And in a blind fit of rage...
A few days ago, my family [meaning, in this case, particular nuclear parent+children units in the extended H-S-A body] hit critical mass and there was as huge meltdown in which there were numerous casualties and too many injures to count. The reason? Money. Plain and simple.
Although we’ve gotten over most of it now, everything is balanced on a knife tip that is, incidentally, resting on nothing but eggshells.
I wrote the following at the exact breaking point of the situation:
My family is a pack of shits.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck shit piss cunt motherfucker!!!
Fuck it, I need to breathe.
I don’t care if Mom reads this and is all, “Oh Nikki, don’t curse.” FUCK THAT. The fact is: the family that I loved and then didn’t quite like but forgave and loved again is shit. Really. So they love one sister. Is it because someone gets married that she’s instantly fucking disowned? Is that the case? Sometimes I wonder what is the line between Feminism and Lesbianism and if my aunts aren’t just ridiculous. What sucks the bloody most about this whole situation is that there is nothing - and I mean NOTHING - that we can do about it. They’ve got my family by the balls. It really isn’t fair.
I have a feeling I just might get really pissed off here.
I’m guessing by now everyone knows it’s a bit too late for that. God bless Linkin Park. The ironic thing about all this shit is that even though I’m pissed, I still have the time to make sure I use proper punctuation. What the fuck is this?
I need a larger profanity portfolio. “Fuck” gets old real quick.
I think I’m going to start download Marilyn Manson. Aliya had the right idea.
Ok, let’s break this crap down.
My family (father, mother, me, two brothers) migrated to the States in March of this year. In Guyana, we’d been rich. At least people perceived us as rich. And it’s not we couldn’t validate it - our business made $6 million profit the year before we left. This is even though we had a robbery. But due to the robbery, we were in debt. We’d taken out a loan from the bank to cover what was lost because the insurance company screwed us over with a technicality and we couldn’t collect. I hope that man dies a slow and painful death the fucker. [Actually, “fuck” can be quiet satisfying sometimes] The loan was for $3 million. We had a standing arrangement with Western Union for $4 million. But that covered b y the end of every Friday.
My aunt Naha who is now running the business wanted some expansion done before we left because she knew she wouldn’t be able to deal with contractors and stuff because Guyanese contractors are chauvinistic dickheads who haven’t an ounce of respect for women. So we did that. I’d say that set us back… another million. But by the time we left we’d cleared most of that too.
So, the final analysis of the situation the day before we left: Naha would have to keep up the loan payments and that would clear the balance of about $2 - $2.1 million left on the loan. She didn’t even really have to do anything but put money in the account and the bank would do the rest. Then, use the JPS cash to pay the Western Union customers and the $4 million that Western Union advanced would cover both what we owed them and JPS. It’s a rotating system. As soon as Naha finished clearing the loan, she’d be free to gradually cut the Western Union advances down to around $2 million - a totally manageable amount for our business.
So what goes wrong? EVERYTHING.
And again, my aunts are back from their “drive” and I hate them. I never though I’d say this about the women who shaped my childhood but I FUCKING HATE THEM!!! I don’t care if they read. In fact, I’d be pretty fucking happy if they did.
FUCKING HYPOCRITES!!!
Needless to say, that was hardly good for anyone’s vocabulary. Especially since it was without doubt extremely uncreative.
So, has the position changed? Right now, I haven’t a clue. I think the whole family is walking around in some kind of numbed stupor in which we, as Kysra and the All-American rejects said, move along just to make it through.
I really hope I get the Barnes & Noble job I applied for.