May 15, 2007 11:31
also, whenever i tell people what happened, with the exception of hannah and lindsay, they've told me stupid stories about people they know who have killed themselves. like. what the fuck. why would you think thats what i want to hear right now? 'oh, your friend killed herself 15 years ago? that's awesome. totally puts things in perspective. thanks.'
leslie told me 3 stories about people she knew killing themselves. mike told me someone in his family died recently, 'so we're kind of in the same boat' oh yeah, totally the same thing mike, a sick elderly relative dying after months in hospital, and a friend of yours suddenly deciding to kill themselves after not talking to them in forever, on the other side of the world (okay, mike's an idiot, so i'm not too mad about that stupid sentance. but he really is an idiot.)... and crystal reminded me that she just got fired and until recently she 'never thought she'd make it to 20', and of her awful succession of recent men (i think alot of this was her own fault, but i wont say it). crystal is especially bad about this sort of thing - whenever (and i mean EVER) you go to her with a problem, all she does is point out how much worse hers are. everyone has their own fucking issues. i've tried to talk to her about this a thousand times but she just starts talking about her bipolar disorder and whatever. its awesome. i'm not trying to diminish hers by bringing her mine, but they are problems. and they bother me. i talk to her about hers all the time, i wouldve figured i could bring one of MINE up SOMETIMES and not have it turn into a fucking competition. i have some pretty serious issues with stress and panic attacks and social anxiety. i just rarely, rarely talk about it because when i do, she's just like 'well, my dads emotionally unavailable, i'm manic, and i have agorophobia and panic attacks' and i'm like hey, me too! except its my mom! and not only is she emotionally unavailable, she's emotionally abusive and an alcoholic! but hey, your situation is clearly worse, so i should just be ecstatic. WOO!
well that was a pretty long tangent. im not quite sure where i was going with that anyway.
except i don't want to go to school tonight.
i think i'll go and see if i can just get the work i missed on thursday and will be missing today and not stay for the whole mind numbing 3 hours. maybe dragon lady will listen to me if i start crying (which, for some reason, i seem to do whenever i talk about this)
terrrific. at least i dont have crappy crappy work today.
siiigh.