(no subject)
Anyone here know a cheerleader? Anyone ever punched a cheerleader? How fucking annoying do you have to be to want to squeal at the top of your lungs about how great you think the football team is? We already know you like the team, you gave them all blowjobs! I never got any handjobs when she came around, that fucking C*U*N*T. Hell even when I got a beejer she never swallowed. Prissy little goody-good cheerleader sluts like that only swallow one day a year--it's called Christmas. Something about a big fat guy surrounded by naked, muscular reindeer and a plastic baby surrounded by eager farm animals puts them in the mood.
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I like bars. Bars are a pretty neat place to be social. But people tend to be very weird in bars. These girls dude, they act stuck up. Like they spend 2 hours doing their hair, putting on their makeup, shaving her legs, getting her cooter waxed, putting makeup on her ass and and lower back to hide the pimples on her strategically-engineered-to-be-revealing low-cut jeans she bought earlier that day specifically for that night, and what do they do if you say something like "Hey, I like your hair." (Whore voice) "Ugh, loser." Then there's the girls where, like, if you're a guy, and you wanna talk to this one girl but you can't, because she's protected by the Buckingham Palace guards who don't give a shit about you and do nothing when you approach your prospect but whisk her away. But they don't just whisk her away. Oh no. They have to be clever about it.
(Whore) "Cmon Cindy, quit talking to this guy, let's go dance, I looooooooooove this song."
(Me) "Excuse me, I was just talking to he..."
(Whore) "Oh I'm sorry! Bye hun..."
(I punch the whore in the face) "Don't ever call me hun again you fucking cunt!" (Kick her in the uterus)
(Whore, crying while laying on floor) "Why did you kick me in the uterus?!"
(Me) "So that you won't have kids to bother my kids SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Bitch had it coming. I'm joking people. I don't use violence to settle my differences with women. Just with my mom. No wonder why people think she's black, with her swollen lips, multi-colored skin, and flat nose. Seriously, I think every guy has once, at least ONCE during their entire duration of their time here, in the comedy club, thought about how well their fist would connect to their mother's face. In all honesty, to the men here, after saying all that, that it's wrong for you to beat or hit your wives, girlfriends, mothers or whomever...without letting me do it first. Especially if it's a nun.
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Here's another weird thing about bars. I just noticed that they're starting to install special counters for handicapped people...otherwise known as people that pissed me off. Lots of handicapped people out there. Now I think these people have the right to do what they want, but I'm pretty sure it's against the rules for nuns to get drunk in public. Otherwise it isn't a bad idea to watch wheelchair people get too drunk to roll themselves straight. It sure would give the regular drunks a reason to feel better about themselves. "When I get drunk I'm still able to move straight...down to the ground."
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I'm going to Hell. And if you laughed at any of this, so will you.
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I like bars. Bars are a pretty neat place to be social. But people tend to be very weird in bars. These girls dude, they act stuck up. Like they spend 2 hours doing their hair, putting on their makeup, shaving her legs, getting her cooter waxed, putting makeup on her ass and and lower back to hide the pimples on her strategically-engineered-to-be-revealing low-cut jeans she bought earlier that day specifically for that night, and what do they do if you say something like "Hey, I like your hair." (Whore voice) "Ugh, loser." Then there's the girls where, like, if you're a guy, and you wanna talk to this one girl but you can't, because she's protected by the Buckingham Palace guards who don't give a shit about you and do nothing when you approach your prospect but whisk her away. But they don't just whisk her away. Oh no. They have to be clever about it.
(Whore) "Cmon Cindy, quit talking to this guy, let's go dance, I looooooooooove this song."
(Me) "Excuse me, I was just talking to he..."
(Whore) "Oh I'm sorry! Bye hun..."
(I punch the whore in the face) "Don't ever call me hun again you fucking cunt!" (Kick her in the uterus)
(Whore, crying while laying on floor) "Why did you kick me in the uterus?!"
(Me) "So that you won't have kids to bother my kids SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Bitch had it coming. I'm joking people. I don't use violence to settle my differences with women. Just with my mom. No wonder why people think she's black, with her swollen lips, multi-colored skin, and flat nose. Seriously, I think every guy has once, at least ONCE during their entire duration of their time here, in the comedy club, thought about how well their fist would connect to their mother's face. In all honesty, to the men here, after saying all that, that it's wrong for you to beat or hit your wives, girlfriends, mothers or whomever...without letting me do it first. Especially if it's a nun.
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Here's another weird thing about bars. I just noticed that they're starting to install special counters for handicapped people...otherwise known as people that pissed me off. Lots of handicapped people out there. Now I think these people have the right to do what they want, but I'm pretty sure it's against the rules for nuns to get drunk in public. Otherwise it isn't a bad idea to watch wheelchair people get too drunk to roll themselves straight. It sure would give the regular drunks a reason to feel better about themselves. "When I get drunk I'm still able to move straight...down to the ground."
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I'm going to Hell. And if you laughed at any of this, so will you.