Completely Serious Movie Proposal
Given the success of "Apocalypto", imagine how much more popular a similar movie set in slightly more familiar Europe would be. I suppose I should warn of spoilers.
It will be set in the beautiful and mysterious French countryside at some time that must be a couple hundred years ago or so. Use of subtitles may make it hard for audiences to relate, so the characters will use phrases like "Get down tonight" and "Talk to the hand." To further build a sense of familiarity, jokes will rely on common sitcom stereotypes or grade school playground jokes.
Within the wild farm fields of France there is no communication or competition between villages, nor any knowledge of the great city of Paris. The protagonist, Cheese Eater, is a farmer with a young son and pregnant wife.
Troops attack his village and the captives are taken to Paris, where armies of slaves work on quarrying stone and building Notre Dame cathedral. Captive peasants are executed by guillotine in front of cheering crowds. Cheese Eater escapes and the action-packed chase portion of the movie begins. Because American audiences are unlikely to recognize the difference between European regimes, a mass grave will be included.
Cheese Eater's pursuers fall prey to the many dangers of the French countryside and Cheese Eater's own farming skills. The effects for all the deaths in the second half of the movie will be handled by the guy who worked on "Friday the 13th, Part 4".
At some point Cheese Eater will repeat his father's statement, "I have farmed this field all my life. I farmed it with my father and he farmed it before me. I will farm it with my sons and they will farm it with their sons after me." This message, like most other echoes in the movie, will contradict and confuse the other themes.
To add extra urgency, the well that Cheese Eater has hidden his child and pregnant wife in will fill with water. For maximum tension, near the climax as Cheese Eater is facing the leader of the troops, Cheese Eater's wife will go into labor. Also, his son will know the cure for cancer. And perhaps the location of the secret Nazi gold.
In the end, Cheese Eater is caught by the two remaining Parisian troops; they prepare to shoot him with their flintlock pistols, but are stunned by the arrival of a line of German tanks and airplanes. Cheese Eater escapes to rescue his wife, child, and new emergency back-up child. They leave to find a new farm.
It will be set in the beautiful and mysterious French countryside at some time that must be a couple hundred years ago or so. Use of subtitles may make it hard for audiences to relate, so the characters will use phrases like "Get down tonight" and "Talk to the hand." To further build a sense of familiarity, jokes will rely on common sitcom stereotypes or grade school playground jokes.
Within the wild farm fields of France there is no communication or competition between villages, nor any knowledge of the great city of Paris. The protagonist, Cheese Eater, is a farmer with a young son and pregnant wife.
Troops attack his village and the captives are taken to Paris, where armies of slaves work on quarrying stone and building Notre Dame cathedral. Captive peasants are executed by guillotine in front of cheering crowds. Cheese Eater escapes and the action-packed chase portion of the movie begins. Because American audiences are unlikely to recognize the difference between European regimes, a mass grave will be included.
Cheese Eater's pursuers fall prey to the many dangers of the French countryside and Cheese Eater's own farming skills. The effects for all the deaths in the second half of the movie will be handled by the guy who worked on "Friday the 13th, Part 4".
At some point Cheese Eater will repeat his father's statement, "I have farmed this field all my life. I farmed it with my father and he farmed it before me. I will farm it with my sons and they will farm it with their sons after me." This message, like most other echoes in the movie, will contradict and confuse the other themes.
To add extra urgency, the well that Cheese Eater has hidden his child and pregnant wife in will fill with water. For maximum tension, near the climax as Cheese Eater is facing the leader of the troops, Cheese Eater's wife will go into labor. Also, his son will know the cure for cancer. And perhaps the location of the secret Nazi gold.
In the end, Cheese Eater is caught by the two remaining Parisian troops; they prepare to shoot him with their flintlock pistols, but are stunned by the arrival of a line of German tanks and airplanes. Cheese Eater escapes to rescue his wife, child, and new emergency back-up child. They leave to find a new farm.