Erasing Tears
Title: Erasing Tears
Pairing: Jaejoong/yoochun, changmin/yoochun
Rating: R
Genre: angst, romance
length: One-shot
Disclaimer: Do I seem like I own them?
Summary: When it’s all over he stays awake and thinks that every time he spends with changmin is a small ounce of chance he’s willing to give at life, because maybe he really can be happy. But when he looks at the outside world again tomorrow, he knows all that chance he’s been gathering will just go to waste.
"How have you been yoochun-shii?"
"I'm ok, I guess...."
"Have you been taking the medication i prescribed you?"
"Y-yes."
"Please tell me the truth yoochun-shii."
"I-I have! Really!"
"And how has it been affecting you? Are you feeling better?"
"It hasn't helped much..."
"Tell me yoochun-shii, tell me, how do you currently feel?"
"Miserable."
He sat in his office, his feet propped up on the desk littered with documents, paper coffee cups and ash trays crammed with cigarettes.
It always looked this way when he was busy, and hardly stayed clean for a long time after he was finished and finally had the time to organize.
Jaejoong sighed as he marked a number on his patient's folder. It seemed like she was improving. He smiled. Helping people was the best thing he could ever do. It’s his life's purpose, seeing all the smiling faces at the end of their final therapy session stamps a happy grin on his face.
He huffed and took a seat on his black leather chair. It was a busy month, so many patients, so little time. But the business was better. He jumped as his office phone rang loudly and he picked it up immediately.
"Hello? Yes, what is it sooyoung?"
"I'm sorry sir, but do you have room for another patient today?"
Jaejoong groaned.
"Depends, what are the details?" he asked. A shuffling of paper was heard on the other line and sooyoung responded.
"Well his name is Park Yoochun and he's....."
"Yes?"
"Well he's suicidal sir. It says here that he's attempted suicide at least eight times in the past and that was in a period of only half a year."
Jaejoong's eyes widened. Suicidal? Something that serious couldn't be taken as a joke. Ever.
He pondered over it for a second.
Could he really take this? Most of his patient's problems were petty and easy to handle. Marriages, divorce, peer pressure, parents, school, everything was just life problems.
"I'll take this patient."
"Sir, are you sure? It also says here that he's see-"
"I'm positive sooyoung, bring the files to my office and set an appointment."
"Right away sir."
He laid on his back and gazed at the ceiling. Jaejoong stared at him for a brief moment before going back to his notes. He toyed with the edge of the pen and lathered it on the tip of his tongue.
"My life will never be normal will it?" he asked.
Jaejoong raised his head. "What do you mean yoochun-shii?"
He saw yoochun turn to his side on the couch facing him, his dark blue sweater rising up; revealing pale skin. Jaejoong couldn't keep his eyes off him.
"I'm not...I'm not normal. It’s not natural for a person like me to live." He locked eyes with jaejoong, as if the answer to his doubts were right there with him. He wanted to believe that.
Jaejoong narrowed his eyes slightly at his notes and turned to a blank page. It took barely a few seconds for him to write a single word.
“There’s your answer.” He said, turning the clipboard to yoochun’s view.
‘Hope’ it read. In dark blue ink. The pale white paper neat and pure in its background. Something so simple can feel so right.
Yoochun let out a quiet giggle that made him shut his eyes in relaxation. ‘Ah…the music.’
“What kind of therapist are you?” he asked. That made jaejoong blink in surprise. “No one’s ever asked me that before…” Yoochun sat up and swung his legs back and forth, which reminded jaejoong of a happy child. “That’s because people like what they see.” Jaejoong raised an eyebrow. “And you don’t?”
Yoochun laughed as he held his stomach. “Its not that, its just that you’re a bit mysterious for a job like this, don’t you think?”
Jaejoong smiled as he scribbled a few notes on his pad. ‘Patient seems to be showing signs of improvement.’ “Maybe.” He said.
Jaejoong gathered his clip board and left his office. He opened the door into the waiting room and stepped inside. There were about six people sitting, and waiting. He coughed lightly to gather their attention and read the following name on the list. “Next patient is….Park Yoochun.” He called out softly.
A young man rose from his seat and slung his black bag over his shoulder. He had black shoulder length hair in small waves, and pale porcelain skin. As he approached jaejoong he muttered a quick ‘that’s me.’ And headed into his office. Jaejoong stood there looking clueless and followed his patient inside. ‘I can tell this isn’t going to be easy.” He thought.
Yoochun quickly got into the room and scanned the room with lifeless eyes. He went and sat on the black leather sofa to his right and crossed his arms.
Jaejoong looks at him for a second before he sits on his chair and crosses his legs and waits until yoochun is ready to speak first. It always works that way. He would sit there and wait until his patients would speak first, pouring out their feelings like water flowing down a river. Everything was in place; he just had to make sure it flowed the right way.
Minutes passed, but yoochun still kept quit. Nothing but the sounds of birds chirping in delight from outside the window.
“You know,” Jaejoong starts. Yoochun looks at him with bored eyes and jaejoong hesitates. It’s never been like this before.
“You can start when you want yoochun-shii.” Smiles jaejoong. Yoochun shakes his head lightly looks back down at his hands. “I don’t have anything to say.”
Jaejoong nods “I understand. Why don’t I just introduce myself, that way we won’t feel like strangers...but you have to do your part too yoochun-shii.”
Yoochun sits up and nods. A small ‘ok’ slips through his lips. Jaejoong can’t help but smile warmly at his new patient’s attitude and he figures that maybe getting to know his new patient’s was never as intriguing. Not until today.
“Ok,” he says confidently. “My name is Youngwoon jaejoong and I’m twenty-five years old…..”
“Did you come here on your own free will?” he asks, taking a seat on the edge of the desk.
Yoochun shakes his head. “No, my boyfriend asked me to come get help.”
At those words jaejoong doesn’t know how to feel. Sad, because he should have expected such a beautiful man to be taken or happy that he isn’t alone with the pain he has.
“So tell me about your lover.” He says quietly. Yoochun wets his lips. “We met at one of my shows.” Jaejoong blinks. “You perform yoochun-shii?” Yoochun nods. “I played piano; part time and changmin was also a performer. He sang solo. We were asked to do a duet together since we were so popular.”
He understands, at least a bit. “Changmin?” Yoochun smiles at him. “That’s his name. Changmin. Shim Changmin.” Jaejoong smiles back and he thinks that even though he feels a pang of jealousy in the pit of his stomach, he’s glad yoochun is smiling. “I see. Well, tell me more about him. Does he treat you well?”
Yoochun stands. “I’m sorry doctor but I have somewhere to be.”He heads towards the door before jaejoong gets a chance to say anything.
“Yoochun-shii, wait!” he runs to the door but yoochun is already gone. He turns a corner but he’s not there. “Was it something I said?” he thinks to himself.
Yoochun closes the door behind him and drops the keys carelessly on the table. Changmin walks in wearing nothing but sweat pants. “How was your session?” he asks. Yoochun shakes his head and takes a gulp out of his coffee mug. “It was ok. I feel like shit though, it’s the same goddamn questions.” Changmin hugs him tightly from behind and yoochun can feel the warmth and love radiating from him. “We’ll get through this,” he says seriously but lovingly.
“All we need is time yoochun, I love you so much. Please try to get better, at least for me?” His question digs a hole through his heart. He loves him. Yoochun loves him and changmin in return.
“I’ll try,” he says painfully as tears start to blur his vision. “b-but it’s so hard changmin!” He turns around and sobs as he embraces him. “Feeling like I’m wasting everyone’s time. Feeling like I don’t want to live anymore! I’m tired changmin, I’m sick of it. I feel worthless. I don’t want to live anymore changmin! I don’t!” He can feel drops on his skin from above and he knows changmin is crying as well; silently. “Don’t say that chun, I love you. You know that right?” He smiles bitterly. “I want us to grow old together. Maybe we can adopt as well, you’ll be an umma.” He laughs as more tears stain his cheek. Changmin is crying more than he is. He reaches up and wipes his sleeve across his cheek, erasing the tears.
Changmin grabs his hand and kisses him. Kisses him with passion he thought he could never express in one tiny moment; a couple of seconds to treasure.
He feels the soft feeling of the couch on his back and changmin is still kissing him. He groans as he licks his neck and he pulls his shirt over his head; exposing the smooth skin underneath.
Every breath he takes as changmin thrusts into him is quick and he gasps as he rocks back in and hits that spot that makes him throw his head back in pure pleasure.
When it’s all over he stays awake and thinks that every time he spends with changmin is a small ounce of chance he’s willing to give at life, because maybe he really can be happy. But when he looks at the outside world again tomorrow, he knows all that chance he’s been gathering will just go to waste.
Jaejoong inhales deeply as he sees yoochun closing the door. “Yoochun-shii what happened the other day? You left so suddenly.” He stares at the way yoochun swings his hips so lightly. He scolds himself mentally, that’s his patients he’s thinking about and he has a lover!
“God is going to get sick of me eventually doctor.” Laughs yoochun as he rubs his hand on his face. The bitterness in his laugh obvious.
Jaejoong sits carefully. “Now why would you say that?” He sees yoochun shift carefully and looks him dead in the eye. “My life is so…empty. Everyday it’s the same damn thing. I go to work and come back straight home and have sex with my boyfriend. Yes, we talk. We have dates. But life should have more than the same thing!”
Jaejoong stiffens at loudness of his voice. “Is that what this is about? Your relationship?” he questions. Yoochun shakes his head violently.
“Its more than that, please believe me.” He stands up and heads for the door, only to have a hand wrapped around his wrist. He turns and sees his doctor in a serious, professional state.
“You’re not leaving yet yoochun.” He smashes their lips together and yoochun struggles as he is backed against the hardness of the wooden door. Jaejoong runs his hands along the curve of yoochun backside and back up along his hipbones. He groans as his tongue massages the insides of his mouth and he grabs his hips and pulls him harder against his body heat. Yoochun pulls back first; a panting mess as he eyes jaejoong with his bruised lips and glistening eyes. Jaejoong thinks he’s never seen a person this beautiful before and maybe he does want him to himself. But he’s never been the selfish type.
“W-what was that?” whispers yoochun. Jaejoong wraps his arms around him and embraces him. “Maybe you do need something new in your life, and I’m the person that can show you that. Until you grow tired of me I will always be here.”
Changmin slams the door of his office mercilessly and stomps inside. His face is up and calm but what almost scares jaejoong is the look in his eyes. They’re darkened with hate. He tries his best to stay composed and not show his fear.
“C-can I help you?” fail. Changmin glares at him. “Sit down.” He says simply. Jaejoong complies. He doesn’t want to die.
He sits and there’s silence surrounding the room. It reminds him of yoochun’s first session. Changmin clears his throat. “I know what’s happening.” He says calmly. Jaejoong can see the pain etched in his voice. Changmin speaks again. “I just want you to know I’m ok with it…” His eyes widen tremendously. “Huh?”
Changmin chuckles, “Don’t act retarded, you know what I mean and why I do.” He gets up and walks to the door. He stops as he opens it a few inchs. He turns to jaejoong and smirks, “Get one thing straight here doctor. I may have let you have him, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be seeing me around. The love yoochun has for you is emotional, he still needs me. Remember that.” And with those words, he walks away. Jaejoong’s knees are weak and he collapses on the ground helplessly. No way that was changmin.
Jaejoong smiled as he walked through the park’s trail. The beautiful trees and flowers throwing a divine fragrance is more than he could ask of spring. His smile widens as he sees his lover hunched up on the bench with a water bottle on his side.
“Hey!” he says as he approaches him. Yoochun throws him a warm smile that makes his heart flutter with eternal happiness. He sits next to him and awes at the beauty; the glow of his face being hit by the sun’s warm rays.
“Are you feeling better?” he asks. Yoochun nods briefly before he lays his head on his shoulder. “I’m improving, but I’m not all better.” Jaejoong caresses his cheek before he places a small kiss on his forehead. “Don’t worry; you have me……forever at your will.” Yoochun smiles again. “Don’t forget changmin.” Jaejoong grunts. “Don’t mention that guy; he scares the crap out of me.” Yoochun tries to hold it but fails as he lets out a loud, girlish laugh and he closes his eyes at the sound of that melody. He’s in love.
If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up every day
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.
A/N: Can i have quotebacks? Pwease? ;3