Am I really that bad?
My family including nick, sarah and marcy's friend jimmy(well not so much him) really made me feel like shit tonight and just got me thinking about a lot of things. well I would like to state that nick aplogized but that still doesn't change the way he made me feel or what I began to think. I get so upset when they all say how mean I am, what a bitch I am, poor nick for putting up with me and basically how much i don't care about anything else or anyone else but myself. I'm completely selfish and I'm the only thing that matters and all i'm good at is telling everyone else what to do. Thanks everyone. Of course I sit there and defend myself and say shit back about them, but I 'm tired of having to be tough and just take it and have something to come back with. All I do is think about my family. I could have went to holy cross and got myself a good catholic education but I didn't I went to public school and save my parents money and now we have a house in delanco, we could have stayed in willingboro, that would ahve been great. I worked my ass off in high school and got good grades but yes i didn't go to a four year college because i can't take a test. so i got a scholarship to BCC once again saving money. not a lot but something is better than nothing. N ow both mom and mark are not working, well mark has side jobs so now i have three jobs, incase my parents need money some way down the road and go to school full time. So what the hell!!! I try my best and they still give me shit. I am also working because i know money is tight so I wanted to work some more so that everyone would have a pretty decent christmas and all I get is shit from them all. Lately all i hear from my mom is how she can't afford the house in willingboro anymore, where bryan, kelly, logan, emily, ed and sam live so i say something to ed tonight about looking for an apartment because bryan and kelly have been looking for a house and that way my mom could sell the house and what happens ed bitches at me about he has no money and i say why not get another job and of course that is too much for him.so once again i am wrong and stupid and I have no place even talking about it. then i was thinking just going to rutgers in camden and taking the light rail to school everyday and having the loft above the garage changed into an apartment because it would be cheaper then just going to a ofur year school but you know what I'm tired of thinking of them and what I can do to make things easier for them, so maybe i change my mind and i will go away to school. then they got me thinking on how mean and selfish I am so how could i be a good teacher if i am these things. am i going into the wrong profession, should i be doing something else instead of wasting my time in education. if i am this type of person how am i going to make a positive impact on a child's life? I'm just really upset and confused. I know that i am not perfect and i know i could do things better. i guess i shouldn't let them piss me off and i guess i should just watch what i say and control my mouth and my actions because they don't know how to. I'M JUST A BRAT WHO LIKES THINGS MY WAY, that's what everyone says, its up to me to change that image.