(no subject)
I had a really long talk with mike last night. I am really lucky to have such a good friend. He is geniunely worried, and makes me feel as if my own worries are justified rather than overdramatic. I let out everything last night. All my worries, all my insecurities, and apologized that he had to sink so low to fuck sommeone as repulsive as me. I never realized that he had NO idea I felt that way. I guess I just thought ppl were as repulsed as me and knew that I was aware of my disguting nature. I apologized to him for being "normal" for so long and not fixing this problem sooner. He got really confused.
He wants me to talk to Maria. He wants me to work on maintaining. I haven't left myself an out, and I didn't even realize it until he pointed it out. I'm terrified I'm gonna end up pushing him away, making him bitter towards me for dragging him through all this bullshit. He told me not to worry, that he's "rather fond" of me and isn't going anywhere. I think that's what helped me the most.
I'm still dissappointed in myself for my plans for June. But perhaps it will pay off.
He wants me to talk to Maria. He wants me to work on maintaining. I haven't left myself an out, and I didn't even realize it until he pointed it out. I'm terrified I'm gonna end up pushing him away, making him bitter towards me for dragging him through all this bullshit. He told me not to worry, that he's "rather fond" of me and isn't going anywhere. I think that's what helped me the most.
I'm still dissappointed in myself for my plans for June. But perhaps it will pay off.