Same old shit on a lazy sunday...
I wrote this when I was in sunvalley, decided to post it. here goes.
I am very fascinated by this thing we call "relationship". Not so much that as the feeling of connection between people, regardless of closeness. I think that is why I find social change so interesting. It is just the growth of a personal relationship on a macrocosmic scale. Theatre is built on that invisible charge. It wrangles it into a cage and lets it ricochet off glass walls, and since that connection is stylized and heightened and emphasized you can see the connection in the moment instead of getting lost in it and having to reflect back on it... case in point, a journal. For some reason, and this may be my delusion, I think that in a good relationship you dont lose that feeling of connection and you stop feeling the isolation that I feel has become a demarcation of our post-technological revolutionary generation plus with all the monetary success and on the individual... well. The point being that regardless of who you are with, you sense that energy; maybe like when you are acting a scene or just watching one that is on.
So yeah, that... I am really happy. I miss everyone in bellevue though, and it seems like we are all on completely different schedules. Everything is falling into place. My life has been so totally fucked for the last.. well, from when I was 14-18, and its not now. Better yet, it isnt suddenly better, it has taken two years to be better. So that I know where I have come from and know exactly how I got here and how to stay and fucking BALLZ. And it got worse and better but I am here, and that is in a very nonlitteral sense. I dont know why I am writing this, but I feel like a weight has been lifted. This weekend a reverse straw made the camel realize that its back was no longer broken. And how.
I am very fascinated by this thing we call "relationship". Not so much that as the feeling of connection between people, regardless of closeness. I think that is why I find social change so interesting. It is just the growth of a personal relationship on a macrocosmic scale. Theatre is built on that invisible charge. It wrangles it into a cage and lets it ricochet off glass walls, and since that connection is stylized and heightened and emphasized you can see the connection in the moment instead of getting lost in it and having to reflect back on it... case in point, a journal. For some reason, and this may be my delusion, I think that in a good relationship you dont lose that feeling of connection and you stop feeling the isolation that I feel has become a demarcation of our post-technological revolutionary generation plus with all the monetary success and on the individual... well. The point being that regardless of who you are with, you sense that energy; maybe like when you are acting a scene or just watching one that is on.
So yeah, that... I am really happy. I miss everyone in bellevue though, and it seems like we are all on completely different schedules. Everything is falling into place. My life has been so totally fucked for the last.. well, from when I was 14-18, and its not now. Better yet, it isnt suddenly better, it has taken two years to be better. So that I know where I have come from and know exactly how I got here and how to stay and fucking BALLZ. And it got worse and better but I am here, and that is in a very nonlitteral sense. I dont know why I am writing this, but I feel like a weight has been lifted. This weekend a reverse straw made the camel realize that its back was no longer broken. And how.