FIC: "Worlds Collide," Jane/Maura, surprise
Title: Worlds Collide
Author: geonncannon
Fandom: Rizzoli & Isles, Surprise
Pairing: Jane/Maura
Word Count: 1,687
Category: Crack of the highest proportion, humor
Spoilers: General knowledge of the show is a must.
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. Neither do the other two.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Cracktastic, mention of a spoiler for NCIS that I'm pretty sure everyone and their grandmother know about.
Summary: Jane and Maura respond to a call that turns out to be a trap.
For jaina47!
Jane liked to blame the sinfully high thread-count on Maura's sheets for their frequent impromptu sleepovers. That alibi didn't have the same weight when she woke up on the couch, her head pillowed on Maura's lap. Maura's hand was resting on her head, stalled in the process of stroking her hair. The television was still on, showing the early news that conveniently revealed the score of the baseball game they'd been watching when she closed her eyes between innings.
Her cell phone was ringing, the sound that had brought her out of her deep rest, and she squirmed out from under Maura's hand to find it. Maura woke, stretched, and put her hands in her hair as Jane answered the call.
"Rizzoli."
"Jane. You at the Doc's house?"
She frowned. "Why would you just assume--?"
"Please. That place has turned into the Home for Wayward Rizzolis lately. We have a situation going down right now. I figured if you were close enough you could get to the scene and help the uniforms contain it."
Jane wrote down the address. "I'll be right there. Injuries?"
"A couple of people got cut."
"Broken glass?"
"Not exactly."
"Okay. I'll be there in ten." She hung up and took the paper with the address on it. "Feel like a house call? We got people in danger. You might have to suture a wound."
Maura said, "I don't operate on--" Jane shot her a glance. "Yes. I'll get my shoes."
Jane put on her own shoes and finger-combed her hair. "Ready?" Maura nodded and they headed out together. The address Korsak gave her was on a nearby industrial street. Jane parked sideways in the middle of the street to dissuade an escape. She climbed from the car with her gun already drawn, scanning for the suspects, witnesses, or victims.
"I don't like this. Stay behind me."
Maura stayed close. Jane advanced down the center of the street, her eyes constantly moving. She was halfway to the Dead End sign when the suspect appeared. She was tall, wearing black leather and a chestplate with a curlicue design over the breast. She carried a sword, and she was trailed by a petite blonde who looked just a little too chipper to be following a sword-wielding madwoman. Jane aimed at the woman's chest, above the armor.
"Stop right there!"
"About time you got here." The woman's voice was somewhere between a growl and a purr. "We need to talk."
"We can talk all you want when you drop that sword."
The woman looked at the sword. "That's not going to happen, Detective Rizzoli."
Jane narrowed her eyes. "How do you know my name?"
"I read fan fiction. My name is Xena, this is Gabrielle, and you're stealing our thunder."
Jane risked a glance back at Maura, then faced the swordswoman again. "Okay. Maybe we'll just wait until you're on a psych eval to talk. Put the sword down now."
"That's not going to happen, so you should probably stop asking her," Gabrielle said. She still sounded chipper. Jane didn't know how she was involved, but she doubted she was in her right mind. Who smiled that much?
Maura stepped up next to Jane. "What's fan fiction?" Jane looked at her. Maura shrugged. "Sometimes it helps to know all the details before you decide someone is crazy."
"Fan fiction is a story written on the internet by fans of a television show or a movie. Most of the time they focus on romantic relationships of the characters. It's wish fulfillment. Providing a glimpse at something the program can't or won't give them on-screen. Gabrielle and I used to have a lot of fun in those stories. Epic adventures." She aimed the tip of her sword at Jane. "Then you came along."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You and your subtext with the doctor here. Falling asleep in the same bed, asking if she's attracted to you, having her stroke your face... and that was just the pilot! Now your fanservice is going off the rails. The lesbian episode, the speed-dating promo, I mean what the hell was that all about? You're trying to steal our fans."
Jane shook her head. "Lady, I don't know what you're talking about, but I assure you. Maura and I aren't trying to steal anything from you. I'm just a detective--"
Xena barked a laugh. "Oh, you don't think I've been a detective? I've been a detective, a doctor, a rancher, a cowgirl. I've had more jobs than a damn Barbie doll. They're called Uber."
"Uber?" Maura said.
"Don't worry, I'm sure yours are coming. Sheriff Jane and Medicine Woman Maura, or Secret Agent Jane and Protected Asset Maura. You ever role-play in the bedroom?"
"Maura and I don't... we're just friends."
This time Xena and Gabrielle both laughed. "That's what we said, too. At first. But eventually it just got a little hard to deny. Do you realize that at the rate you're headed, you two will kiss on-screen by the end of Season Three?"
Jane and Maura looked at each other and then quickly looked away.
Maura tried to be reasonable. "Look, I'm very sorry that you're upset. But just because the fan fiction is evolving doesn't mean you've been forgotten. I'm sure there are still a lot of authors, great authors, who are still writing your adventures."
"It's petered out after we went off the air," Gabrielle said. She shrugged. "It's a sad fact of the TV world. Once the show ends, interest usually fades. But we still have some. We're very lucky." She looked at Xena.
"Well, there you go. I'm sure the internet is big enough that we can both have a showing. We're just the, the flavor of the month. Once our, uh... our show ends, I'm sure we'll fade into the background for some other show to take our place. How about a compromise? We can do crossovers."
"Crossovers?" Xena sneered. "We exist in a mythological version of ancient Greece. You exist in modern Boston. How could we possibly cross paths?"
Maura looked around her. "Aren't we doing it now?"
"This doesn't count. This author is insane."
Jane shrugged; finally something they could all apparently agree on.
"Okay, maybe one of those Ubers you mentioned. Characters based on me and Jane meet up with characters based on the two of you. The way you and Jane have been holding your weapons on each other, I think you could get along well together."
Xena squinted down the blade of her sword. Jane tightened her grip on her gun.
"Coexist," Xena said, trying the word on for size.
"The Academy of Bards is still your home. We're just in the Annex." Maura smiled. "You'll always be the number one draw... you're the reason Jane and I get away with so much of what we do on the show. You opened the door." She put her hand on Jane's shoulder. "We owe you a debt of gratitude."
Xena lowered her sword and Jane did the same with her gun.
"What about the people you injured?"
"They're not real," Gabrielle said. "They were just a plot device to get you and Maura here. The author can handwave an explanation."
Luckily there was a hospital nearby that took care of all the injured people.
Maura stepped into the neutral zone between the two duos. "There will always be fan fiction for you and Gabrielle. And there will be fan fiction for me and Jane for a really long time thanks to the two of you." She held out her hand to Xena, who stared at it. "Thank you."
After a long moment, Xena took Maura's hand. Jane stepped beside Maura, offering her hand to Gabrielle. They shook, and then they switched. Jane shook Xena's hand. "Thanks."
Xena didn't reply, accepting the gratitude silently.
"So what now?"
"In certain fic, we would find a place and have a foursome," Gabrielle said. Xena glared at her and Gabrielle smirked. "But since I'm not writing this, we'll probably go our separate ways."
"Good. And Korsak...?"
"He'll forget about the call. Don't worry about it." Xena sheathed her sword. "Just do your fans a favor and keep flirting, touching, falling asleep in each other's homes... the episode where you switched clothes was absolute fanservice. Keep that up."
Jane nodded, still uneasy about the idea that people had been watching her and Maura for two years and were apparently writing sexy stories about them. She was even more uneasy by how much she wanted to read one of them. She holstered her weapon and backed away. Xena and Gabrielle did the same. Jane turned away, but a thought occurred to Maura. "Hey... you said we have a TV show. What's it called?"
"Rizzoli & Isles."
Maura gaped. "Why is her name first?"
Gabrielle shook her head. "Just be glad your name is in the credits at all."
Xena said, "Oh, and one more thing for both of you. Try not to die in the series finale. It just bums a lot of people out."
"But you do get Virtual Seasons and fix-its."
"True."
Maura smiled. "Don't worry. I got killed in a past life. Not looking forward to doing it again."
Xena put her hand on Gabrielle's shoulder and guided her away. Maura watched them go until Jane whistled.
"Maura... you coming?"
"Yeah." When she turned back, Xena and Gabrielle had disappeared, back to their own adventures. Maura walked to Jane's car. "Feel like grabbing some breakfast before jogging? I'll let you borrow my FiveFingers shoes. Then you can shower at my place before going into work."
Jane started to answer and then realized. "It's stuff like that, isn't it? That's why they write fan fiction about us."
"Probably. Should we skip it?"
Jane shook her head as she started the car. "No. Let's go with your plan."
She turned the car around and drove back to Maura's place, wondering what the online fan fiction writers would make of it.
Whatever it was, it was certain to be entertaining.
Author: geonncannon
Fandom: Rizzoli & Isles, Surprise
Pairing: Jane/Maura
Word Count: 1,687
Category: Crack of the highest proportion, humor
Spoilers: General knowledge of the show is a must.
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. Neither do the other two.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Cracktastic, mention of a spoiler for NCIS that I'm pretty sure everyone and their grandmother know about.
Summary: Jane and Maura respond to a call that turns out to be a trap.
For jaina47!
Jane liked to blame the sinfully high thread-count on Maura's sheets for their frequent impromptu sleepovers. That alibi didn't have the same weight when she woke up on the couch, her head pillowed on Maura's lap. Maura's hand was resting on her head, stalled in the process of stroking her hair. The television was still on, showing the early news that conveniently revealed the score of the baseball game they'd been watching when she closed her eyes between innings.
Her cell phone was ringing, the sound that had brought her out of her deep rest, and she squirmed out from under Maura's hand to find it. Maura woke, stretched, and put her hands in her hair as Jane answered the call.
"Rizzoli."
"Jane. You at the Doc's house?"
She frowned. "Why would you just assume--?"
"Please. That place has turned into the Home for Wayward Rizzolis lately. We have a situation going down right now. I figured if you were close enough you could get to the scene and help the uniforms contain it."
Jane wrote down the address. "I'll be right there. Injuries?"
"A couple of people got cut."
"Broken glass?"
"Not exactly."
"Okay. I'll be there in ten." She hung up and took the paper with the address on it. "Feel like a house call? We got people in danger. You might have to suture a wound."
Maura said, "I don't operate on--" Jane shot her a glance. "Yes. I'll get my shoes."
Jane put on her own shoes and finger-combed her hair. "Ready?" Maura nodded and they headed out together. The address Korsak gave her was on a nearby industrial street. Jane parked sideways in the middle of the street to dissuade an escape. She climbed from the car with her gun already drawn, scanning for the suspects, witnesses, or victims.
"I don't like this. Stay behind me."
Maura stayed close. Jane advanced down the center of the street, her eyes constantly moving. She was halfway to the Dead End sign when the suspect appeared. She was tall, wearing black leather and a chestplate with a curlicue design over the breast. She carried a sword, and she was trailed by a petite blonde who looked just a little too chipper to be following a sword-wielding madwoman. Jane aimed at the woman's chest, above the armor.
"Stop right there!"
"About time you got here." The woman's voice was somewhere between a growl and a purr. "We need to talk."
"We can talk all you want when you drop that sword."
The woman looked at the sword. "That's not going to happen, Detective Rizzoli."
Jane narrowed her eyes. "How do you know my name?"
"I read fan fiction. My name is Xena, this is Gabrielle, and you're stealing our thunder."
Jane risked a glance back at Maura, then faced the swordswoman again. "Okay. Maybe we'll just wait until you're on a psych eval to talk. Put the sword down now."
"That's not going to happen, so you should probably stop asking her," Gabrielle said. She still sounded chipper. Jane didn't know how she was involved, but she doubted she was in her right mind. Who smiled that much?
Maura stepped up next to Jane. "What's fan fiction?" Jane looked at her. Maura shrugged. "Sometimes it helps to know all the details before you decide someone is crazy."
"Fan fiction is a story written on the internet by fans of a television show or a movie. Most of the time they focus on romantic relationships of the characters. It's wish fulfillment. Providing a glimpse at something the program can't or won't give them on-screen. Gabrielle and I used to have a lot of fun in those stories. Epic adventures." She aimed the tip of her sword at Jane. "Then you came along."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You and your subtext with the doctor here. Falling asleep in the same bed, asking if she's attracted to you, having her stroke your face... and that was just the pilot! Now your fanservice is going off the rails. The lesbian episode, the speed-dating promo, I mean what the hell was that all about? You're trying to steal our fans."
Jane shook her head. "Lady, I don't know what you're talking about, but I assure you. Maura and I aren't trying to steal anything from you. I'm just a detective--"
Xena barked a laugh. "Oh, you don't think I've been a detective? I've been a detective, a doctor, a rancher, a cowgirl. I've had more jobs than a damn Barbie doll. They're called Uber."
"Uber?" Maura said.
"Don't worry, I'm sure yours are coming. Sheriff Jane and Medicine Woman Maura, or Secret Agent Jane and Protected Asset Maura. You ever role-play in the bedroom?"
"Maura and I don't... we're just friends."
This time Xena and Gabrielle both laughed. "That's what we said, too. At first. But eventually it just got a little hard to deny. Do you realize that at the rate you're headed, you two will kiss on-screen by the end of Season Three?"
Jane and Maura looked at each other and then quickly looked away.
Maura tried to be reasonable. "Look, I'm very sorry that you're upset. But just because the fan fiction is evolving doesn't mean you've been forgotten. I'm sure there are still a lot of authors, great authors, who are still writing your adventures."
"It's petered out after we went off the air," Gabrielle said. She shrugged. "It's a sad fact of the TV world. Once the show ends, interest usually fades. But we still have some. We're very lucky." She looked at Xena.
"Well, there you go. I'm sure the internet is big enough that we can both have a showing. We're just the, the flavor of the month. Once our, uh... our show ends, I'm sure we'll fade into the background for some other show to take our place. How about a compromise? We can do crossovers."
"Crossovers?" Xena sneered. "We exist in a mythological version of ancient Greece. You exist in modern Boston. How could we possibly cross paths?"
Maura looked around her. "Aren't we doing it now?"
"This doesn't count. This author is insane."
Jane shrugged; finally something they could all apparently agree on.
"Okay, maybe one of those Ubers you mentioned. Characters based on me and Jane meet up with characters based on the two of you. The way you and Jane have been holding your weapons on each other, I think you could get along well together."
Xena squinted down the blade of her sword. Jane tightened her grip on her gun.
"Coexist," Xena said, trying the word on for size.
"The Academy of Bards is still your home. We're just in the Annex." Maura smiled. "You'll always be the number one draw... you're the reason Jane and I get away with so much of what we do on the show. You opened the door." She put her hand on Jane's shoulder. "We owe you a debt of gratitude."
Xena lowered her sword and Jane did the same with her gun.
"What about the people you injured?"
"They're not real," Gabrielle said. "They were just a plot device to get you and Maura here. The author can handwave an explanation."
Luckily there was a hospital nearby that took care of all the injured people.
Maura stepped into the neutral zone between the two duos. "There will always be fan fiction for you and Gabrielle. And there will be fan fiction for me and Jane for a really long time thanks to the two of you." She held out her hand to Xena, who stared at it. "Thank you."
After a long moment, Xena took Maura's hand. Jane stepped beside Maura, offering her hand to Gabrielle. They shook, and then they switched. Jane shook Xena's hand. "Thanks."
Xena didn't reply, accepting the gratitude silently.
"So what now?"
"In certain fic, we would find a place and have a foursome," Gabrielle said. Xena glared at her and Gabrielle smirked. "But since I'm not writing this, we'll probably go our separate ways."
"Good. And Korsak...?"
"He'll forget about the call. Don't worry about it." Xena sheathed her sword. "Just do your fans a favor and keep flirting, touching, falling asleep in each other's homes... the episode where you switched clothes was absolute fanservice. Keep that up."
Jane nodded, still uneasy about the idea that people had been watching her and Maura for two years and were apparently writing sexy stories about them. She was even more uneasy by how much she wanted to read one of them. She holstered her weapon and backed away. Xena and Gabrielle did the same. Jane turned away, but a thought occurred to Maura. "Hey... you said we have a TV show. What's it called?"
"Rizzoli & Isles."
Maura gaped. "Why is her name first?"
Gabrielle shook her head. "Just be glad your name is in the credits at all."
Xena said, "Oh, and one more thing for both of you. Try not to die in the series finale. It just bums a lot of people out."
"But you do get Virtual Seasons and fix-its."
"True."
Maura smiled. "Don't worry. I got killed in a past life. Not looking forward to doing it again."
Xena put her hand on Gabrielle's shoulder and guided her away. Maura watched them go until Jane whistled.
"Maura... you coming?"
"Yeah." When she turned back, Xena and Gabrielle had disappeared, back to their own adventures. Maura walked to Jane's car. "Feel like grabbing some breakfast before jogging? I'll let you borrow my FiveFingers shoes. Then you can shower at my place before going into work."
Jane started to answer and then realized. "It's stuff like that, isn't it? That's why they write fan fiction about us."
"Probably. Should we skip it?"
Jane shook her head as she started the car. "No. Let's go with your plan."
She turned the car around and drove back to Maura's place, wondering what the online fan fiction writers would make of it.
Whatever it was, it was certain to be entertaining.