I wanted warmer weather, but not at the expense of sunlight.
I turned down a friend that wanted to go bowling with me, her, and her boyfriend. I told her that I had to pass, and if she wanted the truth, it was because I couldn't handle another third-wheel situation, albeit she and her boyfriend are different wheels than I've been around lately - which, in retrospect might make it worse. Then again, I can't decide whether I turned down the outing b/c of the third wheel syndrome, or b/c I'm really just shutting people out of my life, i.e., seeing people and having fun is too difficult.
Or maybe I'd rather spend the day brooding. Brooding and reading. Which isn't all that different than what I just described above.
I had a discussion with a co-worker yesterday about losing friendships simply due to differences in a relationship status. Yesterday, I found it comforting that I wasn't the only one who lost interest when one's friends immerse themselves in domesticity. But upon reflection, I wish I had more single friends.
January 15th -- ADDENDUM
I just wanted to add on to what I said in this entry...
The third-wheel bullshit I was talking about... If I am in that situation, it does not mean that I cannot, or do not, have fun. I dearly love all my friends, and cherish the time I spend with them. That is true above all things that are screwed up inside me. However, when I am in the third or fifth or seventh, etc, wheel situation a part of me can't help but feel a little achey. A little empty. A little whatever-the-hell-it-is-I've-been-feeling-lately. And while that feeling doesn't in any way overshadow the good memories I have with whomever and their significant other, it is sometimes a feeling that I just don't feel like feeling.
Hope this doesn't sound conceited.