Back to life

[genius_level]

His dreams were disjointed and murky; just snatches of conversation or flashes of images, nothing continuous. He heard the enraged roar when the first Klingon had charged him, bitten off abruptly by the blast of phaser fire striking him squarely in the chest. Jim saw Ellison's face again, felt the shock of the blade penetrating skin and muscle, but

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[genius_level]

He leaned his head back against the chair, relieved that he'd managed to make it all the way without faltering and at the same time impatient, frustrated that the short walk had taken so much out of him. It drove home what Bones had said about the severity of his injuries and the unique healing process.

It felt strange, settling back into the cushions without the bulk he'd grown accustomed to over the past few months. The persistent backache was gone... but Jim watched as Bones moved Olivia's incubator up close and felt a pang of guilt. He knew it wasn't his fault, that he'd done his best, but Jim would trade a few more days or weeks of discomfort for Olivia being a little stronger, ready to breathe without the extra oxygen. It was a powerful feeling, that knowledge that he would sacrifice his own comfort for hers.

"Soup sounds good," he agreed, glancing up at Bones with a faint smile as he took the datapadd. Turning his attention to files and reports, he skimmed through the contents, frowning as their exact position sank in. Impulse power, maybe some limited warp capacity if Engineering could get it going. Damage scattered all over the ship, with a heavy concentration near the shield generators. "Damn. They knew what they were doing, all right," he muttered. He looked up at Bones, worried. "Casualties?"

[dctr_mccoy]

"A few," Leonard admitted, knowing Jim would find that list soon enough. "The crew jumped into action like you've never seen, Jim, just as soon as they realized shit was going down." It was heartening as well, seeing how his own staff worked hard getting Jim here, taken care of as quickly as possible, for both his own sake, and that of the baby's.

He walked to his computer and input the soup request, along with a sandwich for himself and some snacks for the medics' breakroom, then he walked over to Olivia's incubator again. Checking the readings first, he smiled then lifted her out and into his arms. "Much better, baby girl. You are breathing on your own so well." He kissed her forehead,laughing as she squealed. "Makes Daddy so happy."

[genius_level]

He found the list as Bones ordered their lunch. It was short, and he recognized each name instantly, staring at the brief report while he thought about the letters he would need to write. It was his least favorite part of the job, but he took care to give his best nonetheless. They deserved that, his crew and their loved ones.

His dark mood lifted, though, when Bones lifted Olivia into his arms and made her squeal. That happy noise made him smile, his gaze softening as he watched the two of them together. "She's a Kirk," he chuckled. "Doesn't want to be in sickbay any longer than she has to, like me." Jim reached up, resting his hand on Bones' arm. "I love you two," he murmured.

[dctr_mccoy]

He could see that Jim must have found the list of the dead. Each one weighed on Jim, that was clear, and Leonard knew that would make Jim an even better captain. But Olivia's presence would be a buoy for both of them, her smile and laughter already a balm for the both of them. Jim's whole face changed when he looked at their daughter, and Leonard laughed at Jim's words. "She's a Kirk with a little McCoy stubbornness. The universe better look out."

Jim's kiss brought out those tender feelings that Leonard had kept aside during his illness. Now that Jim was awake and moving around, it was that much closer to when they could return to their rooms and be a family, together, alone. "I love you, hon, and this little bit," he turned, holding Olivia between them both, "she loves you so much. I can just tell, looking at her, just the few hours you've been awake."

[genius_level]

"Scotty will want to know what time she was born, her weight, and all that," he remembered with a grin. "If I'm not mistaken, he was running a betting pool. I wonder if anyone even came close." He shook his head and then reached out, tickling one of Olivia's tiny little feet. Jim grinned when she squealed and kicked, amazed at how vocal she was already. "Let me hold her again," he asked, reaching out. He'd only been awake a short time, but he didn't think he could ever get enough of her.

Jim was careful as he took Olivia, his big hands cradling her securely over his heart. "I'm half afraid I'll drop her, she's so tiny," he murmured, his fingers stroking her fine, wispy hair. He looked up at Bones, a tired, soft smile on his face as he studied him. "You've been sleeping here with us, haven't you?" he observed, noticing the shadows under Bones' eyes, the stubble on his jaw.

[dctr_mccoy]

Leonard laughed, having forgotten all about the bet. "Yeah, no one will have gotten it," he nodded with a grin. "Maybe the person who came closest, I'll have to send him the information, if no one else has done it." He was watching Jim's face and each time Olivia made a noise or smile or wiggle, he lit up and Leonard knew that tiny baby had the captain of the starship wrapped around her teeny finger already. "We're in trouble," he murmured to himself.

"It's where I wanted to be," Leonard said softly, not mentioning to Jim that no one had even suggested to him that he leave Jim and Olivia's side. "With any luck, tomorrow night we'll all be home." There was a soft chime at his door and it slid open, revealing one of the galley staff, holding a tray. Leonard could see the young woman's face light up at the sight of Jim awake, and then she looked down at the baby, making an audible noise.

"Lunch, sir," she grinned happily, handing the tray to Leonard as her eyes were drawn to Olivia. "She's beautiful, Captain."

[genius_level]

He glanced up again, his eyes bright and amused. "I heard that," he murmured back, looking down at Olivia and shaking his head. "Your daddy thinks I'm whipped," he told Olivia seriously. Then he leaned in and kissed her nose. "He's probably right, but so is he." He laughed when she blinked at him. "There, you see, Bones? She agrees."

It felt good, being lighthearted and a little silly, and Jim's gaze was warm as he nodded at Bones. "I'm glad you were here with us," he said. "I hope we can go home tomorrow, too. I just want to sleep in our own bed, and show Olivia her room."

Jim looked up when the door opened and smiled broadly at the woman. "She is, isn't she?" He chuckled, holding Olivia up a little to give her a better look. "Ensign, this is Olivia Rose Kirk. Olivia, this is Ensign Foster." Jim glanced over at Bones with a grin, unable to help the note of pride in his voice.

[dctr_mccoy]

Leonard set the tray down on his desk, watching Jim's face beaming with this light as he held their girl. Something very right about the picture the two of them presented, Jim looking all the more masculine and captain-like, protecting a very small child.

Ensign Foster looked fit to burst, as his mother would have said. Reaching in to touch a tiny hand, her breath seemed to catch in her throat as she looked down at Olivia. "I am quite pleased to see you, Miss Kirk. You too, Captain," she chuckled, glancing up at Jim. "We all were hoping you and the baby would be up and around soon." After a moment, she realized that they were having a private moment, and excused herself, another glance at Olivia, who stretched at the right moment, extending her tiny hand up in the air. "What a cutie," Foster murmured as she left, and Leonard could hear her chattering with some of the other staff outside his door.

"I'm sure everyone will want to come say hi, sooner or later," he told Jim, both irritated and understanding. "Here, let me take her while you eat."

[genius_level]

Jim watched Olivia gaze up at this new person, her expression serious, and grinned at Foster's excitement. He didn't mind the interruption, really, part of him proud to introduce his daughter to their friends and the rest of the crew, but he was very aware that he was exhausted, and that he needed to eat. His eyes met Bones' as Foster withdrew, her excited squeals clear even after the door had shut. "You're popular already," Jim murmured, kissing Olivia on the forehead before handing her over to Bones.

He reached for the water glass on the tray and sipped it slowly before turning his attention to the covered bowl and plate. Chicken soup and toast; simple enough, he decided. He wasn't particularly hungry, but Jim knew Bones would worry if he didn't eat. His progress was slow, but once he had some of the soup in him he began to feel more himself. "I guess we'll have a lot of guests for a while, won't we?" Jim put the spoon down and picked up a triangle of toast, dipping it in the broth before taking a bite. "We'll have to figure that out, how to juggle everything."

[dctr_mccoy]

Jim's color got better as he ate, Leonard decided, walking over to the edge of his desk as he rocked Olivia in his arms. "She's our social butterfly," he said, grinning at her matching smile. He picked her up and held her at his shoulder so she could look out at everything with her still-weak eyes.

"Maybe once she's out of all danger, and you've had some time to rest, we can have a get together at our place on Sha-Kwai," he mused, "if Spock's family doesn't mind." Time to spend with their closest friends, introducing them to their daughter.

[genius_level]

He finished the toast and leaned an elbow on the desk as he watched Bones rock Olivia, lifting her high up so she could see everything. "A party?" A smile tugged at Jim's lips. "I like that idea," he agreed, taking another couple of bites of soup. "Maybe we can find time to see a little of the colony, too." He was curious about the planet, which by all reports was quite different from Vulcan.

Jim sat back with a sigh, the bowl more or less empty. Bones' comment caught his attention, though. "Will she need the incubator while we're there?"

[dctr_mccoy]

"I know we hadn't decided how long to take, but rumor has it that the ship repairs will take about a month. I'm figuring that you'll want to come back on board when everything's done, be ready to fly out with everyone again." It was good, knowing that they wouldn't miss any important missions, but it also meant that everyone would be planetside, not just the two of them. There would be more entertaining that Leonard might have wanted, but as Ensign Foster just pointed out, people wanted to see the baby.

Jim's soup had done him well, even though Jim could see the strain of being up and around for a while beginning to show. "Let's go lay down again, and Geoff should be around to see you soon. Once he sees how good you look, maybe he'll okay you going home tomorrow." Looking down at her, Leonard sighed, touching her soft skin. He wanted to believe she was perfect but the truth was, she was too small, not enough fat, her skin, her eyes, her organs were all still fragile. "I don't know," he told Jim truthfully, sitting across from Jim in a chair.

Time for the real story. "Under normal circumstances, she's still be in the incubator all day, since her lungs were very underdeveloped at the time of her birth. But," Leonard hesitated, looking down at Olivia, "it was not a normal birth. She, well you both really, had some extraordinary assistance."

How would that affect her growing up, that injection of magic? Leonard suspected that Jim's long sleep was his body's way of processing that magic, and he'd be up and around much faster than he should.

[genius_level]

A month. Jim winced, but he'd already begun to suspect it wasn't going to be quick, just from his preliminary look through the reports on his datapadd. Still... if the ship had to be under repair, he supposed it was easier if it coincided with their leave. At least this way, they wouldn't have to worry about a later rendezvous with the ship. Maybe he could even check things out occasionally, make sure everything was going smoothly.

He stifled a yawn, wanting to stay awake longer and spend more time with Olivia, even if it meant just watching her sleep. Jim swallowed as he watched Bones settle in the chair, the mood turning serious in the space of those three words. I don't know.

Jim listened, alert again as Bones explained just how bad things had been. "Fuck," he murmured at last, under his breath. Without his father and Loki, they might have lost her. He scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed, quiet for a long moment as he digested the news that it was more magic that had helped to save the two of them. Jim reached out, one hand covering Bones' knee. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that, both of us hurt," he managed at last. "So... we wait and see how she does, right? And make sure she eats." He felt helpless thinking about it, wishing there was something more he could do to help their little girl.

[dctr_mccoy]

Leonard recognized that look on Jim's face, as if he didn't want to sleep, afraid he'd miss something. Then that face settled into something new. He'd seen Jim worried before, about his ship and his crew. This was Jim worried as a parent, and while it made Leonard ache inside to see it, he recognized it for what it was - love for someone small, someone helpless, not just a child, but your child.

He sighed again, knowing he hadn't dealt with it very well. You know, Jim, as strange as it all was, Blake and Loki working on you, working on her - " he shrugged, not sure how to say this, "I almost think that she's doing better because of that magic." Looking down at her, he couldn't imagine what it would be like if something had happened to her, unimaginable. "By all rights, she should be in intensive care right now, all her oxygen being provided to her, unable to see an inch past her face. She should be really weak right now, Jim," he said, his voice growing softer, touching her small hand. "But she's not. She's amazing, and just getting stronger every hour."

Olivia made a little noise, as if she knew they were talking about her, and Leonard laughed, as if he couldn't help it. "Normally, with premies, they say that they stay developmentally behind the amount of time they were premature. You expect them to be caught up by their due date." Leonard looked up at Jim again and grinned, hopeful. "I don't think she's gonna have that problem."

[genius_level]

It was a different sort of responsibility settling on his shoulders, even from the promises he'd made to love and honor Bones. So much of what Olivia needed was entirely up to them, and as happy as he was to finally see her after months of feeling her grow and kick inside him, his happiness was tempered with the weight of that responsibility. It was a new sort of challenge, he supposed.

He looked at Bones, cradling Olivia in his arms, and nodded slowly. So much of the information he'd read had been about normal, full-term pregnancies, but he'd read up on some of the possible complications, too. None of the books he'd read had taken into account the use of magic as a treatment, of course, so they were even farther into uncharted territory. But... she was strong, and getting stronger. "She's a lucky girl," he said, his voice quiet. Then Jim paused, struggling to put the surge of emotions inside him into words. "I'm glad we found Dad," he murmured at last. His eyes were bright as he looked Bones in the eye. "Not... I still hate that you were sick. I'll always hate that feeling, knowing that you..." Jim swallowed, blinking rapidly and looking down.

"...That you were going to die," he continued, his voice almost inaudible. "But if we hadn't found him, we wouldn't have her."

[dctr_mccoy]

It had been a terrible time for him, the idea that he'd die and leave Jim all alone. Leonard felt as if he could understand Jim's feelings a little more after what happened to Jim. When the Klingons attacked the ship, they almost killed her captain, maybe closer then they even realized.

One more inch to the left and no magic would have brought Jim back and then he might have lost both of them... "We're all lucky," he said quietly. Then an idea... "Maybe when we're down there, your dad can come and visit his granddaughter," he smiled, looking down to see that Olivia had drifted off to sleep. "I think you two being closer can only be good for you, and for her," he chuckled, trying not to move too much.

Leonard could see the emotion in Jim's eyes, along with the weariness and medication, and there was Jim, fighting it all. "C'mon," he stood slowly, beckoning Jim with his head. "Let's get you back to bed, darlin', and when you wake up, the princess will be hungry again."