part 2
Sometimes you have to outsmart your emotions. Not because emotions are bad, but because in a lot of the down times our emotions jump in there to compensate for whatever we are loosing.
Which in my case it is me moving to a big city. It's easier for me to get closer to people without being emotionally involved simply because I have so many contacts a week-- but the temptation is greater to find one person to devote all of my time to.
My real problem is that the logical side of me and the emotional side very rarely agree on a dang thing. My emotional side says "wouldn't it be great if this could actually work out between this guy" while my logical side says "you've done this thousands of times before-- you really do not know what you want and whatever it is you like in this guy is just a way to feed your loneliness".
Emotions are fun but they are so unstable. Just last night I watched 2 of my girlfriends fall to pieces in a busy bar because their boyfriends weren't calling. They basically took the whole night's purpose-- a girl’s night-- and made it into a bash fest.
I don't know when we get to the point where we can start trusting our emotions. My brother is 17 and he is in love... which I believe him when he says it because I was the same exact way when I was his age. I believe it was a little more infatuation than anything else... but I know he really genuinely cares about people- especially certain girls. We just have no idea what we really want until we've been through enough crap to see it. I would never have believed anyone if they would have told me by 22 I would have gone to 7 countries in Europe and Australia, moved to DC, become a bartender, worked in 2 law firms and then eventually on Capitol Hill. Or I could have gone to USC, been a nurse and married my highschool boyfriend. I would have hated it... I know I would have.. or at least I know now that now. It would have truly sucked.
Sometimes you have to outsmart your emotions because you know later down the road you will have something better. It's hard to do but it's necessary. It was necessary for me to realize that I was dating a really immature guy that treated me terribly and that I could find a lot of fulfillment in life apart from him. It was necessary for me to see that one of the great guys that I dated in college was called to youth ministry and that I would not be a good fit for him (or he for me). The second definitely was a good guy but the timing wasn't right... and we were choosing completely different paths. So now while I'm in DC, it's tempting to want to find a guy and fall in love and be able to do all of the cute couple things and walk along the water and go to the parks and all of that.. but I know that there’s still too much for me to do here. I have so much more to go through-- a job that is challenging and a next job in a year maybe in a different field that will show me even more. Maybe a new location.. I don't know. I like DC a lot-- and I wouldn't even mind settling here for a bit--but there's a whole other world out there that this city can help me get to.
Emotions definitely play their part. I am an incredibly emotional person but I've chosen to contain them for a little while for my own personal good. When I feel like I'm at a point in my life that is somewhat stable I will take the chance-- but it's going to be a chance-- because when I enter a relationship with emotions involved crazy things tend to happen. I can't change the person I am. If I chill out some as I get older then so be it.. but I can't do that to myself now. There's too much that I still want to do and see. I think it will make a relationship more worthwhile when I decide to settle down because I’m ready.
I'm not choosing to live my life relationship free right now. I'm really just avoiding a serious one for the same reason I can't get a dog--just not the right timing. Emotions are a scary thing to play with. I might choose to dabble, but I'm not going to jump into anything right now full force. That would be kind of dumb and really confusing for someone like me.
I am a romantic at heart... and the free-spirited side of me is kind of screaming against everything I'm saying right now! I just know this is right.. and when I let my emotions get used to it then I am even more peaceful about it. I'm looking forward to something wonderful and special, and not trying to take on anything I can find right now just because it is available.
I'm also enjoying the nature here in DC. It's Good Friday and all I want to do is go out by the water and lay in the grass. We have so much to be thankful for... and I never want to lose that living in such a busy and ambitious city. I'm glad that I can enjoy myself and be alone and know I'm not alone.. that's such a crazy feeling. It seems absurd and incredibly real all at the same time.
But anyway... that's my spiel on relationships for the time being. If you're on the east coast then it's probably going to be raining like mad this weekend-- but enjoy it anyways-- its a wonderful time :)
Which in my case it is me moving to a big city. It's easier for me to get closer to people without being emotionally involved simply because I have so many contacts a week-- but the temptation is greater to find one person to devote all of my time to.
My real problem is that the logical side of me and the emotional side very rarely agree on a dang thing. My emotional side says "wouldn't it be great if this could actually work out between this guy" while my logical side says "you've done this thousands of times before-- you really do not know what you want and whatever it is you like in this guy is just a way to feed your loneliness".
Emotions are fun but they are so unstable. Just last night I watched 2 of my girlfriends fall to pieces in a busy bar because their boyfriends weren't calling. They basically took the whole night's purpose-- a girl’s night-- and made it into a bash fest.
I don't know when we get to the point where we can start trusting our emotions. My brother is 17 and he is in love... which I believe him when he says it because I was the same exact way when I was his age. I believe it was a little more infatuation than anything else... but I know he really genuinely cares about people- especially certain girls. We just have no idea what we really want until we've been through enough crap to see it. I would never have believed anyone if they would have told me by 22 I would have gone to 7 countries in Europe and Australia, moved to DC, become a bartender, worked in 2 law firms and then eventually on Capitol Hill. Or I could have gone to USC, been a nurse and married my highschool boyfriend. I would have hated it... I know I would have.. or at least I know now that now. It would have truly sucked.
Sometimes you have to outsmart your emotions because you know later down the road you will have something better. It's hard to do but it's necessary. It was necessary for me to realize that I was dating a really immature guy that treated me terribly and that I could find a lot of fulfillment in life apart from him. It was necessary for me to see that one of the great guys that I dated in college was called to youth ministry and that I would not be a good fit for him (or he for me). The second definitely was a good guy but the timing wasn't right... and we were choosing completely different paths. So now while I'm in DC, it's tempting to want to find a guy and fall in love and be able to do all of the cute couple things and walk along the water and go to the parks and all of that.. but I know that there’s still too much for me to do here. I have so much more to go through-- a job that is challenging and a next job in a year maybe in a different field that will show me even more. Maybe a new location.. I don't know. I like DC a lot-- and I wouldn't even mind settling here for a bit--but there's a whole other world out there that this city can help me get to.
Emotions definitely play their part. I am an incredibly emotional person but I've chosen to contain them for a little while for my own personal good. When I feel like I'm at a point in my life that is somewhat stable I will take the chance-- but it's going to be a chance-- because when I enter a relationship with emotions involved crazy things tend to happen. I can't change the person I am. If I chill out some as I get older then so be it.. but I can't do that to myself now. There's too much that I still want to do and see. I think it will make a relationship more worthwhile when I decide to settle down because I’m ready.
I'm not choosing to live my life relationship free right now. I'm really just avoiding a serious one for the same reason I can't get a dog--just not the right timing. Emotions are a scary thing to play with. I might choose to dabble, but I'm not going to jump into anything right now full force. That would be kind of dumb and really confusing for someone like me.
I am a romantic at heart... and the free-spirited side of me is kind of screaming against everything I'm saying right now! I just know this is right.. and when I let my emotions get used to it then I am even more peaceful about it. I'm looking forward to something wonderful and special, and not trying to take on anything I can find right now just because it is available.
I'm also enjoying the nature here in DC. It's Good Friday and all I want to do is go out by the water and lay in the grass. We have so much to be thankful for... and I never want to lose that living in such a busy and ambitious city. I'm glad that I can enjoy myself and be alone and know I'm not alone.. that's such a crazy feeling. It seems absurd and incredibly real all at the same time.
But anyway... that's my spiel on relationships for the time being. If you're on the east coast then it's probably going to be raining like mad this weekend-- but enjoy it anyways-- its a wonderful time :)