Good God, I've Banned Myself From Life.
by the time i climbed out of my hole
i realized the year had changed so much.
the year was 1999 when i went in.
when i came out. . .
it was 2000
when i went in, my friends were coming over to play
in big packs like schools of little fishys.
my mother worked a job where she met many famous people.
johnny cash. englebert humperdink.
tom jones. wayne newton.
she was almost hotel-famous.
my sister and i were close, but only behind closed doors.
we were living in a city probably named after what you get
when a piece of metal is dragging across the pavement.
it was in nevada, anyways.
when i came crawling out of my grungy, yet oh so comfy hole,
i found myself in newark, california, not even a 5 minute walk
away from the apartment where i had so many bad memories.
i lived with my mum, sister, and grandmother in a retirement center.
i went to a junior high that used to be my mum and [now stepdad]'s
old high school. i met some of the most incredible girls ive ever known.
i had my first realtionship, which also turned out to be my very first kiss.
her name was Victoria. she was a metal head. really into ozzy.
i was a punk. really into dead kennedys.
i had a crush on a 19 year old [arthur] when i was 13.
and aparently he liked me too.. .but obviously it wasn't going to happen.
but at least we made out multiple times, and i almost let him take my virginity.
back then, i couldn't figure out what love was.
all i knew was that no matter what, it was going to fail.
my parents seperated. my sister [like a normal teenager]
went through different boyfriends. and the only 2 people who
i thought i wanted to be with ended up breaking up with me [victoria]
and going off to the army when i moved to utah [arthur, 2001]
after victoria broke it off, i decided to crawl back into my hole
for another little while. this time, when i cam digging myself out,
i was in Springville Utah, and automatically, at my junior high,
i was looked up to by alot of younger girls, and to this day, i still dont know why.
i was obsessed with my photography and drama classes. i hated every
other class. i alwyas faked PMS so i wouldnt hafta do shit
in Gym. and i was dating a boy named Royal. my best friends at the time
were named Hope, Bailey, Mike, and Shane [by the way, shane died a few years ago
and i honestly miss him dearly]. Hope turned out to be a keniving
little cunt muffin and stole royal from me. i am not sure what happened to bailey,
but my sister is now engaged to the guy bailey was dating a few years ago
[who, by the way, was with Bailey the ast time my sister ever saw her]
Mike is off doing his own thing now. i hear he's doing rather well.
he's a total hippy, which is cool. . .but i havent seen him in several months.
i, right now, at this moment, am dating a man.
an older man.
not old man.
but older.
and he is my favorite person on earth.
i call him philliam.
he likes my 6-toed cat.
he plays with his extra toe sometimes.
i guess i felt like writing about my strange and exciting
adventures in between some of my past depression stages.