FIC: "She's Leaving Home," Sam/Janet, Stargate SG-1, NC17
Title: She's Leaving Home
Author: geonncannon
Fandom: Stargate SG-1/Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: Sam/Janet
Word Count: 4,750
Category: Drama, AU
SG-1 Spoilers: Lost City, New Order, Prometheus Unbound, Moebius
SGA Spoilers: Rising, Letters from Pegasus, The Siege, The Intruder
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me.
Rating: NC17
Summary: Sam and Janet are forced to make a choice between love and duty that may separate them by far more than they could ever have guessed.
Sam bent down and picked up the stuffed rabbit that was tucked between the bed and the nightstand. It was the yellow rabbit from Winnie-the-Pooh, purchased by Sam and presented to Janet on their first anniversary as something to snuggle when Sam was off-world overnight. Sam brushed the ears back over the toy's head, then turned and sadly added it to the pack. As she secured it between a stack of folded blouses and slacks, she realized Janet was standing in the bedroom door watching her.
"I'm sorry," Sam said.
Janet just nodded and looked around the bedroom. Her things had been mostly stripped away, the necessities packed into the bag Janet would take with her to the Pegasus Galaxy. Sam flipped the top shut and pulled the zipper. It sounded loud in the room. "I packed Rabbit for you."
"Thank you."
Sam stared at Janet until her gaze was returned. "I was an asshole. I know it. I don't want to spend our last few hours together in a fight." She rested her hands on the duffel bag. "Peace offering. I finished packing for you."
Janet came into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Sam joined her. "When we talked about this, when the SGC first said they were going to test our blood for the gene, we... we discussed this, Sam. We talked about what would happen if one of us had the gene and they asked us to join the Atlantis expedition. I thought we came to an agreement, but we were talking about what would happen if you got chosen. You didn't think that I might have this ATA gene. You didn't even consider that you might be the one left behind this time."
"Can you blame me? You think it's about me questioning your usefulness. But I just really hate the idea of being without you." She took Janet's hand. "Of course you should go. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I am just really going to miss you. I'm going to miss the hell out of you. I'm sorry for blowing up at you. Maybe I was looking to start a fight so it would be easier to say goodbye to you."
"Did it work?"
"No."
"I hope you don't think this will be easy for me. I'm leaving behind my home, my daughter... my partner." She squeezed Sam's hand. "We don't know what's waiting for us on the other side, and that terrifies me. There's a reason I'm not on the front lines. I don't want to be the first person to set foot anywhere. I like knowing someone else had blazed a trail."
"I wish you would have told me you were scared. All this time I've been acting like a brat, and you've needed me to tell you... it'll be okay, Janet. It will be dangerous, and scary, but you're going through that Gate with the best and the brightest and the toughest we have to offer."
Janet raised an eyebrow. "Oh. So you are going?"
Sam smiled and kissed Janet. Janet moved her free hand to Sam's throat and leaned back, falling onto the mattress and pulling Sam down with her. She bent her knee and placed her foot on the edge of the mattress, curling her arm around Sam's neck as Sam undid the buttons on her blouse. Sam spread the material apart and bent down, kissing between Janet's breasts before moving back up to her neck. She sucked Janet's earlobe while she unfastened Janet's bra. Janet's fingers moved on the back of Sam's neck like she was playing an instrument, tapping in a gentle rhythm as Sam explored her upper body.
Sam took one of Janet's nipples into her mouth and ran her hand down Janet's stomach. She popped open the button, dragged down the zipper, and lifted her head to look into Janet's eyes as she put her hand inside. Janet parted her legs and lifted her hips, gasping when Sam touched her. Janet closed her eyes, but Sam kept hers open as she touched and stroked in a familiar rhythm. She kissed Janet's chin, pecked the corners of her mouth. Janet opened her mouth in search of a kiss, her tongue brushing over her bottom lip. Sam captured the tongue and Janet moaned.
When Janet was close to orgasm, she whispered for Sam to wait. She gripped Sam's wrist, her face red. She pulled away from Sam and scooted up to the pillows, shedding her unbuttoned blouse and loose bra. She kicked her slacks and panties away, lying naked in the center of the bed like a deity awaiting worship. "Take off your clothes, Sam, take them--"
Sam slipped off the bed and slid her jeans down, peeling off her Air Force Academy T-shirt before rejoining Janet on the bed. Janet pulled open the nightstand drawer and took out the toy they saved for special occasions. She was trembling as she held it out to Sam. "Hurry." Sam sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the leather harness up her legs. She was shaking now, too, eager to finish what had started so suddenly.
She fell back onto Janet, who accepted the weight with a blissful cry. Sam wet her fingers against Janet's sex, wet the tip of the dildo with her hand, and pressed it against Janet. "Please, Sam," Janet whispered, and Sam's name turned into a shout as the toy pushed inside of her. Janet wrapped her legs around Sam, her feet hooked inside of Sam's knees. She splayed her fingers in the middle of Sam's back, pulling her close as Sam pushed against her. Sam gasped, "I love you, Janet."
Janet came quickly after that, rocking back against the headboard as she pressed her body more fully against Sam. Her toes curled in the sheets and she lifted her head to find Sam waiting for a kiss. Janet came, and Sam continued to fuck her, both of them grunting in pleasure and need. Janet knew how to make the toy work; they had practiced on their fourth anniversary. She tightened around it and pulled back, knowing that she could pull the slick leather between Sam's legs taut. It brushed her sensitive clit and Sam bowed her head to kiss and lick Janet's neck as Janet rocked her lower body to make Sam come.
Janet kissed Sam's shoulder, running her hands from the smooth plane of Sam's shoulders down to the curve of her hips, eyes closed as she used her lips to trace the texture of Sam's skin. When Sam came, she rested her weight on her knees and braced her hands on the pillow on either side of Janet's head, trying to catch her breath.
"Drop," Janet said.
"I don't want to crush you."
"I want your weight on top of me."
Sam lowered herself, settling on top of Janet. Janet sank into the mattress and moaned with pleasure, holding tightly to Sam while she still could. She kissed the hollow of Sam's throat. "Apology accepted."
Sam giggled helplessly. "We should fight more often." She turned her head and breathed deeply next to Janet's hair. "I'll miss you every minute."
Janet closed her eyes. "I can take going through the Stargate to another galaxy, not knowing when I'll be--" Her voice caught and she took a moment. "When I'll be able to come back. But leaving you behind will kill me. You know that, right?"
"Yes."
"Just so we're clear." She moved her foot, sliding it along the smooth skin of Sam's leg. "So since... you finished packing for me, I guess I have a half hour free."
"Hm." She lifted her head to kiss Janet's eyebrow. She dropped her hand to Janet's breast and teased the nipple with her thumb. "What do you want to do?"
"One last game of Scrabble?"
Sam moved down Janet's body, spreading her legs so she would have room to lie down between them. Janet closed her eyes as Sam began to spell words with the tip of her tongue, her eyes rolling back in her head. "Oh... oh, Sam... that's a triple-word score..."
#
Sam composed herself before she stepped into the control room. The base was packed to the rafters, reinforcing just how cramped the quarters really were. Trying to get down the corridor was like being squeezed into the subway in New York. When she had her game face on, she climbed the stairs and joined General O'Neill and Daniel. O'Neill turned to her and smiled. "Couldn't stay away, huh, Carter?"
"You know me, sir. This is my favorite part." She moved closer to the glass and looked down at the sea of people gathered in front of the ramp. Janet was standing near the blast doors, dwarfed by her pack. She wore a cap with the brim pulled down low over her eyes. Elizabeth Weir was in the midst of giving a speech on the ramp.
"You are the world's best and brightest. And in light of the adventure we are about to embark on, you're also the bravest. I hope we all return one day having discovered a whole new realm for humanity to explore. But as all of you know, we may never be able to return home. I'd like to offer you all one last chance to withdraw your participation."
Sam held her breath as she watched Janet's reaction to this blunt declaration. Janet lowered her chin and looked toward the glass. Her eyes immediately met Sam's and she offered a weak smile. Sam lifted her hand in a goodbye wave that also conveyed her blessing. Janet pressed her lips together and looked at Weir again.
Weir gave the order to begin the dialing sequence and moved to join the group who would examine the MALP footage before giving the go.
"Well, well."
Sam tensed and closed her eyes. Why wasn't he down with the rest of the expedition members? She turned to McKay and managed to smile. "Hi, McKay."
"It means the world to me that you dropped by just to wish me well."
"Actually, I came to make sure you were really going." She grinned at him. "Good luck, McKay."
He cleared his throat and moved to look at the display screen. Sam let him, General O'Neill and Dr. Weir have the premium viewing spots, choosing instead to look down at the expedition members. Janet was holding the straps of her back and smiling at the person beside her. The other woman, a scientist whose name Sam couldn't recall, tapped Janet's shoulder and pointed to the glass. Janet turned and smiled.
Sam took the greatest risk of her career and held up her hand. She extended her index finger, pinkie, and thumb in the sign for "I love you." Janet blinked rapidly. She pointed at herself and then at Sam. The scientist with Janet put an arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze.
Sam heard conversation going on behind her, but she was focused on her lover standing at the bottom of the ramp. Waiting to take a step through the Stargate with no idea if she would ever be able to return. Structurally intact... oxygen... viable life support... And then the words she'd been dreading.
"Dr. Weir," O'Neill said behind her. "You have a go."
The teams started through the Gate, led by Dr. Weir and Colonel Sumner. Daniel cleared his throat and the words seemed to burst from him.
"Jack, it's not too late for--"
"No."
"I can just grab my--"
"No."
"--kit."
Sam couldn't help but smile. The expedition went up the ramp in small groups. There was hesitation for some first timers, but others seemed almost giddy to step through. Janet and her scientist friend started up the ramp. Janet held her head high. From the Chief Medical Officer in the most secure base in the world to the head physician of the Atlantis Expedition. Sam was so proud of her.
Janet stepped through the event horizon and was gone.
"Don't you start."
Sam turned to O'Neill. "Sir?"
"I get enough whining from Daniel. I know how much you wish you were going with them."
"No, sir," Sam said. She looked at the event horizon and thought about where Janet was, what she was seeing... if she would ever be able to come home. "You really have no idea how badly I wish I was going." She offered him a smile and walked out of the control room. She could feel a breakdown coming and preferred to be in private when it hit.
Nine months later,
General O'Neill gave her the disc so she could watch it in private. She kept it with her the entire day, wanting desperately to watch but knowing that it might be her last contact for a very long time. She picked it up, stared at the disc as if she could see what it contained, and then put it down again. She didn't want to waste it. She managed to hold off until she got home. She went to Janet's home, which was how she still thought of it despite living there for five years. She took a shower to wash the base off of her, changed into her comfy jeans and a baggy T-shirt that Janet had always liked.
She made herself dinner and lit a candle before she loaded the disc into her laptop. She clicked on the video and held her breath. Janet's face appeared in the middle of the screen and Sam laughed spontaneously. She reached out but stopped just short of touching the screen. She was wearing rimless eyeglasses that made her look older, but in a very appealing way. Her hair was lighter and cut short, with bangs feathering across her forehead and a few wings visible just under her ears.
"This is Doctor Janet Fraiser, Chief Medical Officer of the Atlantis expedition." She wet her lips with a sweep of her tongue and looked down at her hands. "Lieutenant Ford has assured me that this will only be seen by the person for whom it was intended, but it's still hard. Um, we're surviving here. Thriving, in a way. It's been very difficult, some days more than others. Sometimes the quiet days are worse because they give you time to think about what you're missing. I'm sure that the details of the missions are going to be included, so I won't bore you with them here.
"I want to tell Sam that I love her. I think about her every day that I'm stuck here, and I wish that I was there with her. Try to keep your ego in check, Sam, but a gigantic Ancient outpost in the middle of an alien sea can't compare with you. Even if you can't cook."
Sam laughed and brushed at her cheek with one knuckle.
"They probably told you things are bad here right now. I won't lie to you and say they aren't, but I'll say... things have been bad here before, and we overcame. The SGC solved so many problems by the skin of their teeth and we didn't even have a city like Atlantis at our disposals. So don't worry about me, Sam. I'll be just fine. God, I wish this was two-way. I can't believe we've spent so much time without seeing each other, without hearing your voice--" Her voice cracked and she looked away, pinching the bridge of her nose until she was able to speak again. She reached for something off camera before she faced the screen again. "We've solved a lot of problems since we got here, Sam. I know that between the brains we have here and the people we left behind at the SGC that it's only a matter of time before we can drop in on each other for visits. Spend weekends together."
She held up the object she'd retrieved from the floor; her Rabbit doll. She pinched the arm between her fingers and waved goodbye with it. "I love you, Sam. And because I know you waited all day to watch this, goodnight. Sweet dreams." She returned the 'I love you' sign that Sam had shown her in the Gate room. "Bye."
Sam froze the image as Janet reached to shut off the camera. She pulled her feet up into her chair and wrapped her arms around her knees, staring at the frozen image of her partner.
Atlantis, two months later,
The clean-up would take a long time. Janet was in the infirmary trying to catalogue the damage done and while managing the injured. The Wraith were gone, thanks to the timely arrival of Colonel Caldwell and the Daedalus. Her joy at their arrival had been overshadowed by the grief at the loss of Lieutenant Ford and the knowledge of just how much was yet to be done. But the stress of work was overshadowed by the fact they would be alive to do it all. They had survived.
Not only that, the Daedalus was hope. It was a conduit back to Earth, back to Sam. Dr. Weir spoke privately with different department heads to let them know that anyone who wanted to take a one-way ticket home would be allowed under certain circumstances. Janet desperately wanted to go home, and she had hope that she would have some time between debriefings to see Sam again.
Even so, it would be another few weeks before she was on Earth. A week ago, she was coping with the idea that she didn't know when or if she would ever see Sam again. Now being forced to wait three weeks seemed like an impossible request. She wanted transporters, she wanted to step through the Stargate and see Sam waiting for her. She wanted to turn around and--
Sam was standing in the doorway of the infirmary.
Janet dropped her clipboard and clapped both hands over her mouth.
Sam wore her dress blues, her smile fading at the reaction she received. She took a step forward, but Janet countered it by running forward and throwing her arms around Sam's neck. "Sam. Sam, oh, Sam. It's you."
"Hey." She kissed Janet's cheek and whispered in her ear. "We have an audience."
"I don't care. Sam." She cupped the back of Sam's head, and Sam held her tight. She pulled away and wiped at her eyes under her glasses. "Uh, Carson..."
"Aye, love. I can take care of things here."
"Thank you." She slipped her hand into Sam's and walked her out of the infirmary. She gripped Sam's elbow with her other hand as if she was afraid Sam would run off or disappear. She started to speak a few times before they reached the transport. Finally she settled on the question that seemed to encompass the most. "How?"
"I hitched a ride. I told General O'Neill that we couldn't be certain about McKay being around to hook up the ZPM. And if there were complications, an extra genius could always come in handy." She covered Janet's hand with hers. "In reality, I think I was a liability. I couldn't stop thinking that I was going to see you." The transport doors closed, and they fell into each other. Sam put her hands on Janet's cheeks, and Janet slipped her hands under the hem of Sam's suit jacket to touch her blouse.
"Regs are a little more relaxed here," Janet said when they parted. "As long as we don't... press the issue..."
Elizabeth added a chip to the pot. She was sitting comfortably, one foot tucked under the opposite knee. "What about you, Janet? How are you dealing with the isolation?"
"It's harder off-duty. I never feel like I'm going home because this whole place is work. So it's a little odd. Like having the sun shine all day so it never gets dark."
Dr. Heightmeyer nodded as if this was news to her and not something Janet had discussed in their sessions. "I've heard a lot of expedition members express a similar concern. But I hear Major Sheppard is working to make a recreational area where people can unwind."
"Godspeed to him," Dr. Biro said.
"I know the work we're doing here is important," Elizabeth said, "but sometimes I wish I could just throw it all away, or tell them to let someone else do it, and go back home to Simon."
"God, I know how you feel." Janet was grateful someone else had breached the topic. "Most nights I lie in bed and wonder what she's doing, if she's thinking about me, if she's safe..."
"She?" Dr. Biro asked.
Janet panicked that she had made such a stupid slip. "I--"
"Your daughter." Elizabeth looked pointedly at Janet. "Right?"
"Yes. Cassandra." She held Elizabeth's gaze a moment longer, a silent thank you, and went back to her cards.
She touched Sam's face. "I'm so glad you're here."
"And I'll be going back to Earth with you on the Daedalus. Two weeks with nothing to do but get reacquainted."
Janet inhaled sharply at the thought. "I hope the walls on the ship are soundproof."
Sam smiled and kissed Janet again. "I look forward to testing them." She reluctantly pulled away from Janet and looked around the transport. "How does this thing work? I want to see where you're living now."
Janet activated a panel and pressed a portion of the screen. She turned to Sam and said, "How long do you have?"
"All afternoon. My main mission was to oversee the installation of the ZPM, and that's done. I'm officially off-duty until I get back to the SGC."
"Excellent. There's something I have been dying for, and only you can do it right." Her voice dropped to a sultry growl as they arrived at their destination. She pulled Sam with her. "Have you been exercising your fingers?"
"I've been separated from you for almost a year, Janet. I could lift city buses with just my index finger." She flexed her hands in example. "Why? What exactly do you have in mind for them?"
Janet grinned and arched an eyebrow.
#
Janet contacted Dr. Beckett and asked him to take over the rest of the evening's shifts. He sounded more than happy to oblige, and Janet let Sam undress her. It took nearly half an hour, as Sam felt the need to kiss every piece of exposed skin to reacquaint herself with Janet's body. Janet wasn't going to complain. She closed her eyes and kept her fingers in Sam's hair, a constant reminder that this wasn't just some morning fantasy that would fade when she opened her eyes.
When Janet was finally nude, Sam said, "Are you ready?"
"I've been dying for this, Sam. Dreaming of it..."
"Get on the bed."
Janet stretched out facedown, pillowing her cheek on folded hands. Sam straddled her, settling in the small of her back. She had taken off her uniform jacket and blouse, dressed only in her pantyhose, skirt and undershirt. She took the bottle of oil off the nightstand, snapped open the lid, and breathed in the scent. "Mm. So why do you have a bottle of massage oil in your bedroom, Miss Fraiser?"
"You weren't the only one exercising your fingers, honey."
Sam grinned. She poured a dollop of the oil onto Janet's back and used the tips of her fingers to work it into the tired flesh. Janet sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. "Oh, Sam... you are magic. That's exactly what I needed."
Sam kneaded the muscles carefully, admiring the slope of Janet's back and the feel of her body underneath her. As she massaged Janet's lower back, Sam bent down and kissed her just behind the ear. Janet moaned blissfully. "I hope the massage isn't the only thing you were fantasizing about."
"Mm. 'Course not. The massage is just so I'll be bendy enough to do all the things I want to do to you." She sat up and captured Sam's lips. Sam let Janet suck her tongue, rocking against the small of her back. Janet rolled over and grabbed the hem of Sam's T-shirt. Sam lifted both arms, her massage interrupted, and tossed the shirt across the room. Janet sat up and put her hands on Sam's breasts, kissing one and then the other. She teased the nipples, pressed her face into the valley between them, and then licked her way up to Sam's chin.
They kissed as Janet pressed her fist between Sam's legs. Janet parted Sam's lips with her tongue and then cruelly retreated. "Two fingers?" she whispered.
"Three." Sam's voice was shaking. "I want to really feel you."
Janet uncurled one finger at first, stroking Sam to get her wet. Sam put her arms around Janet, eyes closed, and shuddered as Janet opened her. Janet massaged Sam with a knuckle and kissed her chest. "One," she whispered, uncurling her index finger. "Two," she kissed Sam's neck and stretched out her middle finger. Sam took a tremulous breath. "Three," Janet added her ring finger and Sam grunted.
Sam lifted her hips and dropped them, and Janet pressed her hips against the heel of her hand. Sam took a handful of Janet's hair in her hand, pulling her head back and looking down into her eyes. Janet thrust with her fingers, using her thumb to circle Sam's clit. Sam dropped her hand to Janet's left breast, feeling the drum of her heart as she met Janet's thrusts.
Sam came with a stifled cry, biting her lip and tightening her grip on Janet's breast. When her body relaxed, she bent down and soothed the sore skin with a kiss and a few strokes of her tongue. Janet shivered and fell back to the mattress, guiding Sam to her nipple and whimpering when she took it into her mouth and sucked.
"I feel like I'm meeting you all over again."
Sam smiled and lifted her head.
"Samantha Carter."
Sam looked at the woman extending a hand. "Actually, that's my name." Sam tucked her notebook under her arm to free her right hand. "Captain Samantha Carter."
"Dr. Janet Fraiser. Sorry. I just couldn't get over the fact you were right in front of me. I'm a big fan of your work."
"Sure," Sam said.
"No, honestly. You're a brilliant scientist, a soldier... I'm a bit overwhelmed to be stationed with you. But hopefully I can get over it and we can be friends."
Sam smiled. "I would like that. Janet, right?"
Sam slid her hand along Janet's stomach. "Janet Fraiser."
"Actually, that's my name," Janet said. She took Sam's hand, holding it instead of shaking it. They smiled at each other, taking a moment to catch their breath before they continued their reunion.
#
Light poured across the bed, and Sam pulled up a corner of the blanket. "Janet, close the blinds..." A hand touched her shoulder and she jumped. Janet was there. She rolled onto her back and pulled Janet to her, their lips meeting before Sam was fully awake. Janet settled easily on top of Sam, then broke the kiss and said, "We can do that in a second. First, I wanted you to see what I wake up to every morning."
Sam looked, and her eyes widened. The wall beside Janet's bed opened out onto a narrow balcony. Beyond the railing was water. An endless stretch of it that seemed to glow with captured sunlight. The sky was clear save for a few puffs of cloud near the distant horizon. Sam could hear the waves splashing against nearby pylons. She put her arms around Janet and kissed her good morning.
"Mm. Two kisses and I haven't even brushed my teeth."
"Love means not caring about morning breath."
Janet chuckled.
Sam looked outside again. "Quite a view."
"Mm-hmm. Almost as nice as the one I used to wake up to on Earth." She brushed Sam's hair out of her face. "We're going to make the most out of the time we have together over the next few weeks."
"Count on it," Sam whispered. She kissed Janet again, pulling the blankets up over them both.
"Wait, wait," Janet said. "I really... should... brush my... teeth..."
Sam didn't answer, didn't let her go, and Janet decided there were worse things in the world than a little morning breath.
Author: geonncannon
Fandom: Stargate SG-1/Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: Sam/Janet
Word Count: 4,750
Category: Drama, AU
SG-1 Spoilers: Lost City, New Order, Prometheus Unbound, Moebius
SGA Spoilers: Rising, Letters from Pegasus, The Siege, The Intruder
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me.
Rating: NC17
Summary: Sam and Janet are forced to make a choice between love and duty that may separate them by far more than they could ever have guessed.
Sam bent down and picked up the stuffed rabbit that was tucked between the bed and the nightstand. It was the yellow rabbit from Winnie-the-Pooh, purchased by Sam and presented to Janet on their first anniversary as something to snuggle when Sam was off-world overnight. Sam brushed the ears back over the toy's head, then turned and sadly added it to the pack. As she secured it between a stack of folded blouses and slacks, she realized Janet was standing in the bedroom door watching her.
"I'm sorry," Sam said.
Janet just nodded and looked around the bedroom. Her things had been mostly stripped away, the necessities packed into the bag Janet would take with her to the Pegasus Galaxy. Sam flipped the top shut and pulled the zipper. It sounded loud in the room. "I packed Rabbit for you."
"Thank you."
Sam stared at Janet until her gaze was returned. "I was an asshole. I know it. I don't want to spend our last few hours together in a fight." She rested her hands on the duffel bag. "Peace offering. I finished packing for you."
Janet came into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Sam joined her. "When we talked about this, when the SGC first said they were going to test our blood for the gene, we... we discussed this, Sam. We talked about what would happen if one of us had the gene and they asked us to join the Atlantis expedition. I thought we came to an agreement, but we were talking about what would happen if you got chosen. You didn't think that I might have this ATA gene. You didn't even consider that you might be the one left behind this time."
"Can you blame me? You think it's about me questioning your usefulness. But I just really hate the idea of being without you." She took Janet's hand. "Of course you should go. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I am just really going to miss you. I'm going to miss the hell out of you. I'm sorry for blowing up at you. Maybe I was looking to start a fight so it would be easier to say goodbye to you."
"Did it work?"
"No."
"I hope you don't think this will be easy for me. I'm leaving behind my home, my daughter... my partner." She squeezed Sam's hand. "We don't know what's waiting for us on the other side, and that terrifies me. There's a reason I'm not on the front lines. I don't want to be the first person to set foot anywhere. I like knowing someone else had blazed a trail."
"I wish you would have told me you were scared. All this time I've been acting like a brat, and you've needed me to tell you... it'll be okay, Janet. It will be dangerous, and scary, but you're going through that Gate with the best and the brightest and the toughest we have to offer."
Janet raised an eyebrow. "Oh. So you are going?"
Sam smiled and kissed Janet. Janet moved her free hand to Sam's throat and leaned back, falling onto the mattress and pulling Sam down with her. She bent her knee and placed her foot on the edge of the mattress, curling her arm around Sam's neck as Sam undid the buttons on her blouse. Sam spread the material apart and bent down, kissing between Janet's breasts before moving back up to her neck. She sucked Janet's earlobe while she unfastened Janet's bra. Janet's fingers moved on the back of Sam's neck like she was playing an instrument, tapping in a gentle rhythm as Sam explored her upper body.
Sam took one of Janet's nipples into her mouth and ran her hand down Janet's stomach. She popped open the button, dragged down the zipper, and lifted her head to look into Janet's eyes as she put her hand inside. Janet parted her legs and lifted her hips, gasping when Sam touched her. Janet closed her eyes, but Sam kept hers open as she touched and stroked in a familiar rhythm. She kissed Janet's chin, pecked the corners of her mouth. Janet opened her mouth in search of a kiss, her tongue brushing over her bottom lip. Sam captured the tongue and Janet moaned.
When Janet was close to orgasm, she whispered for Sam to wait. She gripped Sam's wrist, her face red. She pulled away from Sam and scooted up to the pillows, shedding her unbuttoned blouse and loose bra. She kicked her slacks and panties away, lying naked in the center of the bed like a deity awaiting worship. "Take off your clothes, Sam, take them--"
Sam slipped off the bed and slid her jeans down, peeling off her Air Force Academy T-shirt before rejoining Janet on the bed. Janet pulled open the nightstand drawer and took out the toy they saved for special occasions. She was trembling as she held it out to Sam. "Hurry." Sam sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the leather harness up her legs. She was shaking now, too, eager to finish what had started so suddenly.
She fell back onto Janet, who accepted the weight with a blissful cry. Sam wet her fingers against Janet's sex, wet the tip of the dildo with her hand, and pressed it against Janet. "Please, Sam," Janet whispered, and Sam's name turned into a shout as the toy pushed inside of her. Janet wrapped her legs around Sam, her feet hooked inside of Sam's knees. She splayed her fingers in the middle of Sam's back, pulling her close as Sam pushed against her. Sam gasped, "I love you, Janet."
Janet came quickly after that, rocking back against the headboard as she pressed her body more fully against Sam. Her toes curled in the sheets and she lifted her head to find Sam waiting for a kiss. Janet came, and Sam continued to fuck her, both of them grunting in pleasure and need. Janet knew how to make the toy work; they had practiced on their fourth anniversary. She tightened around it and pulled back, knowing that she could pull the slick leather between Sam's legs taut. It brushed her sensitive clit and Sam bowed her head to kiss and lick Janet's neck as Janet rocked her lower body to make Sam come.
Janet kissed Sam's shoulder, running her hands from the smooth plane of Sam's shoulders down to the curve of her hips, eyes closed as she used her lips to trace the texture of Sam's skin. When Sam came, she rested her weight on her knees and braced her hands on the pillow on either side of Janet's head, trying to catch her breath.
"Drop," Janet said.
"I don't want to crush you."
"I want your weight on top of me."
Sam lowered herself, settling on top of Janet. Janet sank into the mattress and moaned with pleasure, holding tightly to Sam while she still could. She kissed the hollow of Sam's throat. "Apology accepted."
Sam giggled helplessly. "We should fight more often." She turned her head and breathed deeply next to Janet's hair. "I'll miss you every minute."
Janet closed her eyes. "I can take going through the Stargate to another galaxy, not knowing when I'll be--" Her voice caught and she took a moment. "When I'll be able to come back. But leaving you behind will kill me. You know that, right?"
"Yes."
"Just so we're clear." She moved her foot, sliding it along the smooth skin of Sam's leg. "So since... you finished packing for me, I guess I have a half hour free."
"Hm." She lifted her head to kiss Janet's eyebrow. She dropped her hand to Janet's breast and teased the nipple with her thumb. "What do you want to do?"
"One last game of Scrabble?"
Sam moved down Janet's body, spreading her legs so she would have room to lie down between them. Janet closed her eyes as Sam began to spell words with the tip of her tongue, her eyes rolling back in her head. "Oh... oh, Sam... that's a triple-word score..."
#
Sam composed herself before she stepped into the control room. The base was packed to the rafters, reinforcing just how cramped the quarters really were. Trying to get down the corridor was like being squeezed into the subway in New York. When she had her game face on, she climbed the stairs and joined General O'Neill and Daniel. O'Neill turned to her and smiled. "Couldn't stay away, huh, Carter?"
"You know me, sir. This is my favorite part." She moved closer to the glass and looked down at the sea of people gathered in front of the ramp. Janet was standing near the blast doors, dwarfed by her pack. She wore a cap with the brim pulled down low over her eyes. Elizabeth Weir was in the midst of giving a speech on the ramp.
"You are the world's best and brightest. And in light of the adventure we are about to embark on, you're also the bravest. I hope we all return one day having discovered a whole new realm for humanity to explore. But as all of you know, we may never be able to return home. I'd like to offer you all one last chance to withdraw your participation."
Sam held her breath as she watched Janet's reaction to this blunt declaration. Janet lowered her chin and looked toward the glass. Her eyes immediately met Sam's and she offered a weak smile. Sam lifted her hand in a goodbye wave that also conveyed her blessing. Janet pressed her lips together and looked at Weir again.
Weir gave the order to begin the dialing sequence and moved to join the group who would examine the MALP footage before giving the go.
"Well, well."
Sam tensed and closed her eyes. Why wasn't he down with the rest of the expedition members? She turned to McKay and managed to smile. "Hi, McKay."
"It means the world to me that you dropped by just to wish me well."
"Actually, I came to make sure you were really going." She grinned at him. "Good luck, McKay."
He cleared his throat and moved to look at the display screen. Sam let him, General O'Neill and Dr. Weir have the premium viewing spots, choosing instead to look down at the expedition members. Janet was holding the straps of her back and smiling at the person beside her. The other woman, a scientist whose name Sam couldn't recall, tapped Janet's shoulder and pointed to the glass. Janet turned and smiled.
Sam took the greatest risk of her career and held up her hand. She extended her index finger, pinkie, and thumb in the sign for "I love you." Janet blinked rapidly. She pointed at herself and then at Sam. The scientist with Janet put an arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze.
Sam heard conversation going on behind her, but she was focused on her lover standing at the bottom of the ramp. Waiting to take a step through the Stargate with no idea if she would ever be able to return. Structurally intact... oxygen... viable life support... And then the words she'd been dreading.
"Dr. Weir," O'Neill said behind her. "You have a go."
The teams started through the Gate, led by Dr. Weir and Colonel Sumner. Daniel cleared his throat and the words seemed to burst from him.
"Jack, it's not too late for--"
"No."
"I can just grab my--"
"No."
"--kit."
Sam couldn't help but smile. The expedition went up the ramp in small groups. There was hesitation for some first timers, but others seemed almost giddy to step through. Janet and her scientist friend started up the ramp. Janet held her head high. From the Chief Medical Officer in the most secure base in the world to the head physician of the Atlantis Expedition. Sam was so proud of her.
Janet stepped through the event horizon and was gone.
"Don't you start."
Sam turned to O'Neill. "Sir?"
"I get enough whining from Daniel. I know how much you wish you were going with them."
"No, sir," Sam said. She looked at the event horizon and thought about where Janet was, what she was seeing... if she would ever be able to come home. "You really have no idea how badly I wish I was going." She offered him a smile and walked out of the control room. She could feel a breakdown coming and preferred to be in private when it hit.
Nine months later,
General O'Neill gave her the disc so she could watch it in private. She kept it with her the entire day, wanting desperately to watch but knowing that it might be her last contact for a very long time. She picked it up, stared at the disc as if she could see what it contained, and then put it down again. She didn't want to waste it. She managed to hold off until she got home. She went to Janet's home, which was how she still thought of it despite living there for five years. She took a shower to wash the base off of her, changed into her comfy jeans and a baggy T-shirt that Janet had always liked.
She made herself dinner and lit a candle before she loaded the disc into her laptop. She clicked on the video and held her breath. Janet's face appeared in the middle of the screen and Sam laughed spontaneously. She reached out but stopped just short of touching the screen. She was wearing rimless eyeglasses that made her look older, but in a very appealing way. Her hair was lighter and cut short, with bangs feathering across her forehead and a few wings visible just under her ears.
"This is Doctor Janet Fraiser, Chief Medical Officer of the Atlantis expedition." She wet her lips with a sweep of her tongue and looked down at her hands. "Lieutenant Ford has assured me that this will only be seen by the person for whom it was intended, but it's still hard. Um, we're surviving here. Thriving, in a way. It's been very difficult, some days more than others. Sometimes the quiet days are worse because they give you time to think about what you're missing. I'm sure that the details of the missions are going to be included, so I won't bore you with them here.
"I want to tell Sam that I love her. I think about her every day that I'm stuck here, and I wish that I was there with her. Try to keep your ego in check, Sam, but a gigantic Ancient outpost in the middle of an alien sea can't compare with you. Even if you can't cook."
Sam laughed and brushed at her cheek with one knuckle.
"They probably told you things are bad here right now. I won't lie to you and say they aren't, but I'll say... things have been bad here before, and we overcame. The SGC solved so many problems by the skin of their teeth and we didn't even have a city like Atlantis at our disposals. So don't worry about me, Sam. I'll be just fine. God, I wish this was two-way. I can't believe we've spent so much time without seeing each other, without hearing your voice--" Her voice cracked and she looked away, pinching the bridge of her nose until she was able to speak again. She reached for something off camera before she faced the screen again. "We've solved a lot of problems since we got here, Sam. I know that between the brains we have here and the people we left behind at the SGC that it's only a matter of time before we can drop in on each other for visits. Spend weekends together."
She held up the object she'd retrieved from the floor; her Rabbit doll. She pinched the arm between her fingers and waved goodbye with it. "I love you, Sam. And because I know you waited all day to watch this, goodnight. Sweet dreams." She returned the 'I love you' sign that Sam had shown her in the Gate room. "Bye."
Sam froze the image as Janet reached to shut off the camera. She pulled her feet up into her chair and wrapped her arms around her knees, staring at the frozen image of her partner.
Atlantis, two months later,
The clean-up would take a long time. Janet was in the infirmary trying to catalogue the damage done and while managing the injured. The Wraith were gone, thanks to the timely arrival of Colonel Caldwell and the Daedalus. Her joy at their arrival had been overshadowed by the grief at the loss of Lieutenant Ford and the knowledge of just how much was yet to be done. But the stress of work was overshadowed by the fact they would be alive to do it all. They had survived.
Not only that, the Daedalus was hope. It was a conduit back to Earth, back to Sam. Dr. Weir spoke privately with different department heads to let them know that anyone who wanted to take a one-way ticket home would be allowed under certain circumstances. Janet desperately wanted to go home, and she had hope that she would have some time between debriefings to see Sam again.
Even so, it would be another few weeks before she was on Earth. A week ago, she was coping with the idea that she didn't know when or if she would ever see Sam again. Now being forced to wait three weeks seemed like an impossible request. She wanted transporters, she wanted to step through the Stargate and see Sam waiting for her. She wanted to turn around and--
Sam was standing in the doorway of the infirmary.
Janet dropped her clipboard and clapped both hands over her mouth.
Sam wore her dress blues, her smile fading at the reaction she received. She took a step forward, but Janet countered it by running forward and throwing her arms around Sam's neck. "Sam. Sam, oh, Sam. It's you."
"Hey." She kissed Janet's cheek and whispered in her ear. "We have an audience."
"I don't care. Sam." She cupped the back of Sam's head, and Sam held her tight. She pulled away and wiped at her eyes under her glasses. "Uh, Carson..."
"Aye, love. I can take care of things here."
"Thank you." She slipped her hand into Sam's and walked her out of the infirmary. She gripped Sam's elbow with her other hand as if she was afraid Sam would run off or disappear. She started to speak a few times before they reached the transport. Finally she settled on the question that seemed to encompass the most. "How?"
"I hitched a ride. I told General O'Neill that we couldn't be certain about McKay being around to hook up the ZPM. And if there were complications, an extra genius could always come in handy." She covered Janet's hand with hers. "In reality, I think I was a liability. I couldn't stop thinking that I was going to see you." The transport doors closed, and they fell into each other. Sam put her hands on Janet's cheeks, and Janet slipped her hands under the hem of Sam's suit jacket to touch her blouse.
"Regs are a little more relaxed here," Janet said when they parted. "As long as we don't... press the issue..."
Elizabeth added a chip to the pot. She was sitting comfortably, one foot tucked under the opposite knee. "What about you, Janet? How are you dealing with the isolation?"
"It's harder off-duty. I never feel like I'm going home because this whole place is work. So it's a little odd. Like having the sun shine all day so it never gets dark."
Dr. Heightmeyer nodded as if this was news to her and not something Janet had discussed in their sessions. "I've heard a lot of expedition members express a similar concern. But I hear Major Sheppard is working to make a recreational area where people can unwind."
"Godspeed to him," Dr. Biro said.
"I know the work we're doing here is important," Elizabeth said, "but sometimes I wish I could just throw it all away, or tell them to let someone else do it, and go back home to Simon."
"God, I know how you feel." Janet was grateful someone else had breached the topic. "Most nights I lie in bed and wonder what she's doing, if she's thinking about me, if she's safe..."
"She?" Dr. Biro asked.
Janet panicked that she had made such a stupid slip. "I--"
"Your daughter." Elizabeth looked pointedly at Janet. "Right?"
"Yes. Cassandra." She held Elizabeth's gaze a moment longer, a silent thank you, and went back to her cards.
She touched Sam's face. "I'm so glad you're here."
"And I'll be going back to Earth with you on the Daedalus. Two weeks with nothing to do but get reacquainted."
Janet inhaled sharply at the thought. "I hope the walls on the ship are soundproof."
Sam smiled and kissed Janet again. "I look forward to testing them." She reluctantly pulled away from Janet and looked around the transport. "How does this thing work? I want to see where you're living now."
Janet activated a panel and pressed a portion of the screen. She turned to Sam and said, "How long do you have?"
"All afternoon. My main mission was to oversee the installation of the ZPM, and that's done. I'm officially off-duty until I get back to the SGC."
"Excellent. There's something I have been dying for, and only you can do it right." Her voice dropped to a sultry growl as they arrived at their destination. She pulled Sam with her. "Have you been exercising your fingers?"
"I've been separated from you for almost a year, Janet. I could lift city buses with just my index finger." She flexed her hands in example. "Why? What exactly do you have in mind for them?"
Janet grinned and arched an eyebrow.
#
Janet contacted Dr. Beckett and asked him to take over the rest of the evening's shifts. He sounded more than happy to oblige, and Janet let Sam undress her. It took nearly half an hour, as Sam felt the need to kiss every piece of exposed skin to reacquaint herself with Janet's body. Janet wasn't going to complain. She closed her eyes and kept her fingers in Sam's hair, a constant reminder that this wasn't just some morning fantasy that would fade when she opened her eyes.
When Janet was finally nude, Sam said, "Are you ready?"
"I've been dying for this, Sam. Dreaming of it..."
"Get on the bed."
Janet stretched out facedown, pillowing her cheek on folded hands. Sam straddled her, settling in the small of her back. She had taken off her uniform jacket and blouse, dressed only in her pantyhose, skirt and undershirt. She took the bottle of oil off the nightstand, snapped open the lid, and breathed in the scent. "Mm. So why do you have a bottle of massage oil in your bedroom, Miss Fraiser?"
"You weren't the only one exercising your fingers, honey."
Sam grinned. She poured a dollop of the oil onto Janet's back and used the tips of her fingers to work it into the tired flesh. Janet sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. "Oh, Sam... you are magic. That's exactly what I needed."
Sam kneaded the muscles carefully, admiring the slope of Janet's back and the feel of her body underneath her. As she massaged Janet's lower back, Sam bent down and kissed her just behind the ear. Janet moaned blissfully. "I hope the massage isn't the only thing you were fantasizing about."
"Mm. 'Course not. The massage is just so I'll be bendy enough to do all the things I want to do to you." She sat up and captured Sam's lips. Sam let Janet suck her tongue, rocking against the small of her back. Janet rolled over and grabbed the hem of Sam's T-shirt. Sam lifted both arms, her massage interrupted, and tossed the shirt across the room. Janet sat up and put her hands on Sam's breasts, kissing one and then the other. She teased the nipples, pressed her face into the valley between them, and then licked her way up to Sam's chin.
They kissed as Janet pressed her fist between Sam's legs. Janet parted Sam's lips with her tongue and then cruelly retreated. "Two fingers?" she whispered.
"Three." Sam's voice was shaking. "I want to really feel you."
Janet uncurled one finger at first, stroking Sam to get her wet. Sam put her arms around Janet, eyes closed, and shuddered as Janet opened her. Janet massaged Sam with a knuckle and kissed her chest. "One," she whispered, uncurling her index finger. "Two," she kissed Sam's neck and stretched out her middle finger. Sam took a tremulous breath. "Three," Janet added her ring finger and Sam grunted.
Sam lifted her hips and dropped them, and Janet pressed her hips against the heel of her hand. Sam took a handful of Janet's hair in her hand, pulling her head back and looking down into her eyes. Janet thrust with her fingers, using her thumb to circle Sam's clit. Sam dropped her hand to Janet's left breast, feeling the drum of her heart as she met Janet's thrusts.
Sam came with a stifled cry, biting her lip and tightening her grip on Janet's breast. When her body relaxed, she bent down and soothed the sore skin with a kiss and a few strokes of her tongue. Janet shivered and fell back to the mattress, guiding Sam to her nipple and whimpering when she took it into her mouth and sucked.
"I feel like I'm meeting you all over again."
Sam smiled and lifted her head.
"Samantha Carter."
Sam looked at the woman extending a hand. "Actually, that's my name." Sam tucked her notebook under her arm to free her right hand. "Captain Samantha Carter."
"Dr. Janet Fraiser. Sorry. I just couldn't get over the fact you were right in front of me. I'm a big fan of your work."
"Sure," Sam said.
"No, honestly. You're a brilliant scientist, a soldier... I'm a bit overwhelmed to be stationed with you. But hopefully I can get over it and we can be friends."
Sam smiled. "I would like that. Janet, right?"
Sam slid her hand along Janet's stomach. "Janet Fraiser."
"Actually, that's my name," Janet said. She took Sam's hand, holding it instead of shaking it. They smiled at each other, taking a moment to catch their breath before they continued their reunion.
#
Light poured across the bed, and Sam pulled up a corner of the blanket. "Janet, close the blinds..." A hand touched her shoulder and she jumped. Janet was there. She rolled onto her back and pulled Janet to her, their lips meeting before Sam was fully awake. Janet settled easily on top of Sam, then broke the kiss and said, "We can do that in a second. First, I wanted you to see what I wake up to every morning."
Sam looked, and her eyes widened. The wall beside Janet's bed opened out onto a narrow balcony. Beyond the railing was water. An endless stretch of it that seemed to glow with captured sunlight. The sky was clear save for a few puffs of cloud near the distant horizon. Sam could hear the waves splashing against nearby pylons. She put her arms around Janet and kissed her good morning.
"Mm. Two kisses and I haven't even brushed my teeth."
"Love means not caring about morning breath."
Janet chuckled.
Sam looked outside again. "Quite a view."
"Mm-hmm. Almost as nice as the one I used to wake up to on Earth." She brushed Sam's hair out of her face. "We're going to make the most out of the time we have together over the next few weeks."
"Count on it," Sam whispered. She kissed Janet again, pulling the blankets up over them both.
"Wait, wait," Janet said. "I really... should... brush my... teeth..."
Sam didn't answer, didn't let her go, and Janet decided there were worse things in the world than a little morning breath.