seven years gone
Sometimes I feel like working retail for this long has aged me prematurely
I feel like age has suddenly opened a rift beneath me and is separating me from my youth at an unnatural pace
I come home and think about how jaded I am now, how I've come to view the world and people as a whole. How I pass judgement on everyone I see, everyone I meet, everyone I interact with, and its wal-mart that's done this. I feel like I'm 20 years ahead of where I should be.
I've changed so much for the worse and I wonder if I had chosen a different profession i'd have been better adjusted at this point.
Maybe its just me though, there's a good probability i'd be just as maladjusted if I were working aanywhere or nowhere. Maybe I'm just hardwired to this demeanor, maybe its who I am, the person who is at odds with the world, the one with a permanent chip on his shoulder and a grudge held for every wrong done.
I hate who I am, who I've become, and the road I'm already barrelling down is not a pleasant one.
I find so many of my values and morals, or lack thereof, to be at odds with even those who have middle of the road sensibilities. It feels like there are so few people who can understand me that I'm destined to be the outsider of every circle I run in. ....
Would people take me more seriously if I had excelled in school and gone on to a higher ed degree? Would that have been worse? Does my underachieving make me easier to accept. I see how my sister interacts with her friends and what's acceptable to them aalready that's still mostly unacceptable to my contemporaries, was I just born ten years too soon?
These thoughts keep me up, they're the ones I dwell on, pop into my head when I'm alone and stressed, when I'm working and trying to find the place I fit into.
I feel like age has suddenly opened a rift beneath me and is separating me from my youth at an unnatural pace
I come home and think about how jaded I am now, how I've come to view the world and people as a whole. How I pass judgement on everyone I see, everyone I meet, everyone I interact with, and its wal-mart that's done this. I feel like I'm 20 years ahead of where I should be.
I've changed so much for the worse and I wonder if I had chosen a different profession i'd have been better adjusted at this point.
Maybe its just me though, there's a good probability i'd be just as maladjusted if I were working aanywhere or nowhere. Maybe I'm just hardwired to this demeanor, maybe its who I am, the person who is at odds with the world, the one with a permanent chip on his shoulder and a grudge held for every wrong done.
I hate who I am, who I've become, and the road I'm already barrelling down is not a pleasant one.
I find so many of my values and morals, or lack thereof, to be at odds with even those who have middle of the road sensibilities. It feels like there are so few people who can understand me that I'm destined to be the outsider of every circle I run in. ....
Would people take me more seriously if I had excelled in school and gone on to a higher ed degree? Would that have been worse? Does my underachieving make me easier to accept. I see how my sister interacts with her friends and what's acceptable to them aalready that's still mostly unacceptable to my contemporaries, was I just born ten years too soon?
These thoughts keep me up, they're the ones I dwell on, pop into my head when I'm alone and stressed, when I'm working and trying to find the place I fit into.