Broken down by Breaking Dawn
The deities help us: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 opens in local cinemas today. I gather we managed stave off the mayhem one week longer than other parts of the world. But it's a tide that can't be turned back and so it arrives on these shores, awaited by a mass of over-excited fans.
Twilight: Eclipse was recently on TV and I watched it while doing household chores. Divorced from all the hype, Eclipse was a perfectly decent, enjoyable movie. I would have lapped this stuff up back when I was 13 years old.
I'm not 13, and therefore obviously not the target audience for this. And since the film is not intended for me, I should just shut up, leave it alone and let the screaming hoards enjoy it. I would do just that, if only the film would leave ME alone.
The problem is that I can't dodge Breaking Dawn no matter how hard I try. I can't turn on the TV, open a Web browser or a newspaper, or walk past a bus shelter, without seeing something related to the damned movie. It's bloody EVERYWHERE.
And sooner or later, I'll be hearing about it too. There are people in my life who inexplicably love the Twilight series. Such are life's mysteries that there will always be something beyond my comprehension.
I'm dreading it. The swooning and the sighing, and no doubt the shock!horror! reaction to the crazy Cronenbergian developments. And the Team Pale Vampire versus Team Swarthy Werewolf shipwars make me long for the days of Harmony versus Orange Crush in Harry Potter. That was at least legitimately wanky and fun for outsiders looking in. The Twilight triangle makes me want to mutilate my cheek with a blunt pencil.
And this is just Part 1. Maybe I should go underground and resurface in 2013. Stephenie Meyer better not write a fifth book in the meantime.
Twilight: Eclipse was recently on TV and I watched it while doing household chores. Divorced from all the hype, Eclipse was a perfectly decent, enjoyable movie. I would have lapped this stuff up back when I was 13 years old.
I'm not 13, and therefore obviously not the target audience for this. And since the film is not intended for me, I should just shut up, leave it alone and let the screaming hoards enjoy it. I would do just that, if only the film would leave ME alone.
The problem is that I can't dodge Breaking Dawn no matter how hard I try. I can't turn on the TV, open a Web browser or a newspaper, or walk past a bus shelter, without seeing something related to the damned movie. It's bloody EVERYWHERE.
And sooner or later, I'll be hearing about it too. There are people in my life who inexplicably love the Twilight series. Such are life's mysteries that there will always be something beyond my comprehension.
I'm dreading it. The swooning and the sighing, and no doubt the shock!horror! reaction to the crazy Cronenbergian developments. And the Team Pale Vampire versus Team Swarthy Werewolf shipwars make me long for the days of Harmony versus Orange Crush in Harry Potter. That was at least legitimately wanky and fun for outsiders looking in. The Twilight triangle makes me want to mutilate my cheek with a blunt pencil.
And this is just Part 1. Maybe I should go underground and resurface in 2013. Stephenie Meyer better not write a fifth book in the meantime.