Picking up the threads [back on board; Jim is losing his mind OR SO HE THINKS]

[genius_level]

There was a certain rhythm to their days on board. The routine of waking, working, eating, and sleeping... all of the million little details that made up a single day that had become so comfortable and familiar over the first months in space. Whether they were slow days or busy, good or bad, there was always that edge; that zest added by the fact

Comments

[flying_katana]

Hikaru had been working a few late shifts this week, trading with Lt Irving so he could spend some alpha shift hours in the botany lab. Beta shift was quieter, and Hikaru found that he could monitor some of his experiments and catch up on his own reports. He knew Kirk was still in his office, probably doing the same, so standing, he nodded at the navigator and walked toward the Captain's office.

The door opened as he approached, but Kirk wasn't at his desk. A quick glance around the office and Sulu saw him crashed out on the sofa. "Oh, shit," he said under his breath. "Sorry, Captain. I'll come back tomorrow..."

[genius_level]

He was just drifting off when the door whooshed open.

"Hmm... what?" Jim blinked, eyes opening and spotting Sulu at about the time his words registered. "No, no... you're fine." He sat up, raking a hand through his hair with a wry grin. "Just taking a break from the deskwork. What's up?"

Jim motioned him over, both a little embarrassed that he'd been caught unawares and relieved that it was Sulu.

[flying_katana]

"Just wanted to go over some charts with you, Captain, but its nothing that can't wait." Sulu approached the sofa cautiously, trying not to smile at Kirk's slightly messed-up hair. "Could even wait until the next senior staff' meeting."

[genius_level]

"Come on, sit down," Jim insisted. He grinned at Sulu, shaking his head a little. The other man had been working beta shift some lately, and Jim was glad to have the opportunity to catch up with him. "We can go through the charts now. Haven't seen you in a few days, other than in passing. You want something to drink?"

He caught that look and chuckled good-naturedly. "What, do I have the sofa cushion imprinted on my face?" Jim could count on one hand the times he'd fallen asleep in here. Generally too busy and locked in to think of rest until he finished for the day (or until Spock gave him a pointed suggestion, or Bones came looking for him), he rarely spent much idle time at all in his office.

[flying_katana]

He found a chair, pulled it across from Kirk, and sat down. "I'll take some water, if you've got it."

There was something about Kirk that put people at ease, his natural charm that made you just like the guy (as if saving his life hadn't already made Kirk someone Hikaru trusted implicitly). "No, Captain, but you do look like you could use some rest. I know you've already put in a full day."

[genius_level]

Jim waved his hand as he got up and went over to the replicator. "No more than usual. A little shorter, actually, but... I don't know. I guess I'm happier when we're busy. Not that I've enjoyed all the weird shit that's been going on," he added hastily as he retrieved water for both of them. He passed one glass to Sulu as he sat back down, shrugging a little before he took a sip. "It's part of the job, I guess," he acknowledged as he lowered the glass.

"You've been working nights lately. How's that going?" Jim was curious, knowing Sulu had a lot of projects going on the side. And then, he was seeing Paula, too. Getting serious, going by what Bones told him.

[flying_katana]

"It's different," Sulu told him, settling back into the chair. "Different vibe than the alpha shift. I think its good for people to work outside their comfort zone occasionally, get to know the other guys in the chair next to me." He and Chekov could almost read each other's minds now, and it was a good idea for them to learn more about their beta shift partners.

He hesitated, then added, "I'm not sure my girlfriend is thrilled, but..." he shrugged, looking a little worried.

[genius_level]

He nodded in agreement. It was a little more laid back, maybe, on beta shift. A little quieter. Jim had spent time working with them, too; because he was captain, yes, but also for the same reason Sulu mentioned. It was good to shake things up, to get acquainted with how everyone worked. "We've got an outstanding bridge crew, all around," he said with some satisfaction.

His brow furrowed when Sulu brought up Paula. "She's been a pretty busy lady herself," he noted, his voice light. "Why, has she she said something to you?"

[flying_katana]

"Best in the fleet, Captain," Hikaru agreed. It was no secret that Kirk had wheeled and dealed to keep this crew together, all of them so young but damn if they didn't work together like a well-oiled machine.

Paula... Hikaru really liked where they were and where they were going. But the last month, he'd wondered if maybe she wasn't feeling the same. "It isn't anything that she's said," he began, then stopped. There had been something going on with Paula, Hikaru knew that for a while. Something on her mind. And Hikaru suspected it had something to do with the CMO. Not that anything was going on now, everyone knew McCoy was with Kirk. But he knew they'd had something going on a while back

[genius_level]

Of all of the things he'd doubted in the past few months, his choice to fight to keep this crew together had never been one of them. Jim trusted every one of them and did everything in his power to continue to earn their trust and respect. It made everything easier, knowing that he had such a talented group on board with him

[flying_katana]

Hikaru smiled at Jim's comment about him and Paula. "That's good to hear. She's just had something else on her mind. I thought it might be someone else-" Hikaru didn't say more than that. "Maybe this weekend we can spend some time together, now that Commander Spock is back full-time."

It had been hard to miss that stoic face at the Science station the past few weeks. His absence had been explained by several reasons, none of which made sense to Sulu, but he knew that Starfleet must have had a reason for taking him from the ship for so long.

"You know, Jim," he began, using the captain's first name to let him know this was off the record, "if you need someone to talk to, I'm always available." Yeah, the captain had McCoy, but sometimes a guy needed just another guy to unload on.

[genius_level]

"Maybe that's all you need, just some time together without all the usual distractions," Jim pointed out. "Our jobs... we're all overachievers, the lot of us." It was something that made him proud most of the time, but Jim knew now how hard it could be, making a relationship work up here. And how important it was to make that effort, if you wanted it badly enough.

Jim looked at him sharply, then relaxed, leaning back into the sofa with a sigh. "Thanks. I mean it, Hikaru," he said, and then hesitated. He knew Bones had confided in the people closest to him, and the fact that Jim hadn't... it was because it was still painful, he supposed. Like prodding a sore spot instead of allowing it to heal. Maybe that was why he was feeling so out of sorts now. "You know why we went to Starbase Eleven. Bones... got some bad news there."

[flying_katana]

That was it in a nutshell - they were all overachievers. Sulu had problems with previous relationships when his girlfriends didn't like coming second to his classes, his career. Paula had never minded; in fact, she seemed to understand and felt as devoted to her job as he did to his. One of the reasons he admired and cared so much about her.

But - Jim was right. If this was going to work, they needed to spend some time focused on each other. And now that Kirk was talking, he could see that maybe reason that the Captain and the CMO had been gone recently was that they needed to focus on each other too. "I know that when he came back, his hearing had been restored. You're saying something else happened there?"

[genius_level]

He inhaled slowly. "Yeah." Jim looked over at Hikaru, not sure what to say... and so he decided to just get it out before he could change his mind. "He was sick. They fixed the problem with his hearing, but found out..." He swallowed a gulp of water, his mouth gone dry. "He was dying."

It was still hard. No matter that Bones was well, all traces of the disease gone like it had never been there in the first place. Talking about it made it real again, and Jim heard the slight tremor in his voice. "There was nothing to be done, but Blake was working on the disease. That's why he came along with us."

[flying_katana]

"Dying? McCoy is dying?"

A hundred questions ran through Hikaru's head. "Fucking hell, Jim. I don't understand - what's going on now?" he asked, leaning forward. His head spun slightly, feeling a pull at his stomach. Kirk sounded almost fragile at that moment, a sound Sulu didn't like at all.

If McCoy was dying... what must Kirk be feeling? "Are you okay, Captain?"

[genius_level]

Jim shook his head, leaning forward too. "I'm okay now. I'm okay," he repeated, wishing he'd found a better way to say it. He set the water glass down, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. "Bones was dying. Was, Hikaru." He could feel the other man's worry and was grateful for it in a way, though he was anxious to assure Sulu that all was well. Jim looked over at him, still feeling vaguely sick himself. "Blake..."

He sighed, not wanting to get into the question of who Blake was. "That's part of why we were off the ship this last time. Blake... he found a way to help Bones." In a manner of speaking, it was the truth. "He's fine now. Cured."

Shaking his head, he gave Hikaru a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I guess I'm just having trouble getting back to normal. It's like... all those weeks there was this terrible knowledge that he was sick, and now it's gone and things should be like they were before... but I'm not."