Thoughts on the Year
Wow, a year already.
First off, thanks so much to all those who could be with Weasel2000 and the Dumpling and I as we celebrated the Dumpling's first birthday. It was a whirlwind weekend, but a lot of fun.
In other thoughts, as best as I can figure, it was about a year ago today (a few days after Dumpling's birth) that I realized I couldn't read. Rather nasty realization, that. I've come a long, long way from "today's letter is 'A'" and "today's letter is 'B'". I'm still not fully where I want to be, but whenever I get frustrated with that, I just try to remember just how far I've come. Last year I was scared to death that I'd never get as far as I am now even, and well, here I am. I can differentiate between coffee and tea on a menu (without pictures), I no longer shudder in fear at the thought of filling out forms at the doctor's office, I can follow a recipie (though I will ask Weasel2000 not to point out that I did marinate tonights fajita chicken in cinnamon, rather than cumin... I was in a hurry...), I am fairly certain that I will not have to ask for the audio option to vote next year (wow, was that ever an experience that I would not like to repeat). I continue to work on improving my reading speed (I aspire to following subtitles once again... or if not that, at least the little info-nuggets on Good Eats).
It may sound strange, but this thing has been kind of a spiritual journey for me too. I know that I had prayers and positive thoughts coming my way from Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, and even the Atheist quarters, and I believe that where I am now is related to that. I also know that I could have gotten rip-roaring mad at God for taking that one particular thing away. I'll admit flashes of that have gone through my mind... but not the majority of the time. In some ways, it has been a lesson in trust. A very religious friend visited me in the hospital and said that God had given her a passage from Jeremiah (I looked up chapter and verse at one point, but I don't remember them now) that said "I know the plans that I have for you, plans for good and not evil." A bit of a paraphrase, but was tremendously helpful and I think kind of became a bit of a mantra for me.
Do I have a point here... not really, just reflecting. Some stuff that I need to get out of my system, that I feel I need to air out a little. This year's been a wild ride (& don't think that my musing on my own issues above at length in any way minimizes the huge changes that I've experienced in terms of first-time motherhood b/c they don't) I guess I figure that as wonderful as motherhood is... lots of people become mothers for the first time... people write about it, everybody kind of knows that it's a major transformational experience. My other stuff... well, I hear a lot less about that, so I guess I'm working through that a little more without the benefit of wiser folks that have come before me. Ok, at this point I'm just looking for a good way to end this ramble... it's not coming... and I need sleep. Best to just chop off here, lousy wrap-up or no. Maybe this will make sense later?
First off, thanks so much to all those who could be with Weasel2000 and the Dumpling and I as we celebrated the Dumpling's first birthday. It was a whirlwind weekend, but a lot of fun.
In other thoughts, as best as I can figure, it was about a year ago today (a few days after Dumpling's birth) that I realized I couldn't read. Rather nasty realization, that. I've come a long, long way from "today's letter is 'A'" and "today's letter is 'B'". I'm still not fully where I want to be, but whenever I get frustrated with that, I just try to remember just how far I've come. Last year I was scared to death that I'd never get as far as I am now even, and well, here I am. I can differentiate between coffee and tea on a menu (without pictures), I no longer shudder in fear at the thought of filling out forms at the doctor's office, I can follow a recipie (though I will ask Weasel2000 not to point out that I did marinate tonights fajita chicken in cinnamon, rather than cumin... I was in a hurry...), I am fairly certain that I will not have to ask for the audio option to vote next year (wow, was that ever an experience that I would not like to repeat). I continue to work on improving my reading speed (I aspire to following subtitles once again... or if not that, at least the little info-nuggets on Good Eats).
It may sound strange, but this thing has been kind of a spiritual journey for me too. I know that I had prayers and positive thoughts coming my way from Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, and even the Atheist quarters, and I believe that where I am now is related to that. I also know that I could have gotten rip-roaring mad at God for taking that one particular thing away. I'll admit flashes of that have gone through my mind... but not the majority of the time. In some ways, it has been a lesson in trust. A very religious friend visited me in the hospital and said that God had given her a passage from Jeremiah (I looked up chapter and verse at one point, but I don't remember them now) that said "I know the plans that I have for you, plans for good and not evil." A bit of a paraphrase, but was tremendously helpful and I think kind of became a bit of a mantra for me.
Do I have a point here... not really, just reflecting. Some stuff that I need to get out of my system, that I feel I need to air out a little. This year's been a wild ride (& don't think that my musing on my own issues above at length in any way minimizes the huge changes that I've experienced in terms of first-time motherhood b/c they don't) I guess I figure that as wonderful as motherhood is... lots of people become mothers for the first time... people write about it, everybody kind of knows that it's a major transformational experience. My other stuff... well, I hear a lot less about that, so I guess I'm working through that a little more without the benefit of wiser folks that have come before me. Ok, at this point I'm just looking for a good way to end this ramble... it's not coming... and I need sleep. Best to just chop off here, lousy wrap-up or no. Maybe this will make sense later?