trying to take note of my every facial tic and twitch. Under other circumstances I would have felt self-conscious by her attentions I felt comforted. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at me.
“I want to see you bare. Completely.”
I undressed slowly for her. When my breasts were bared she leaned forward to kiss between them. She took one nipple into her mouth and stroked the other with her fingers as I pushed my dress and underclothes down. I placed my knees on either side of her and lowered myself onto her lap. She cradled me, her hands in the center of my back as she kissed her way back up to my face. She stroked one finger along the shell of my ear and looked at me from up close. She whispered my name and I kissed the corner of her mouth.
“I love you.”
“That’s an odd thing to say,” I whispered back, smiling.
“Why?”
I shrugged. “You were looking for someone to go to bed with tonight at the party. That’s not exactly a sign of devotion, is it?”
She pulled back when I tried to kiss her. “And that’s not an appropriate response to someone saying they love you.” I tried to pull her back to me, but she put her hands flat on my chest. “No. The only reason I was looking for someone tonight was because Carapace never seemed real to me. You weren’t real to me until I saw your face.”
“So you’ve only known me about five minutes. How could you possibly love me that quickly?”
“I do.”
“No. You don’t.” I relaxed, her knees digging into my rear end. I sighed and closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see part of her body and weaken my resolve. “This was a mistake.”
Bess put her hands on my arms. “Wait...”
“I shouldn’t have revealed who I was. This just muddied everything up.” I lifted up off her lap, and her hands dropped away as I turned to retrieve my clothes.
She put her feet up on the edge of the bed, once again using her knees to cover herself. She wrapped her arms around her legs and watched me dress.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s fine. You spoke your mind. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just...”
“You don’t believe me.”
I shrugged and looked at her over my shoulder. “You don’t know me. Not really. And that’s my fault. You know Carapace, and Carapace isn’t real. She’s not someone you could love.”
Bess stood up and put on a robe. She moved to stand next to me and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “I hope I haven’t ruined things between you and me. It might not be love, I may have just used the wrong word. All I know is that I really treasure what we have. Professionally, physically, I think we have something good. I think it could be remarkable if we give it a chance. Don’t let one slip-up ruin everything.”
“I need to go.”
“Will you come back?”
I honestly didn’t know, so I remained silent. I walked to the door once I was presentable, but I stopped with my hand on the knob. “Bess... this is awkward...”
“Your secret is safe with me,” she said quietly. “Hell, even if I wanted to, I’d have to admit I figured it out from the way you kiss.”
“Might be kind of difficult to explain.”
“Just a little.”
I paused and sighed. “I’m sorry, Bess. I care about you a lot, too. Maybe I sabotaged something really special by starting it the way I did. Behind a mask, keeping my real name from you... maybe that was all stupid and wrong.”
“I suppose time will tell.”
“Yeah. I’ll see you again another day.”
She nodded and I left the apartment, regretting so many things that I didn’t even know where to begin. I had intended to take the night off due to the party, but being Carapace was something I knew I could do well. I had recovered enough from the incident on the harbor that I felt confident going out again. I went directly to Isaiah’s lair, suited up, and headed out.
#
“...and Stringer’s men recovered something from the harbor.”
I looked up at that. One of the rats, a girl named Zona, had been reporting on that week’s surveillance. I had been listening with half an ear, distracted by the situation with Bess and Aline’s continuing romance with the housekeeper. But assuming the item retrieved was the box I had kicked off the boat a week earlier, my attention was seized.
“Wait. Are you positive it was Stringer’s men?”
She looked at me, large black eyes wide in her dirty face. She looked at her notes, tongue poking out between her lips. After rechecking her information she nodded.
“There were a couple of guys I recognized from other places.”
That didn’t make sense. Why would Stringer be recovering the item? “It was a box, about this long, wide...” I gestured with my hands and she nodded. “Curious. Anything else?”
“Nope. Oh, Sutherland’s trial is starting Monday.”
I nodded. “I’m aware. Thank you, Zona. You’ve been very helpful.”
She beamed and scurried off, most likely to brag to the other rats I’d said she was helpful. They took an inordinate amount of pride in finding some scrap I would praise them for. Isaiah had been watching and, once the girl was gone, he approached me and spoke in a low voice.
“You need to be careful. They’ll turn information gathering into a sport.”
I shrugged. “That could lead to even better intelligence.”
“Or it could lead to them taking unnecessary risks. One of them could get hurt.”
“I never asked them to do this, Isaiah.”
“No, but you haven’t discouraged them.”
“Damn it,” I growled. “I’m not their mother. Is it my fault they idolize me? Is it my fault they treat me like some sort of hero?”
Isaiah picked up the mask and held it up so I was looking into the lenses. “This doesn’t help humanize you.”
I snatched the mask from him. “This is necessary.”
“No one’s questioning that. But those kids know your real name, and they still call you Carapace when you’re not around. The younger ones, I think they may not know you’re really a human being under this thing.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe someday I’ll be hurt, and one of them will put on the mask, carry on the tradition.”
Isaiah shook his head. “Don’t say that.”
“I’m not the important one,” I said as I snatched the mask from him. I held it up. “She’s the only thing that’s important. She’s the only one who matters in this city. The other person, the face I show to the world... she’s just a cover.”
“She has friends, a job, a home...”
“Parts of the illusion,” I said.
Isaiah stared at me. “If you truly believe that, then maybe it’s time to take a break from the mask. Just for a little while.”
“There’s no time to take a break. I just found out Stringer recovered something that Odom snuck into the country. Either that means Stringer has a mole inside Odom’s organization, which means he’s planning to take over, or they’re working together. I’m not sure which would be more devastating, but I need to find out before I can respond. I also need to find out what was in that box.”
“Weapons seems a likely possibility.”
“If it was just guns, they wouldn’t go to the effort of retrieving it. They’d just bring in more. This box must be something unique.” I shook my head to dispel the speculation. “I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough. For now I need to focus on Stringer and Odom. Bess Keaton might have some information that could help me figure out if they’re partners or rivals.”
“Bess Keaton,” Isaiah said.
“Don’t start.”
He held up his hands to show he had no ulterior motives. I was skeptical. I grabbed my jacket on the way out of the room and looked down at the mask as I headed for the exit. My purposes for visiting Bess were pure, I told myself, but Isaiah had a point. Aline might have had access to better and more recent information but I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to hear her voice or simply sit in her presence. Part of my outburst with Bess had been due to the fact she’d said those words first. She didn’t know me, she barely knew Carapace, but I knew her. I was in love with her. But she had broken the ice before I had, and I was embarrassed. In addition to finding information about Odom and Stringer’s possible conflict, I wanted to take the opportunity to apologize to her.
I crossed the city by my typical rooftop route, but this time I heard shouts from the street as I passed. Every time I thought it was someone in duress, but every time I looked down I spotted someone waving and smiling up at me. I was becoming something more than myself; I was a symbol. Carapace was more than me, more than the mask or the costume. I was their hope.
I arrived at Bess’ apartment and crouched next to the window to knock as I always did. This time I paused and stared at the closed curtains before I noticed the small piece of paper taped to the inside of the glass. “YOU’RE NOT WELCOME HERE. ‘SHE’ CAN USE THE FRONT DOOR, IF SHE WANTS.” I stared for a long moment, my fist slowly dropping from its ready-to-knock position to rest on my knee. Did I want? What was my real purpose for coming here? Information or apology, preservation of our personal relationship? If I had to choose between making Bess into one or the other, source or lover, which could I live with losing?
I stood up and thought of Bess sitting in the apartment. How long had the note been in the window? How long had she been waiting to see which version of me would show up? I rubbed my fingertips against my thumbs and looked up at the sky. Whatever decision I made could never be unmade. I turned and descended the fire escape ladder, standing in the alley for a long moment before I retreated into the shadows between buildings.
#
The door opened and Bess stared out at me for a long moment. She took a deep breath and, as she released it, allowed a shaky smile to cross her features. “I heard you out on the fire escape,” she said. “For once I was pleading with you not to knock on the glass.”
I had stripped down to my undershirt, one of Isaiah’s, and wrapped the various items of the Carapace were bound in the coat I had tucked under my arm. My hair was a mess, and my brow and upper lip were wet with sweat from my run across the city. I knew I must have looked horrendous, but Bess looked at me and I felt as gorgeous as I’d been the night aboard the airship, the night she really saw me for the first time.
“So you’re not disappointed?” I asked.
She put her hand on my neck and pushed her fingers up into my hair. She pulled me close and whispered my name just before our lips met. Aline and the rest of the city could see me as Carapace. They could look up at my masked face and peer into my lenses for hope. I could deal with being an effigy so long as one person, one beautiful and tremendous person, saw me for myself. If no one else in the entire city knew me, I could cope so long as Elizabeth Keaton did. I took her in my arms and lifted her off her feet, taking her into the apartment and kicking the door shut behind us.
A03
Bess and I went our separate ways after the party ended, but I caught her eye as we disembarked. She nodded and I dipped my chin. I took a circuitous journey through the city, going too far north before swinging back south to her building. I paused in the lobby and smiled at how unusual it would be to enter her apartment normally, walking in through the front door rather than ducking under her windowsill. I climbed to the third floor and knocked, and the smile she gave me revealed she’d been thinking along the same lines.
“I don’t suppose you’d let me run outside and climb up the fire escape?”
Her smile widened and she opened the door wider. “Come inside.”
The apartment was only lit by two lamps, one of which had a red shirt draped over its shade. I turned to face her and she touched my cheek, stepping close to slowly scan my features. I felt self-conscious as her thumb brushed the corner of my mouth, her small finger heavy on my jaw.
“You have such beautiful eyes. I always wondered.”
“It’s nice to see you without the filter.” I put my hands on her hips. “So you’re not disappointed?”
She shook her head. “Not at all. I mean, look at you.” She lightly brushed her lips across mine, and I took the initiative to turn her invitation into something more. She moved her hands to my shoulders and then the back of my neck, moaning as I turned us and pressed her against the wall. She put her hand in my hair to pull me away from her, freeing her lips to kiss under my eyes and the bridge of my nose. I smiled as she kissed the parts of me that had heretofore always been hidden from her. As she explored I slipped my hand up her back and tugged down the zipper of her dress.
“You clean up very well,” she whispered before she nipped my ear.
I pulled her dress off, and she dropped her arms so she could push it down her body. She stepped out of the clothes and took my hand to draw me toward the bed. She watched me the entire way as if she was trying to take note of my every facial tic and twitch. Under other circumstances I would have felt self-conscious by her attentions I felt comforted. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at me.
“I want to see you bare. Completely.”
I undressed slowly for her. When my breasts were bared she leaned forward to kiss between them. She took one nipple into her mouth and stroked the other with her fingers as I pushed my dress and underclothes down. I placed my knees on either side of her and lowered myself onto her lap. She cradled me, her hands in the center of my back as she kissed her way back up to my face. She stroked one finger along the shell of my ear and looked at me from up close. She whispered my name and I kissed the corner of her mouth.
“I love you.”
“That’s an odd thing to say,” I whispered back, smiling.
“Why?”
I shrugged. “You were looking for someone to go to bed with tonight at the party. That’s not exactly a sign of devotion, is it?”
She pulled back when I tried to kiss her. “And that’s not an appropriate response to someone saying they love you.” I tried to pull her back to me, but she put her hands flat on my chest. “No. The only reason I was looking for someone tonight was because Carapace never seemed real to me. You weren’t real to me until I saw your face.”
“So you’ve only known me about five minutes. How could you possibly love me that quickly?”
“I do.”
“No. You don’t.” I relaxed, her knees digging into my rear end. I sighed and closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see part of her body and weaken my resolve. “This was a mistake.”
Bess put her hands on my arms. “Wait...”
“I shouldn’t have revealed who I was. This just muddied everything up.” I lifted up off her lap, and her hands dropped away as I turned to retrieve my clothes.
She put her feet up on the edge of the bed, once again using her knees to cover herself. She wrapped her arms around her legs and watched me dress.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s fine. You spoke your mind. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just...”
“You don’t believe me.”
I shrugged and looked at her over my shoulder. “You don’t know me. Not really. And that’s my fault. You know Carapace, and Carapace isn’t real. She’s not someone you could love.”
Bess stood up and put on a robe. She moved to stand next to me and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “I hope I haven’t ruined things between you and me. It might not be love, I may have just used the wrong word. All I know is that I really treasure what we have. Professionally, physically, I think we have something good. I think it could be remarkable if we give it a chance. Don’t let one slip-up ruin everything.”
“I need to go.”
“Will you come back?”
I honestly didn’t know, so I remained silent. I walked to the door once I was presentable, but I stopped with my hand on the knob. “Bess... this is awkward...”
“Your secret is safe with me,” she said quietly. “Hell, even if I wanted to, I’d have to admit I figured it out from the way you kiss.”
“Might be kind of difficult to explain.”
“Just a little.”
I paused and sighed. “I’m sorry, Bess. I care about you a lot, too. Maybe I sabotaged something really special by starting it the way I did. Behind a mask, keeping my real name from you... maybe that was all stupid and wrong.”
“I suppose time will tell.”
“Yeah. I’ll see you again another day.”
She nodded and I left the apartment, regretting so many things that I didn’t even know where to begin. I had intended to take the night off due to the party, but being Carapace was something I knew I could do well. I had recovered enough from the incident on the harbor that I felt confident going out again. I went directly to Isaiah’s lair, suited up, and headed out.
#
“...and Stringer’s men recovered something from the harbor.”
I looked up at that. One of the rats, a girl named Zona, had been reporting on that week’s surveillance. I had been listening with half an ear, distracted by the situation with Bess and Aline’s continuing romance with the housekeeper. But assuming the item retrieved was the box I had kicked off the boat a week earlier, my attention was seized.
“Wait. Are you positive it was Stringer’s men?”
She looked at me, large black eyes wide in her dirty face. She looked at her notes, tongue poking out between her lips. After rechecking her information she nodded.
“There were a couple of guys I recognized from other places.”
That didn’t make sense. Why would Stringer be recovering the item? “It was a box, about this long, wide...” I gestured with my hands and she nodded. “Curious. Anything else?”
“Nope. Oh, Sutherland’s trial is starting Monday.”
I nodded. “I’m aware. Thank you, Zona. You’ve been very helpful.”
She beamed and scurried off, most likely to brag to the other rats I’d said she was helpful. They took an inordinate amount of pride in finding some scrap I would praise them for. Isaiah had been watching and, once the girl was gone, he approached me and spoke in a low voice.
“You need to be careful. They’ll turn information gathering into a sport.”
I shrugged. “That could lead to even better intelligence.”
“Or it could lead to them taking unnecessary risks. One of them could get hurt.”
“I never asked them to do this, Isaiah.”
“No, but you haven’t discouraged them.”
“Damn it,” I growled. “I’m not their mother. Is it my fault they idolize me? Is it my fault they treat me like some sort of hero?”
Isaiah picked up the mask and held it up so I was looking into the lenses. “This doesn’t help humanize you.”
I snatched the mask from him. “This is necessary.”
“No one’s questioning that. But those kids know your real name, and they still call you Carapace when you’re not around. The younger ones, I think they may not know you’re really a human being under this thing.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe someday I’ll be hurt, and one of them will put on the mask, carry on the tradition.”
Isaiah shook his head. “Don’t say that.”
“I’m not the important one,” I said as I snatched the mask from him. I held it up. “She’s the only thing that’s important. She’s the only one who matters in this city. The other person, the face I show to the world... she’s just a cover.”
“She has friends, a job, a home...”
“Parts of the illusion,” I said.
Isaiah stared at me. “If you truly believe that, then maybe it’s time to take a break from the mask. Just for a little while.”
“There’s no time to take a break. I just found out Stringer recovered something that Odom snuck into the country. Either that means Stringer has a mole inside Odom’s organization, which means he’s planning to take over, or they’re working together. I’m not sure which would be more devastating, but I need to find out before I can respond. I also need to find out what was in that box.”
“Weapons seems a likely possibility.”
“If it was just guns, they wouldn’t go to the effort of retrieving it. They’d just bring in more. This box must be something unique.” I shook my head to dispel the speculation. “I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough. For now I need to focus on Stringer and Odom. Bess Keaton might have some information that could help me figure out if they’re partners or rivals.”
“Bess Keaton,” Isaiah said.
“Don’t start.”
He held up his hands to show he had no ulterior motives. I was skeptical. I grabbed my jacket on the way out of the room and looked down at the mask as I headed for the exit. My purposes for visiting Bess were pure, I told myself, but Isaiah had a point. Aline might have had access to better and more recent information but I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to hear her voice or simply sit in her presence. Part of my outburst with Bess had been due to the fact she’d said those words first. She didn’t know me, she barely knew Carapace, but I knew her. I was in love with her. But she had broken the ice before I had, and I was embarrassed. In addition to finding information about Odom and Stringer’s possible conflict, I wanted to take the opportunity to apologize to her.
I crossed the city by my typical rooftop route, but this time I heard shouts from the street as I passed. Every time I thought it was someone in duress, but every time I looked down I spotted someone waving and smiling up at me. I was becoming something more than myself; I was a symbol. Carapace was more than me, more than the mask or the costume. I was their hope.
I arrived at Bess’ apartment and crouched next to the window to knock as I always did. This time I paused and stared at the closed curtains before I noticed the small piece of paper taped to the inside of the glass. “YOU’RE NOT WELCOME HERE. ‘SHE’ CAN USE THE FRONT DOOR, IF SHE WANTS.” I stared for a long moment, my fist slowly dropping from its ready-to-knock position to rest on my knee. Did I want? What was my real purpose for coming here? Information or apology, preservation of our personal relationship? If I had to choose between making Bess into one or the other, source or lover, which could I live with losing?
I stood up and thought of Bess sitting in the apartment. How long had the note been in the window? How long had she been waiting to see which version of me would show up? I rubbed my fingertips against my thumbs and looked up at the sky. Whatever decision I made could never be unmade. I turned and descended the fire escape ladder, standing in the alley for a long moment before I retreated into the shadows between buildings.
#
The door opened and Bess stared out at me for a long moment. She took a deep breath and, as she released it, allowed a shaky smile to cross her features. “I heard you out on the fire escape,” she said. “For once I was pleading with you not to knock on the glass.”
I had stripped down to my undershirt, one of Isaiah’s, and wrapped the various items of the Carapace were bound in the coat I had tucked under my arm. My hair was a mess, and my brow and upper lip were wet with sweat from my run across the city. I knew I must have looked horrendous, but Bess looked at me and I felt as gorgeous as I’d been the night aboard the airship, the night she really saw me for the first time.
“So you’re not disappointed?” I asked.
She put her hand on my neck and pushed her fingers up into my hair. She pulled me close and whispered my name just before our lips met. Aline and the rest of the city could see me as Carapace. They could look up at my masked face and peer into my lenses for hope. I could deal with being an effigy so long as one person, one beautiful and tremendous person, saw me for myself. If no one else in the entire city knew me, I could cope so long as Elizabeth Keaton did. I took her in my arms and lifted her off her feet, taking her into the apartment and kicking the door shut behind us.