PITU BRAND CACHACA DESTROYED MY FEELINGS
I just sampled the foulest-tasting substance I've ever put in my mouth in my entire life. I would gladly drink a pint of jizz over this stuff, it's fucking terrible.
Okay so I was reading a bunch of stuff about rum on wikipedia because I read about booze for fun on occasion... and it said that French-speaking Caribbean countries usually make rum with sugar cane juice instead of molasses. "Well that sounds interesting," I thought. But I couldn't find any of those brands here in Toronto. Then I saw a note on the article that said that French-Caribbean rum is similar to a Brazilian drink called cachaça. So I checked the LCBO (the only liquor store in Ontario because God hates Canadians) and they actually had some of that. I thought, hey, why not try some? Sounds interesting, and if it's not that great we can mix it with something.
So my boyfriend and I went down to the store that's closest to us and picked up the only brand of the stuff they had available -- it's called Pitú. You should probably memorize that name so you'll know to avoid it in the future.
We got home and opened up the bottle... it smelled kind of odd at first but not too bad. But then we made the mistake of tasting it.
HOLY FUCKING PISSBUCKETS. IT'S TERRIBLE. It tastes like someone took a dump on a pile of wet straw, let it sit around in a warm, wet gym locker for about a month, then put it in a blender with some dog vomit. There's a picture of a shrimp on the front of the bottle. I thought it was just a decoration or something. But now I'm pretty sure that's actually what it's made out of.
Never fucking drink this stuff unless you're desperate enough to get drunk that you'd willingly drink rubbing alcohol. Actually, that's misleading -- it doesn't taste very strong at all. It's pretty smooth. But it tastes like ASS. Okay, that's not true either... ham tastes like ass. And I would rather drink liquid ham than this foul toxin. My boyfriend just said, "Sorry, I need to go shit into a bowl and eat it to get the taste out of my mouth." We just flushed it down the toilet -- ironically it smelled worse than piss. I'm thinking of becoming a teetotaler now.
Update: My boyfriend has decided that we must boil the glasses that we drank the cachaça out of, presumably out of fear that we will be haunted by evil spirits if we don't. I am currently guzzling the fuck out of some pear cider to try to forget about this harrowing experience.
Okay so I was reading a bunch of stuff about rum on wikipedia because I read about booze for fun on occasion... and it said that French-speaking Caribbean countries usually make rum with sugar cane juice instead of molasses. "Well that sounds interesting," I thought. But I couldn't find any of those brands here in Toronto. Then I saw a note on the article that said that French-Caribbean rum is similar to a Brazilian drink called cachaça. So I checked the LCBO (the only liquor store in Ontario because God hates Canadians) and they actually had some of that. I thought, hey, why not try some? Sounds interesting, and if it's not that great we can mix it with something.
So my boyfriend and I went down to the store that's closest to us and picked up the only brand of the stuff they had available -- it's called Pitú. You should probably memorize that name so you'll know to avoid it in the future.
We got home and opened up the bottle... it smelled kind of odd at first but not too bad. But then we made the mistake of tasting it.
HOLY FUCKING PISSBUCKETS. IT'S TERRIBLE. It tastes like someone took a dump on a pile of wet straw, let it sit around in a warm, wet gym locker for about a month, then put it in a blender with some dog vomit. There's a picture of a shrimp on the front of the bottle. I thought it was just a decoration or something. But now I'm pretty sure that's actually what it's made out of.
Never fucking drink this stuff unless you're desperate enough to get drunk that you'd willingly drink rubbing alcohol. Actually, that's misleading -- it doesn't taste very strong at all. It's pretty smooth. But it tastes like ASS. Okay, that's not true either... ham tastes like ass. And I would rather drink liquid ham than this foul toxin. My boyfriend just said, "Sorry, I need to go shit into a bowl and eat it to get the taste out of my mouth." We just flushed it down the toilet -- ironically it smelled worse than piss. I'm thinking of becoming a teetotaler now.
Update: My boyfriend has decided that we must boil the glasses that we drank the cachaça out of, presumably out of fear that we will be haunted by evil spirits if we don't. I am currently guzzling the fuck out of some pear cider to try to forget about this harrowing experience.