(no subject)
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know who I am when I look at myself. I take so much shit from people. The other day I called a friend of mine a bitch and told her to lay off. She wasn't angry, she was actually happy that I "stood up to her". I didn't raise my voice at all or anything, but while I was saying it it felt so very not me.
It's not as if I take the crap people say to me to heart. I just let it roll off of me. It's not like me to snap back at someone. I don't know.
Seeing PA the other night did strange things to me. I'm not even sure what I mean by that. She's still the wonderful person I remember, and seemed to like the person I'm becoming. There's no wall between us like there is with almost everyone else I know, things aren't hidden with her. I miss that, almost child-like, honesty. I need my life to be simple.