Original: "Girls Don't Hit," Chapter Twenty-Five
Only one chapter today! And... I guess at 78,000 words I should start calling these "chapters," huh...? Really no point in beating around the bush. Also last night I was looking around on Amazon for an album to buy and WHAT? Heather Peace has an album? Apparently one of the images I used for a Joss icon is part of the album art photoshoot. I bought it, and it's awesome. Very jazzy and cool. She has an amazing voice. Very un-Joss, but still worth a listen. I hear she has another album somewhere but both versions of Amazon have failed me (US and UK). Anyway, promo over! On to the story!
AO3
25
Myles said the client was reluctant to pay for Scott Bradley since his death was so difficult to confirm as a homicide. Joss sat on the foot of the bed, wearing only an unbuttoned shirt and her underwear as she negotiated. Echo had woken up for the beginning of the call but Joss stroked her leg until she fell back to sleep. She finally got Myles to convince the client they had put themselves on the line and the death was, in fact, due to their actions. She added that the client had paid for Bradley’s death and that goal was achieved. The conversation finally ended with the client agreeing to pay, and Echo woke up as Joss put down her phone.
“What happened?”
“You’re getting paid.”
Echo rolled onto her stomach and crawled forward, wrapping her arms around Joss’ waist. She pressed her cheek against Joss’ hip. “Thank you.”
Joss stroked her hair. “My pleasure, baby.” She tucked Echo’s hair behind her ear and rested her hand on the curve of her neck. “Are you sure you want me to come visit you?”
“I am. I want you to see what I’m like away from...” She gestured at the hotel room. “I’m just worried about not acting naturally when you’re there. I’d want to impress you and I’d probably make myself look like a moron.”
Joss said, “Well, I already know where you live. So how about someday I fly up there without telling you and I watch you for a little while? Just until I get an idea what your life is like before I insert myself into the mix.”
“You mean the way we stalk targets?”
“Is that a little too weird?”
Echo sat up on her elbows and stared at the wall as she considered it. “No. It’s weird, but I think it’s kind of hot. You’re watching me, but you’re letting me live.”
“I think you just get turned on by anything.”
Echo grinned and looked up at her. “I get turned on by anything to do with you.”
Joss leaned back, and Echo scooted forward. She climbed into Joss’ lap facing her, legs tucked close as Joss put her hands in the small of Echo’s back to pull her closer.
“Do you like it when I kill?”
Echo nodded slowly. “Not so much the killing, really. I don’t feel much either way about that. But I like the power you have.” She moved her hips and Joss moved her hands to Echo’s ass. She rose to meet her and Echo pushed down. “I watch you with a gun in your hand, or while you’re watching a target trying to figure out how to kill them, and it makes my head swim.” She bent forward and brushed her lips against Joss’ lips. “You’re my goddess of death, Joss.”
Joss parted her lips and Echo’s tongue slipped inside. Joss sucked the tip of it, then pulled back and lowered herself to the mattress. Echo remained upright, legs tight around Joss’ waist, grinding against her as Joss shrugged out of her shirt.
“Then worship me.”
Echo smiled, put one hand between Joss’ breasts, and slowly began to rock her hips forward and back in a gentle rhythm. Joss put her hands on Echo’s upper thighs and ran her eyes up the girl’s body until they locked eyes. Echo smiled and, after a moment, so did Joss. She dug her fingers in and lifted her hips to meet Echo, the bed protesting underneath them as she picked up the pace. She quickly rolled her head back and curled her fingers on Joss’ chest, teeth bared as her legs tightened to squeeze Joss between them. “Oh, my God...”
“Your goddess.”
Echo opened her eyes and smiled. “My goddess.”
Joss reached up and pulled Echo down to kiss her. Echo pulled back and touched two fingers to Joss’ lips. When they caught their breath, she cupped Joss’ cheeks.
“What if Myles sends me after you?”
“What do you mean?”
Echo lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “You said Greta screwed up and he sent you to kill her for it. What if sometime in the future after you’ve sent me out solo, what if that happens with us?”
Joss thought about the possibility. “That’s how I want to go.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“I do. Myles is fair. If he puts my name on a list, then I’m sure I belong there. And if I have to die, I would want it to be at your hand.” Echo’s eyes were moist just from thinking about it, and Joss kissed her cheeks right below them. “I would want to take the chance to say goodbye.”
Echo sniffled. “I would, too. But I don’t think I could do it.”
Joss took Echo’s hands and guided them to her throat. Echo tried to pull them away but Joss’ grip was too firm. She held Echo’s gaze and said, “Let go when I pass out.”
“No...”
“You trust me. You put your faith in me. You let me hit you and choke you... this is me giving you some back.”
Echo visibly braced herself and then tightened her grip. Joss let go of her arms and rested her hands on Echo’s hips. She worked her jaw briefly, then closed her lips so Echo wouldn’t think she was gasping for air as she felt her throat tightening. Her vision went blurry at the edges and she slid her hand up Echo’s side, feeling disconnected as if touching her through cotton. She seemed to withdraw down a corridor that kept constricting tighter and tight until--
She gasped and widened her eyes, taking in a deep lungsful of air as Echo frantically stroked her cheeks. “Oh, thank God. Are you okay?” She was crying, and Joss tightened her hand on Echo’s side before she nodded. Echo kissed her and Joss breathed deeply through her nose as Echo breathed into her mouth. When they parted Joss rested her forehead against Echo’s and stroked her skin with her thumb.
“That’s the second time you’ve taken my breath away and brought me back to life,” Joss whispered. “I love you, Echo.”
Echo closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Joss, and Joss held her.
#
“How often do you say you love each other?”
Jocelyn narrowed her eyes. “I don’t understand the question.”
“It’s a fairly straightforward question,” Dr. Teague said. “It’s a feeling most people tend to take for granted in their relationships. We tend to expect the other person simply knows the feeling is there so we don’t feel the need to say it out loud. But how often do you tell Colin you love him?”
“I don’t know. It’s been a long time, I guess.”
“How do you feel about that?”
Jocelyn thought for a moment as if trying to land on a correct answer. “Fine, I guess.”
“Colin?” The doctor turned to him. She held her fist in front of her face, the thumb extended to rest underneath her chin. Her blonde hair was tied back in a loose bun, and she wore eyeglasses with colored frames. “When was the last time you told Jocelyn you loved her?”
“A few days ago when she left on one of her business trips.”
Jocelyn chuckled and looked down at her joined hands. Dr. Teague looked at her.
“Is something funny about that?”
“No, not the... just the way he says ‘business trip.’ So derisive, like they’re some bullshit story I told him. Those business trips mean I earn enough for him to work on his writing.”
“But you’ve admitted to being unfaithful on these business trips.”
“Sure.”
Dr. Teague rubbed her bottom lip against the top, working her jaw back and forth as if waiting for elaboration. Finally she tapped her stylus against the iPad she was using.
“You have affairs with women.”
Jocelyn nodded. “I do.”
“Do you ever tell these women that you’re married?”
“It doesn’t usually come up. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depends on if I think they’ll get turned on by the idea of cheating.”
“Do you ever tell them you love them?”
Jocelyn shook her head. “No.”
“Colin?”
He rubbed his thigh with his hand, squeezing the knee. “Yeah. I’ve told Shannon I love her.”
“You’ve been with Ms. Molloy for a long time. Over a year, right?” Colin nodded. “Recently you and Jocelyn had a rough patch in which divorce was a very real possibility. How did she take it when you chose to pull back, to try working things out here?”
“She didn’t take it very well. We haven’t seen each other in almost a week.”
Jocelyn said, “Sorry about that.”
“There’s no need to be sarcastic.”
“I’m not.” Jocelyn shrugged. “It would be hypocritical of me to blame him for cheating on me. I hope things work out with him and Shannon.”
“Which relationship takes priority for you, Jocelyn? If he works things out with Shannon to the detriment of this marriage, would you be willing to make that sacrifice?”
Jocelyn rolled her eyes. “For fuck’s sake. If she’s that desperate for him, bring her home. We’ll have a damn threesome and everyone will be happy. Just be sure she brings the handcuffs and wears her uniform. I like a little role play.”
Dr. Teague said, “Jocelyn, you can’t expect Colin to try and make his marriage work while attempting to heal the rift with his mistress. The two goals are mutually exclusive. You need to decide how much you love Colin and if you’re willing to do what it takes to fix the problems that you’re both having. If you love him enough to stay married to him, then you need to at least put off this idea of an open marriage until the foundation is a little stronger. I’m not endorsing the idea of an open marriage, by the way, but if it’s something you feel you need...” She sighed. “You need to decide whether you want to work on the marriage or set each other free to pursue these other entanglements.”
Jocelyn said, “I can’t do that, Dr. Teague. If I leave him, he’ll be homeless by summer. He relies on my income to support himself. As far as alimony goes, I find it ludicrous. It’s like selling your car to someone else and continuing to pay for their gas. It’s easier to just let Shannon borrow the car from time to time when she feels like taking a ride, but it’s still technically parked in my garage.”
“You realize you just insinuated your husband is an object that you own.”
“Isn’t he?”
“Wow.” Colin chuckled and shook his head.
Jocelyn pressed her lips together and looked at Dr. Teague’s high heels. He is an object, Dr. Teague, she wanted to say. And so are my children. They are the masks I wear to look normal so no one looks too hard at me. That is why I have to stay married to him. There is no other reason. And that is why we have to look outside the marriage for our satisfaction. I use him for appearances and he uses me for money. We don’t provide sex for each other so we’re forced to bring in outside help. We don’t need help fixing the marriage. We just need help accepting it for what it is: a financial arrangement.
Dr. Teague had said something while Jocelyn was speaking in her head and seemed to be expecting a response. Jocelyn dipped her head forward, looked at her hands, and then said, “I guess I’ll just have to work on that.”
“I don’t think you and Colin can make any progress in saving your marriage until you do. You have to see him as an equal partner, not a pet that you leave at home when you’re off earning a living.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“We have a few minutes left, if there’s anything you’d like to discuss or any topics you’d like to bring up.”
Colin cleared his throat and adjusted on his side of the couch. “Yeah, there’s something I’d like to talk about. And I’d prefer to do it here where Jocelyn can’t get away with her normal evasion or by storming out when she can’t come up with an answer.” He looked at her. “Where do you see us going? I mean, what’s the endgame, Jocelyn? Best case scenario is that we fix this little speed bump and then what? We grow old together? Send Madison off to college and watch Tommy grow up and do the same? Then we’ll be in our fifties and still going through this whole routine? I just want to know where you see us in twenty years when Tommy is all grown up and we don’t have this ‘for the kids’ excuse to fall back on for why we’re still together.”
Dr. Teague tilted her head to look at Jocelyn. “It’s an intriguing question. If you don’t see this being a viable partnership in twenty years then maybe we should just stop fighting right now.”
Jocelyn sat up straighter and rocked her head to the side to loosen her neck. “Twenty years from now. It’s a long time.” She tried to imagine herself spending another two decades with Colin, tried wrapping her mind around the idea they weren’t even at the halfway mark. It made her want to open a window and take a deep breath of fresh air, made her want to stand up and start walking until she reached an ocean. “I guess when you put it like that, Dr. Teague...” She reached out and took Colin’s hand. She looked at him and worked up a tremble in her voice, blinking until her eyes watered. “I want that. I want to make this work.”
Dr. Teague smiled. “I think we’ve made some excellent progress today.”
#
“That was bullshit, right?” Colin said as he drove them home. “The whole Oscar speech in there? Tears. Tears, Jocelyn! I almost bought it. But I know you too well to have been fooled.”
Jocelyn was watching out the window as the city passed by. “I have to go to Chicago this weekend.”
“Did you get another call?”
“No call. This isn’t business. I have something I need to do for a coworker.” She looked at him. “Call Shannon. Have a little romantic weekend. Have Madison watch Thomas and you can rekindle the old flame.”
“So that’s the endgame,” Colin said softly. “You and me playing house while Shannon plays second fiddle.”
“The way I see it, she’s getting a pretty sweet deal. All the fun, none of the responsibility. Just try to knock her up. This thing is complicated enough as it is.”
Colin started to say something but it devolved into a sigh by the time it reached his lips. “Maybe we should stop seeing Dr. Teague.”
“Does seem like a waste of time, doesn’t it.”
“No, Joss,” he said, almost hissing what he thought of as a derisive nickname. “This, what we’re doing right here and right now, our lives in this town? That is the waste of time.”
Jocelyn smiled and closed her eyes. “Finally. Something we agree on.”
AO3
25
Myles said the client was reluctant to pay for Scott Bradley since his death was so difficult to confirm as a homicide. Joss sat on the foot of the bed, wearing only an unbuttoned shirt and her underwear as she negotiated. Echo had woken up for the beginning of the call but Joss stroked her leg until she fell back to sleep. She finally got Myles to convince the client they had put themselves on the line and the death was, in fact, due to their actions. She added that the client had paid for Bradley’s death and that goal was achieved. The conversation finally ended with the client agreeing to pay, and Echo woke up as Joss put down her phone.
“What happened?”
“You’re getting paid.”
Echo rolled onto her stomach and crawled forward, wrapping her arms around Joss’ waist. She pressed her cheek against Joss’ hip. “Thank you.”
Joss stroked her hair. “My pleasure, baby.” She tucked Echo’s hair behind her ear and rested her hand on the curve of her neck. “Are you sure you want me to come visit you?”
“I am. I want you to see what I’m like away from...” She gestured at the hotel room. “I’m just worried about not acting naturally when you’re there. I’d want to impress you and I’d probably make myself look like a moron.”
Joss said, “Well, I already know where you live. So how about someday I fly up there without telling you and I watch you for a little while? Just until I get an idea what your life is like before I insert myself into the mix.”
“You mean the way we stalk targets?”
“Is that a little too weird?”
Echo sat up on her elbows and stared at the wall as she considered it. “No. It’s weird, but I think it’s kind of hot. You’re watching me, but you’re letting me live.”
“I think you just get turned on by anything.”
Echo grinned and looked up at her. “I get turned on by anything to do with you.”
Joss leaned back, and Echo scooted forward. She climbed into Joss’ lap facing her, legs tucked close as Joss put her hands in the small of Echo’s back to pull her closer.
“Do you like it when I kill?”
Echo nodded slowly. “Not so much the killing, really. I don’t feel much either way about that. But I like the power you have.” She moved her hips and Joss moved her hands to Echo’s ass. She rose to meet her and Echo pushed down. “I watch you with a gun in your hand, or while you’re watching a target trying to figure out how to kill them, and it makes my head swim.” She bent forward and brushed her lips against Joss’ lips. “You’re my goddess of death, Joss.”
Joss parted her lips and Echo’s tongue slipped inside. Joss sucked the tip of it, then pulled back and lowered herself to the mattress. Echo remained upright, legs tight around Joss’ waist, grinding against her as Joss shrugged out of her shirt.
“Then worship me.”
Echo smiled, put one hand between Joss’ breasts, and slowly began to rock her hips forward and back in a gentle rhythm. Joss put her hands on Echo’s upper thighs and ran her eyes up the girl’s body until they locked eyes. Echo smiled and, after a moment, so did Joss. She dug her fingers in and lifted her hips to meet Echo, the bed protesting underneath them as she picked up the pace. She quickly rolled her head back and curled her fingers on Joss’ chest, teeth bared as her legs tightened to squeeze Joss between them. “Oh, my God...”
“Your goddess.”
Echo opened her eyes and smiled. “My goddess.”
Joss reached up and pulled Echo down to kiss her. Echo pulled back and touched two fingers to Joss’ lips. When they caught their breath, she cupped Joss’ cheeks.
“What if Myles sends me after you?”
“What do you mean?”
Echo lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “You said Greta screwed up and he sent you to kill her for it. What if sometime in the future after you’ve sent me out solo, what if that happens with us?”
Joss thought about the possibility. “That’s how I want to go.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“I do. Myles is fair. If he puts my name on a list, then I’m sure I belong there. And if I have to die, I would want it to be at your hand.” Echo’s eyes were moist just from thinking about it, and Joss kissed her cheeks right below them. “I would want to take the chance to say goodbye.”
Echo sniffled. “I would, too. But I don’t think I could do it.”
Joss took Echo’s hands and guided them to her throat. Echo tried to pull them away but Joss’ grip was too firm. She held Echo’s gaze and said, “Let go when I pass out.”
“No...”
“You trust me. You put your faith in me. You let me hit you and choke you... this is me giving you some back.”
Echo visibly braced herself and then tightened her grip. Joss let go of her arms and rested her hands on Echo’s hips. She worked her jaw briefly, then closed her lips so Echo wouldn’t think she was gasping for air as she felt her throat tightening. Her vision went blurry at the edges and she slid her hand up Echo’s side, feeling disconnected as if touching her through cotton. She seemed to withdraw down a corridor that kept constricting tighter and tight until--
She gasped and widened her eyes, taking in a deep lungsful of air as Echo frantically stroked her cheeks. “Oh, thank God. Are you okay?” She was crying, and Joss tightened her hand on Echo’s side before she nodded. Echo kissed her and Joss breathed deeply through her nose as Echo breathed into her mouth. When they parted Joss rested her forehead against Echo’s and stroked her skin with her thumb.
“That’s the second time you’ve taken my breath away and brought me back to life,” Joss whispered. “I love you, Echo.”
Echo closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Joss, and Joss held her.
#
“How often do you say you love each other?”
Jocelyn narrowed her eyes. “I don’t understand the question.”
“It’s a fairly straightforward question,” Dr. Teague said. “It’s a feeling most people tend to take for granted in their relationships. We tend to expect the other person simply knows the feeling is there so we don’t feel the need to say it out loud. But how often do you tell Colin you love him?”
“I don’t know. It’s been a long time, I guess.”
“How do you feel about that?”
Jocelyn thought for a moment as if trying to land on a correct answer. “Fine, I guess.”
“Colin?” The doctor turned to him. She held her fist in front of her face, the thumb extended to rest underneath her chin. Her blonde hair was tied back in a loose bun, and she wore eyeglasses with colored frames. “When was the last time you told Jocelyn you loved her?”
“A few days ago when she left on one of her business trips.”
Jocelyn chuckled and looked down at her joined hands. Dr. Teague looked at her.
“Is something funny about that?”
“No, not the... just the way he says ‘business trip.’ So derisive, like they’re some bullshit story I told him. Those business trips mean I earn enough for him to work on his writing.”
“But you’ve admitted to being unfaithful on these business trips.”
“Sure.”
Dr. Teague rubbed her bottom lip against the top, working her jaw back and forth as if waiting for elaboration. Finally she tapped her stylus against the iPad she was using.
“You have affairs with women.”
Jocelyn nodded. “I do.”
“Do you ever tell these women that you’re married?”
“It doesn’t usually come up. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depends on if I think they’ll get turned on by the idea of cheating.”
“Do you ever tell them you love them?”
Jocelyn shook her head. “No.”
“Colin?”
He rubbed his thigh with his hand, squeezing the knee. “Yeah. I’ve told Shannon I love her.”
“You’ve been with Ms. Molloy for a long time. Over a year, right?” Colin nodded. “Recently you and Jocelyn had a rough patch in which divorce was a very real possibility. How did she take it when you chose to pull back, to try working things out here?”
“She didn’t take it very well. We haven’t seen each other in almost a week.”
Jocelyn said, “Sorry about that.”
“There’s no need to be sarcastic.”
“I’m not.” Jocelyn shrugged. “It would be hypocritical of me to blame him for cheating on me. I hope things work out with him and Shannon.”
“Which relationship takes priority for you, Jocelyn? If he works things out with Shannon to the detriment of this marriage, would you be willing to make that sacrifice?”
Jocelyn rolled her eyes. “For fuck’s sake. If she’s that desperate for him, bring her home. We’ll have a damn threesome and everyone will be happy. Just be sure she brings the handcuffs and wears her uniform. I like a little role play.”
Dr. Teague said, “Jocelyn, you can’t expect Colin to try and make his marriage work while attempting to heal the rift with his mistress. The two goals are mutually exclusive. You need to decide how much you love Colin and if you’re willing to do what it takes to fix the problems that you’re both having. If you love him enough to stay married to him, then you need to at least put off this idea of an open marriage until the foundation is a little stronger. I’m not endorsing the idea of an open marriage, by the way, but if it’s something you feel you need...” She sighed. “You need to decide whether you want to work on the marriage or set each other free to pursue these other entanglements.”
Jocelyn said, “I can’t do that, Dr. Teague. If I leave him, he’ll be homeless by summer. He relies on my income to support himself. As far as alimony goes, I find it ludicrous. It’s like selling your car to someone else and continuing to pay for their gas. It’s easier to just let Shannon borrow the car from time to time when she feels like taking a ride, but it’s still technically parked in my garage.”
“You realize you just insinuated your husband is an object that you own.”
“Isn’t he?”
“Wow.” Colin chuckled and shook his head.
Jocelyn pressed her lips together and looked at Dr. Teague’s high heels. He is an object, Dr. Teague, she wanted to say. And so are my children. They are the masks I wear to look normal so no one looks too hard at me. That is why I have to stay married to him. There is no other reason. And that is why we have to look outside the marriage for our satisfaction. I use him for appearances and he uses me for money. We don’t provide sex for each other so we’re forced to bring in outside help. We don’t need help fixing the marriage. We just need help accepting it for what it is: a financial arrangement.
Dr. Teague had said something while Jocelyn was speaking in her head and seemed to be expecting a response. Jocelyn dipped her head forward, looked at her hands, and then said, “I guess I’ll just have to work on that.”
“I don’t think you and Colin can make any progress in saving your marriage until you do. You have to see him as an equal partner, not a pet that you leave at home when you’re off earning a living.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“We have a few minutes left, if there’s anything you’d like to discuss or any topics you’d like to bring up.”
Colin cleared his throat and adjusted on his side of the couch. “Yeah, there’s something I’d like to talk about. And I’d prefer to do it here where Jocelyn can’t get away with her normal evasion or by storming out when she can’t come up with an answer.” He looked at her. “Where do you see us going? I mean, what’s the endgame, Jocelyn? Best case scenario is that we fix this little speed bump and then what? We grow old together? Send Madison off to college and watch Tommy grow up and do the same? Then we’ll be in our fifties and still going through this whole routine? I just want to know where you see us in twenty years when Tommy is all grown up and we don’t have this ‘for the kids’ excuse to fall back on for why we’re still together.”
Dr. Teague tilted her head to look at Jocelyn. “It’s an intriguing question. If you don’t see this being a viable partnership in twenty years then maybe we should just stop fighting right now.”
Jocelyn sat up straighter and rocked her head to the side to loosen her neck. “Twenty years from now. It’s a long time.” She tried to imagine herself spending another two decades with Colin, tried wrapping her mind around the idea they weren’t even at the halfway mark. It made her want to open a window and take a deep breath of fresh air, made her want to stand up and start walking until she reached an ocean. “I guess when you put it like that, Dr. Teague...” She reached out and took Colin’s hand. She looked at him and worked up a tremble in her voice, blinking until her eyes watered. “I want that. I want to make this work.”
Dr. Teague smiled. “I think we’ve made some excellent progress today.”
#
“That was bullshit, right?” Colin said as he drove them home. “The whole Oscar speech in there? Tears. Tears, Jocelyn! I almost bought it. But I know you too well to have been fooled.”
Jocelyn was watching out the window as the city passed by. “I have to go to Chicago this weekend.”
“Did you get another call?”
“No call. This isn’t business. I have something I need to do for a coworker.” She looked at him. “Call Shannon. Have a little romantic weekend. Have Madison watch Thomas and you can rekindle the old flame.”
“So that’s the endgame,” Colin said softly. “You and me playing house while Shannon plays second fiddle.”
“The way I see it, she’s getting a pretty sweet deal. All the fun, none of the responsibility. Just try to knock her up. This thing is complicated enough as it is.”
Colin started to say something but it devolved into a sigh by the time it reached his lips. “Maybe we should stop seeing Dr. Teague.”
“Does seem like a waste of time, doesn’t it.”
“No, Joss,” he said, almost hissing what he thought of as a derisive nickname. “This, what we’re doing right here and right now, our lives in this town? That is the waste of time.”
Jocelyn smiled and closed her eyes. “Finally. Something we agree on.”