fire
Life is so good, yet I have negativity to bitch out.
First, I'm happy with my current housing situation. I like my roommate, he's easy to get along with, and has an awesome, playful cat. Yet at the same time, I'm always cleaning everything up for him. The first few days I was there he said he would do the dishes. I guess that means filling both sinks up with water and just leaving everything for a few days till it was all stagnant. I'm now pretty much in charge of the kitchen, because if I wasn't cleaning the counters or taking out the trash or sweeping/mopping the floor, no one would be doing it. I know at points in my life these things were never that apparent or important to me, but ever since 2009, having a clean and organized living space has become important to me. I just wish I got help with this. I'm considering asking a 50$ rent reduction since I clean all his messes up. I'm also considering re-teaching him how to feed his cat, because he just takes a giant bowl and fills it up with about 5 cups of cat food, and the cat has already shown he's capable of eating that much food in 1.5 days when he needs not even half of that per day. I don't want to be a bitch since this isn't my house or my cat, but I'm a little concerned. The neighbors came over the other day and helped clean up his bedroom which was overly nice of them. We found a 2 week old box of pizza in there and cups full of cigarette butts. Gross.
I almost had a bit of a panic/anxiety attack earlier, I was looking for the room holding the Student music industry association meeting, and it took me 10 minutes of walking around the building's many hallways, making 4 complete circles before actually finding that. If it wasn't stressful enough, the second I walked in, one of the club officers asked me to immediately introduce myself and what I want to get out of MIESA, as I was trying to find a place to sit. Normally I'd be just fine with that but I feel like I gave a dumb answer, wasn't thought through at all...What did I say, something like "Um, my minor is music because I want to be involved with the industry program, but I don't want to be forced into doing choir and band every single semester so now I might drop the minor. I just want to tinker with the producer room machines..." Made me sound like I had no fucking clue what I was talking about. Not only that, but I was finishing up a Mr Goodbar, so the wrapper kept making a crinkling noise that sounded obnoxiously loud and awkward to me, even if no one else noticed. Then I kicked my coffee over on the ground 3 times while getting a book out as a solid surface to write my contact info down for them...then I made the girl sitting next to me move each time I had to bring another sheet of paper up to the officers, since I was the last one there yet found a spot to sit in the very middle of the room......SIGH.
Well, in the end I casually apologized to the gal next to me, she was cool with my moving back and forth and didn't seem to really mind which made me feel a ton better. Afterwards I met with and talked with the officers a little more, which relieved me still. I'm still a little shaky, but whatever...I didn't lose my composure or anything, and I'm glad I was there because this is the group I think I want to be super-involved with...they have their own studio space, they're accepting demos, making bands or just jam groups, and I've gotta say, this is something I really want to dip into!
What else...
This is probably TMI for my friends, I don't know, but it's my journal so I guess I'll say whatever. I've been sexually frustrated lately, and I owe this in part to all the guys I see out here that I'm physically attracted to, which leads to sexual fantasies. I like muscled guys, I always invision myself being their androgynous mistress or whatever, the one the flock to, even if that's far from the truth. There were a few when I went to LCCC, one of them who I probably scared off or ruined something that really could have happened because I was so naive and weird acting around him in class, even though he was super cool and nice.
Out here though, in Fargo/Moorhead, it's what I've invisioned southern california people to look like, because I steriotype a lot in my mind, something I'm working on quitting. But the amount of mesomorphic jocked out muscle headed tanned muscle-shirt wearing dudes here is out of fucking control. I want to be numb and desensitized to it because they're everywhere on campus, and they're walking all over this town everyday. Sometimes I feel absolute envy for the ladies who get the oppertunity to bed these studs, because I'm not really sure how I'd go about doing it, or what I would have to do or say if I really wanted to act on my desires...because it always seems like the 'straight' guys play a game, where you have to tease, assert interest yet guard that interest, have a particular lingo...I don't know that game, I just want physical sexual pleasure.
I wish the guy I tried dating for a while took better care of himself and wasn't wrapped around the fingers of this business prospect he can never be successful with. Then I wouldn't have such a fucking eye for all the guys out here. Then I'd have a "boyfriend", and my sexual limbo would be controlled. I want JC to eat better and exercise because the thought of being sexually involved with him when he just makes excuses for his weight and lack of exercise disgusts me. He sells his soul for trying to start up a business. He's been stuck at the same place for the past 2 and a half years I've known him. Too much money gets invested into something, so he has to make it successful, he can't leave it. It's very frustrating, because if I ever visit him again, I don't want to fucking proofread all his stupid fucking pamphlets and booklets like I did the last 2 times. I mean, I don't mind doing it, but it's like my visits are just turning me into his temporary assistant. hmm.
First, I'm happy with my current housing situation. I like my roommate, he's easy to get along with, and has an awesome, playful cat. Yet at the same time, I'm always cleaning everything up for him. The first few days I was there he said he would do the dishes. I guess that means filling both sinks up with water and just leaving everything for a few days till it was all stagnant. I'm now pretty much in charge of the kitchen, because if I wasn't cleaning the counters or taking out the trash or sweeping/mopping the floor, no one would be doing it. I know at points in my life these things were never that apparent or important to me, but ever since 2009, having a clean and organized living space has become important to me. I just wish I got help with this. I'm considering asking a 50$ rent reduction since I clean all his messes up. I'm also considering re-teaching him how to feed his cat, because he just takes a giant bowl and fills it up with about 5 cups of cat food, and the cat has already shown he's capable of eating that much food in 1.5 days when he needs not even half of that per day. I don't want to be a bitch since this isn't my house or my cat, but I'm a little concerned. The neighbors came over the other day and helped clean up his bedroom which was overly nice of them. We found a 2 week old box of pizza in there and cups full of cigarette butts. Gross.
I almost had a bit of a panic/anxiety attack earlier, I was looking for the room holding the Student music industry association meeting, and it took me 10 minutes of walking around the building's many hallways, making 4 complete circles before actually finding that. If it wasn't stressful enough, the second I walked in, one of the club officers asked me to immediately introduce myself and what I want to get out of MIESA, as I was trying to find a place to sit. Normally I'd be just fine with that but I feel like I gave a dumb answer, wasn't thought through at all...What did I say, something like "Um, my minor is music because I want to be involved with the industry program, but I don't want to be forced into doing choir and band every single semester so now I might drop the minor. I just want to tinker with the producer room machines..." Made me sound like I had no fucking clue what I was talking about. Not only that, but I was finishing up a Mr Goodbar, so the wrapper kept making a crinkling noise that sounded obnoxiously loud and awkward to me, even if no one else noticed. Then I kicked my coffee over on the ground 3 times while getting a book out as a solid surface to write my contact info down for them...then I made the girl sitting next to me move each time I had to bring another sheet of paper up to the officers, since I was the last one there yet found a spot to sit in the very middle of the room......SIGH.
Well, in the end I casually apologized to the gal next to me, she was cool with my moving back and forth and didn't seem to really mind which made me feel a ton better. Afterwards I met with and talked with the officers a little more, which relieved me still. I'm still a little shaky, but whatever...I didn't lose my composure or anything, and I'm glad I was there because this is the group I think I want to be super-involved with...they have their own studio space, they're accepting demos, making bands or just jam groups, and I've gotta say, this is something I really want to dip into!
What else...
This is probably TMI for my friends, I don't know, but it's my journal so I guess I'll say whatever. I've been sexually frustrated lately, and I owe this in part to all the guys I see out here that I'm physically attracted to, which leads to sexual fantasies. I like muscled guys, I always invision myself being their androgynous mistress or whatever, the one the flock to, even if that's far from the truth. There were a few when I went to LCCC, one of them who I probably scared off or ruined something that really could have happened because I was so naive and weird acting around him in class, even though he was super cool and nice.
Out here though, in Fargo/Moorhead, it's what I've invisioned southern california people to look like, because I steriotype a lot in my mind, something I'm working on quitting. But the amount of mesomorphic jocked out muscle headed tanned muscle-shirt wearing dudes here is out of fucking control. I want to be numb and desensitized to it because they're everywhere on campus, and they're walking all over this town everyday. Sometimes I feel absolute envy for the ladies who get the oppertunity to bed these studs, because I'm not really sure how I'd go about doing it, or what I would have to do or say if I really wanted to act on my desires...because it always seems like the 'straight' guys play a game, where you have to tease, assert interest yet guard that interest, have a particular lingo...I don't know that game, I just want physical sexual pleasure.
I wish the guy I tried dating for a while took better care of himself and wasn't wrapped around the fingers of this business prospect he can never be successful with. Then I wouldn't have such a fucking eye for all the guys out here. Then I'd have a "boyfriend", and my sexual limbo would be controlled. I want JC to eat better and exercise because the thought of being sexually involved with him when he just makes excuses for his weight and lack of exercise disgusts me. He sells his soul for trying to start up a business. He's been stuck at the same place for the past 2 and a half years I've known him. Too much money gets invested into something, so he has to make it successful, he can't leave it. It's very frustrating, because if I ever visit him again, I don't want to fucking proofread all his stupid fucking pamphlets and booklets like I did the last 2 times. I mean, I don't mind doing it, but it's like my visits are just turning me into his temporary assistant. hmm.