Oh god.. what a day
Today ... oh god where to start.
Ill just tell you what i did, I woke up at quarter of 8... after not having fallen asleep until atleast 2:30... then did a few things, and by 8:25 i was out the door on the way to drop something off with someone. Then I went to foodlion and talked to Amy, and ended up crying in her car. Then I went to Paiges house bc i couldnt go home. then i was like..fine ill go home, so i started to go home but there was road work in the way so i was like im not going home. i turned around i went to Salisbury Music.. and didn't leave for 3 hours. i just kind of sat there. Then I went to see Casey on her lunch break. again. crying. She made me take this like yogart covered pretzel thing she had you know the mini pretzels that are covered in white-chocolatey stuff? well-- i had all of one bite of that before i thought i was going to be sick. so then I finally went home and Jenna came over. No crying here. We went to Target... and on the way back to my house (work called me in early) I started bawling again. I get home, i change. I'm fine for all of 20 minutes, and then on the way to work, I'm in tears again. It's just i don't know how. it just happens. And then I was at work...and god. I was crying when I walked in. I went on register and tried to get myself together, and i was doing fine for a while until this lady asked me what was wrong, I just told her it'd been a bad day, but by the time she left i was crying too. I went on my 10 and Shaina sent me a message so I called her, I ended up like bawling on the phone again, and then going back inside. I was pretty okay for a little bit, but then I went on my lunch and I just got more upset. All i did my entire lunch was drink a bottle of Disani water...and well.. not be happy. I went in and I was pretty okay for the rest of the night... well kind of. i just spaced. i just scanned and scanned. Jamie and Matt came and brought me a White Chocolate bar.. but I told Jamie i hadnt eaten anything today so I probably shouldn't start with that. I wasn't hungry.. I'm not hungry.. I didn't need to eat it. I got off at 9, and I came h ome. In silence..i didnt want to listen to music.
I got home and Mom threw this dinosaur on my bed so for the last 30 minutes I've had this dinosaur who makes me think of Nick staring me in the face. =(
So lessons learned; don't love anyone. It'll only hurt you. I knew this before. I forgot this. I had a wall. I knew love was dangerous. But I let it consume me anyways. I was stupid. I forgot. But I'll learn. As for now.... well... i don't know. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't leave me comments telling me that 'he's missing out' or things of such nature. It's not true. And I want no bashing of him either. He's a great person,and I love him, I always will. He has a part of me I'll never get back.. I'm okay with that though.... it's just hard to deal with
Okay I'm going to go.. before I start crying again. because its not cool at all....
Oh and Autumn, since you'll probably read this. Just bc your brother and I aren't together.. doesn't mean I dont want to talk to you. You're great.
Ill just tell you what i did, I woke up at quarter of 8... after not having fallen asleep until atleast 2:30... then did a few things, and by 8:25 i was out the door on the way to drop something off with someone. Then I went to foodlion and talked to Amy, and ended up crying in her car. Then I went to Paiges house bc i couldnt go home. then i was like..fine ill go home, so i started to go home but there was road work in the way so i was like im not going home. i turned around i went to Salisbury Music.. and didn't leave for 3 hours. i just kind of sat there. Then I went to see Casey on her lunch break. again. crying. She made me take this like yogart covered pretzel thing she had you know the mini pretzels that are covered in white-chocolatey stuff? well-- i had all of one bite of that before i thought i was going to be sick. so then I finally went home and Jenna came over. No crying here. We went to Target... and on the way back to my house (work called me in early) I started bawling again. I get home, i change. I'm fine for all of 20 minutes, and then on the way to work, I'm in tears again. It's just i don't know how. it just happens. And then I was at work...and god. I was crying when I walked in. I went on register and tried to get myself together, and i was doing fine for a while until this lady asked me what was wrong, I just told her it'd been a bad day, but by the time she left i was crying too. I went on my 10 and Shaina sent me a message so I called her, I ended up like bawling on the phone again, and then going back inside. I was pretty okay for a little bit, but then I went on my lunch and I just got more upset. All i did my entire lunch was drink a bottle of Disani water...and well.. not be happy. I went in and I was pretty okay for the rest of the night... well kind of. i just spaced. i just scanned and scanned. Jamie and Matt came and brought me a White Chocolate bar.. but I told Jamie i hadnt eaten anything today so I probably shouldn't start with that. I wasn't hungry.. I'm not hungry.. I didn't need to eat it. I got off at 9, and I came h ome. In silence..i didnt want to listen to music.
I got home and Mom threw this dinosaur on my bed so for the last 30 minutes I've had this dinosaur who makes me think of Nick staring me in the face. =(
So lessons learned; don't love anyone. It'll only hurt you. I knew this before. I forgot this. I had a wall. I knew love was dangerous. But I let it consume me anyways. I was stupid. I forgot. But I'll learn. As for now.... well... i don't know. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't leave me comments telling me that 'he's missing out' or things of such nature. It's not true. And I want no bashing of him either. He's a great person,and I love him, I always will. He has a part of me I'll never get back.. I'm okay with that though.... it's just hard to deal with
Okay I'm going to go.. before I start crying again. because its not cool at all....
Oh and Autumn, since you'll probably read this. Just bc your brother and I aren't together.. doesn't mean I dont want to talk to you. You're great.