RP LOG with 1twntyovreighty | The ultimate favour
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Rick felt tired. He felt more than tired and now that he knew his other kidney was fucked he felt like some asshole bouncer was sitting on his chest, making it impossible to breathe. A lot of it came down to knowing that he had to tell Chris. And that he needed the courage to ask his brother for the ultimate favour. It wasn't like Rick could ever give the kidney back, but he'd find some way to repay him. He just had to. This was more than cash, this was an organ.
He took another sip of water from the plastic cup his brother had handed him, but even the water wasn't making him feel any better. Neither had the conversation with Bella. Not that bad news was going to make him feel better, but he had mistakenly assumed that he would have got some sort of comfort from her. He was still sure she was hiding something from him but he just couldn't put his finger on what, and it only served to help make him feel even more at ease. She'd said the rest of his body seemed free from the cancer, but that didn't mean she wasn't still hiding something. Even if she pretended to always be honest with him.
He reached up to scratch at his head, still glad he at least had his hair for the time being. "Chris..." he started, and then stopped when he had no idea how to continue. "Shit."
It was a nurse that had woken Chris in the waiting room and told him that Rick wanted to speak to him. He couldn't even remember falling asleep, just that once he was awake, he had a stiff neck and a numb ass. He was now sitting beside Rick, watching his brother nervously. He could feel in his gut that something was wrong, and he was seriously waiting for Rick to tell him that Bella had told him he had three months to live or something. In fact, he was so on edge, he was sitting up stiffly like some sort of fucking Queen's Guard, right on the edge of his seat. He scraped his fingers through his messy blond hair, trying to tame it down from where it was sticking up on one side where his head had been resting against the wall. Then he had to stuff his hands down between his knees because they were shaking so much and he gave a small nod in response, not sure what he was exactly supposed to say.
Rick just stared at his brother for a moment, Chris' clear nervousness really not helping. As far as Rick was concerned his brother had good reason to fidget and he knew he was just making it worse for him. He cleared his throat and set the cup back down as he tried to find a place to start. In the end, he just blurted it out. "My kidney's fucked. The other one. Clearly not the one they took out. The cancer spread quick, and now they gotta take the second one. Apparently I can go on dialysis and a waiting list for a transplant... Hang around until there's a match." He took a breath as he pressed his lips together in a mouth shrug. "There's no easy way to even ask this of you, bro... And I'm still not sure I can."
It hit Chris like a tonne of bricks, no matter how much he had been trying to brace himself for it. His eyes dropped down to Rick's torso and he just stared for a long time. A bunch of questions were trying to form in his mind, but nothing was actually gelling together to form a clear thought. Bella hadn't issued a death sentence... yet, but the danger of it was looming like a dark storm cloud. He knew enough to realise Bella had probably told Rick about Chris being tested for his viability, as Chris had told her to if this point ever came, but that felt like so long ago now and suddenly Chris felt extremely hot, like he had just broken out into a fever. He knew he wasn't sick, though. "I-I- um..." he stammered. The last couple of weeks, his confidence about the whole thing had waned. Seeing Rick's health wane should have made him more determined for it, but it only succeeded in making him worry about genetics, and wonder what would happen if something like this was hereditary. What if he got sick down the track? Would he be able to fight it with one kidney? Would he be able to do anything the same with a missing body part? It was selfish, he knew it was, but it was hard to fight beyond that. "W-Well, sure... I mean... it would make sense..."
"You don't have to," Rick murmured. "I know it's a big thing. It's the ultimate favour. This isn't just writing another check. This isn't just me crashing in you for money. It's okay to say no. I wouldn't hold it against you, Chris. You know that, right? Bella brought it up... I wouldn't have even thought about it. I can just go on the list and a donor might rock up. You never know your chances until you start taking some." Rick flexed his hand as it rest by his side. "I don't want you to take a risk if you're not into it. I don't need you regretting this."
Chris shook his head a little and then put a hand up to hold the back of his neck. "We're B Negative. Our blood type, it's... like 1.5 percent of the population match. Chances are just..." He exhaled heavily. He wanted to stand up and pace, but he didn't trust his legs to hold him up for it. It even felt like his side was aching, but that was just the power of suggestion and the thought he might be missing a kidney in the not too distant future. "It was my choice to get tested. I... I wanted to do this."
Rick raised an eyebrow. "Nice use of the past tense there, bro. It's okay. Really. Things have changed since you got tested. You've also got Serena to think about. I can't ask this of you. I really can't. Not when you're at risk from the operation. I won't be able to live with myself if you don't pull through."
It was strange how their positions could change so abruptly, with Chris suddenly feeling like he wanted to get up and do a bolt out of the hospital as far as he could and... move to Iceland or something. Where he had both his kidneys and he could pretend the world was a happy place. The more Rick kept talking the more Chris started to panic and before he could even stop it, he started to hyperventilate and leaned forward to stick his head down between his knees so he didn't pass out. He somehow managed to shrug in that position, the irony at being a supposed top-notch surgeon who was terrified of a surgery amusing him slightly. "I didn't say I wouldn't do it," he clarified from down near the floor now he was staring at his feet and trying to regain his even breathing.
Rick reached out to rest his hand on the back of his brother's shoulder. "Your body language isn't exactly screaming 'yes' there, bro, so forgive me for not exactly getting the memo. Do you need me to get a nurse to fetch Serena, or something? You need a paper bag... Some drugs?"
"A joint would be nice, sure," Chris responded, staying low. His head was spinning and if he sat up, he knew would pass out. Really not a look he was going for. Last time he had passed out completely was when he was an intern. "And just for the records, your body language wouldn't be screaming yes either if you were trying to figure out if you wanted to do something that was scaring the shit out of you. Like... I dunno, what if someone asked you to cut your cock off to save Dad? Would you do it? I know it's a bad example, but I'm trying to figure this out here. I just need some time, and I don't even friggin know if you have time. You haven't exactly elaborated, you know, or I need to talk to Bella to... I don't know! I need to just... just... think!"
"So think," Rick murmured quietly. "I'm not asking for it to happen right now. I think Bella would prefer if it happened soon, but she knows it's hard if you don't want to be on the table. I think I have some time up my sleeve, but the dialysis and all that has to happen so that I can get in the next round of chemo. She didn't really give me an exact time frame. More of an overall picture and the knowledge that I'll die if this fucks up. That you could die if you do get on the table... That it could make everything worse for you."
"Everyone could waltz off into the sunset with happiness and fairies, too," Chris threw back and breathed out slowly, trying to calm himself down. "She's giving you worst cases. She should. All good surgeons too, they have to tell you the risks as well as the projected hopeful outcome. It's just easier for you to hear the bad things she is saying because you want her to tell you that it's all going to be okay."
"Well, there's no fucking sunset and fairies here. I don't think everything is going to be okay," Rick growled in response. "If she wanted me to see the bad things then she's done a really great job because that's all I see. And she's still hiding something from me, I know she is. No oncologist cries when they tell a patient they're losing their other kidney. You can't tell me that's something every good surgeon does."
This made Chris sit up, and probably too quickly because his head spun and he pressed his hands against his temples to try and stop the room feeling like it was tipping. "You fucked her!" he argued right back with a growl of his own. "You tried to do it twice! Give her a fucking break, man! You might be cancer dude but you have no friggin right to judge her on how she is feeling over this! You're lucky she still stayed your doctor at all!"
Rick frowned and slid down in his bed as he looked away from his brother, Chris' words making him feel like a slimy piece of shit, but he still knew something was wrong. It wasn't just that Bella was upset because they had some sort of connection. "She said it was bad chicken," he murmured.
"Well, maybe you're just being a big enough prick to make her feel sick and she doesn't want to tell you that to your face?" Chris replied, still frowning. That last thing he wanted Rick to do was lose Bella as his doctor. She was too good, she knew what should be done here, and as much as it made him feel sick to think about it, he knew she was relying on him to say yes. "But I'll tell you. Quit being a prick. She's allowed to feel sick, you don't have the monopoly on that."
Rick turned his head back to look at his brother and gave a quiet nod. Chris always did seem to know what to say to make Rick want to kick himself for being a bastard. "She wanted to tell you about the kidney... I wouldn't let her. I needed to finally do the right thing by you. Be the one to tell you."
Chris slumped down in his chair now, at least feeling if he wasn't sitting right up, he wouldn't faint and smack his face on the floor. He sucked in a breath and then let it out sharply again. "I want to marry Serena some day," he mumbled. To him, that statement pretty much encompassed everything in his head all at once, even if it didn't make sense to anyone else.
Rick just watched him, waiting for another statement to follow but when it didn't come, he just stayed quiet. He wasn't really sure how to respond to it. Normally he'd start joking around, but right now he wasn't feeling particularly funny. "I want to see you marry her," Rick finally said as his voice caught on the words.
It just made Chris think of that fucked up dream he had. It was all perfect in his head until it just wasn't and he didn't even try to stop it when a couple of tears dripped down his cheeks as he stared at the edge of Rick's bed. It all hurt. Nothing was telling him either way what was a good idea and what wasn't. It was Rick's life versus his, really. If something went wrong, Chris could end up in a bad way. The thing was, he wasn't so much as considering his own feelings anymore, he was thinking about Serena's. "I just need some time," he said in barely more than a hoarse whisper.
"No one's stopping you from taking it," Rick said as he reached out again to touch Chris' shoulder. He could have never imagined himself in his position, let alone Chris'. But even as he looked at his brother he knew that deep down if he had ever been asked to do something like this for him, he would do it. He would probably need time just like Chris did, but he would still want to save his little brother. He gave Chris' shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Get away from here for a little while. Get some rest. You look like shit."
Chris nodded, not even having the energy to dispute it. Serena was at work, so it wasn't like he could go bug her. He could maybe go to the beach, but even then, he wasn't sure how much he wanted to. Part of him wanted to jump in a car and drive home to Lake Wimico and sit at the lake he and Rick went fishing at a few times when they were kids. In fact, as soon as the thought was in his head, Chris stood up up with another nod. "I'll, um... if you need anything urgently, Serena's here. Dave's here. Serena's bro, too. Seems like a pretty decent dude. Hell, there's Proctor and Eva, and even Tuck. I-I'll be back," he promised.
Rick gave him a lopsided smile. "Sure, bro. I'll make sure I bug one of them. I'll be okay. It's not like I have the energy to run anywhere. I'm in hospital. Just go..." He lifted his hand in a slight wave, even if he was wondering where exactly his brother did plan on going. He obviously wasn't going to take Serena with him, and Rick had to respect that rather than open his mouth. Even if he was sure that she should at least know that Chris was taking off. He didn't even know if Chris would tell Serena the diagnosis. "I'll still be here."
Chris hesitated at the door and glanced back. "I'm taking your car... and I'm changing the radio," he warned, shooting Rick a small smirk before it was gone and he turned to leave. The walls of the hospital felt claustrophobic all of a sudden. He would text Serena, he would keep texting her if she wanted that, but for now, he just needed out of Miami.
Word Count | 2,637
Rick felt tired. He felt more than tired and now that he knew his other kidney was fucked he felt like some asshole bouncer was sitting on his chest, making it impossible to breathe. A lot of it came down to knowing that he had to tell Chris. And that he needed the courage to ask his brother for the ultimate favour. It wasn't like Rick could ever give the kidney back, but he'd find some way to repay him. He just had to. This was more than cash, this was an organ.
He took another sip of water from the plastic cup his brother had handed him, but even the water wasn't making him feel any better. Neither had the conversation with Bella. Not that bad news was going to make him feel better, but he had mistakenly assumed that he would have got some sort of comfort from her. He was still sure she was hiding something from him but he just couldn't put his finger on what, and it only served to help make him feel even more at ease. She'd said the rest of his body seemed free from the cancer, but that didn't mean she wasn't still hiding something. Even if she pretended to always be honest with him.
He reached up to scratch at his head, still glad he at least had his hair for the time being. "Chris..." he started, and then stopped when he had no idea how to continue. "Shit."
It was a nurse that had woken Chris in the waiting room and told him that Rick wanted to speak to him. He couldn't even remember falling asleep, just that once he was awake, he had a stiff neck and a numb ass. He was now sitting beside Rick, watching his brother nervously. He could feel in his gut that something was wrong, and he was seriously waiting for Rick to tell him that Bella had told him he had three months to live or something. In fact, he was so on edge, he was sitting up stiffly like some sort of fucking Queen's Guard, right on the edge of his seat. He scraped his fingers through his messy blond hair, trying to tame it down from where it was sticking up on one side where his head had been resting against the wall. Then he had to stuff his hands down between his knees because they were shaking so much and he gave a small nod in response, not sure what he was exactly supposed to say.
Rick just stared at his brother for a moment, Chris' clear nervousness really not helping. As far as Rick was concerned his brother had good reason to fidget and he knew he was just making it worse for him. He cleared his throat and set the cup back down as he tried to find a place to start. In the end, he just blurted it out. "My kidney's fucked. The other one. Clearly not the one they took out. The cancer spread quick, and now they gotta take the second one. Apparently I can go on dialysis and a waiting list for a transplant... Hang around until there's a match." He took a breath as he pressed his lips together in a mouth shrug. "There's no easy way to even ask this of you, bro... And I'm still not sure I can."
It hit Chris like a tonne of bricks, no matter how much he had been trying to brace himself for it. His eyes dropped down to Rick's torso and he just stared for a long time. A bunch of questions were trying to form in his mind, but nothing was actually gelling together to form a clear thought. Bella hadn't issued a death sentence... yet, but the danger of it was looming like a dark storm cloud. He knew enough to realise Bella had probably told Rick about Chris being tested for his viability, as Chris had told her to if this point ever came, but that felt like so long ago now and suddenly Chris felt extremely hot, like he had just broken out into a fever. He knew he wasn't sick, though. "I-I- um..." he stammered. The last couple of weeks, his confidence about the whole thing had waned. Seeing Rick's health wane should have made him more determined for it, but it only succeeded in making him worry about genetics, and wonder what would happen if something like this was hereditary. What if he got sick down the track? Would he be able to fight it with one kidney? Would he be able to do anything the same with a missing body part? It was selfish, he knew it was, but it was hard to fight beyond that. "W-Well, sure... I mean... it would make sense..."
"You don't have to," Rick murmured. "I know it's a big thing. It's the ultimate favour. This isn't just writing another check. This isn't just me crashing in you for money. It's okay to say no. I wouldn't hold it against you, Chris. You know that, right? Bella brought it up... I wouldn't have even thought about it. I can just go on the list and a donor might rock up. You never know your chances until you start taking some." Rick flexed his hand as it rest by his side. "I don't want you to take a risk if you're not into it. I don't need you regretting this."
Chris shook his head a little and then put a hand up to hold the back of his neck. "We're B Negative. Our blood type, it's... like 1.5 percent of the population match. Chances are just..." He exhaled heavily. He wanted to stand up and pace, but he didn't trust his legs to hold him up for it. It even felt like his side was aching, but that was just the power of suggestion and the thought he might be missing a kidney in the not too distant future. "It was my choice to get tested. I... I wanted to do this."
Rick raised an eyebrow. "Nice use of the past tense there, bro. It's okay. Really. Things have changed since you got tested. You've also got Serena to think about. I can't ask this of you. I really can't. Not when you're at risk from the operation. I won't be able to live with myself if you don't pull through."
It was strange how their positions could change so abruptly, with Chris suddenly feeling like he wanted to get up and do a bolt out of the hospital as far as he could and... move to Iceland or something. Where he had both his kidneys and he could pretend the world was a happy place. The more Rick kept talking the more Chris started to panic and before he could even stop it, he started to hyperventilate and leaned forward to stick his head down between his knees so he didn't pass out. He somehow managed to shrug in that position, the irony at being a supposed top-notch surgeon who was terrified of a surgery amusing him slightly. "I didn't say I wouldn't do it," he clarified from down near the floor now he was staring at his feet and trying to regain his even breathing.
Rick reached out to rest his hand on the back of his brother's shoulder. "Your body language isn't exactly screaming 'yes' there, bro, so forgive me for not exactly getting the memo. Do you need me to get a nurse to fetch Serena, or something? You need a paper bag... Some drugs?"
"A joint would be nice, sure," Chris responded, staying low. His head was spinning and if he sat up, he knew would pass out. Really not a look he was going for. Last time he had passed out completely was when he was an intern. "And just for the records, your body language wouldn't be screaming yes either if you were trying to figure out if you wanted to do something that was scaring the shit out of you. Like... I dunno, what if someone asked you to cut your cock off to save Dad? Would you do it? I know it's a bad example, but I'm trying to figure this out here. I just need some time, and I don't even friggin know if you have time. You haven't exactly elaborated, you know, or I need to talk to Bella to... I don't know! I need to just... just... think!"
"So think," Rick murmured quietly. "I'm not asking for it to happen right now. I think Bella would prefer if it happened soon, but she knows it's hard if you don't want to be on the table. I think I have some time up my sleeve, but the dialysis and all that has to happen so that I can get in the next round of chemo. She didn't really give me an exact time frame. More of an overall picture and the knowledge that I'll die if this fucks up. That you could die if you do get on the table... That it could make everything worse for you."
"Everyone could waltz off into the sunset with happiness and fairies, too," Chris threw back and breathed out slowly, trying to calm himself down. "She's giving you worst cases. She should. All good surgeons too, they have to tell you the risks as well as the projected hopeful outcome. It's just easier for you to hear the bad things she is saying because you want her to tell you that it's all going to be okay."
"Well, there's no fucking sunset and fairies here. I don't think everything is going to be okay," Rick growled in response. "If she wanted me to see the bad things then she's done a really great job because that's all I see. And she's still hiding something from me, I know she is. No oncologist cries when they tell a patient they're losing their other kidney. You can't tell me that's something every good surgeon does."
This made Chris sit up, and probably too quickly because his head spun and he pressed his hands against his temples to try and stop the room feeling like it was tipping. "You fucked her!" he argued right back with a growl of his own. "You tried to do it twice! Give her a fucking break, man! You might be cancer dude but you have no friggin right to judge her on how she is feeling over this! You're lucky she still stayed your doctor at all!"
Rick frowned and slid down in his bed as he looked away from his brother, Chris' words making him feel like a slimy piece of shit, but he still knew something was wrong. It wasn't just that Bella was upset because they had some sort of connection. "She said it was bad chicken," he murmured.
"Well, maybe you're just being a big enough prick to make her feel sick and she doesn't want to tell you that to your face?" Chris replied, still frowning. That last thing he wanted Rick to do was lose Bella as his doctor. She was too good, she knew what should be done here, and as much as it made him feel sick to think about it, he knew she was relying on him to say yes. "But I'll tell you. Quit being a prick. She's allowed to feel sick, you don't have the monopoly on that."
Rick turned his head back to look at his brother and gave a quiet nod. Chris always did seem to know what to say to make Rick want to kick himself for being a bastard. "She wanted to tell you about the kidney... I wouldn't let her. I needed to finally do the right thing by you. Be the one to tell you."
Chris slumped down in his chair now, at least feeling if he wasn't sitting right up, he wouldn't faint and smack his face on the floor. He sucked in a breath and then let it out sharply again. "I want to marry Serena some day," he mumbled. To him, that statement pretty much encompassed everything in his head all at once, even if it didn't make sense to anyone else.
Rick just watched him, waiting for another statement to follow but when it didn't come, he just stayed quiet. He wasn't really sure how to respond to it. Normally he'd start joking around, but right now he wasn't feeling particularly funny. "I want to see you marry her," Rick finally said as his voice caught on the words.
It just made Chris think of that fucked up dream he had. It was all perfect in his head until it just wasn't and he didn't even try to stop it when a couple of tears dripped down his cheeks as he stared at the edge of Rick's bed. It all hurt. Nothing was telling him either way what was a good idea and what wasn't. It was Rick's life versus his, really. If something went wrong, Chris could end up in a bad way. The thing was, he wasn't so much as considering his own feelings anymore, he was thinking about Serena's. "I just need some time," he said in barely more than a hoarse whisper.
"No one's stopping you from taking it," Rick said as he reached out again to touch Chris' shoulder. He could have never imagined himself in his position, let alone Chris'. But even as he looked at his brother he knew that deep down if he had ever been asked to do something like this for him, he would do it. He would probably need time just like Chris did, but he would still want to save his little brother. He gave Chris' shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Get away from here for a little while. Get some rest. You look like shit."
Chris nodded, not even having the energy to dispute it. Serena was at work, so it wasn't like he could go bug her. He could maybe go to the beach, but even then, he wasn't sure how much he wanted to. Part of him wanted to jump in a car and drive home to Lake Wimico and sit at the lake he and Rick went fishing at a few times when they were kids. In fact, as soon as the thought was in his head, Chris stood up up with another nod. "I'll, um... if you need anything urgently, Serena's here. Dave's here. Serena's bro, too. Seems like a pretty decent dude. Hell, there's Proctor and Eva, and even Tuck. I-I'll be back," he promised.
Rick gave him a lopsided smile. "Sure, bro. I'll make sure I bug one of them. I'll be okay. It's not like I have the energy to run anywhere. I'm in hospital. Just go..." He lifted his hand in a slight wave, even if he was wondering where exactly his brother did plan on going. He obviously wasn't going to take Serena with him, and Rick had to respect that rather than open his mouth. Even if he was sure that she should at least know that Chris was taking off. He didn't even know if Chris would tell Serena the diagnosis. "I'll still be here."
Chris hesitated at the door and glanced back. "I'm taking your car... and I'm changing the radio," he warned, shooting Rick a small smirk before it was gone and he turned to leave. The walls of the hospital felt claustrophobic all of a sudden. He would text Serena, he would keep texting her if she wanted that, but for now, he just needed out of Miami.
Word Count | 2,637